|Reviews for I am Aedan of Highever!|
| MysticGohan88 chapter 25 . 9/14
And another great chapter! Where do I start? "The country conforms to suit the ruler" Wow, that is so backwards that it made my head hurt. "It's not what your country, can do you for you..but what you can do, for your country" is what JFK said I believe. A ruler has to do what's best for his people , and do what benefits them, not what benefits the ruler. Otherwise, the ruler is a tyrant.
Orlais, Orlais, Orlais, dear maker; is that all Loghain can say? No evidence at all about Orlais wanting to retake Ferelden, and yet he used that as an excuse to get away with artocities. What. an. idiot.
| MysticGohan88 chapter 24 . 9/14
I abore any and all kind of slavery in video games, and whenever I face them; I have a particular pleasure in slaughtering and making them suffer for their transgressions. Example: When I went to Paradise Falls in Fallout 3, and heard that they were slavers; I immeditately began to start shooting.
| MysticGohan88 chapter 23 . 9/14
Holy crap! That was the most brutal thing I've ever read done to Howe, in my entire life. You really delve in to what it is to make someone suffer. The beginning when Ser Cormyn was rubbing in all who suffered, and the build up to the boiling point of Aedans rage, amazing :D
| MysticGohan88 chapter 20 . 9/14
I love Aedan's attitude towards Danyla for her question. Why should he feel regret for a crime that was centuries ago, and had nothing to do with him personally? He didn't take part in the destruction of an empire, so what does he have to feel guilty for? It's like assuming that "Your a human, therefore your guilty of something" Thats what I love about Bioware games, on how they insert real life issues into their mix, making you contemplate.
| MysticGohan88 chapter 17 . 9/12
I loved this chapter! The first time I beat this game, I made Harrowmont King. When I saw how much he fucked up in the epilogue though, I never made him King ever again. Bhlen is power hungry, corrupt and maybe even amoral, but he gets the job done with his people. Not only that, but he's a reformist and opens up options for the castless, giving more of a future for Orzammar. Infact, I think by Inquisition, he even went and married Rica.
| IIAMasterSHenson chapter 18 . 5/14
I think this chapter, besides the actual attack on his home and death of his family (and half of Redcliffe) is my favorite. I'm a sucker for backstories, histories, prequels and this one was very well done. I liked your representation of the Avvar a lot. As far as my own investigation of lore goes, it is spot on and then some. Are you using some dictionary or lexicon for their language? I can't recall seeing what's been given as being developed enough for me to even try to make sentences XD good job!
Also, good job with Siobahn. I like her type and she added a good layer to the story especially being a shaman apprentice and serving as an opposite to her teacher in a way. I do feel iffy about Morrigan, not because she fought for what was hers-it was appropriate here-but she seems to get jealous in this story over a lot more than I would expect her to [but of course, I interpreted her character a bit different than you obviously]).
I find it interesting that Aedan is connected to a tribe with support or non-judgment of Maferath, enough to name children after him or carry that name at all since the Avvar (many) did back Andraste after his treachery. But I think his presence in this chapter, even through another vessel, was needed as this entire thing had to do with jealousy and power in a way.
| IIAMasterSHenson chapter 17 . 5/14
It figures you would support Bhelen but then I like the parts of going off-script the most because you show that your support of him is for your own ends, not because you necessarily favor him.
I think Oghren should be featured more in all upcoming chapters. Somehow, Alistair, Leliana, Wynne, and even Zevran and Sten just don't seem to mix with Aedan. Like, because Morrigan's his romance they will mostly get along and Oghren is the perfect complement to Aedan's own personality.
Though it was crazy that he went monkey on the dwarf for calling him a traitor, it was funny lol
| IIAMasterSHenson chapter 13 . 4/25
After the tower scene, I think this destination seems to be the most fitting between Cousland and Morrigan. And Wynne is very Wynne here, illuminating the more base, or even child-like disposition that Cousland has with her wisdom (which she does to every single warden, damn her). So good job capturing that here.
And I also got your note but I feel in this case, you introduced the scene harshly yet you made an attempt to implement emotional adjectives. This causes a separation between story and reader and without a "lemony" or even just drawn out fluffy follow-up, there was nothing to bring the reader's captivation back to the story.
And I think there's a difference between fluff, lemon, and smut. Here, lemon is very warranted because without it, because of your writing style, it's hard to truly put the weight of Morrigan and Cousland's relationship to bear, especially since your only fluff between them was the drawing ages ago. The only thing inappropriate in this particular case would be smut (written to arouse an erotic feeling from the reader). You want to elicit romantic feelings here that aren't there.
Otherwise, good chapter as a whole.
| IIAMasterSHenson chapter 11 . 4/16
I think the chapters up to this point have gone very well, and you've covered quite a bit of ground that can seem to become sludgy in the games and some of it pointless.
And even to this chapter, "talk shit, get hit" stays with me haha! Those words are indeed some of the wisest every spoken.
I've always liked Zevran as a character so you can imagine that I am happy to see the story develop if you choose to make use of him.
And to answer Aedan's question as to why he can't attract normal people: because he is't normal! Not by a long shot!
| IIAMasterSHenson chapter 7 . 4/10
I think what's really impressive to me is that you're able to capture Morrigan's personality so well. I can read everything in her voice, even her thoughts that were not necessarily in the game either.
Still hate your warden, but I think I at least respect that he can own up, concede, and apologize (whether to Hawke for Carver or to Morrigan). However, this also makes me predict that he'll be apologizing for much rasher acts down the line. And that is something that'll be interesting to see
| IIAMasterSHenson chapter 6 . 4/3
The emotions are very tangible in this piece of writing especially. Aedan's rage and becoming more or less like a bear or an animal himself shows his resentment over what happened-how he was taken by surprise and made vulnerable and lost everything. It would almost seem as if he's suicidal but there's always that glint that he instead hopes for victory.
I like the switch between him and Morrigan. You got Morrigan's speech patterns perfect. And I like the Chasind interaction.
I would only add that it was a bit confusing going into one mind and the other when the start of the switch wasn't so distinct (ex: going from Aedan to Morrigan and not explicitly writing in Morrigan's own dialect).
| IIAMasterSHenson chapter 5 . 4/3
I always was pissed about not being able to see Fergus (when i did the human noble thing). I thought it was bullshit. T_T
I also like how you introduced Hawke in this game-and stupid fucking Carver. I like Hawke as a character so I hope he gets more cameos from here on out.
Good development. Cousland should still be pissy now, the death of his house and family still fresh in his mind and all that. He's pissier than usual, haha.
| IIAMasterSHenson chapter 4 . 3/29
I think the best stylistic choice from you is your footnotes (or footquotes more so). They are really refreshing and in many ways seem to not only round out and solidify the contents of the chapter but also help build up character. And world.
I think the tone of the chapter (also felt within the game) was captured well here. I like that there was no want to join Grey Wardens initially or even afterward. I like the strong roots that seem to be sown by Aedan to his family, heritage, and ethical upbringing. And my favorite line has honestly got to be that "she prepared to meet her enemies and the Maker." Very nicely worded.
| IIAMasterSHenson chapter 3 . 3/29
I like Aedan's other interests and how they incorporate into the story and backstory. Having the thoughts of others available to you as an omniscient author is what allows Aedan to be known even when he is oversimplifying himself I think. The introduction of a purpose or drive here (a reason to train for battles not yet entered) also gives the story a lot of purpose.
I've never done the Iona storyline so I don't know how much of this comes from the game but I really like that he's an artist. And though it reads less romantic and more like script cutscenes, it doesn't undermine the sincerity of the union too much thankfully.
| IIAMasterSHenson chapter 2 . 3/22
I already hate your Warden but I do actually like the fact that his backstory introduces the Avvar (I feel like they're similar to or a part of the Alamarri, if my lore isn't off, who are really cool). I also LOVE the beserker route [in any game] so I think it's cool you picked that one though it would be expected of a character like yours. I hope this quoting thing keeps on as well. It's a nice closing. Nice fight scene as well.