|Reviews for The Return|
| skywiseskychan chapter 29 . 2/19/2011
This was a nice chapter. Its good to finally begin to learn a lot more about what is really going on behind the scenes. Thanks for providing us with the exposition/explanation chapter, even if it still has a lot of hidden things going on.
| Mizuno Tenshi2 chapter 22 . 2/18/2011
I don't think I caught the portal reference the first time around. Heehee.
| ecchansama chapter 29 . 2/17/2011
My first reaction to seeing an update on this was "Oh dear, there goes a few hours." Still, I love seeing updates to good stories.
One thing though, there were a few times where I had no clue who said what. Most of the time it's easy to figure it out, but in some cases where it isn't mentioned I felt stumped. Who did Stillwater interrupt?
Overall very good, looking forward to the next update.
| a chapter 1 . 2/17/2011
Where's the Ranma?
| Dragon Man 180 chapter 29 . 2/17/2011
Looks like all the girls plus Grandma and auntie overrides Brood Mother rank. I can't wait to see how things go with the cyborg girls getting their backup and having an assassin cultist in the mix. And he worships an elder evil, just peachy. I loved Murdock getting tortured, he's been an annoyance for a long time and deserved it.
| Thomas chapter 29 . 2/17/2011
Good to see a new chapter of this story, I hope you update soon ;)
| CrypticMirror chapter 29 . 2/16/2011
Like everyone else I love this story as a great original piece of fiction, and I always look forward to updates. I realise the military stuff is a huge part of it, but it does feel at times the military stuff is taking over from the characterisation. One of the things that I loved about this story was it balanced a lot of the fun emotional exploration (particularly of the early chapters) as much as the military side. Just seems of late the characterisation and sense of fun has slipped away. It is a bit too hardcore. I'm still looking forward to the next part.
| Pryde Kitty chapter 29 . 2/16/2011
Well I waited for quite awhile for this chapter. Then again I always have to wait for your exceptionally large chapters of high quality. It's rare that I find one of your chapters not worth the wait, and this story is full of so many surprises! I'm curious to see where everything is going next!
| uglybiker chapter 29 . 2/15/2011
From above comes a flash of lightning and the rumble of thunder
IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIIIIIIVE!
| wolf40k chapter 29 . 2/15/2011
well, I'm surprised, I thought that this story had dissipated into the deep vastness that is abandoned Stories, I'm thankfully wrong. Can't wait to see were this goes.
| Bree R chapter 29 . 2/15/2011
Halfway through the chapter I was thinking about the review I was planning to write for this chapter. All about how I don't read this as a fanfiction but as an original story since I really think you've evolved the characters out of their original sandboxes almost entirely. That I was going to say was not a bad thing but makes the story come at one from a different sort of angle, one which some readers won't tolerate. To my surprise all of a sudden you put nods back to the original characters, something I really don't recall seeing in this story in quite awhile. Now I feel quite conflicted. Part of me wants to now say something along the lines of, 'my god you've raped these characters horribly mentally and physically and this story is extremely offensive since apparently you consider that a good thing.'
Another larger part says if you actually want to make a play at it I would love immensely to see more of your characters original canon personalities popping up. I think a Ranma that was literally struggling with succubus motherhood a LOT more would've far better served this story. Could that seemingly happen this late? Yes, I think it could. You just revealed Ranma was winding herself way too tightly. We going to see a bit of a mental break here with her having a attack of conscience and a 'what have I become moment?' A brood of succubi remembering their old human lives and feeling nostalgia for it. Two relatively happy go lucky series forced into a dark abyss and having to work their way around inside of a thriller/action/horror story. The thing is it's really kind of late for this new injection of material. It could be done believably yes, but honestly I did think you waved a white flag in regards to it a long time ago. I don't know how far you'll go with this. Really hope it goes further with some emotional, maturity, and species/gender/motherhood issues for Ranma and we get a far more psychological study on what is likely a pretty damned messed up psyche. The senshi too I would love to see the canon brighter personalities struggling far more with the situation. So much can be done there with the canon personalities.
The sad thing is I really can't see you doing any of that. Half of me hopes it does happen and the 'fanfic' part of this story becomes stronger because somehow in this chapter I really imagined what this story could have been rather then what it is. The other part says stop with these nods back to canon and give me my bad ass succubus sappy mom back why is she flaking out a bit now? :P.
The thing that strikes me about all your stories really is that you put your canon characters through some extremely dramatic changes. Fine like that like the elements you do with that. It's what comes later that I have issues with. They adapt so quickly and become near unrecognizable so fast I lose the canon character under your new creation. The Ranma in this story I've grown to think of as a demoness first and the old human martial artist is almost never on my mind...and I think it should be. Guns, weapons, ammo, missiles, conspiracies all good and fine. But where have the elements of the Ranma canon gone? Where is the obtuse awkward male martial artist under all the femme fatale demoness? Does he still reside there? Is he dead? Is he horrified? Is he happy? Does he like his new role? Is he a merger with the old Dark Star? Part of the fun of fem-Ranma stories for me is knowing the answer to how the old male aspect reacts. Your stories while extremely compelling and almost always fascinating just don't answer that question, well apart from Strained Harmony which I would say is arguably one of your best works for that reason alone. Such good psychology material explored there that just isn't here when the opportunity is so ripe here.
You mentioned far earlier he would have to adapt so that his children weren't treated as pure farm animals. Fine but adaptation doesn't mean this total personality and ethical change. Yes, he's now a sexy demoness who eats her former species and can drain them of energy. But where is that bit of resistance to his changes? Accepting his daughters and what she is now doesn't mean the loss of all that makes Ranma a unique character. You make your male characters female and that is fine. But this struggle against the characters you've made them into is absent. That needs to be there to take your stories to another level as a 'fanfiction story'. This absence leads to so many missed opportunities from that side of your stories and it's rather sad.
On the other hand discounting all I've said previously as a piece of original fiction this continues to be excellent. How I read most of your stories in general as I mentioned previously is that I only think of the source material while ingesting your stories as providing the appearance template of your characters. You then write complete original characters into their places and quite quickly they become YOUR characters not the original creators. This may disgust some but I find it fascinating how you can maneuver characters into situation believably. I do wish I could see something you've written in an original setting with all of your own characters though as sometimes I just feel the source material holds you back a bit. Really could see you writing a very engaging thriller novel or something along those lines in a professional context and think you should give it a shot.
The only problem with me seeing you as a professional and the Return as it's going along is that I have trouble seeing the story structure. The story is long. And that is fine. The problem is other then the initial chapters where you could argue there was a trilogy of books: 1. Ranma's Struggle with Demonhood. 2. Ranma's Rescue of her daughters and acceptance of Succubushood. 3. Senshi Betrayals and Darkening... From that point to now this story stopped being easily classified into that kind of book format and that makes this story increasingly hard to follow and enjoy. I guess I'd prefer to see a beginning, climax, and falling action structure from this long a story rather then the mishmash you've given. That'd make the story a lot tighter. I would strongly encourage you to start thinking in a more novel structure when writing in the future so the story flows better. This Russian cyborg/armor plot is going a little too long for my tastes. Wrapping it up more solidly after introducing the next villain would be a good idea. Instead you're going a half and half approach introducing new villain concepts without ending the old threat and that is a bit awkward and honestly hard to follow.
I am honestly surprised in this chapter that Murdock wasn't converted/turned. I really thought that might be the ultimate 'protection' they'd offer him, or even that he would ask for in the end in desperation. Make him part of their nest or family as it were. It would have given them his total loyalty as well as giving them a powerful ally. Sure they aren't very attached to him and they do seem to be discriminating in changing those they don't really like... but I do think it would've been a intriguing plot element mainly because it would've been entertaining to see someone fighting the change since other then Ryouga and Nabiki that sort of hasn't happened. Obviously someone like Alexia would just mind rape the petulant child in question. But I do wonder what your Ranma's reaction would be to a child who was profoundly unhappy with the change. Whether that comes from Murdock or some nameless company mook who is in the D program and gets far more then they bargained for it would be interesting indeed to read. Also quite like the questions you are raising regarding Setsuna's possible betrayals and Mina's motivations in becoming the armor. It would be quite brilliant if Mina is doing this not to protect her queen as it were but because she no longer sees herself as a human and can't stand that so she is actually the one hiding not Usagi. The horror Usagi might experience upon realizing she's emotionally raping Mina would be fascinating as well.
Well I've gone really long here. Again let me reiterate I enjoy this story and enjoy you as an author. I do have some serious problems with your work in terms of it being fanfiction yes, but for the most part I love reading each iteration of your works. I think though after this story and your others are done rather then starting another piece of fanfiction I'd rather see you do something more original. Anyway, hope to see more soon and sorry I haven't been on the fukufics forum to offer more C&C there when it was in drafting phases. Life has been very very chaotic.
| Blackholelord chapter 28 . 2/7/2011
I like the story, keep it up!
| Jimbobob5536 chapter 16 . 10/7/2010
Evil? Ami. Very interesting.
| 0takkun chapter 2 . 9/14/2010
Just wanted to apologize for my previous review. I just had a bad hair day.
| 0takkun chapter 1 . 9/13/2010
Oh joy, yet another failed attempt to find a descent R/SM crossover without having Ranma in a fuku. I just wonder what's the gay fixiation of most authors with that. Sorry if I sound rude, but I'm just annoyed by that fact.
Got up to chapter 5 and had to stop, DarkStar sounds and feels too much like a female Saiyan version of yusenkyo. A shame considering that your writing skills are quite good.
I'll just go and check your other stories then.