Reviews for Harry Potter and the Babbles of a Poet
LucyLuna chapter 5 . 11/2/2017
"Armed with stolen belongings" makes it sound like these belonging are potential weapons. If that's not something you're trying to go for, perhaps "Ladened with stolen belongings" would be a good change?
"Ron to his win" sounds just a bit funny to me and my ears. I think taking out "his" would be a good idea here.
I thought this one was kind of neat in how it ties back to Ron's in the middle stanza there. The last stanza was my favorite, though. I liked how you paired together the two unlike things (Gurdyroot and Omnioculars) and made it clear despite how crazy it seems, they're together for a reason and you're best off leaving Luna alone or she'll show you why.
(review #9)
LucyLuna chapter 4 . 11/1/2017
"The color of fall" I think should be "The colors of fall". Unlike winter or summer, fall is made of a multitude of hues.
Like I've mentioned before, it would make more sense for the summary to be at the top of the story rather than at the bottom. The rest, of course, can stay where it is because few actually care about that stuff.
Overall, this was fairly sweet. It's got a bit of a star-crossed lovers thing going on since one is a Gryffindor and the other is Slytherin. Of course, it also comes off very one-sided from the Slytherin's perspective (as it should, given the title). It'd be interesting to have a poem from the admired's perspective and see if they notice the other's crush and what they think of it.
(review #8)
LucyLuna chapter 2 . 10/26/2017
"air of loom" do you mean "gloom" here? A loom is something you use to make fabric.
"Then, a music rises above the din" reads a bit funny. I would either take out the "a" or change "music" for "melody".
"alone to decide the fate." I think "the fate" your talking about here is the fate of the game, but I can't be 100% sure. Either way, it sounds incomplete. Maybe "the game's fate" would work better here?
The start of this poem was well-described. I like how you describe him with watering eyes and troubled by the derision he's getting from others. You did well quickly setting him up as a sympathetic figure.
The part with Luna's hat making him feel better and when his teammates smiled at him he was reminded the game's fate wasn't all on his was a nice way to end this poem.
(review #7)
LucyLuna chapter 1 . 10/26/2017
Fair warning, while I like poetry and read it now and again, I don't know enough about it to know how to be deeply critical of it.
"sets out to the darkness" I think would read better as "sets out for the darkness".
"murmurs that echoed in the emptiness" "echoed" appears that it should be "echo" since everything else is in the present tense.
"A whisper of a planned murder" would sound better as "A whisper of a murder planned".
Hmm… So for a good minute, I thought this was some future-fic about Frank Longbottom's death. While I like the title "Frank Dies" and you obviously tagged this story correctly with the character tags, his character is not remembered very well by the majority of the fandom. I think renaming this poem "Frank Bryce Dies" would clue people in right away you're not writing about Neville's dad Frank, but the other Frank incase they misread the character tags or didn't read them at all.
As a whole, I enjoyed this. I like how each stanza slowly builds up to his death. How he sees a light in the house and he's unaware of what he's going to find when he goes to investigate. The bit about hearing things he shouldn't is probably my favorite stanza and then followed by the last one.