Reviews for X-Com: Mass Effect
Jared Massimo chapter 6 . 8/16/2016
At this point I'm rooting for the batarians. The Novus (I refuse to call them humans, they're not) are this all encompassing empire, it's serve us or die with them. Resistance is futile and all that. Kind of hypocritical for them to be calling out the batarians for slavery to be honest. Actually they're worse. Batarians don't enslave whole races. Also not every batarian is a slaver, they work off a caste system, much like your precious Novus in fact. Finally, it's only the criminals, the red sand dealers, the slavers that are allowed to leave batarian space. The remaining billions of innocent people are kept there by an oppressive government. Which you'd mention if you weren't setting the batarians up as paper bad guys to show how strong and nice your own original race (do not steal) is. So my idea for what should happen (even though I know it won't) is the batarians wipe out the Novus and get a statue next to the krogan one for saving the galaxy.

Also the krogan aren't a council race, they're don't even have an embassy, let alone a council representative.
erttheking chapter 2 . 8/8/2016
This story. Was...bad. Really freaking bad. First of all, let's get something out of the way. An all powerful humanity that never faces any major set backs is boring. Every time I turn the page, I already know what's going to happen. Even when they lost, a single small warship was able to destroy an entire armada of aliens, so I struggle to call that a loss. At best, the Batarians suffered a Pyrrhic victory. It's particularly baffling in that all three of the games you made this story out of, humanity was the underdog in all three of them. Hell, Mass Effect 3, for it's crap ending, has the Reapers smashing up Earth for the entire game. If the Reapers had showed up and gotten their asses kicked, there would've been no tension. Who wants that? And it really is clear that "Humanity is awesome" is all this story has going for it. Particularly towards the end where you just keep writing more and more absurd super weapons that have nothing to do with the alien technology the Ethereals reverse engineered, and would take centuries to DESIGN AND RESEARCH let alone build

Second of all, the attitude of this humanity. It’s creepy I do not care how many ways you try and say that they’re not like the Ethereals (Shepard talking to her daughter about how better humanity was made me laugh out loud, and not in a good way) what they do is goddamn creepy. Why did the Drones want to be enslaved by them? How is that in any way an emotionally healthy response to anything? I’m sorry, to me that sounds like humanity is using their psionic powers to influence them. And with all the talk about aliens serving on human ships but no mention of alien ships, it really does sound like a humanity holds all of the cards. It doesn’t help that humanity has an absolute monarchy now, so the aliens are under a dictator for life and everyone is unrealistically ok with that. Making me feel like free will is gone now, because there’s no other way humans would unanimously agree on anything otherwise. Even if it’s “Do you want everything to be perfect forever,” a few thousand humans would disagree just to be dicks.

When Mikhail said that humanity didn’t forget who they were, he couldn’t have been more wrong. And when he said humanity didn’t go down the path of the Ethereals, he was so wonderfully, blissfully ignorant of what humanity would do in the next century. If Humanity truly didn’t want to be like the Ethereals, then they wouldn’t have taken on servant races. But they did. Because humanity is awesome.

Thirdly. This story gets everything about the games its based off of wrong. It gets Mass Effect wrong. It gets XCOM wrong. It gets Halo wrong. Let’s start with the one that shouldn’t really be here, Halo. What the Hell was up with the Elites being thousands of years less advanced? This is another problem with the humanity is awesome approach, everything that makes the story unique is torn down just to build up humanity more. Case in point. Humanity having the Elite’s energy swords and warships. That’s when you’re not making people OOC. That thing where Shepard caught Jul’s sword? The Elites are very honor bound. They would have been pissed at that. Shepard was expected to beat Jul in a fair duel with her own skill, not unrealistically advanced technology. Oh, and Elites aren’t sexist, so having Jul be against a woman leading (When his own wife was a fighter) is just turning him into a one dimensional asshole for Shepard to knock over.

Onto XCOM. The point of XCOM is that humanity is fighting for survival against an overwhelming threat. You could not have missed the mark more if you tried here, as you went down the humanity is awesome route. It directly contradicts the mindset of XCOM. Humans created things far more advanced than the aliens there ever had access to, making the idea of it happening absurd. What’s more, the complete lack of Ethereals continuing to act after the war is a huge missed opportunity.

Finally, Mass Effect. First of all, Turians not understanding their own biology. I don’t care if you were 100% right about that and it turned out Bioware was using phony science, it was a part of the world and it helped make the Turians unique. Instead you make them all drooling idiots who didn’t know how their own bodies work just for another humanity is awesome moment. Second of all, I had a feeling Batarians would all be irredeemable murderers who kill children and then masturbate about doing it, because all Mass Effect writers do that, but you manage to take the cake. The Batarians are many things. Stupid is not one of them. They would not launch a naked attack of aggression against this humanity, they didn’t even do it to the Alliance. They use slavers, mercenaries who cannot be traced back to them. And apparently they all deserve to die for that attack. Even the non-combatants. Even the slaves. Even the children. Which brings me to my next point.

Shepard: I hate his Shepard. So much. First of all, she sexually assaults her husband to be near the start of the story, a very poor introduction. Second of all, she’s made supreme ruler over all of humanity because she was an XCOM colonel who happened to be on the final mission. She has no ruler qualities, as demonstrated when she commissioned a flagship and then took another when she got impatient. Third of all, the way she acts. This woman has an insufferable holier than thou attitude, one that she doesn’t deserve once she decides to declare genocide on the Batarians. All in all, she just comes off as far too impulsive and quick to anger to be a good ruler for all of humanity.

I could go on. I could say how the massive amounts of references get in the way and don’t add anything and get annoying, I could say how the countless reports don’t tell an organic story, are boring as hell to read, do nothing of value and would be best off cut out, how you ask too much for people to essentially tell you how to write a story you should be coming up with ideas with on your own, how the present tense is annoying, how you need a proofreader, how you don’t really do anything with humanity being changed except to make them more awesome, how you forgot your own story with the exiled clan, how humanity developed far too quickly, that terraforming takes longer than a decade, than the clans are so undeveloped they might as well not be there, that you seem to be doing nothing with the hive mind, and the description of Shepard’s dress was one of the most absurd things I’ve ever read, but I’m going to stop here.

I really hope you do improve as a writer one day. But you’ve got a long way to go.
Centh97 chapter 10 . 1/9/2016
could you also redo this story it was going good the only problem i saw was that humans came out in the cannon period not 3000 years ago that would give them more then enough time to get their fleets and technology up to the covenant standards
Commissar Critical chapter 2 . 1/2/2016
Oh dear god no. A queen? A hive mind? One of the most horrifying possibilities.
akatosh117demon chapter 10 . 12/29/2015
more material (chapters) please!?
Lucarionape chapter 9 . 10/4/2015
Shame I liked this fic, o well can you PM me when you post the redo please ?
Brian01 chapter 7 . 6/26/2015
It originated during the Black Death I believe.
Dotton chapter 9 . 5/29/2015
I lock forwards to the new story. I noticed that you said that humanity would use antimatter as some sort of superweapon, in a secondary codex entry "starships:thrusters" it is mentioned that military ships use antimatter for their thrusters so the council races have a means to produce antimatter but are either limited by some form of treatise(antimatter warheads is actually classified as a tier 3 WMD in the citadel conversations) or their imagination from employing it as a weapon. So if you want to make it stand out you need to make it special.
Guest chapter 9 . 5/27/2015
Well it's still interesting but using FTL of Star Trek is more believable due to the Firestorms Anti-Gravity tech. that works similar to Warp of Star Trek Series anyway good luck on your new fic and it's still nice that Humanity will still be like the one you portrayed in this fic since I like this kind of Humanity and about their Society why not make them like a Protoss Society?
Eljin1 chapter 9 . 5/27/2015
i like the current/old version of this story, especially the hive mind. i really hope you keep that.

_Humanity, Fuck Yeah!_

with the extra time that you plan humanity to have, im sure they would be able to faceroll any upstart citadel race that tries to subjugate them. also it means that they would be able to claim a large part of the galaxy if humans breed as fast as we do.

i hope that you keep some form of alternate to the mass effect relays. it allows exploration of many many more systems and civilisations.

also if you could post in this story when the new one is that, that would be appreciated.
Alpenwolf chapter 9 . 5/27/2015
I'm not forcing anyone to write anything, but the planned changes still sound interesting. I hope you will give us a heads-up when the new story is uploaded or at least the first chapter so that some of us or at least I can start reading it ;P
Theoneandonlymrpotato chapter 9 . 5/27/2015
i am sad to see this story being ended but it is you decision hope that the new story is just as good and is sound like it will be intresting
Leonas chapter 9 . 5/27/2015
Well.. this is.. saddening. Admittedly there was a bit of overpowering involved... but the plot and story was rather sound. i'm gladd you're giving it another go though. WHen that happens I'll come right back.. though... this does make an Idea i've had fo ra while obselete not that it mattered anyway... I wish you luck. GOOD luck.. and lots of it. I know how it is to lose interest in/ability to write a story...
rivercocytus chapter 8 . 4/18/2015
I really enjoy the story. You have taken humanity in a completely different direction which is interesting. One thing I do like is how you have given them some weakness to keep it from being a curb stomp maybe a little OP but not badly. It would be nice to see is a complete listing of the differences between the Novel and the Nephilim. The belief that Ring around the Rosie is about the black death is most likely nothing but fancy the more likely explanation is that it is from the time when the Protestant church banned dancing making play parties with ring games popular.
trninjakiller chapter 2 . 3/18/2015
WTF did I just read?

BYE.
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