|Reviews for Ayoyama's diary|
| test test chapter 1 . 2/15/2015
Maybe I woke up without my brain today… but I actually do not know what that story is about. But here is my guess... it is about a girl that is writing her confession to a diary cause she can’t get the courage to confess in person. The angst and conflicted stuff I don’t really get.
Your long run on sentences are cleaver. If this were an essay you’d be dinged but since this is a story, rules can be broken in order to create a specific flow that will be used to guide the reader.
I like how you used the analogy of gravity to show how there is weight on her that she can’t seem to get off. It must be the weight of her pending confession. She must be so scared of confessing that she would rather say thank you than say I love you.
This story certainly has potential. If my interpretation above is correct then the next logical stop would be for her to meet someone that can mentor her and get her to go from “thank you” to “I love you” kind of like ruri (the black haired girl from nisekoi with the glasses).
I like how the mummblings that she put in her diary are somewhat incoherent. I dunno about you, but when I speak to myself I speak in a different dialect. A dialect that basically only I understand and have to translate when I speak to normal people. So It is fitting that this lady is writing in her own self speak rather than in a perfect normal speak that every one else would hear from her. So If you can extend this story I think having that contrast between how she talks to people and how she talks to her self can add character to this character that can make her quirky and unique.
I hope this review was helpful. I might have to read it again to actually “get” it.
- review by NWNL
| Utaka.Izumi chapter 1 . 12/10/2014
By 'mata ashita' do u mean kaname madoka's them song 'mata ashita' (aka see you tomorrow) in puella magi?