|Reviews for Harry Potter and the Riders of the Apocalypse|
| alix33 chapter 36 . 7/27/2017
“twenty seven Chimeras”, not “twenty seven Chimera”.
“by Right of Conquest”, not “Rite of conquest”.
Godric Gryffindor’s study is ginormous, if its dimensions are 27 by 29 steps.
“future-proofing” should be hyphenated.
Mrs. Norris’ name needs an extra R.
“mortified by”, not “mortified of”.
| alix33 chapter 35 . 7/27/2017
“making it cling to”, not “clinging it to”.
“backhanding” should be one word.
As should “widespread”.
“I can see your point”, not “I can your point”.
“grab a hold of”, not “grab ahold of”.
“could have just gone down”, not “could have just went down”.
| alix33 chapter 34 . 7/26/2017
“Free will” should be two words.
I'm glad Hannah has accepted her role as Pestilence. That she wants to share this and the knowledge she might gain in her role-related studies with Susan still bothers me a fir bit, as it probably does Harry/Death.
| alix33 chapter 33 . 7/26/2017
Andromeda would be a legal aide” or “legal representative”, not a “legal aid”.
“never-ending” should be hyphenated.
As should fine-tuning”.
Harry’s notes and questions on the textbooks of the other subjects sound ace.
“plague carriers”, not “plague carries”.
| alix33 chapter 32 . 7/26/2017
Yay! for Harry throwing the letter from Dumbles into the fire. I totally agree with his reasons for doing so too.
Hey there, Luna.
I’m chuffed beyond measure that Luna is Death’s Seer.
Yay! for Astoria being in Ravenclaw.
I’m glad that Harry won’t be trusting Remus Lupin at all, it seems, even though Lupin will be using the Shrieking Shack during full moons.
| alix33 chapter 31 . 7/26/2017
“courtroom” should be one word.
“strong-arm” should be hyphenated.
“meltdown” should be one word.
| alix33 chapter 29 . 7/26/2017
I LOVE it that Harry is doing a mundane summer school.
And Sirius couldn’t talk to Harry first, about what Harry could tell him of the battle against Mephistopheles?!
This version of Sirius, so far up Dumbles, arse, is odious.
Yay! for Harry giving Kreacher permission to get Mundungus Fletcher but good each time he tried thieving.
I liked Harry’s rant at Amelia Bones about how he’d lose all respect for her if she’d try to hold him prisoner too, like all members of the Order of the Phoenix a whole lot.
| alix33 chapter 28 . 7/25/2017
Yay! for the prospect of Harry returning the Philosopher’s Stone to Nicolas Flamel.
I like the mental pic I get each time of the acid green flames that surround Despair on takeoff loads.
I’m SO relieved they (Dust, Despair and Harry) exited the realm of the hekatonkheires unscathed.
I’m very interested in what kind of exercises are on that exercise routine pamphlet healer Demonbreun handed Harry.
Wow, at that trunk full of alchemy books and journals that Harry asked for and received from the Flamels in lieu of the enormous amount of gold they first intended giving him.
| alix33 chapter 27 . 7/25/2017
I’m sad that Harry being Death (and thus on occasion having to practice necromancy) is seen by prof. Flitwick too as practicing Dark Arts.
“stockpile” should be one word.
AW! at Millie being so worried about Harry.
I think it’s sweet, the way Harry collected the floo addresses – and in Hermione’s case, just her non-magical address – of all those he considers his friends.
I already envy Harry his living in whatever he will eventually rename The Shrieking Shack, and he's not even started living there properly yet.
| alix33 chapter 26 . 7/25/2017
I LOVE it that that Ravenclaw fifth year questioned Dumbles openly.
Godric gryffindor's office sounds liek a fantastic place.
“prejudiced fool”, not “prejudice fool”.
“was not prejudiced against”, rather than “was not prejudice against”.
Where did Salazar Slytherin go with Amadeus, the sorting hat?
But what Dumbles considers dark is vastly different than what Harry, even in the part of him that is the Pale Rider, would consider dark.
| Simianpower chapter 1 . 7/25/2017
You need to show, not tell. Saying how "powerful" Harry's 11-year-old stride is THREE times in two lines doesn't actually convey anything. It just says he's full of himself.
So far this is incredibly corny. Totally OOC with no reason given. Harry is athletic, has an "Aura", is confident, has the Dursleys under his thumb... all because he got a talking familiar. He can sense horcruxes. He throws money around like water. And the money thing is ridiculous. 10 Galleons a week plus two for each meal. So... that's about 1.5 galleons to stay a night at a hotel (say, $100), and 2 galleons for breakfast. Your scale is TOTALLY off, even worse than JKR's.
Based on this chapter alone, I won't continue this story. It might get better. It might get a LOT better. But the intro is what is supposed to draw a reader in, and I find this chapter to be awful in so many ways. Moving on.
| alix33 chapter 25 . 7/24/2017
I LOVED Adrian’s conversation there with Harry.
Hey there, Despair! Welcome to the party!
| alix33 chapter 24 . 7/24/2017
Yay! for yet one more mistake of his being revealed to Dumbles, even if it is at a hugely inopportune time.
AW! I’m sad Adrian burnt to ashes. Harry could really have done with getting to know a relative.
| alix33 chapter 23 . 7/24/2017
I like Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor’s attitude towards Adrian Potter. It doesn’t seem to bother them one bit that he is a squib.
| DustBunnyQueen chapter 9 . 7/23/2017
Great chapter! I love how you changed some things around and kept others the same. Almost every fanfic I've ever read still has Dumbledore going BSOD (blue screen of death) and sending the kids out into the halls with the troll. The same with why Hermione is crying in the girls' bathroom. I like how you kept the essence the same, but changed the circumstances...if that makes any sense.
Wonderful job and I can't wait to get caught up on the rest of this story.