Reviews for Princess of Konoha
AnonOne chapter 59 . 9/7/2015
Ah. Sorry for taking so long to review. I really wasn't sure what to say after the end.

Anyways, I'll start with what I found to be pretty good. I really liked how you could get into the characters head. When reading from Naruto's viewpoint, I felt like Naruto, which is fairly rare among many fanfics. Really good characterization you had going.

Plot is decent, not entirely forced, but doesn't stand out as much to other fics I read. I come and stay mostly for the characters. I also think the Invasion arc was a bit dragged out. However, I do understand the need for character development in pretty much the entire Konoha 12 and MORE, though it was quite a lot information to swallow up so it was a bit more difficult to get into the more original battles raging everywhere.

I think my only complaints are the standard arrogant misguided antagonists (Never found those types of characters to take seriously) and how much the Hyuuga clan is elevated. I don't mind reading about the politics and traditions of the Hyuuga, but I found them to be too perfect aside from emotion suppression. Granted that Kishimoto loved adding backstory to the Uchiha clan so much, but at least they were messed up and antagonists. I never found the Hyuuga to have downsides to them, but that could be the subjective narrative you have going, so I can't fully judge them.

Anyways, great story overall. Had fun reading this and hope you guys can continue on with it.
Veraq chapter 58 . 9/4/2015
I'm also wondering, if your Naruto will learn genjutsu. It may not be his main interest, but it supplements his fighting style of distracting his opponent in close combat, while his clones support him with traps, perfectly. He could just make some additional clones casting genjutsu.

Even if he does not become especially good at genjutsu, it would still be a good distraction, as Naruto doesn't really have to use any of his own concentration. Also, you said, you nerved shadow clones. Now that they are used effectively, they seem more overpowerful than ever.
Veraq chapter 59 . 8/22/2015
Spelling. I noticed two problems, that make up most of the spelling mistakes. First is that you (or one of you) tends to substitue a word with a similar sounding word - which is in my opinion weird since the wrong word usually is written correctly. Second, you should be a bit more careful with negatives, as I, especially in the earlier chapters, noticed a lot of negatives that just don't make sense (one negative too much or too little).

Then there are logical things, like Shikamaru being unable to get rid of the group, he was stalling for
Sakura because of the placement of his equipment bag (someone as smart as he would have prepared for that and even I can think of ten different ways to kill them all). Or Jiraya, who doesn't seem to get serious at all (no giant toads, sage mode, etc), it was the sae in the manga, though. The scene, where Jiraya decides to spare the Bone-Kid feels just too slow.

It also doesn't make sense for the Hokage to know of the attack before the finals and prepare so poorly (only escape tunnels, when he could have the Hyuuga position their forces on strategic places, have their best men ready, lay minefields in front of the gates, hide a few jounin on the roof with him, or simply put seals under Orochimaru's and the Raikage's seats, set up the invading forces to group in an area and blow it up, etc. There are hundrets of things, Konoha could do, even with only ten minutes warning.

There are some chapters, that just seem to drag themselves on and on (in a bad way), especially in the first half of the fic.

Btw, I wonder, why the Hyuuga didn't just get Naruto's team a mission to find weaknesses in their towers' security and report them.

Onwards to positive things. Overall the spelling and gramma is more than good enough, not do disrupt reading, which is pretty much all I need to be content with that.

I also like the creativity, you show with the seals and pranks, and to some extent Narutos taijutsu fighting style, part of which feels a bit like a less effective imitation of the Hiraishin no Jutsu (not sure, if you intendet that or not). That also makes me look forward to the kind of what kind of seals Naruto will use after his training jouney, since I would expect him to get a lot more from the training with Jiraya than in the manga (especially since Jiraya doesn't have to waste half his time teaching Naruto how to use his brain in a fight or basic ninja skills) and I (in Naruto's or Jiraya's POV) would expect the need for seals with more stopping power than explosive seals and some effective way to get around opponents that have some ability that allows them to evade his traps.

The characters feel very smooth and natural, also great.
You did an especially good job writing the differnt POVs, they fit the characters fantastically and it's fun to experience the situations from the respective person's perspective. Still, I like Hinata's and Naruto's POV best and it always feels like there are too few of those.

Overall this fic would easily make it to the top ten in my list, if I had one, and has me looking forward to the second book, hoping that it will be even better (and longer), though I have somewhat mixed feelings about the Taizong fraction (I have somewhat mixed feelings about you introducing big new parts to a world like that, but obviously haven't read enough yet to be able to form a justified opinion).
Anyways, great job overall and thank you for writing and posting this jewel.
Jo chapter 59 . 8/8/2015
please post the sequel
Acekidfury chapter 6 . 8/3/2015
good so far
shane1594 chapter 54 . 8/1/2015
It's clenched hands, not clinched and proffered, not pro-offered. On top of the blatantly obvious non-existent strains of hair. Hair comes in strands. There are many open source programs that include spellcheck and grammar checking functions, as well as many online services. I heavily suggest that you make use of them.
Lily of the Valli chapter 59 . 7/29/2015
Oh, this fanfic is perfect :D I love this so much, especially your take on Hinata and her retalionshiop with Naruto. I can't wait to see another part of your trilogy.
shane1594 chapter 14 . 7/28/2015
Honorifcs are used within speech, thoughts and, in special cases, dreams of characters based on their relationship with the subject character. They are, however, not used in the descriptive sections of writing, unless you're going to pull some bullshit 'it's all a dream', or suddenly reveal that it has all been a retelling at the end.
shane1594 chapter 1 . 7/26/2015
If you are going to use words from other languages, make sure that you are using the right word in the correct context.
Shinobi Gatana chapter 9 . 7/18/2015
Ichiraku Teuchi-sama for the win!
Shinobi Gatana chapter 4 . 7/18/2015
Outstanding work so far. Domo Arigatogosaimashita for your hard work!
Shinobi Gatana chapter 1 . 7/18/2015
I love how well detailed your Japanese is. Well done. Also, great job on the first chapter.
NocturneKoan chapter 58 . 7/17/2015
You- You monsters! You killed Akamaru!


Seriously though, I have no idea how I've missed this story so far. It's incredible, but it reads kind of like a Naruto version of Vathara's Embers. Except that instead of Zuko and the Fire Nation being emphasised, it's Hinata and the Hyuuga Clan. Not that that's a bad thing, it's just that the Hyuuga clan seems very over hyped. Well, not in terms of combat strength I suppose, since Hiashi died (as he rightfully should by canon power levels). I'll admit I was incredulous that Hiashi was able to not only hold his own against, but basically bulldoze through a Sannin. But in terms of political power... I don't really understand how or why their clan created ties to Iwa and if they have such large influence across Villages, why doesn't any other clan? Surely they can't have been the only ones to think of it.
Guest chapter 7 . 7/13/2015
Guest chapter 7 . 7/13/2015
You're naruto being able to switch without Kakashi noticing is a little op
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