|Reviews for Her Prophecy|
| kiltcladdedreader chapter 14 . 6/4/2016
Just wanted to correct when Alice says
'Since this started I have been reciting the Chinese alphabet backwards.'
Chinese both simplified and traditional doesn't have an alphabet and instead uses different characters and compounds to mean different thing.
| MySexySpongebob chapter 26 . 5/6/2016
You said before that Bella now had vampire strength, speed and skin. But now you said that she wasn't strong enough to pick up Emment with her hands... I'm confused.
| BelMayer chapter 12 . 8/23/2015
Ok. So Esme and Carlisle feel like Bella is a daughter to them. And Rosalie is also very attached to her. What kind of people have so strong feelings about a person and do not even try to get in touch with her in 12 years or were concern if she would survive living with the Volturi. They didn't even fought for her (verbally speaking) 12 years ago.
And Aro, when he speaks with Carlisle 12 years after their last encounter, doesn't even wait for Carlisle to ask about Bella. No, he starts telling him detail after detail of her life. He should know better than anyone that a person should be careful about their secrets, in this case, Bella's.
| BelMayer chapter 11 . 8/23/2015
Ok. One more observation. So Jessica says that Edward doesn't date, not that she cares about it but then right after that she says she tried to get him to date her but failed. I don't think that someone, who is prideful enough to say that she doesn't care if Edward does or doesn't date, lets slip right away that she tried to date him and failed. I now that she is the queen gossip but no one likes to spread bad gossip about themselves. Someone such as Jessica would be super sensitive about gossip and try to dissimulate any wrongdoing (even if that wasn't very successful) so it would not pass a bad image of her.
| BelMayer chapter 10 . 8/23/2015
Hi! Nice story.
I just want to point some things about the story:
- In the beginning, you told us that Bella is more advanced than a 5 year old. However it is biologically very very difficult for a 5 year old speak like than, even more advanced ones. Specially if their cognitive behavior and thought process is a little more advanced than a child but they still are childlike. She is not as advanced as you may want to make us believe.
- If Edward react so violently the first time he smelled Bella, even from a distance as he was outside the house, shouldn't he had a more violent reaction now that he encounters her again, after 12 years? Even if you say that he got used to it before, after 12 years he is not used to it anymore.
- How can Esme have stocked Bella's wardrobe? Or she did it 12 years ago even knowing that Bella wasn't going to live there immediately and Bella has to give away the clothes now or she did it now which doesn't make sense because the note was written 12 years ago and Alice only just had the vision about Bella, so they wouldn't have time.
- Alice went to get Bella's teddy bear which, after 12 years, shouldn't have her scent, even with vampires senses (you even say in the story that Bella's scent started to disappear from the Cullen's house after a while).
- If Edward wanted to know who was the owner of the vanquish, he should have tried to read the owner's mind first (being confused after he realized he couldn't) and then started to search the other minds around the car to try to vislumbre the owner. Also, as a vampire, with superior intellect, he could deduce that no one in Forks has the money for a car like that and could have heard from the school employees that they would have a new student arriving that day. (In addition, Edward could have realized he couldn't hear Bella's mind in the beginning, when she was 5, because vampires use all they senses to hunt, so Edward should have used his mind reading to locate his prey.)
You are free to do as you please with your story, obviously. These are just some observations that could help you write your story.
Thanks for your imagination,
| Cindy chapter 29 . 3/14/2015
I really liked this story. It's a bit heavy with the cursing (it kind of took away from the conversations a bit/it was hard to take people seriously when if they're trying to say something important, they kept cursing like they were angry and immature) you know, like it just took away from the characters a bit too much.
Your writing can still improve and has really good potential. Maybe try and tie up your story lines a little (i.e. something wasn't consistent in the story or a character just suddenly and randomly changed (with Felix, it made sense that he changed but with how long you spent making him a good guy, it felt really strange and unreasonable how quickly he changed to evil, like someone snapping their fingers and he's suddenly evil. You showed that he still cared for Bella and was misguided, but even a little blurb from Felix's POV would have made it easier to understand just how deeply he was hurt/why he changed))
Anyway, great concept. Keep writing :)
| bboops18 chapter 29 . 2/18/2015
wow brill story
| bboops18 chapter 23 . 2/18/2015
wow i like chris
| bboops18 chapter 16 . 2/18/2015
| bboops18 chapter 12 . 2/17/2015
i love Carlisle hes great
| bboops18 chapter 9 . 2/17/2015
cool chap enjoyed billys and bellas argument
| bboops18 chapter 7 . 2/17/2015
| bboops18 chapter 6 . 2/17/2015
brill chap sorry but if i like a chap i say brill it my thing hope it dosent get to annoying
| bboops18 chapter 5 . 2/17/2015
i rally love this story
| bboops18 chapter 4 . 2/17/2015
love aro brill hee