|Reviews for Fire and Ice|
| kwehhh chapter 35 . 10/23/2005
wow - i'm speechless.. it's amazing! one of the best i've ever read. can't wait for a sequel (there would be one, rite?) )
| anonymous chapter 35 . 10/17/2005
This is one story I have read more than thrice, and I can't stop reading it again and again and...
| Zachere chapter 35 . 10/14/2005
As much as it pains me to admit it these days, I have a soft spot for Seifer/Quistis fics. I started reading yours, idly, a week ago, and have just finished. From your author's notes it's clear that you are interested in improving your writing and that you are considering writing a sequel. In the hopes that you will appreciate this review for what it is I'd like to offer you some criticism. The constructive type, I hope.
Let me just mention that I do know that you haven't finished the game. That's an acceptable excuse for a lot of little things. For example, post-posession Edea is not a sorceress. Odine tells her this toward the end of the game.
Also, in the game, Irvine talks a lot more like a valley girl than a hick (although somewhere in the middle of F&I the hick accent abruptly became much more pronounced, which is why I noticed it at all). He never says 'Ah' instead of 'I' in the game, but he does say 'like' about fifty million times.
I do find it hard to believe that several betas and a legion of adoring fans failed to notice that Zell Dincht's last name is spelled incorrectly every single time it appears in the fic. I did play the American version of the game though, so that may explain it. It might explain part of the Irvine thing too, now that I think about it, although there is still a very abrupt dialogue change with him in the story.
Toward the end you did seem to realize that the section breaks in chapters were not working properly, which is good, as it was a bit difficult trying to decide which paragraphs belonged to which sections in some places. I'd probably say that you don't really need to give us the location of the next section: a simple divider would do.
Be careful of word repetition. Adel shrieks twice in two sentences in the scene where she's being taken down. That's the only example I can think of off the top of my head, but I did notice that several times.
Also I saw many instances of word misuse. I was able to figure out what you really meant by the context in most places, but it's distracting to the reader to have to stop and interpret what's actually written. In one instance you clearly meant to use the word 'entrance' but substituted a completely different word that had no meaning in that context.
Gzarth? Serabim? Your OC names make the canon names look like 'Jim' and 'Susie'. Not that it's a terrible thing; just a bit stunning.
The author's notes are excessive and distracting. My personal opinion.
But these are little things, really, and not all that important.
Characterization. Not bad overall. I liked your OCs. The gang in general was recognizable. I don't think Quistis is as much of a hardass as you portray her, honestly. I think she's got a major problem with self-esteem. You address a little of that but to be completely honest I wasn't really convinced with her. Just look at her in-game outfit. She wears glasses she doesn't need, trying to give an impression of intellectualism, and a shirt that reveals her navel. You stress in this that she isn't aware of her beauty, but I think Quistis is definitely aware of her physical traits, and I think she tries, in her own insecure way, to use them to her advantage. She's got a streak of nobility a mile wide, which you definitely included in this, but I think I see her a lot weaker than you do.
The game didn't really deal with Seifer effectively, so it's hard for me to critique your use of him here, except maybe in his relationship with Squall. Seifer and Squall have a very personal relationship, if not a very friendly one, and they call each other by their first names. No 'Leonhart' or 'Almasy' there.
But really, the thing that bothered me most about Seifer and Quistis was the construction of an elaborate childhood bond between them. I've seen this a lot, and I always conclude that flashbacks like that indicate that the author doesn't feel capable of building a real bond between two characters, and chooses to resort to a pre-made bond to avoid the hard work that goes into making two characters who dislike each other fall in love. It feels very artificial. Wouldn't it be more interesting if Seifer and Quistis hated each other their whole lives, and then grew to love each other? I think so.
Along the same lines, I seriously doubt Seifer ever tried to sneak peeks up Quistis's skirt while he was in her class. In the game he holds her in utter contempt. I don't see him looking past his own judgement of her far enough even to notice or care that she's attractive. He dismisses her completely. "That Quistis is utterly pathetic. Look at her panting after Squall. She's not worthy to shine my steel-toed boots. Wonder what color panties she's wearing?" I doubt it.
I like that there is so much plot in this. A lot of times in romances plot is sadly lacking, replaced instead with neverending cycle of fluff and angst. I think all long stories should be mainly plot-driven. This one is a little unusual because while there is a real plot, the subplot of Seifer/Quistis takes up nearly as much space as the actual plot. One of my favorite writers says to write a rough draft, telling the story to yourself, and to cut around ten percent in editing. I cut about five percent, but I really think you could cut thirty. I really, really would say that you could cut one hundred thousand words from this, and end up with a much cleaner, more concise, better paced story. I also would say that those one hundred thousand words could be snipped almost entirely from the Seifer/Quistis... dare I call it... subplot. When writing romance, the thing to remember is that less is more. I can't stress that enough. You may write them having argument after argument, getting along and not getting along, following a rising spiral that eventually ends in, you know, love or whatever, but after a certain number of repetitions things start to get boring. Less is more. Dole out dabs of romance in carefully timed bursts. The more dramatic the bits in the middle, the less impact the important romantic scenes have. Timing is everything, and less is more.
Other random comments:
Brek reminded me forcibly of Algus from FFT. Intentional?
Seifer's Fire Cross tattoo makes me wonder if you've played Vagrant Story.
You have a thing about people's necks. It's always 'the scent rose from her neck' etc. Not a criticism, just something I noticed. :p
Who inherited Adel's powers? Is Quistis a sorceress?
Things I really, really liked:
Cid's relationship with Edea. Selphie as a Moomba Scout. Zell in pajamas. Chu as Odin. Quistis sacrificing her life to save her friends. Serabim: '“The best thing that could have been done for him was to refuse him in the first place.” Serabin’s voice, unlike others, was not filled with hate or scorn of the ex-knight. If it had, she would have raged against him, championed Seifer’s cause as if he were a fallen soldier... But Serabin’s voice was kind, almost gentle.' Probably my favorite moment in this fic.
Anyway, congratulations on finishing it. I know I complained about a lot of things above, but keep in mind that it's 300K words long and I read the whole thing. That counts for more than you know. Keep writing. :)
| AntiCensor chapter 1 . 10/11/2005
I'd like to second what xahra said a couple of days ago.
If you're wondering what the hell I'm doing looking at your reviews so long after you've finished this it's because I was having a lot of trouble writing yesterday and I needed some inspiration. So I just read your first chapter again for some inspiration for you have much inspiration to give.
Remember, if you have the time and the interest but don't want to write some fanfiction, there's always Hope I'm not bothering you.
| RohanVos chapter 1 . 10/10/2005
Great characterization they're so complex and believable, and even though i have never encountered these characters before I canre about htem already and want ot learn more about them. Wow, far better than anyhting i have ever written.
| xahra99 chapter 35 . 10/9/2005
so, the all-important question: when are you going to write more?
(fuelled by a late night serenity fic-trawling session where the nets pulled up onlyuseless crap, bicycles and spare-tyres, with the occasional ggogly-eyes tentacle-headed monster, just to keep things interesting)
Good fanfiction's pretty hard to find, ya know.
(apologies if you're working insanely or actually having a life)
| CptFunhat chapter 1 . 10/5/2005
Ah, I love this fanfiction! I thought it had been taken down and was so happy to see it was still up! I'd lost track of things after about 20 chapters and just now got around to re-reading it. I'm on chapter 30 now, absolutely love it! Thanks for writing it for all of us Seiftis fans!
| Thorn Rose chapter 34 . 10/1/2005
I love your story so much I reread it again! Your attention to detail is incredibloe. I love the emotion you put in to it, and my favorite parts are all at the end, from where the tower collapses on. Quistis has such a powerful personality. You have done a great job. I think you should write a sequel, I'd like to see how Quistis and Seifer's relationship turns out, and what Rinoa meant when she asked Quistis to protect the rest. Something else you said intriqued me...about how you made it a happy fairy tale ending. What would the alternative ending be? I'd be very interested in reading it.
| irishais chapter 35 . 9/14/2005
This is the most incredible piece of fanfiction I've read in a RIDICULOUSLY long time, and my thanks go to immortalrhiannon for recommending it to me. I don't even think I have any WORDS for how incredible this is...it all just...works. Everything comes together exactly the way it should be. Well done. I'm glad I was able to come along for the ride on this adventure. It's brilliant.
| My Life Is My Hell chapter 34 . 9/1/2005
If his nose was almost broken how could he smell her hair and skin? And how could he rest his chin on her head without the blood from his nose getting in her hair? just questions about some confusing things.
| apakoha chapter 35 . 8/25/2005
Wow, great stuff. And hey, I like happy endings - keep 'em there. I adore your characters (the exception of Brek, and maybe Serabin - didn't like him much) and Zell with Ceres/Arya was very cute. Cerberus rocked. I liked the final few chapters, with Seifer in Trabia with Masa and Chu, and the court case with the Supreme Council. Good stuff and keep it up! A sequel'd be nice! *hint hint*
| Lil Lady Lost chapter 12 . 8/19/2005
I just have to say u rock, not only do u like 3dd but the goo goo dolls! u've got good music taste hun!
| TweekinTinkaToy chapter 35 . 8/5/2005
I love the seifrits pairing and I've been following this story for a year and a half, and now it's been completed...This story is just amazing, I love some of allusions you used, even if they were a bit skewed. Even some of your chapter titles alluded to other literary works.
Your story has to be THE BEST fic I've read on and I've read quite a bit. I don't think I've ever read a fic so in depth, you portrayed each of the character's personalities incredibly well...and the plot was very well thought out.
I hope you write another fic sometime, as you're a very talented writer. Your story brought me to tears at some points and kept me on edge at others...just wow...
| Jack Hanek chapter 35 . 7/17/2005
I have ignorantly forgotten to include the name of the web site with the FF7 fic in my so-called final review. It's called in case I haven't already said that before.
| Thorn Rose chapter 35 . 7/12/2005
A fantastic ending. You should be proud.
(This is really a review for the last 3-4 chapters.)I reread your entire story just to read the ending, and I have to say it is one of the best stories I've read. I am happy that Seifer finally got to find Quistis, and that they belong with each other. Hat's off to you. Your descriptions were very realistic, and I enjoyed the emotion and reality you poured into the story. I was biting my nails through the trial, and in several parts of the story you made me cry. Please write the sequal you've interested me in. I can't wait to know how Rinoa turns. The way you present pain and anger is just as well writtnen as your presentation of joy and happiness. Great job.
The connection I felt with your characters was incredible.
In memory of Fujin and Cid...