|Reviews for Executors of Logistics: The Misfits|
| Nipplegunz chapter 30 . 8/29/2020
| SomeTrandoshanWithASlugThrower chapter 18 . 6/19/2017
I love this chapter, for it showcases some of the best elements of the story, my favorite characters (Graves and Nesk and Vurt are fucking amazing and should be canon, damn you Disney), and adds even more story. I can not lie when I say that Nesk (and Vurt) are effectively using Dark Souls-grade training in the Star Wars setting, and makes it actually unique as opposed to simple blade training/strength training/training with the force. In addition, Graves' ability to resist mental interrogation is actually rather interesting, and gives his unique condition some benefits in additions to its drawbacks. I really don't have much to say here in all honesty, but great job on the chapter Osetto, hopefully one day you decide to continue this and at least finish it or get another thirty chapters in. 11/10, nice work on everything.
| VST chapter 1 . 3/31/2016
Most of the Star Wars video games I've played in recent years are of the Lego variety with my little buddy, so I'm unfamiliar with this particular branch of the fandom.
The introduction was well written, with a nice literary style to summarize the situation. Focusing in on a particular bar, the reader is introduced to the loner, a human male who appears to have had a rough life based on the scars that cover him. When someone bumps him and causes him to spill part of his drink, he displays a certain patience that may have helped him survive the times earning those marks.
Like the similar scene in countless western movies (and when the original Star Wars was released, the report I watched on NBC Nightly News described it as a "western in space"), the drunks can't leave well enough alone and a fun and well described brawl ensues. While fists and bottles fly like in those old movies and televions shows, unlike those, this man eventually unleashes a secret weapon on the last man standing: the Force!
At this point, just as the man is cleaning himself up, he gets a call and summons somewhat reminiscent of a late 60s/early 70s TV show, complete with a nod to the lead actor's name and what sounds to be a cagey, possibly governmental organization. As the chapter ends, the reader is left wondering just how impossible the man's task will be, and whether he'll really want to take it.
Very nicely done, looking forward to reading more.
| acctdisabled chapter 30 . 8/8/2015
I finally made it to the end of the story so far, which means you now have to write more! XD
I’m really enjoying Rederick’s character, he is so calm yet boldly competent when it comes to making high-stakes decisions. He had a very good of time being of the essence, for this quartet really has no idea what they might end up facing. I liked that Asher once again takes an opportunity to make digs at Graves and he does somewhat have a point by pointing out Graves didn’t necessarily have to aim for the head. But of course, Fay examines the logic behind actions before making assessments and picked up on the fact he used the force. Reading how she explained the mechanism behind it was interesting, because like Asher, I was not entirely sure how the force would allow one to decapitate someone. That to me shows how powerful Graves is and adds another layer to the mysteries surrounding him.
The comment from Graves about “…after I’ve been beat up or blacked out” was a great nod to Demik’s earlier comments about Graves being a machine killer, which makes you wonder a bit about Graves’ past (or if you are like me, all the time). The banter in this part of the scene was great, as once again conflict arises between personalities. The line of “…you are literally incapable of saying or doing anything that would make me feel better” was peculiar as Graves displayed some sort of consolation by trying to say something calming to Asher, and also is another question of whether Graves is used to getting rejected in groups given his response.
“Atop the duracrete wall…cross,” I found these paragraphs to be excellent description and I could easily imagine what was going on to start out the scene. The contrast between duty and passion was a neat duality piece, once again putting into the forefront the whole issue of creating piece through violence, and also the us versus them mentality that pops up once in a while. Also nice that you literally placed Rederick and the Executors in the middle, because metaphorically that does hold pretty true. That warrior was very brave to get in Rederick’s way and definitely had no idea who he was dealing with. Asher is really afraid of Graves now, isn’t he? Still won’t drop it during the mission, but at least they know Graves could inflict serious damage as the watchman. I laughed at Graves’ comment heard from outside the tent cheering Asher on- he doesn’t have to say much at his point to push Asher’s buttons. And hey, for a second there, he showed contentment in hearing the compliment.
Rederick definitely has ‘mechanical nerves’ so I found that to be an apt pun. “its innards…wouldn’t be much space for’ sure was quite a mouthful from Asher who knows all about the holocron, but clearly Fay was not that interested in the details then. For the line ‘With but a quick thought,’ probably can get rid of but since in context Fay is supposed to rapidly channel the force. That’s good though they found the real holocron, which makes me to believe the quartet will make some serious progress on this investigation. Definitely interested to see what the group will do next, as having the communication device will probably reveal a lot of answers.
| acctdisabled chapter 29 . 8/4/2015
God, Rederick’s open line just killed me- there is a dead body and just spits that out so casually! Of course Graves didn’t dispose of the body, but I guess I cannot blame him because that would be very disturbing to have to deal with, let alone kill someone. Even with serious moments, I can always count on Asher and Graves going at each other, but Rederick is right when he says Graves really cannot totally prove self-defense here. The ALD is such a boss for recording the whole conversation, so if anyone questions Graves, there is all the evidence you need to ensure that he isn’t going to get into any trouble.
Ironically, this also means Graves gets to tell Rederick about the underground fighting in a roundabout way, probably not the way he preferred either. They certainly have a predicament on their hands if every Sith as Asher suggested could be in on this, but Rederick once again is so calm and composed in this scene. It makes you ponder what exactly he has been through to make him barely flinch in tensed situations like this. “Its disconcerting how many times we’ve met and your face was stained with blood” was a good contrast to Graves’ “About the killing…” showing versus telling. The first line would describe a senseless killer, the next someone with a conscience. Also parallels the fact you really cannot judge Graves by his appearance alone, there is so much depth to him that we rarely see.
“..We are all individuals united in our purpose” definitely is a true line, as Rederick understands the need for Sith independence, but the Sith fail when the need for bloodshed and power does not benefit the whole. For the line “That is was it means…” I assume you meant ‘what” instead of was? Liked the touching moment between Rederick and Graves, shows the two most stoic people are emotionally affect by death just like everyone else. Asher and Fay took care of the apprentices with ease, they make fighting definitely look so simple at times. The description in this scene was good too- effective yet to the point, just like the actions the two took to capture the apprentices.
Rederick’s actions during the interrogation were great- he certainly is a master went it comes to getting a psychological edge so to speak. “We don’t have to arrange fights beneath our government’s notice…We don’t have to cause good men and women to lose their lives just because they happened to get caught in the crossfire” were such powerful lines, because Rederick understands the meaning between unnecessary and necessary violence, although whether violence is truly necessary is a whole different issue. Aris highlighted this issue by claiming some lives are worthless, thereby justifying the senseless killings, reinforcing the us versus them mentality. He was quick with shooting her too, definitely a major contrast to his previous words. It did the job though.
When someone points a gun at you, it really does not matter whether they are Sith or Jedi, your life is the only thing that matters, at least Noran did. Rederick goes further to describe how Sith identity is tied with violence and killing, and the description in that paragraph was powerful. The only con-crit I have is that speech is pretty long, so I would recommend breaking it up into two paragraphs, this can also leave room to describe his body language while giving his speech to further drive what Rederick is feeling. The discussion of how war both benefited and harmed him was great as well, and further drives his character- he gets it, the implications of war. The fact Rederick did not want to take Noran’s life speaks volumes about the underlying care he has for his fellow human beings- kill only if you have to. Sad to see Noran didn't take his offer, but he wasn't willing to sacrifice his identity in the end.
| acctdisabled chapter 28 . 8/4/2015
So Nami now has a good scar? I’m not sure if you did this intentionally, but I noticed that Fay also had a diagonal scar and the two of them trained on Ziosk- found this to be an interesting coincidence. Yikes, and she cut off one of Nesk’s fingers, just goes to show how intense the fighting between all of them was. But hey, if he can regrow his hands, then I guess it really is not that big of a deal to him after all. I liked the fact you hinted at the fighting being very brutal and near death for Nami instead of showing it, as her actions during the dinner convey how bad it probably was: ‘shaking her hand,’ ‘weak as the rest of her extremities,’ “I’ll ever get used to sitting,” etc., are all effective descriptions to further drive this narrative.
Vurt’s line about sitting near people who almost killed you was so true because essentially that is the case Asher and Graves find themselves in- Nami of all people should know this. The last part above survival once again highlighted it is a matter of simply not knowing things, as you must be able to apply it. The difference between knowledge and wisdom also discussed by Nesk also showed that experience is not something you can learn through word of mouth, as all of the experiences every character has faced were often unexpected and very difficult ones.
Of course Asher would be bored by the prospect of not running into any Jedi, whereas most would find relief in this. Redrick is a pretty confident guy and despite the logic presented by Asher, seems to not be the type to simply switch gears after one thing doesn’t go as planned, a good characteristic to have. Nice to see that Kesara took Asher’s comment in stride, which was more of a compliment to Fay if anything. It has been nice to see Asher slowly over time show Fay more respect, and yet he still brings the snark. Asher definitely identifies a lot with the Fury but Rederick once again pulled the group in by staying focused on the probable outcomes of the mission- it is still not over.
I loved how ALD was more uncomfortable with the silence than Graves- a robot has more problems with lack of communication and bonding than Graves! Was ALD trying to do Syrosk a favor by mentioning that recording thoughts statistic? Makes you wonder since it was random and Graves’ mind was impenetrable for Syrosk. I had a feeling too that Demik was going to show up this chapter, and of course while Graves is all alone. Demik so far is very calculated, and certainly is bringing up something when he started to mention Corusant. “We weren’t made for peace. We were made to fight” was such a good line because once again we have the senseless killing issue rising to the surface- Demik is a literal example of this by reducing Graves to a robotic killer who is only good for that.
Demik seems almost sociopathic in his joy over fighting and killing, but damn did Graves give him the swerve! Did not doubt for once second Graves would take that offer. The death of Demik was very jarring too, it happened so quickly and almost proved his point, though to be fair, Graves had to defend himself. Graves certainly has a whole lot to tell Rederick, and I have a feeling the trio may be staying at Balmorra a little longer than expected. “Not again” was a great way to end the chapter too, shows Graves really is not the robotic killer Demik made him out to be.
| acctdisabled chapter 27 . 7/31/2015
Asher’s line near the beginning about the Sith “…just start to blend together. Its all spikes and masks and robes and leader to me” was great because one again it reflected a culture that contradicts itself by opening promoting both uniformity and individuality amongst the Sith. Good on Fay to crush the cigarra, I can always count on her to smack some sense into Asher, even if he only half listens to the meaning behind her words. I was right about Graves! Yeah! So the group somehow knows Lord Drath, and what was interesting about the conversation was the fact the Pureblood was so confident he knew what Graves looked like despite never meeting him, and yet Graves does not have a super striking appearance that would make him stand out, so to speak.
Of course Asher once again provides his two or three or four cents into the conversation with his “…I’m pretty sure he does not keep the same face for more than a week.” I love that no matter what goes on with this trio, Asher will always find a way to take a shot at Graves, who is more than happy to serve it right back. Except for when he talked to the woman that was getting annoyed with his lack of ‘respect,’ that is where Asher needs to learn to zip it. I wonder what exactly Lord Demik wants to talk about, and honestly based on the cliffhanger of last chapter, it really gives me a bad vibe. I feel Asher made a mistake by telling Demik they were representing the Executors branch, because there is something about him and his group that is not trustworthy.
Kind of also got the impression Graves will not be leaving until Demik gets to have his ‘talk’ with him, whatever his true intentions might be. Asher killed me with the trolling of the woman, on one hand she kind of deserved it because a tattoo on the head is pretty dumb, yet when Asher acts like this he is simply asking for trouble- definitely not keeping a low profile as asked. “Its not like that whole exchange wasn’t already weird” was a good point though: Demik and his group came up just to inform Graves that the two of them should meet, which is pretty sketchy. He was dead on in that Sith ‘never just want to talk,’ and I’m actually surprised Graves was not skeptical also, I feel based on his character he would have questioned Demik’s motives a little more since so far he seems to be a good judge of character.
The lines of “he’s a butcher. He’ll leap at the chance to shed some Jedi blood. And a chance we shall give,” were extremely interesting because there is something about Graves’ past that this group is privy to that the reader does not. So far Graves has proven to be a good fighter, but nothing of the ‘butcher’ sort. I hope you go into Graves’ past a little more, because this is really intriguing.
Nice to see Nami’s face healing, kind of metaphoric for her personal growth to become a stronger fighter and in some ways survivor. I liked that there was a lightsaber fight going on, what a great way to convey that we cannot achieve perfection but rather should strive to determine strengths and weaknesses of your opponent. Loved the psychology too behind it, you certainly have to know more about your opponent than they do: they are really driving in that talent does not matter in the moment but rather the will to survive. Liked seeing Nami doubt herself against her trainers, as she doubts herself from the core so this scenario is a good way to really challenge herself mentally.
Oh GOD- her other personality is coming back! I’m actually scared for the other two if she cannot control it. Hoping that she was able to stay in control, but either way this was a good twist and plot hanger. Seems like fear is the main trigger that causes her other personality to rise to the surface.
| darkaccalia520 chapter 21 . 7/31/2015
This is probably my last review during the Book Nook (though as I told you, I'll continue on my own time).
Anyway, this chapter seems to have taken a bit of a turn. Not a bad one, mind you...just unexpected. Ah, I did love the conversation in the beginning about how that what our Executors experienced in the last few chapters was just the beginning and there's more mental training to come. But how quickly this escalated to a meeting with Darth Vowrawn. Now, I thought he seemed very pleasant (for a dark lord, lol), and I think a banquet sounds fun and the mission for our Executors sounds straight forward...possibly even easy.
But Syrosk doesn't think so. Well, I don't think he's worried about the Executors, but what he says about Darth Vowrawn making him a pawn in a game is a bit confusing. At first, I thought it was lovely that the dark lord wanted him there. I thought it was showing him appreciation. Could it still be that and Syrosk is mistaken? Or does he know his Master better than anyone and know how he works? Probably the latter, but I'd love it he was pleasantly surprised.
The mission on Balmorra sounds like it could go one of two ways: easy, like I mentioned...but it could be difficult. Preventing rebels from warring could be difficult. Hopefully, our Executors can negotiate peacefully and no one gets hurt. Only time will tell there. Oh, and I loved the Executor's thoughts on Nami. Asher and Graves aren't as confident as Fay, but that's all right. I'm all about the girl power, so I hope she makes those guys eat her words. ;P
And then we get to see how Nami is doing with Vurt. And yikes, not so well at first. I was wondering how things would work with Vurt, so I understand her frustration about him not speaking. Ah, but guess what? He does speak. That was completely unexpected, but I love his answer. And you know what? I love that Syrosk made her train with these two. Each of them has a different approach. In fact, I think Nesk is a bit softer than Vurt, lol. But Vurt's teachings are wise and I love that he tells her to choose either discipline or fury. I hope she chooses discipline; she seems more that sort of person anyway. I don't think fury suits her.
And I also love that he doesn't consider himself a teacher of Sith, but rather, survivors and that he doesn't concern himself with the light and dark aspect, etc. And in the end, she must persist and survive. LOL, I loved the last line. I can't wait to see how all our Executors do in the next. Well done, as always. :)
| acctdisabled chapter 26 . 7/31/2015
The collaboration between Rederick and Master Kesara was nice to see because very rarely to do see Jedi and Sith cooperating voluntarily and on such good terms. I was intrigued to see Kesara immediately denounce the Jedi on Balmorra as no longer in the Order, which once again brings up the issue of survival during a war: you can and often will turn your back on your own kind for the ‘greater good.’ “Therefore I am forced to stay here until they are all captured…or killed” reinforced this issue again, as lines are often blurred. I really enjoyed Kesara’s character, as she is very calm natured and seems to have some semblance of inner peace given her thoughtful and methodical manner in which she speaks. She seemed so calm given her predicament, as the thought of locating all of the rebel Jedi is no easy task, and actually mirrors the nonchalant attitude that Vowrawn seemed to have over the assassination attempt on his life.
Furthermore, I really liked the line where she said “..regardless of the blade your government holds to my neck…Order does not tolerate those committing misdeeds,” once again shows that the lines are often blurred on what side people are really on, and even in defeat, Kesara shows pride in being a Jedi by her desire to make sure only those who are worthy of the Order are allowed to stay in. Fay summed it up with her “we’re all after the same thing here”- there are no distinct sides anymore, just people looking to try and maintain peace in a dominant form. Not surprised Rederick did not tell her much about the trio as well, something about him is very mechanical and to the point, only tells you what is necessary and will not divulge the details. Both Kesara and the three are placed in really odd situations, and so far I really like the interactions between them.
Rederick’s comments about the rebels not being the main objective of the Sith was certainly a little convoluted, because the rebels will attack the stock and implementation of the new schematics, so it is likely the three are not going to be able to avoid the rebels regardless. So 47 hours in one day? That is interesting- I’m sure that will not bother Graves at all, but the other two might seriously feel it. Glad to see that Rederick saw the flaw in his logic and already had a plan to address the rebel Jedi. I laughed at Asher’s comment of “Well…Thank goodness their security camera recorded in color,” he always has a knack for saying the most inappropriate things during tense times. The psychology behind this part of the chapter is so interesting, because essentially the value of a life comes into play again: here the Jedi have no value on the life of Sith defenders and kill them for what purpose?
God, Asher sure loves to complain, doesn’t he? I see his point in being frustrated that Kesara gets to do the less dangerous work while the three of them are in some ways risking their lives. Awesome that Kesara talked smack back by politely offering Asher to sip some tea, and I appreciated that Graves was polite enough to say goodbye to her and Asher has his dismissive attitude as usual. So Rederick is semi-famous, interesting. And the grenade joke by Graves I loved, I actually think he has a better sense of humor than Asher at times simply because his comedic timing is impeccable. Uh oh, sounds like the group either knows Asher or Graves- my money is on Graves for some reason. Awesome cliffhanger- looking forward to finding out the context behind the "its him" line.
| acctdisabled chapter 25 . 7/31/2015
I liked that the factories in Balmorra were not exactly all up to par, this was a nice way to show that the effects of war are simply greater than the Imperial and Republic people, and in fact has repercussions across the galaxy. But again, only one side really controls it all, so it does give hint at the fact there is only publically one ‘winner’ of a war, and yet both sides still lose in some way. Of course Asher wants the master bedroom, the ship is his baby after all. I really liked that you went into Graves’ condition and how it impacts his sleeping requirements- that is really cool that essentially he just does not sleep until his body is to the point of exhaustion. I see that being both a good and bad thing, but someone so practical and simple like Graves can thrive whereas others would not be able to stand such a lack of sleep.
“Only now we have traded pirates for rebels”- I hope not! Dealing with rebel Sith I feel would be a much more difficult battle to face. The part where it talks about the “…embodied everything the Imperial Army held dear” made me think of obedience and conformity, or at least that is the impression I have gotten. At this part in the chapter everything seemed calm and almost normal to the effect where a rebel situation almost didn’t seem likely to happen. And yet when the three walked by the “Sith armed and ready for battle rested in tents of their own…glances that soon turned into glares” shows that the threat of violence and danger is still there. It also ties in nicely to the earlier comments about the three not being ‘those types of Sith’ that want to reengage in warfare.
I laughed out loud at Asher’s “Then again, that could have just been your standard Sith angst.” Very creepy that they entered a room that was completely dark and silent, not exactly the most welcoming of circumstances. Of course Asher tries to soak in the moment, but luckily Fay as usual knows how to keep him in check with her elbow. Not good hearing that the Sith are not the only ones on the planet who are trying to cause conflict, and we get a nice twist of it being Jedi. Now you have your own ‘kind’ so to speak not pleased with you, while secondly you have to deal with the enemy. Again the conflict of maintaining peace through violence comes into play, as so far no one has been able to achieve a greater good without some sort of physical superiority to establish it.
“Well, I’d say we located the Jedi.” I agree, Asher, I agree. This is interesting that it is implied the three will have to work with another Jedi that perhaps is a “traitor” in some ways. Heh.
| December Sapphire chapter 20 . 7/31/2015
Hi, hi Space ninja Os! I’ve been sucked into a black hole again and am now reliving my past. It’s so strange seeing myself from behind a bookcase and I wonder how long I’ve been floating around in the fourth dimension. Anyways, while I’m here, why not another review, eh?
[A new day.] Simple but catching. I love the start to this chapter. A start of a new day, a start of a new chapter. See why it’s so catching? Haha. But I do love this imagery you’ve captured here: [The skies remained in their permanent state of chaos and shadowed clouds, ever masking the rising sun.] because a lot of readers would imagine the sun rising overhead, making it all cliché, but with your cloud day sunrise, it’s different. And I like different. Very beautiful imagery though.
And then we get a scene with each of our lovely Sith waking up to greet the dawn. I feel like this chapter mightve been a bit of a filler in my books. There isnt much going on besides Fay and Asher getting over their field trip in their minds. Although youve created such amazing tone throughout these scenes it doesnt matter if its a filler or not! Still flipping bananas awesome!
But this line here: [Today, it belongs to Vurt.] Just sets us up for some excitement in the next chapter. Nami has something coming to her and I have a feeling Vurt might not be so kind as Nesk. Heck, I think Vurt might actually try to kill her. He will give nothing towards her. Not a guilt trip. Suspense ahoy!
Very nicely done chapter, my friend!
| acctdisabled chapter 24 . 7/31/2015
I’m not surprised that Syrosk was not that impressed by the reaction of the crowd’s gratitude towards him; he certainly does not forget things, nor he is impressed by superficiality. Of course he was not happy with how things turned out, because despite Vowrawn’s previous comments about acting without consequences, this spectacle of a failed assassination attempt in some ways reinforces that notion. He also wanted to keep the Executors secret, but it seems Vowrawn has other plans in that regard. Vowrawn’s comments about uncertainty are interesting because it best describes the difference between the two: Vowrawn loves unpredictability and risk taking, whereas Syrosk is all about the planned and orderly. I see where Vowrawn is coming from in the sense he wants to propel Syrosok. In a way it is ironic because when Syrosk was younger it was implied he wanted the approval of the Imperial society, and yet now that he has it, he absolutely despises it.
Vowrawn’s comments about ‘value’ were interesting too: violence gives value to the Sith and doing so in a public manner seems to elevate people more. I’m glad Syrosk spoke his peace about being a pawn in the game because Vowrawn’s risk taking strategy one day will backfire on him, and Syrosk is right that your ‘value’ as a human and/or creature is not based on risk taking success, but rather the effort and loyalty you give to someone. Vowrawn compromised that notion by keeping Syrosk in the dark, which in a way makes sense but does beg the question on what value really means. Syrosk also showed his humanity/caring side by asking ‘what the assassin’s name was,’ something most in his situation would not bother to care about. The last part of the scene was great too with the line on “..with the scarred, lifeless eyes of the young Human.” Definitely shows Syrosk to be the conflicted character he has shown so far.
Vurt had a good point with his commentary about Sith having to control themselves, which is very interesting given Nami’s situation with her double personality. So far she has surprisingly controlled her alter ego, but who knows if that will keep up once she is in the academy. Being inside of a snowball does not sound fun at all, and Vurt continues to not let up on her. It was nice to see him give Nami some encouraging words in his own way, and his need for her to “…only fail herself….” while “…is for you to act” was a nice way to convey the only person she will let down is herself. He knows how to get his point across without going easy on her, which I appreciate. I laughed at Asher not wanting to talk to the flight officers while all he does is offer his two cents on everything. Asher’s comeback was pretty good, although I would argue stoic is more apt than brooding for Fay. Of course Graves is quiet and just observing, the usual. I’m looking forward to seeing what will happen on Balmorra, it probably will not go according to plan or at the very least not smoothly.
| acctdisabled chapter 23 . 7/31/2015
Loved the imagery in the first part- Nami certainly has a long way to go if she is going to heal wounds, but at least she recognizes that things take time and still has the determination to move forward. The description of her cuts and bruises was well done also, I really cut picture how badly she looked in the moment. Syrosk definitely will stand out no matter what he does, but you can appreciate how he is always focused and determined to do his job. I feel like ‘rasped’Syrosk, thanks to you I will never not think of Syrosk when I hear the word rasped. XD
You also know something has to look impressive too if you get Syrosk to be in awe for a second, and I like the continued contrast between the bleak and dreary design of the Imperial structures and the lavish settings that only the elite seem privy too- seems to reinforce again the disbalance in power that is meant for the greater good. For the line ‘why is the word arrangement leaves…’ probably change that to leaving since in context Syrosk is talking about that very moment. Very interesting that Syrosk pointed out the excess in lavishness that often seems inappropriate, as such was the case with Darth Azamin. Once again, the notion of celebrating death as a means of gaining respect amongst the Sith comes to the surface.
It kills me how calm Vowrawn is about the potential of being killed at the banquet, especially when he told Syrosk to stop concentrating so hard, that is the sort of morbid humor I enjoy. That was neat to see that the two met Frels from Balmorra, and makes me wonder if we will see him again. Seems like he could be an ally for the three Sith headed that way, but you never know how things will play out. I also thought it was really awesome how Vowrawn seemed to place the focus on Syrosk instead of himself, as he constantly vouched for how talented Syrosk is and based on the dialogue you gave us, did not spend much time on himself.
Syrosk remained focused on the job, as it did not take him much time to realize that logistics of the banquet were actually somewhat haphazard to protect Vowrawn. “I remember the feasts, the parades, the displays that reinforced our idea of superiority and eventual victory…” I love how introspective Syrosk is and he seems to reject the illusions about the Imperial society that others seem to be clouded by. The part where Syrosk accuses Vowrawn of allowing the assassinator to be at the banquet just for show was entertaining- Vowrawn seems like the kind of guy that would get a kick out of trying to find some way to make a rather morbid event fun. Vowrawn’s words about the Sith “act…without consequences” line was great to convey the sense of losing meaning in death, and yet he has a good point that at least the assassinator has some sort of rationale behind his/her actions. Kind of makes you wonder if Vowrawn wanted to give Syrosk some sort of attention by allowing him to be the hero for once without any sort of stipulations- he was way too amused by what happened.
I really enjoy reading Syrosk’s and Vowrawn’s interactions, they really complement each other well.
| IrishPanther chapter 7 . 7/31/2015
Now we get into the fighting sequences!
It’s great to see some humor in this chapter early on in the form of the captain explaining his monotonous monologue, which goes deaf on the trio as they form a quick plan. I’m more surprised to see Graves interrupting the captain here, as I thought it would be Asher to do this – however, he needed to make the first shot, so I can see why this was done.
If I may, I found one beginning sentence kind of trippy to read through…
[His eyes closed, his mind focused, his hand extended, only now did Asher exhale.]
I’m not too sure if it’s just me seeing this not as often, or if it’s some sort of SPAG error, but if I could suggest switching out the last comma and replace it with a dash so that it looked like this:
[…hand extended – only now…]
I think it would look a bit better in my opinion.
Other than that, the fighting sequences are easy to follow. The trio, with lightsabers in their disposal, fought off the hoard of pirates with ease. It was great to see Asher saving Graves with his deflection of the captain’s bolt. The burned Sith then goes on to follow the retreating captain, as the two other Sith finish off the remaining pirates – with Fay showing off her Force skills once more, a nice little touch to the end of the battle.
And now, after Asher and the captain go at it a bit, the burned Sith recognizes a Jedi ship docking. This is looking to be a great fight up ahead for our protagonists.
In terms of SPAG, besides the one little blip I explained above, everything else looked great, so kudos on that! Overall, this chapter was full of action, which I enjoyed greatly. It’ll be interesting to see what goes on in the next chapter, when the Jedi come on board.
| December Sapphire chapter 19 . 7/30/2015
Hi, hi Os! Still waiting for my turn. But one of them just started to flirt with me. Maybe I should get off anyways… *presses hatch button* Weeeee! Into the middle of this pink colourful starry space I goooo! Weeeee! And away we go with another review! Weeeeee!
So this is Fay’s backstory chapter. Os, you tricky trick writer! You had me fooled for a second there. I thought Fay’s backstory would come much later into the tale if it wasn’t last chapter. But since it’s this chapter…I am now very happy! You have made me a very happy Sapphire. ;) Because this chapter was…the mood…the tone…the beautiful writing!
[“Alone and targeted.”] She would be bullied. Being so tall, it’s not surprising. I can see many girls laughing and making fun of her in her early years. It’s such a sad past, but a very good one. It has made Fay strong inside, and give her a will to fight. I think it has made her into the person she is today. I love how you portrayed her as a strong, gifted woman. She’s inspirational.
I do like how you keep the past scenes short. Like a few paragraphs and we’re into a new past. This is a great example of how summary should be used in writing. You’ve nailed it, Os. But there isn’t only summary, I do spot some slow motion words like: [The girl shoved the boy away, and found the opening she needed to send her training saber crashing into her foe’s abdomen.]. Having the words “shoved” and “crashing” is perfect slow motion abstract words. Even in a summary.
But that sad end though. Why you got to be like that, Os! Why! Why must you hurt my feels? It’s not time for a feels trip! You didn’t even have to say Dess died because I read it in the subtexts. [In an instant, the mental connection was severed.] Fay is really hurt. Now Asher and Fay are in a dark place and Graves is still there like ‘yippy, I’m so happy!’ We’ll get into his head sooner or later. I’m interested in his childhood. Lol
*cries in space* Wait, can you cry in space? Hmm….