|Reviews for Why the Traitor?|
| BrokenKestral chapter 2 . 5/18/2019
If the other chapter was the best thing you've written, this one is the second best. It's compelling, from the torture in the general's heart as we feel the demands of his two loves tearing him apart, and the horror as he yields, the shame of wondering if his sister will accept if comfort even if he could offer it; of knowing what he's done. And then Edmund comes, and the King's sorrow seals the grief in our hearts for this.
The end of the trial is another point that is excellently well done - as voice after voice explains WHY they pardon Oreius. You include those he's saved, those he's led, and those who were angry till they found out the truth, and soon forgiveness echoes from every corner of the story, and our hearts swell with it.
And the juxtaposition of this chapter with the last - of showing how we can truly fall to any sin, even the ones we thought we never would - and yet how ALL our sins are forgiven; this was a glorious idea, and well told.
| BrokenKestral chapter 1 . 5/18/2019
This chapter was my favourite thing you've ever written.
"Like many of his father's children, who strictly forbade themselves from straying off the straight and narrow path, Oreius had little understanding or trust for those who had not." It reminds me of the Scripture "Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For because he himself has suffered when tempted [without ever giving in to temptation], he is able to help those who are being tempted." Hebrews 2:17,18
"Aslan smiled up at him, and then turned to look at the traitor again. 'Can I not then make this boy, whose heart was bound with the ice of jealously and evil longings, likewise?'" The metaphor you used was wonderful - tangible, visual, and perfectly aligned - but I also didn't see that's where it was going, and surprise makes it even more memorable.
"Yes, my Lord. I believe You are the great restorer of all things, of lands, and children, and Kings." The chapter ends with a hope become a certainty, and is a glorious reminder of the truth.
| Sara K M chapter 12 . 7/15/2018
Hi, I haven't seen any of the movies, but I've read all of the Narnia books. And I definitely enjoyed this.
You have done a very good job showing the world of Narnia in this story, from all the "beasts;" to their referring to Men/boys as "Sons of Adam"; to the Narnian's faith in Aslan, and his parallel to God; to their loyalty to "the Four." It definitely helped make Narnia come alive in this story.
But what I really liked was the different ways you portrayed the concept of "traitor" and how different people were supicious of them for different reasons. The way you weaved the themes of developing trust and redepmtion were VERY well - done, too.
I did find it hard to understand which time period some scenes took place in, though, alhtough I don't know how much that was because I haven't seen the movies and how much that was because I didn't understand your flashbacks at first.
But overall, I think this is a very well - done story, with a lot of themes that were important in the orginial stories. I think somewhere in heaven, C. S. Lewis is smiling about how you used his works to show ideas that were so important to him. :) :)
| IvoryRoses chapter 12 . 3/13/2018
I remember I originally read this story when it was 2 or 3 chapters and figured that was the whole thing. To come across it now at 12 chapters was both a surprise and a treat. What a well written story! I can't call it sad exactly, but it grabs your heart and makes you stop and think a moment about change and forgiveness. I love how it stays faithful to the books yet builds onto them to give a bridge between that massive gap of time. I felt like everyone stayed very much in character, and the OCs felt very natural to the world. Every character seemed very honest/realistically flawed/ 'human'. The scene in the courtroom was beautiful and pongient. You are an extremely talented writer! Thank you for sharing your work for all of us to read and enjoy! I hope my review is legible, it's 3am and I have the flu so words are escaping me. Sorry!
| Dee474 chapter 1 . 10/10/2017
great explanation from Aslan to Oreius
| Cowboy-4-Christ chapter 12 . 6/7/2017
The only real word to describe this story is melancholy. I never really laughed in the entire story, it wasn't bad though, I enjoyed it greatly.
| Eosroseus chapter 12 . 5/24/2017
This is just the best epilogue ever, I'm sure! I loved that the Four got told everything and understood why they were sent away; the reason himself (the fact that they would not be able to return) is great, and while it's something that may seem obvious to us readers and I already knew, the way you wrote it felt relieving and somehow eye-opening! Dunno why! It's always beautiful to get to know Narnia from different point of view and I swear I'll never get tired of it!
And of course I loved the sense of familiarity and coziness you managed to created in the span of not many words!
The line, "how grateful I am the Lion wrote you into my story," is adorable!
Really, I'm still in awe at how well crafted this story is! You did an amazing job! Such a long path since the beginning, and Orius' character (as well as the others) was always beautifully portrayed!
PS I'm curious... May I know what other ending you had in mind please? :) I swear I won't steal it or anything ;)
| Sophia the Scribe chapter 11 . 4/21/2017
So I've been busy and only now caught up on reading this, and all I have to say about the past few chapter is...*sniff sniff* Orieus... :(.
In other news, I really like how you've tied up a lot of loose ends here, like why Archenland didn't come help Narnia, and how the treasures got into the treasure-chamber, and why/when the trees fell asleep. Now all we need is the circumstances surrounding the gold chess-knight ;).
(And I may have said this earlier, but I think not: I really like the name Saphyra. In fact, I've always been sorry that the Sapphira from the Bible is such an ignoble character, because the name is lovely. In fact, I've considered importing it to Narnia for my own use, as well. So, great minds think alike, or something?)
| Jesus' girl 4ever chapter 11 . 4/17/2017
| Jesus' girl 4ever chapter 10 . 4/13/2017
I get the sense that this is like the filming of PC where you think Caspian's impaled Miraz, but he actually stabbed the grass...
| JubileeKnight chapter 10 . 4/13/2017
Wonderful chapter, although I'm not entirely clear on what happened there are the end. I think that might have been on purpose? :c) I love Oreius's reflections on the Four, especially Susan and Peter (Lucy and Edmund as well, but I think Susan and Peter are the most misunderstood sometimes), and the storm coming in right before the battle. I cried. It's beautiful!
| Jesus' girl 4ever chapter 8 . 3/13/2017
| Jesus' girl 4ever chapter 7 . 11/22/2016
Love Marshwiggles. They're always so funny...
| Sophia the Scribe chapter 7 . 11/20/2016
Great job on the Marshwiggles! I especially liked how Orieus interacted with them so politely and without annoyance. That would be an art! Blessings, Sophia
| Jesus' girl 4ever chapter 6 . 11/17/2016
Nice two chapters! Update soon!