|Reviews for The Red Queen|
| ThePhantomScribe chapter 4 . 8/15/2015
Alright, I usually wait until I've caught up with a story to review, but I would like to point stuff out which I'm mildly sure must've been pointed out already.
Firstly and most obviously: Grimm disintegrate post-mortem. I mean, it's so obvious in the show that Grimm disintegrate after death that I'm simply assuming you knew that and must've just chosen to completely ignore it.
Secondly and most unpleasantly: the characters don't sound like themselves. Yang using words like "rather" and "accolades"? Or Pyrrha saying "What the hell"? Or even Blake... well, Blake doesn't say anything before chapter four, so I guess I'll drop the seemingly random inclusion of her character in the group of haters for now. But I guess Blake's character wasn't as developed when this chapter and story was originally posted, and I'm guilty for getting a character wrong as is shown in the show afterward - and thus making he/she seem WAY OOC when anyone reads the story after 2015... or 2014, for that matter - so as a reader/writer, I can let that slide too. The only characters I actually believe so far though are Weiss and Jaune. And maybe Ozpin, though at first glance you seem to overdo the poker face premise but I think it's actually nice that way (just don't do it so often). But I just hope you explain Blake's motives because she just isn't a character who seems like she would be lead by jealousy. Which shows in the fact that until now, your version of Blake is the only member of team RWBY who has never spoken - and it's honestly in the fact that she doesn't fit in that kind of group. Why would she do that to Ruby? What's her reasoning? There isn't, so therefore, you have left her silent. In any case, most characters don't sound like themselves; they sound like you, the author, using the exact same vocabulary you use in your narrative. So watch out for that - make sure the characters have their own voice and not yours.
But despite all of that, which usually would have me turn away from the story, something is drawing me to your story... It could be your artful literary descriptions, or it could be the interesting idea of Grimm being able to nurture the darkness in a human instead of blindly crush it, heart, bones and all. But I think it's Ruby. Your development of Ruby has clearly been thought out, and is making me want more.
So take this criticism, not as from a flamer, but as from someone who thinks this story is showing great potential despite its initial glaring flaws and would like to see those parts improved. Or at least explained. But that's why I don't review until I've caught up with the story, cuz maybe you've explained yourself by now. Or addressed the issue. Cuz 25 chapters in, I'm thinking I'm not the first to notice those two points of improvement.
Anyways, I digress. To end with a positive note, im following the story because Ruby. After all, there's only one thing I like more than Ruby in the show, and that's my lobbying for a Knightshade pairing (JaunexBlake)! And Ruby is a close second in awesomeness! So I'll follow The Red Queen to support Dark!Ruby anyday!
But yeah, fix that stuff.
But also stay positive!
But not with Ruby, I'm digging the negative vibe from her!
And don't pay attention to the bipolar vibe of this review!
...okay I'll stop talking now.
| icecold1039 chapter 2 . 7/20/2015
This is interesting, I don't think I've ever read any of your stories before but I guess I glad its this one that I read because I don't like Jaune, my favorite pairing is ladybug, but I digress I like this fic so far
| scranity chapter 3 . 7/13/2015
Don't Grimm dissolve into smoke when they die instead of leaving a body? But I guess this is AU, so you have some free reign there.
| javegar453 chapter 25 . 7/6/2015
Wow, this story, wow, this is absolutely brilliant, no idea why but i've been listening to this song: watch?vrxaTAFXgykU as i've read this, I am going to read your sequel right now as a matter of fact :)
| Guest chapter 25 . 6/22/2015
Love the story! My only real complaint is Blake trying to kill Ruby.. I just don't get it. She's not a person who would be jealous of Ruby... And attack her. She left the white fang because they weren't fighting for equality, they were getting revenge on humanity. But it seems like she's just like the rest of white fang she denied being with. She's was jealous so she acted on it by taking revenge in Ruby. I usually like Blake because she's a sensible person but my heart broke when I saw her part of the group of murderers. Well.. I'm just glad she's honestly repentant. Still.. I'm hoping Blake will repent with actions in the future. It'd be nice to see how she's doing in your sequel.
I wish Ruby would have killed Weiss, but i guess it's not to be.. I hope in the sequel Ruby will actually do some good and clean up society from corruption and scums.. Like Weiss. If Weiss was willing to kill Ruby out of jealousy then I don't think she's actually gonna treat Faunus better either. She's just the person that everyone thought she was, a bitch.
I'm glad Pyrrha got bitch slapped in the face by Jaune. The bitch deserves it, since she always been famous and praised, always getting what she wanted. The one thing she wants most rejected her.
Good luck on the sequel looking forward to it
| Grimkeeper chapter 25 . 6/6/2015
This is a great story of a fallen hope that I always enjoy reading to fide out how it end. The Red Queen even if she dies well live on.
| Lazy American Person chapter 25 . 6/6/2015
NICE! Kinda wanted to see Jaun slap the eff outa Pyrrah though... But this is a great story! Are you gong to continuue it? Like a sequel? cause you made it possible with that little cliff hanger there
| Guest chapter 24 . 5/18/2015
St Veronika by Billy Talent
This song was just dying to be listened to during this chapter. Reminds me so much about how Ruby's life was going so well and how everything wasn't meant to be, as well as her anger at the world as to why her life had to end up like this.
| biggtedd chapter 10 . 5/8/2015
I liked Blake's perspective showing she's 's one of the things that put me off at the beginning just cause i couldn't see her doing anything like that. Good chapter
| Warrof chapter 25 . 5/7/2015
Hmm, Interesting end there.
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/4/2015
Type your review for this chapter here...
| Fan reader chapter 3 . 4/26/2015
Loving this great story I've been stay up to 12 at night to read as much as I can
| Eramis8 chapter 25 . 4/23/2015
This was a wonderful story! Can't wait for the sequel.
| Guest chapter 25 . 4/23/2015
'The queens reign began'? That sounds amazingly ominous. I can't wait for the sequel!
| Random bogan chapter 25 . 4/23/2015
Proud to say that ive been following this story since chapter 2