|Reviews for The Doctor and the White Hand|
| Hawki chapter 1 . 9/30/2014
The doctor and the white hand huh? I think Isengard called – Saruman wants his iconography back. XD
Anyway, snark at ‘Halo 4’ aside, review time:
-First paragraph is a bit iffy, as it starts off with Halsey’s POV, then switches to Jul’s, then back to Halsey’s. It sticks out because otherwise the story uses tight third person-type writing, sticking to the former’s POV. That aside though, the intro is good – it’s a nice insight into Halsey’s POV, and there’s a ‘sterile’ quality to how the situation is conveyed, which fits the post-Spartan Ops situation as well.
-More good stuff with the sangheili cultural aspects and the issues of Requiem’s air and possible pathogens.
-Moving down a bit, there’s more good stuff with Halsey’s reflection on the situation with the Janus Key, and the suggestion that the UNSC has “joined” Parangosky. I haven’t really followed ‘Halo’ much post-H4, but I seem to recall at least the suggestion of a power struggle existing between ONI and other elements. Don’t know if that’s correct or not, but I can see it happening, and the subtle hint works well here.
-“How Palmer and Lasky were her stolen children, her responsibility, as much as any dead clones were, and they treated her like a relic.”
Um, why would she see those two as her “children?”
-“Her mind was wondering. Not a good sign.”
Not technically incorrect, but I can’t help but wonder if that’s meant to be “wandering.”
-Limited liking or sympathy for Palmer, but like Halsey’s reflections on the subject of her role, and the notion of ONI altering the UNSC to its own ends (as per the above point).
-Anyway, more good stuff towards the ending – removal of the arm (brutally appropriate for sangheili), the alteration of the “inside of a terrorist cell” line, etc. So all in all, good job. Most of the things I’ve said correspond to reflections, but while the story is indeed reflective, I don’t see that as a bad thing. It’s reflection done well, with appropriate characterization and plenty of nice ideas/moments of its own.
| The-Stupidest-Author-Ever chapter 1 . 5/30/2014
Extremely well done! You describe the characters perfectly, especially Halsey and the imagery was very clear. This definitely deserves more views.
| Electromotive Force chapter 1 . 5/26/2014