Keep this up! :)

These last two chapters were nicely written.

Things are getting heated up! You did a good job on the chapter.

This was a good chapter.

Despite not having not seeing Ray or the others this chapter was good.

This was great! I really enjoyed reading the chapter!

SNAP! That was insane! I seriously thought Ray would die, without a doubt. But he's alive, and Athena is back to normal! Woohoo!

Can't wait for the update.

Wow. Just wow. You actually made me wish PADW was real. Or, failing that (which, of course, is doomed to happen since this is fiction, that there was a PAD MMORPG. Following, probably favoriting too.

The AI is in control?! it's like iRobot.

I like the tamadra duo.

I've read this entire story in one go because i love PAD and i most definitely find your work awesome!
I especially like how you gave them different but believable characterizations without going overboard (same as how you describe the environment). Siegfried and Cu Chu's relationship is fantastic ;)

This latest chapter took me by surprise, i did not expect HER to be the boss, although a Mythical dungeon that starts with Gigas should have rung a bell...

Just a warning: beware of creating too many mysterious plots and twists running at the same time, because after a while they become hard to keep track of.

Hello, fandom-blind disclaimers apply first and foremost (though I know how to use Google, so if I find myself lost, have faith that I at least attempted some basic research). I am here because I tagged you in review tag over at Reviews Lounge, Too, so on with the review.

Well, this was certainly interesting. I like the lead in with the letter and the person reading it, I’m assuming by his comment ((“…even in death, you still get in my way.”)) that this person is one of the antagonists of your story. Though the letter itself was a bit advanced and technical, as well as a little rambling/confusing, I think that was the point, so I can’t really get too uppity about it. :L) And it did serve the purpose of making us wonder who this letter was written to, and if they ever got the chance to read it before ‘mystery bad guy’ got his copy.

If I have one complaint it is with the date/time/location styling that starts both of the scenes in this chapter. I know that a lot of people use some sort of date system in their stories, but I’ve always found it distracting and a little too reminiscent of video games – which, I’ve been told, is sometimes the point.

Pandora sure is lucky her friend showed up when she did. I don’t know a lot about this game, but generally speaking in the fantasy genre, when one uses their magic it becomes depleted, so I imagine she did not have a lot of energy/mana/magic left to be able to take on big, bad Satan. I appreciated the description of him, by the way.

I think what I like best about your characters in this scene is that they’re willing to call it like it is, in that sort of humorous omniscient way that is reminiscent of ‘Robin Hood: Men in Tights’. ((Why is it you dark, evil guys always attempt to entice your victims with mercy, when clearly we can dismiss such a notion… but it does buy me some time.)) I laughed at that line in particular because of how absolutely true it is.

I also appreciated how their battle is not important enough for them to ignore the white light turned sphere that they all seemed to notice. ((“The Players are almost here.”)) I wonder at the significance of this line, that these people (these creatures?) should be so aware of the fact that they are in a game to be played that they are concerned about the arrival of its ‘players’.

So, my overall impressions are good. I didn’t spot any glaring SPaG or pacing issues (and the glaring ones are pretty much the only ones I notice), and other than the one style thing that comes down to personal preference, I was pleasantly surprised with this chapter.

Thanks for an interesting peek into the world of Puzzles and Dragons. Ckorkows

Hey. It's my first time to review something from this game, but I'm only familiar with the release of the game years ago and whatnot. Bear with me if I make any mistakes. Thanks.

Reading up on the first few paragraphs of the chapter, I can't help but think that it reminds me of Sword Art Online in terms of how the story begins. Everything from the possible presence of player killers to the worrisome apprehension on how things are going to go is one risk of doing a VR-type MMORPG type game in a possible future if our current level of technology should reach it.

The ending of the chapter is not bad, but it does highlight the potential risk of having unwanted players into an MMORPG that should have checked on its safeguards and on keeping things quiet in the levels of a corporate-based coverup. Makes a good sequel hook.

My gripe would be that it's really too short. Otherwise, the chapter seems to get the story off to a start. If and when I have a chance to look at this, I'll review it again in the near future. Good luck to the story.

So no oc I'm guessing? I wanted to enter my
Favorite oc it's a villain oc or my favorite hero oc they're both male
And young as in 12 or 13