Reviews for Written in the Stars
TheQueenOfFoxes chapter 18 . 9/10
This is such an amazing story. I remember back when it had only two chapters and I was stuck waiting for more to be put out
BrettVT chapter 4 . 9/4
This is fairly well written and it’s not a bad story, however I feel like it falls into some of the traps most fanfictions are accustomed too. This is more of a personal opinion but I feel like the problem with most crossovers is the beginning. Writers tend to just through people together at the very beginning and force interaction between the universes. This usually leads to a lot of oddly stilted forces dialogue where Harry or whoever immediately meets the new universes main characters and spouts the exposition “I just showed up here becuase of a war, let me tell you my life story so we can be friends”. I always felt that was the worst possible beginning, it leads to the destruction of character development and stops them from learning about each other, and rehashes what everyone already knows “Harry fought Voldemort, then left because of this reason or other”.

I think one way to improve upon this would be to have the protagonist already somewhat assimilated into the new universe. You could have the beginning of the story be a couple of months or a year after Harry showed up. Harry being cautious and learning about his new surrounding, absorbing information through legimency and invisible observation over time cuts out the boring forced exposition. It also allows for more natural interactions and new characters that already have a relation with Harry to seem realistic, at least more so than telling a complete stranger your entire life story/secrets and talking about coming to a new universe like a raving lunatic who would almost certainly be hospitalized if it happened in real life. Also starting later allows for more mystery, less explanations on how harry would be able to speak/use new technology and helps avoid the brooding about the past/being stuck in a new universe phase that a lot of writers spend way too much time on. Just some ideas.
overlord of hell 2012 chapter 18 . 8/10
really enjoyed your story and look forward to reading more
Edav chapter 4 . 6/2
I over all enjoy your writing but my god your inconsistencies in the tense you are using is killing me. Pick one or if you did and just are making errors, proofread it or have someone else doing it. It bums me out that I can't read and enjoy your story because of one fixable, but consistent mistake.
Edav chapter 3 . 6/2
Your changing of past and present tense is killing me, please stop. I don't know why you would use past tense then two words later use present. You used pulled then used grabs. Make it pulled and grabbed or pulls and grabs.
Syk chapter 2 . 5/6
Like everyone else on here you just assumed the name Hadrian and Harry are connected. They are not. They have no relation to one another. This could have been easily verified by a simple google search. Instead you just assumed since everyone was doing it was right. Everyone knew Sirus black was guilty as well. All I need to say.
DeleteThis chapter 18 . 4/29
Delete this story, please. You obviously have 59 more stories than your underdeveloped mind can handle. Even just one might be a bit much for you, so probably just stop writing these until you pass grade school English class. That might bring you up to the average 5 year old's level.
Learntowrite chapter 3 . 4/29
Maybe you should learn to write before you post anything. God, this is hard to read. It's one thing that you don't know basic things five-year-olds are taught, but you can't even spell half the time. Delete this until you're older than what I assume has to be three.
Thoughtthiswasgo chapter 2 . 4/29
Wow, you almost had it. But you're actually too stupid to understand what tense means in a story. Pick one. It's not "he was relieved so he turns.." It's turns or turned. Pick ONE. E. They teach you people this stuff in grade school.
ClaireR89 chapter 18 . 4/18
ClaireR89 chapter 13 . 4/18
For a "relationship" jaina and Harry barely interact. They don't hold hands, kiss, hug they seem very cold
Attrix chapter 18 . 4/18
Still waiting on the next update on this story. Hope it will be in the near future.
dfcole chapter 18 . 3/22
Wonderful story! You are doing an amazing job with this plot. I can hardly wait for more!
ThedemonlordPingu chapter 18 . 2/25
Interesting. Are we going to see any custom ships for the empire? That would be cool.
ElementalMaster16 chapter 18 . 2/24
great chapter! reading this is a lot of fun :)

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