|Reviews for The Reunion|
| Monica Jasmine chapter 1 . 4/24/2016
This wasn't a bad little story, and it is likely that Luke would choose an animal-related occupation once grown, taking his talents into account. I have to say though, considering that the characters hadn't seen each other in years, I would've thought their meeting after so long would've been a bit more sentimental. And I do think your writing, although promising, could improve by showing more of the subtle changes in the character's emotions... like instead of saying: "The professor said." you could say "The professor said, smiling.". And instead of: "The professor responded." you could say "The professor responded cheerfully."
Like I said this story wasn't bad, but there is room for some polishing here and there to make things flow a bit better. Here are some of my suggestions:
"Oh, Luke! Please come inside!" The professor exclaimed. He hadn't realised Luke was coming to visit him. As they were sitting down at the table, Luke began to speak. -—- They haven't seen each other in years. I doubt Luke would say absolutely nothing, not even 'Hello' until seated.
Layton immediately noticed a slight change in Luke's attire. He wore a darker blue messenger hat, a matching coloured blue, unbuttoned over coat with a white shirt underneath, a dark greyish-—-blue pair of trousers and a tie that was the same colour as his pants. -—- Why is it that Layton 'immediately' noticed all this AFTER Luke had come in and sat down? Shouldn't this description have been earlier, as soon as the professor opened the door and saw Luke?
After they had finished their tea, the two men started talking again. -—- They haven't seen each other in years. I think they would talk 'while' they were having their tea.
"I didn't realise you were coming over," Layton asked Luke. -—- That wasn't a question. He 'said' that. He didn't 'ask' that.
Dr Triton -—- should be written -—- Dr. Triton
I don't think the professor would say 'wow'. I just don't think it's the kind of word he would say. He tends to go something more along the lines of: "oh.. my", doesn't he?
"He clearly hasn't lost his touch." Layton thought to himself. -—- If he was thinking this then why is it illustrated as if spoken? If you had meant to say that he said it under his breath to himself, then I think you could've stated it a little more clearly.
"A gentleman always has a place for his guests to stay." -—- Um... if you didn't have a place to stay, you couldn't have guests. It's kind of an obvious fact, not something strictly gentlemanly that needs to be coined in a catchphrase for the sake of remembering it.
"A true gentleman must always make the finest tea." -—- Why? Is he saying that if a person doesn't make great tea they can't be a gentleman?
I don't think Luke would call the professor: Hershel even when he got older. You wouldn't call your dad by his first name once you grew up, and likewise I don't think Luke would start calling his teacher by his first name, even after Luke had grown up and graduated. Professor is just fine.
I hope you don't take any of this negatively, as this is meant to be 'constructive' criticism. Thank you for the story, and I hope you have a lovely day. :)
| KilljoyPhandom chapter 1 . 7/20/2014
That last part.. I'm not crying.. *sniff*
| GoldGriffin chapter 1 . 7/20/2014
Nice story! I was actually glad to see there was no romance between Luke and Layton, because I don't ship them. Also, I really like Luke's choice of profession; I really could see him becoming an animal worker. That was well thought out. :)
My one real suggestion would be to add some drama to it. They haven't seen each other in over five years! Luke was practically his son! I'd think there would have been some tears, or at least a tender reunion. The way you wrote it makes it seem a little like they weren't really missing each other all that much, and we all know they both care dearly for each other (not in a romantic way, though). That's just a suggestion. Also, Layton says "gentleman" a lot. But now I'm nitpicking.
I enjoyed it a lot! Keep writing! :D