|Reviews for The Daughter of Donna Troy|
| SophZen chapter 1 . 3/2
Heyy! omg, LOVED the story. It was PERFECT, seriously. I can't wait for a sequel!
| Arianna Le Fay chapter 27 . 2/5
please make a story i want to see nightwing and wonder girl
| KaijuBoy455 chapter 27 . 2/5
What about the episode Targets?
| Aquarius589 chapter 27 . 2/5
Definite rewrite before jumping in season 2... I don’t know if you chose to ignore reviews or something, but there’s not a lot going right for this story and it could use a fresh and new take with a rewrite!
Starting first and foremost with Frankie.
If you want to change canon and make Donna way older to be Frankie’s mom, that’s fine. Donna didn’t have a big role in Young Justice. But please, for the love of Young Justice, do NOT have Frankie’s dad be Psimon. That plot point was so bad and forced. It just didn’t work and felt poorly thought out. If you really want her to have a villain dad, make some random villain up. It’s not in character for Donna to willingly sleep with a villain, irregardless if she thinks there’s good in him. There’s a reason the Amazons are so wary of men. Donna’s not going to be that naive.
The next big thing is Frankie’s ship. It sank- hard core- the moment you tried to let it sail. I recommend not shipping with Robin because of how cliche it is and the fact it didn’t work the first time around, but if you do keep shipping with him, learn his character! Robin and Frankie’s ship didn’t work because it was also so forced on Robin’s end. Frankie is such a dry character and lacks personality that Robin would be attracted to. Plus, them getting together so early on in the story like that left us with next to no ship developement. One second there was barely a friendship between them and next BAM they were suddenly in a relationship? It just didn’t work. They don’t fit well together.
The biggest thing really is just this: fix Frankie. Give her more personality and excitement! She was so boring and bland, it was almost hard to read. You tried so hard to force these relationships that it just reflected negatively on Frankie’s character. You did better at developing Frankie’s relationship with your other OC, Elliot, than you did developing Frankie’s relationships with the canons that I enjoyed just the OC interactions more. Elliot was a better love interest for Frankie than Robin was. And Elliot overall felt more exciting! I wanted to learn more about him than I did Frankie. And that’s not a good thing if Frankie is supposed to be your main character.
Characterization aside, your writing is pretty good. There’s little grammar and spelling mistakes, things flow nicely, etc. you’re biggest issue is just characterization issues: OOC characters and lacking character developement for your main OC. Frankie being a Wonder Girl is still definitely a good route, but you’ve got to develop that better. Most Amazons don’t have powers like Diana’s, and they’re not exactly genetically passed down either. They’re gifts from the Gods. Donna just happens to have them because she was a clone of Diana’s meant to be like a friend and created by like a witch person.
Jumping into season 2 with these issues is going to make matters worse, so I feel a rewrite is a better option. Only this time, focus more on Frankie and who she is and work better to develop her relationships with canon so they actually fit and make sense. Heck, her mentorship with Wonder Woman didn’t exactly make sense either. Their relationship felt lacking too. It’s also probably a good idea to not worry about a ship for Frankie until you’ve gotten her developed, because if you can’t develop your OC properly, any ship with her isn’t going to work.
I hope I don’t come off as rude or mean, it’s not my intention, but there’s a lot of characterization/character developement issues in this story that need to be fixed up. And things probably could’ve been fixed up to an extent sooner if you listened to your readers sooner. We’re not here to berate and be mean to you, we’re just here to help. I know most authors want to hear the good ol’ “loved the chapter, update!” Or whatever instead of a lot of constrictive criticism, but those simple reviews don’t help you as a writer.
I hope you at least consider a few of the things I’ve said. I do hope to see a rewrite from you or something. Your writing has come a long way since your story started, but unfortunately, Frankie hasn’t.
Good luck! :)
| Momochan19 chapter 20 . 1/10
cant wait for the other chapters love the story
| ukitakeitalialover041757 chapter 20 . 12/22/2017
Roy was so wrong for that she should've slapped him again but with the back of her hand the second time.
| Guest chapter 14 . 11/25/2017
Frankie shouldn't have been a special snowflake here... if they placed the Kryptonian in the melted metal, then Frankie would've gone in it as well.
| Guest chapter 20 . 11/25/2017
I don't understand why Frankie and Dick are paired together. I've re-read this story a few times to grasp it, but there's no chemistry between them. There's nothing that would attract Dick to Frankie and vice versus. I'm not here to preach to you about how you shouldn't do another Dick/OC story because it's obviously too late, but at least make it good and believable.
I see no spark or interest between the two that will lead into a sound relationship that will ultimately last. They're together know, but based on Dick Grayson's character- something of which I wish you understood- they're not going to last long unless you start building their relationship up.
It's very flat and seems one-sided on Frankie's part. And I think that stems from the lack of emotion Frankie is often seen showing. She's a very bland character overall and I think you need to take a step back from the Dick/Frankie ship to develop her properly, because it's just not going well right now.
Dick and Frankie are just not a good match. Heck, Frankie has more chemistry with Elliot than she does with Dick. If there was anyone on the team that Frankie would be good with, it'd be Elliot. Maybe take note of what you've done with their relationship and apply it to Dick and Frankie's relationship, because things are just not working. I can't see their relationship plausibly working out past the end of season one.
And if they're magically still together come season two (if you make a season two), then you really don't understand who Dick is as a person and shouldn't be shipping with him.
| Sage Nicholson chapter 7 . 11/26/2017
Please know that I'm not trying to flame, just be constructive.
Your story has a nice writing style. It's concise and to the point without being a Beige Prose. The "OC joins team and inserts self into all original episodes" has been done a lot, but that doesn't necessarily make it bad. The characters are a little OOC, but not to the point where I would be outraged.
The Plot is a little bland though, not very engaging, doesn't really grab me. And your main character is bland too.
Her backstory itself isn't too horrible, although I don't see why she should have telekinesis AND the powers of Wonder Woman. It makes her a little OP. Her relationship with Robin is bland at best and annoying at worst, but it is pretty over-used. My problem is with her personality, or lack thereof. The first few chapters in an OC novel should establish the new character, give you a sense of who she is, her strengths, her weaknesses, her quirks. So far, all I've got is that she's sarcastic and has a dark secret, which are pretty common OC traits, and not even remotely enough to form an identity around. Her interaction with the other characters are also pretty bland and uninteresting.
My suggestion: reboot this story, from the start. Give Frankie stronger characteristics, and try to do more with these setups. This story is salvageable.
overall rating: C
| FanaticalFanatic chapter 17 . 10/30/2017
Even if they were dating in secret... Robin would never just flirt with another girl right in front of his secret girlfriend like that? That's just not part of his character. Robin may not be the best at keeping a long term relationship (just look at him before/during season two), but he at least knows how to treat a girl- and it's not by flirting with another girl in front of his girlfriend.
So yeah, dick move on his part obviously here, but I'm not upset with him for it because that's just not something his character would do, like at all. So I can ignore his OOCness.
Though I obviously do understand Frankie's hurt and anger on the off chance that Robin /would/ actually flirt with another girl when they are together. But still, that's only /if/ it fit his character to do that.
Also, please give your character's their own lines. Frankie was fine in this chapter, but you kept giving Elliot all of Robin's flirty lines and it just didn't fit. Use them for a basis for Elliot, sure, but make them his own instead of directly taking them. And please, proper spacing is important! I found myself more so skimming the chapter because of your formatting. It's so hard to read. There shouldn't be 5 people speaking in /one/ paragraph. Each quote will be the start of a new paragraph! It'll make your story flow better and the chapters look less bulky.
| Guest chapter 17 . 10/24/2017
Frankie is just... gah she’s so hard to enjoy as a character? She’s so cringy and just... not well developed and her relationship with Robin is just sinking before it’s really set sail?
| Guest chapter 17 . 10/24/2017
Ah the old “I’m gonna ship with Dick and make another OC to ship with Zatanna because I can’t just ship the two OCs together because who does that” cliche.
I don’t mind a Dick ship here, but it’s rather insulting to his character that you think when dating your OC he’d flirt with someone else infront of her. He may be a dog, but he’s not a dick.
Also please fix your spacing! Your paragraphs are weird. Each quote should start a new line. It makes it hard to read otherwise and then you get what you’ve written- messy paragraphs where like ten people are talking.
| ukitakeitalialover041757 chapter 17 . 10/25/2017
Oh trouble in paradise. Robin was in the wrong so he shouldn't be upset. Great chapter I loved it. I look forward to the next update.
| Rissantic chapter 17 . 10/24/2017
Yay more chapters! :3
| Arianna Le Fay chapter 17 . 10/24/2017
Oh dammit trouble in the wonder couple paradise and honestly i blame robin hope he knows how to gravel