Your not very subtle are you?

I nearly bust a gut as I put the pieces together for Shepard.

Red hair, monstrous vitality, unreal chakra capacity... an in the next chapter... food.

I can see the writing on the wall and it's painted neon pink. I think it's utterly hilarious.

Wassup,

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I'll be honest, i like xo oc fanfics, but not when one bleeds into the other too much, i like it when the oc uses the power system from a certain series to help during the story. But it irks me when you start aplying those powers to the main cast. I think it tips the scale too much, and makes the story unbalanced. In this case it's preventing me from being interested in the rest of the story because now everyone can learn the bs that is chakra. I think it would've been more interesting to limit it to the OC because of his eyes and Merlins teachings, i think that would have been a satisfying limit to the powers.

Really enjoyed the beginning of the chapter. How Mathew Price, in a very practical and rational scene, went over his tools about how to do the mission. How he looked at his dagger, sword, and pistol to help better understand what tools he will use to attack the compound. Your attention to detail with him listing out each weapon and how they were made and work was great.

Their were a few grammar errors throughout the chapter but not too bad.

Like the little detail of Mathew’s eyes slightly glowing in the dark. In the Naruto anime, think it was a light glow but was still there.

Great job on Avreus the Turian’s character as well. I really do feel like he is a real character who is torn from just observing this strange young man and being by his side as he goes into danger. Might even be a bit of that Turian military legacy in him that you do not let your team go on without you. Also him and Valak’s trip to the town bar to get everyone together was also great and surprisingly did not feel half-assed. Completely believed Valak has a close connection with the town and the town would have some people who know how to fight or at least have weapons.

Zero/Mathew’s attack on the compound has divided me. On one hand, was great to see just how powerful Jutsus can be. Able to rip open metallic doors and the outer walls of the compound with just hand signs really helped show just how powerful these jutsu abilities are. On the other hand, was not impressed by how Zero took out the Bartarians. Breaking open the front door and spotting the Bartarians all armed with rifles, I was expecting him to get clever on how to get past the guns the pirates had. Nope, he just rushes forward with ninja speed to kill them in melee. How cool would it have been to put everyone in a genjutsu that in the panic and dust, no one notices how their target just stands still or the dust is moving in weird angles around them before they are violently cut in half. Would have also helped if Zero had a shield generator for combat. Enough of a shield to take a few hits to close the distance to close range.

Draksha is a curious case. Just like the compound attack, see both good and bad in his appearance in the chapter. On the positives, really like how this shows Zero/Mathew’s strange powers. How he really can communicate with animals on a level no other human can match. And how Draksha is able to get a translator and talk to the group that goes looking for Zero. How he does not recognize the difference between the four eyes who imprisoned him and the people in the colony. On the other hand, did not like how he has a name. Always thought Vorcha in ME were on the intelligence of dogs. They could be given a name and remember it but thought Vorcha on their own are too primal for such things.

Did love Balarek’s line to Zero, “Your farther? Do you have any idea conception of just how many fathers I’ve killed boy?” Love how cold that line is. This is a pirate who has killed and stolen goods for years. No sadness or empathy in his statement, just curiosity on why all his men are dead. I actually kind of admire how calm he is despite all his men being dead.

The fight between Mathew Price/Zero and Tohring the Bartarian felt a bit too anime for me.

I really liked the resolve of the chapter. How Balarek proved how spiteful he can be with blowing up one of the towers in the town. With Zero too exhausted and hurt to continue the fight and collapsing onto the ground. And the townsfolk showing up to help get Zero fixed up. Showing how Zero really did need help in the end.

Did like how powerful the shadow clones were in the fights. How Mathew, instead of fighting Tohring head on as he was driven by rage, started thinking about how to take down his opponent after his main target was no longer giving him tunnel vision. Is amazing just how powerful shadow clones can be in this story.

About you’re AN, sorry to hear about your cat dying. That is never fun to deal with. And do agree with your statement of not making the main character wish fufillment. I still remember the time Mathew Price got beat up on the playground and had to be bailed out by a little girl called Jane Shepard and do regret complaining about it. That scene helped show that while the Rinnegan eyes are powerful, Mathew still has a human body.

Do have a suggestion for Mathew if he continues to be a fighter. Give him a shield. Does not have to be good but just strong enough to block stray rounds as he needs protection if he is to close the distance to his opponents. And during his fight, use Almighty Pull to get enemies firing behind cover to take them out. This can help show that even with all of Mathew’s powers, simple cover is still effective both for himself and for his enemies.

thanks for the chapter

This chapter is a fun, satisfying read. That’s what matters. You have my sympathies for your cat, I bet he was a sweetie.

You have my utmost respect for continuing writing this. Great chapter

Holy dang! This was intense and absolutely insane! Loved the immense chaos and destruction along with how despite all his power, Matthew/Zero has come to the harsh fact that even with all his power, he’s far from invincible and all of his choices have consequences. As seen here…

I like this story and hope it will get completed.

It's nice to see you come back with another chapter for this fic. Hope to see more come from you.

update plz

Lmao, even with chakra a little girl is still better than him in fight against 5 years old at that lol

Just read all the story. And I can't wait for the next chapter

I think continuing to include the ROBs is an obviously poor choice for this story. It outright harms the story by addimg characters that have nonother use than a forced author plot device and takes away the mcs agency in his own story. It would've been simpler, easier, and much more effective to have him learn to fight either on his own or through an actual character in the story.

"ay dios mio! Is it supposed to be that large at birth"

This outright made me want to quit reading just for a stupid joke that didnt land. There was no setup, no reason, no anything. Just a punchline that broke the tension and almost my want to read this story.

Usually when i see something like this it is nothing other than a prelude to the author beating off on a page. If you never hear from me again, you can assume thisbwas the case for this story.