|Reviews for The Spectre and the Doorman|
| Palaven Blues chapter 1 . 8/6/2014
Okay, OUCH on Ash being in such a soul-crushing place for her, even temporarily.
okay, that;s really cute of Bailey, threatening to snitch so she'll get her rest.
"she quickly found" -I think I'd like some more emotion shown in this exchange. It's nice, but you could deepen reader involvement here.
Not sure why you chose to put "checked him out" all in italics. It read a little oddly.
Love the metaphor of the Citadel being an organism, infected by criminals. And it sounds very Bailey-like, as well.
Snow White? But ... but the pumpkin thing was from Cinderella? Is this deliberate?
If ellipses end a sentence, there should be a period after.
Oh, the dog-tags. I am not even slightly surprised. I love Ash sometimes.
If you're in italics, you should de-italicize for emphasis, not bold.
That's, uhh ... that's quite the mission, Ash XD
Huh, Ash really does seem to be suggested long-term already. I'd tone that down a bit, I think.
Overall, this is a really good story. I totally buy it. I'd actually like to see more of this. I have the feeling that Bailey might be clumsily romantic, once he thinks this has possibilities. Either way, this story is fantastic. Very nicely done.
| FasterGhost chapter 1 . 7/21/2014
Ashley and Bailey are an interesting pairing... they can relate on many levels and yet are different just enough for it to work...
Very nice :-)
| cvlts chapter 1 . 7/20/2014
Wow. You took two characters that I would've nevrr guessed and matched them perfectly. Because of this, I'm oddly conflicted as to whether I agree with it or not but the fact that I'm questioning myself is probably more of a testament to how great of a writer and storyteller you are. Bravo.
| hochrami chapter 1 . 7/20/2014
You're not the first I've seen to put Ash and Bailey together. I think it's a good pairing, and you wrote it well. Another impressive piece of work.
| thebluninja chapter 1 . 7/20/2014
Well, of everyone who's written so far, I think you're the only one who's put in actual sexytimes. (Then again, I don't think anyone would want to read actual Shep/Mako pr0n). It's excellently written, whether it fits with Memoirs doesn't really matter (unless this is going to be a plot point somewhere later on), and it feels so naturally that I wouldn't count it as a crack pairing at all.
| cdghuntermco chapter 1 . 7/20/2014
Huh. Definitely not the first pair I would have thought of. But I like it. Ash and Bailey are written true to their characters, the story flows well, and overall just a very good read. Good job!
| Bhoddisatva chapter 1 . 7/20/2014
No matter how you cut it I am always going to see Saul Tigh, drunk and ornery, playing at being Bailey. Poor Ashley! :)
Still its an interesting choice even if my heart isn't quite in it. I enjoyed seeing the two of them talking and living an ordinary life in the middle of a crisis. Good story.
| Janizary chapter 1 . 7/20/2014
Well, if you're going to get shot the next day, that's a good way to lead in. ;)
| Eterna1Soldier chapter 1 . 7/20/2014
Ash and Bailey; it's a good match.
This is a nice exposé into Bailey's personal life and background. I've always liked Bailey. To me he seemed like the lone realist surrounded by naive idealists. He's definitely one of the more interesting NPC's of the franchise.
| Quathis chapter 1 . 7/20/2014
Interesting look at how Ash and Bailey hooked up. Seem good for eachother. Until next time.
| The Urban Spaceman chapter 1 . 7/20/2014
Nicely done! I thought an Ash/Bailey crack might be a tad creepy because of the age difference but you write them both really well, and Bailey is one of my favourite characters, so I was willing to suspend belief to see how it worked out.
Good pacing and tempo throughout the story, and I enjoyed the background info you developed, instead of making it all about sex.
G'luck in the contest!