|Reviews for Guilty Crown: The Lost Kingdoms|
| supercooladi900 chapter 1 . 7/14/2015
my lord shu accepted... jeebus crust youve already fixed one of the giant mistakes made in the anime
| Twilight AngelDemon chapter 9 . 5/14/2015
Ok this is it the real deal! Ok I absolutely loved this story's ending it was honestly a tribute to how GC should've ended. The mash with all the other worlds was also a nice touch, reading about the two NEET's Sora and Shiro from NGNL was great. And the magic girls was also something worth reading (What made the fanfiction for me was that there were more Chars to stand behind Shu, also the Tyrant scene cut out was awesome.) Awesome grammar and structure of story.
| Twilight AngelDemon chapter 9 . 5/8/2015
Awesome story the ending was really nice and happy to see everything work out fine. By all means Awesome Fanfic everyone needs too read.
| Jacob9594 chapter 7 . 4/18/2015
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/9/2015
I usually don't read cross-overs much and I've never really been a big fan of them but this one so far seems decent.
The only real problem I'm having is with the grammatical errors such as commas that don't need to be there and some words missing, but it's still pretty cool.
I'll continue to read :)
| Yano's Pen chapter 2 . 1/15/2015
Sorry for not reviewing for so long. Had too many tests and assignments to get done...but I'm here now.
Again, make the person feel the soundtrack instead of telling them which soundtrack to listen to before ever paragraph.
2. This is EXACTLY like the original story...you want to create a story, NOT retell the anime.
3. Where did the Madoka Magica girls come from? It makes no sense to have a character or characters pop out of nowhere.
4. Describe the characters even though you know the anime, some people may not. You could convince others to want to read the manga or watch that particular anime if you described the characters as you see them. (P.S: A fanfiction got me to want to read Ouran High School Host Club. I had NO clue about it, but she really did portray the characters really well in her story that I wanted to be a part of that fandom)
5. More detail on setting
6. Link your paragraphs together. It's like you're skipping too much which makes it hard to understand what is really going on.
7. With the scene where Shu walks out all of a sudden, it made NO sense why Inori would go and convince him. It would've made the story flow better if you had Madoka help him...Also, you could've added some heart to heart conversation which would've really captured the reader's attention even more.
8. Please explain the antagonist's feelings. I have watched the anime, so I get it...but NOT everyone has seen it...so yeah...you need to add detail to it. Even if it's NOT what's in the anime, you could put your own theory as to why the antagonist is the way he is. People can find out what is true and may think that it's your theory...but even if they don't, they will not accuse you of lying.
9. Please keep the soundtracks related to the anime. Like you're literally all over the place with that. I mean, if you're doing a cross over and you want others to listen to the soundtrack to help advertise the anime, then use that anime's soundtrack only. It makes it less confusing and more interesting.
Yeah, you're so all over the place that I have NO clue what is going on...and please cut out all of the "cue soundtrack" stuff 'cause it really doesn't make sense at all to keep them there.
But you're doing pretty well on this story...We just need to pop a few fillers here and there and it would be truly interesting. :)
| Haruhi Suzumiya s0s chapter 9 . 1/13/2015
Woo, what a crazy ride this story was! I enjoyed this AU twist to the YYGDM. I was impressed you accomplished two goals: writing a Guilt Crown revision and crossing over with Puella Magi Madoka Magica.
Nice battles. Whoo, Shu was shown his canon self's fate and glad he didn't let him bring him down. I loved seeing Shu and Madoka kick Yuu and Kriemhild's sorry butts. The Puellas defeating Walpurgis. Not to mention the Neo Duelists, Valkyries, and Neo Senshi saving the day. Here comes the dark phoenix herself: Apocalypse Mana.
Shu has the right to deny his 'sister's' love, esp. since she's just a clone and took away his lover. I was almost scared for Shu when she was gonna mind frag him! Neat final battle between Apocalypse Mana and Goddess Madoka/Generis Inori. Shu and Gai finally had their duel. Man, Mana was over the top insane and potty-mouthed!
I think some of us can agree: that one famous line Mana spouted in this became line of the chapter. That was hysterical! XD
A nice ending. Though, it came at the cost of Shu's sacrifice, albeit a fitting heroic one. He died being what he wanted to be most and being with his desired lover. Whoa, you surprised with combining the two realities. Combining the world these Puellas came from with Lost Kingdoms verse came out of left field!
Ok, survey time since you asked for it.
Fave male characters: Shu, Gai, RJ, Helio, Yahiro, Argo, Daryl
Fave female characters: Homura, Madoka, Inori, Kyoko, Sayaka, Kyoko, Mami, Ayase, Tsugumi, Brunhilde, Skuld, Skogul, Sigrun, Gondul, Haruka, Arisa
Fave male/female villains: Yuu, Mana, Kriemhild, Loki, those evil Norse Dragons
Fave spirit partners: Speckles, Audrey and the Puellas' spirit partners; my favorite probably Madoka's.
Fave comical moment: Few that come to mind... Mana's one-liner 'SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT SHU!', Dan Eagleman's moments and the funny moments involving Funeral Parlor.
Fave heartwarming moments: The bonding and family reunions in Mission 7 like Shu and his parents and Hina and Aoshi. Arisa's speech in final chapter.
Fave sad moment: The demise of the YYGDM heroes, Shu & Inori's deaths, the bittersweet ending, Hare's death
Fave battles: Funeral Parlor, Puellas and Asgard vs Loki and his Jotunheim. Shu and Gai vs Yuu.
Fave final battles: Apocalypse Mana vs Goddess Madoka/Genesis Inori. The Puellas vs Walpurgis. Nidhogg vs Silver Valkyrie.
Fave unexpected moment: No doubt Yuu's reveal as the offspring of the chaos witch Charon and 1kmon (WTF?!), Goddess Madoka becoming Genesis Inori, SAO character cameos.
Fave darkest moments: Shu losing his Power of the Kings, Apocalypse Mana in general. The capture of Homura and break-up of Funeral Parlor caused by Da'ath. Just the overall Lost Christmas post-apocalyptic, dystopian Japanese world.
Fave music: Puella Magia Madoka Magica, Guilty Crown and Attack on Titan OST
Fave dimension: Attack on Titan, Big Hero 6, Legend of Korra, Wreck it Ralph
Fave dimension characters: Eren, Mikasa, Levi, Wreck it Ralph, Vanellope, Hal Jordan, Hiro, Baymax
Critiques for improvement: Um, fixing some grammar issues and working over the clustered battles, some the ones before Apocalypse Mana. Don't remember which ones.
Final thoughts: A very ambitious and risky undertaking with two universes different (and maybe not so different) from each other. I liked the sense of dread and hope the story instilled. It was a pleasure being introduced to Guilty Crown and find this story much better than the actual source material! And getting to see the Puellas in a whole different setting was refreshing than fighting exclusive Witches. I look forward to any new installment this universe brings!
| Haruhi Suzumiya s0s chapter 8 . 1/13/2015
Back to reviewing this! Like HoM, I did finish reading this; I just didn't get to review.
Let me rectify that for you! Great chapter, not only is Shu back with a vengeance, but he takes down a few assholes, including that damned Nanba. Your death has been avenged, Hare.
Yeesh, I can't imagine what could happen if Homura took that Power of the Kings. Heh, but K did mention about a what-if fic you wrote. Will give it a look sometime. :D
Then, we have the big meeting on the cruise ship. Whoa, not only is Pluto there, but all the Neo team and remaining heroes of the former era! Shi- it's Kyubey, the little floppy-eared troll. Still, pretty neat he meets the Mooncats.
I liked seeing everyone's heartfelt talks before the final war. I really liked reading Homura bonding with Haruka, Shu meets his parents spirits, Adam reunited with Saya, Ayase seeing her mom again, and the Valkyries revealing their civilian forms. I liked Helio meeting Arisa. That was sweet.
Yuu and the Kriemhild witch round up their army. Da'ath is pulling out the big guns! Uh oh, Mana. I'm scared. D:
Great chapter! Finale, here I come!
| gh0st3 chapter 9 . 1/6/2015
Sorry for my late my review but it is really goddamn long list...
Ok then...here is mine!
Fave male character - Shu, Gai and RJ
Fave female character - Mami, Inori and Ayase
Fave male/female villians - Yui and Loki
Fave villians love to hate - No, I don't have any favorite villains.
Fave spirit partner - I guess they're ok and they're doing their teamwork.
Fave comical moment - No, I don't remember it. Sorry.
Fave heartwarming moment - Shu seeing his own ghost of his parent (damn...you made me impressive.), and Shu's relationship with Inori
Fave sad moment - the last chapter that you did post it.
Fave battles - I would say...the battle is kinda like...harden, but I lost my favorite.
Fave final battle - nuuuuu...my lip is sealed.
Fave unexpected twist - I remember it from chapter 3 when Puellas has becoming Valkyrie.
Fave darkest moment - GHQ's stranghold of Japan and Apocalypse Virus/Lost Christmas.
Fave music - I'm not fan of music.
Fave dimension - This looks familar from Kill la Kill and Wreck it Ralph.
Fave dimension character - I forget it.
Critiques for improvement - I lost my word when you wrote is such huge chapter than manga. I mean it was like...this is like version of Hobbits movie.
Final thoughts - At least, I can tell you about your story which there were much epic crossover and it's better story about roleplay and different scenes. But I would say it is really good story and I gave 5/5 for your story.
And happy new year and I'm losing my sleep after I read it.
| JNaegi chapter 9 . 1/2/2015
I say that was good! Not only did you give the Puella's there own happy ending along with combining the two realites but you also gave Shu a "hero's death" to complete his heroic deeds!
It's understandable that he did have to die since the infection of Daath spread through out diffrent realities. FYI, you could have just killed Yuno from FD; that girl gets on my nerves and those incubators are another issue but I digress.
Another bonus for having Shu learn about his original counterpart that takes place in the anime! I'm glad he handled it well since some would have broken down about the diffrent universe mind fack.
Fave male characters: RJ, Helios, Shu.
Fave female characters: Homura (I stick with her to the end), Inori, Brunhilde, Skuld, Madoka,
Fave villians: Yuu & Mana
Fave villians you love to hate: not sure in all honesty.
Fave spirit partners: I treat them all the same so a B.
Fave comical moments: Can't remember (sorry)
Fave heartwarming moments: Hina finding Aoshi. The Puella's having their happy ending.
Fav battles: When the group goes to Asgard.
Fave final battles: Homura and the Puella's going against Walpurgis. Mana vs. Madoka(Inori) goddess.
Fave unexpected twist: Discovering that Yuu is the son of the harbingers of chaos. Shu's death.
Fave darkest moments: Shu losing the power of the king. Homura captured.
Fave music: I think you had Hill of Sorrow on there so that.
Fave Dimension characters: HSOTD.
Fave Dimesnion character: Not sure.
Critiques for Improvment: Clustered at times but you worked through it regardless so it's cool. Some sentences need to be edited as well but I got what you were saying.
Final thoughts: Never thought of a GC and Puella crossover to begin with but you made it your own. If Kazuto is in here and SAO is taken place after the story ends than I can assume Accel World will be the future of this dimension since their is reference to the NervGear in that series.
And I standby Kuroyukihime is the daughter of Kazuto/Asuna in the future so Burst Linkers will be coming! XD
| Yano's Pen chapter 1 . 12/30/2014
This is a re-write of the first two episodes of Guilty Crown. The story doesn't flow very well and the ideas are all over the place. Putting "xxxx" to separate the story doesn't makes it hard to concentrate on the story...If you want the audience to imagine the theme songs, then put the lyrics (of the original or your own) in italics in between the lines, so it's a spiral of song and action. You don't always need specific theme songs in the story...try to use your words to get the audience to feel it. I'd say that this is nice, but more detail and less separation would be nice. Also, there are a lot of parts where you could've used the setting to enhance the scene...like with the rockets trying to hit Gai. You could've said how the tall the building was, how the sky's color changed when the rockets came closer to him, etc.
| Kanius chapter 9 . 12/22/2014
Argh, darn the word limit cut off the rest of my review.
Oh, that's quite of list of dimensions you decided to cut. Maybe for the best. I really went all out and crazy overboard with all the dimensions in my Dawn of Chaos fic (but that doesn't mean I didn't have fun doing it! Haha!) Now you have your first major fic completed and despite its end you have plans for a future with this dimension's characters. Well, there's Cross Generations. And Wrath of the Defiants, which actually might be the true series finale. The Crystal Age is looking more like the epilogue/GT-like spinoff. Thanks for the mentions to me and my stories. I'll do my best and hope to reach YYGDM's finale.
Alright, time for fanfic evaluation. I'll make this quick
Fave Male Characters: Shu, RJ, Helio, Gai, Taiyou,
Fave Female Characters: Madoka, Mami, Homura, Sayaka, Kyoko, Inori, Hare, Mana, Ayase, Valkyrie Skogul, Valkyrie Brunhilde
Fave Male/Female Villains: Yuu, Kriemhild, Gai, Apocalypse Mana/Yami Houou, Loki, Keido, Fafnir
Fave Villains Love to Hate: Yuu, Segai, Nanba,
Fave Spirit Partners: Speckles the Tarbosaurus, Achilles the Achillobator
Fave Comical Moments: Anything with Kyoko and Argo, Shu falling on Ayase's boobs, most of the Gaiden stuff, Dan Eagleman (Bandit Keith's long lost brother)
Fave Heartwarming Moments: Shu seeing his parents' ghosts, Shu & Inori's relationship, Shu & Madoka's interactions, Haruka's moments with Homura, Shu & Hare's relationship, Shibungi & Nagisa, the final group shot.
Fave Sad Moments: The fall of Japan's heroes, Hare's death, Gai's first death, Sailor Pluto's mourning, Megumi's state, Shu/Inori/Gai/Mana's final passing in the last chapter, 'Merry Christmas' (Shu & Madoka).
Fave Battles: Funeral Parlor/Puellas/Valkyries vs Jotunheim, Shu vs Yuu,
Fave Final Battles: I'd say the whole final chapter. Apocalypse Mana vs Ultimate Madoka/Genesis Inori was the cherry on top.
Fave Unexpected Twists: Shu and Funeral Parlor receiving their animal spirits (Chap 3), Puellas becoming Valkyries (Chap 3), MetalSeadramon (Chap 3), Scrooge and Carol making their appearance, Inori being the Houou's new avatar, the reveal of Yuu's parents, the true reveal of Madoka, Sword Art Online cameos, Hackmon becoming Taiyou's partner (Gaiden), Silver Valkyrie formation, Nagisa Momoe, Dimension Synthesis Splicer
Fave Darkest Moments: The Apocalypse Virus/Lost Christmas, Inori's nightmare, GHQ's stranglehold of Japan, Nanba joining the bad guys and (accidentally) killing Hare, the raptor mutants (poor Miyabi), Yuu's origins, Apocalypse Mana/Yami Houou in general.
Fave Music: Hard to say. The Guilty Crown and Madoka Magica OSTs fit the general universe. Other standout themes: Godzilla vs Destoroyah – Requiem, Birthday Massacre, Attack on Titan OST, Batman Arkham City OST.
Fave Dimensions: Attack on Titan, Wreck-It-Ralph, Big Hero 6, Gundam 00, Green Lantern: the Animated Series, Kill la Kill, Hunter x Hunter
Fave Dimension Characters: Hal Jordan, Wreck it Ralph, Vanellope, Toothless, Sasha, Mikasa, Jean, Eren, Hiro Hamada, Baymax, the other Big Hero 6 characters.
Critiques for Improvement: Just looking over missed spelling words (which I helped point out for you in my live reactions!). I understand wanting to rush out chapters. I think you've kept the characters 'in character' but you've helped flesh them out and adding better qualities to them. The final battle chapter was well paced and not overly crazy like mine was in Dawn of Chaos. Well you get the chance to use the GC and Puella characters in crossovers with my stories, including Cross Generations. Then again, I'm not that deeply connected to the current anime communities like I used to be. Just one minor critique: Where the heck was MetalSeadramon in the final chapter?! Asleep? Lol. Would've been cool to see Brunhilde summon him in the final battle to kick some butt.
Final Thoughts: I can tell you put a lot of effort and thought into this than what the anime writers tried to do. For a first time at a serious multi-series crossover, you did splendidly. Bravo and thanks. It was my pleasure helping you role playing and writing out scenes for you. I'd give this a 4/5; a huge improvement from the original GC series.
Good work! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Ford! Onward to 2015 we go! )
| Generic Reviewer chapter 9 . 12/21/2014
Final chapter felt rushed. As in even the main villains get one-shotted like every Digimon final boss. A bit impressed the other creatures of havoc lasted longer
It also suffers the too much copy-paste of DoC's dimension devouring rather than focusing on the battles. As in I liked the House of Madoka final battle more. A lot more.
Shu getting to see his own canon world was kinda interesting and NanoMilleniummon seems like too good an idea to get killed so quickly. At least Yuu didn't get hijacked.
I know you didn't wanna suffer writers block and leave this unfinished but I felt some whiplash after chapter 8.
| Saint River chapter 9 . 12/23/2014
I must say. This turned out to be more satisfying and entertaining than I expected. All the crosses that happened. Mana and Madoka's conversation "If I put a 'T' in Shu, I'd say 'SHUT UP ABOUT HIM". NanoMilleniummon... second time I saw someone make a new Evolution for him. The fighting and the epilogue for excellent. I like epilogues.
Good work with this man.
| Saint River chapter 8 . 12/22/2014
Ha! There's people from SAO here. Very good, Shu. Avenging Hare's death and all that. The next and final chapter will be quite exciting.