Reviews for Heartbreaker
Guest chapter 1 . 9/12/2014
awww...this was so sweet and sad
i sorta feel bad for karin but sasusaku is otp so...
printroom chapter 1 . 8/31/2014
heckyeah-sasusaku-sorato chapter 1 . 8/14/2014
wow, i feel terribly sorry for karin. no matter how much i love sasusaku, this somewhat broke my heart. i love how you gave karin a backbone, instead of making her the typical "i'm going to destroy your life because he has loved you since before he met me" kind of girl, like most authors do. you have given her character, like a character like karin deserves. thank you so much, for how you portrayed karin and for writting this beautiful sasusaku one-shot :)
Tiger Priestess chapter 1 . 8/13/2014
I wonder why Sasuke asked her to marry him if he loved Sakura. Perhaps he thought Sakura wasn't coming back. One-sided SasuKarin is good as long and the ending pairing is SasuSaku.
Wish a Wish chapter 1 . 8/13/2014
Beautiful, beautiful! I love it! :)
eoz chapter 1 . 8/8/2014
my friend calls me eoz okay don't judge
and i hope you know who this is :-)

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY. your characterisation is really good (especially with karin) and idon'tevenknow i just loved the way you described karin's heartbreak, and how she slowly came to terms with it. and it's not in the i'm-so-in-denial-it's-stupid way, you know? like i don't want to shout at her for being stupid and ignorant-she knows she's in denial but she's denying to be in denial, which makes it ever more so depressing. at first, i thought that sakura was in an affair with sasuke, but then sakura didn't seem to know and i finally understood that's why sasuke never loved karin. his heart had already been taken-and i love how you've portrayed that from the start.

ALL IN ALL IT'S BEAUTIFUL (even though i have like zero to no ideas who the characters are-which shows how perfect your writing is! like when i read fanfiction, i read it because i know the characters, and i know how the characters interact with each other in books/real life. but in your fanfiction i don't know how to even pronounce their names, which shows that your writing is pretty amazing because i don't need a back-up story/characterisation to understand it. wow i'm boosting your ego a lot here aha).

Invalid Doctor chapter 1 . 8/6/2014
Very interesting... :) But Karin was supposed to be obsessed with Sasuke no matter what! Not my ship but interesting... P.S. There are no limousines in the world of Naruto.
Sarahmint chapter 1 . 7/14/2014
I liked this.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/13/2014
I ish happy The red haired bitch got her heart broken... Again! Hahahaha! xD
TheGrammarQueen chapter 1 . 7/13/2014
I just read a similar fic. And god, both times - BOTH TIMES - they've broken my heart. I just feel so bad for Karin, even though she's not my favorite character in canon. She just reminds me too much of pre-Timeskip Sakura. Actually, pre-haircut. That's when I started to like her (Sakura).

Aaaaanyways. This was really nice to read. Keep writing stories like this - the FFN Naruto world needs more of them!
skyllu chapter 1 . 7/12/2014

I'm sorry but I have to agree with the precedent reviewer : your story is a patchwork of other ones (especially 'on truths and lies' by the general girl: for example, you begin by "for a long time now, Karin had known that she and sasuke were meant to be" and the general girl begins by "Karin knows she will marry sasuke". Or the moment when Karins thinks that sasuke would not have looked at her cleavage... or worse: you write :"many people thought that her flaming red hair meant she had a quick temper that was to be feared", she writes: "Karin hates passion, detests it despite the fire of her hair and the red of her eyes")

It's a shame though, because your writing style is pleasant.

It's good to write short sentences, but I find your text very dislocated. Try not to detach every sentence from the rest because it lessens its impact, its importance.

I'm sure that with a little bit of training and an improvement of your ideas (try to write YOUR story, not rewrite the others' ones) it'll be very good.
Good luck!
Psychedelic Moonlight chapter 1 . 7/12/2014
It's a very good story, I have to say, first and foremost.

The italics are quite useful in the story, yet sometimes, they are strangely clumped together, and other times, nowhere. Try and not put too many in one place at one time. Or, do something like "It's none of /your/ concern", because there aren't too many italics there.

You also did really well on describing the possessiveness of Karin, but I'm not sure about the lust aspect of it. There are also little words that don't really fit into the story, like "swished". It just sounds somewhat childish, I'm not sure why. Your phrasing is also really good. :)

And don't worry about how long it is. It's more about the content :P
Silent Chorus chapter 1 . 7/11/2014
You should cite inspirations if you referenced them. In this case, some of the phrases in this story sound like the general girl's, from On Truth and Lies, and hands that hold, iMissa's from Breathing Slowly, and Neon Genesis's from Harm's Way. Your vocabulary and sentence structure falters at times when you write without using phrasing from them. The plot of your story seems like a patchwork of plots pieced together from them.
q-e17 chapter 1 . 7/7/2014
Amazing story!
ILoveSxS chapter 1 . 7/7/2014
I feel bad for her
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