|Reviews for The Horsewomen|
| one.who.reads chapter 1 . 3/14
I like the concept, but you have several technical issues that precluded me from reading the whole thing. Why in God's name do you capitalize every third word? Also, sentence fragments are a problem for you. There is probably more, but I can't give constructive criticism on something I won't read.
| ShadowCub chapter 1 . 10/30/2014
You like Worm? FUCKING AWESOME!
| Zaralann chapter 1 . 10/7/2014
| Lord Sigfry chapter 1 . 9/30/2014
Beta need ASAP before continuing.
| Dur'id the Druid chapter 1 . 9/23/2014
Meh, not bad, but not good either. Also you have a Big Problem with the simple ACT of Capitalization. :D
| KingOuma chapter 1 . 8/31/2014
While I like this idea of yours, i have to say a few things. One, you have blocks, blocks of paragraphs that can make some find it... , you had everything too fast paced, there wasn't any moment of peace, not many moments were she thought clearly or at least with more than HATE!ANGER!KILL!HURT! and Three, there wasn't a correct sense of time going by. By that I mean, you had her from the hospital, to the shipyard, to the bathroom, to her first night out(which by the way didnt happen in the first night) and then to Armsmater and Piggot talking just afterwards with little to be felt there. it was just talking and there was nothing to be felt about how each really thought in the situation.
Otherwise, i like it!
| HellKing666 chapter 1 . 8/30/2014
Alright, interesting concept, I'll follow this and see where it goes later.
| Edale chapter 1 . 8/29/2014
Interesting story, can't wait to see where you take this. I do have one issue with it though (don't worry, constructive criticism ahead, no flames from me...today at least, lol).
I'm familiar with the writing style you are attempting here, where you capitalize words mid-sentence as a form of emphasis (can't remember the name of the writing style of the life of me though), and you're doing it wrong.
To start with, typically this writing style is used in a first-person narrative, and is only used when inside the subject's (in this case Taylor) mind. MOST of your fic is written in this way, but not all of it (the interlude, for example, is in 3rd person). Use of this technique in parts is a literary style, use in the entire fic is just bad grammar.
It's rarer, however still permissible, to use the same capitalization technique when the subject is speaking; however, it is NOT appropriate to use when a character besides the subject is speaking (for example, the Undersiders, after the Lung fight, should not have had their speech capitalized, though since the meeting is Taylor POV, her thoughts of the Undersiders reactions and such can still be capitalized).
Finally, you overuse it, capitalizing things that should be, and missing ones that should.
I charged and Attempted to Cut off his arm. The Hatchet got buried into his arm to the point of hanging on by a small rope of flesh. The Horseman had no such problems as he cleaved his Weapon, Which infact was a Sword, and he had a hatchet on his side, The arm though came right off with ease.
I charged and attempted to Cut Off his arm. The Hatchet got buried into his arm, to the point of hanging on by a small rope of flesh. The Horseman had no such problems as he Cleaved the other arm with his Weapon, which was in fact a Sword, his Hatchet strapped to his side; The arm came off with ease.
OK...maybe more grammar edits in than capitalization in that chunk, but they're there too. (you use a weapon to cleave an item, you don't cleave with a weapon [correct: "I used my axe to cleave some wood."; Incorrect: "I cleaved with my axe, the wood cut easily."])
Just keep in mind, the most common use of this technique is to emphasize words that go against socially accepted norms, and emphasize the way in which a character is twisted/distorted/insane/different/ect. or point out ways a person is acting out of character from themselves (such as when under mind control).
Also, capitalize the Hatchet, or any of Taylor/Headless's weapons any time Taylor thinks/talks about them (lower-case when others talk about them). You mostly do this, but a few lower-case ones are mixed in.
| KingHoborg chapter 1 . 8/29/2014
So many capital letters