|Reviews for Riddled|
| nemesisswan chapter 7 . 9/29/2014
I'm not fond of Hermione being included into this kind of plot. But it is your story so I can only hope you know what you are doing so I'm leaving it in your hands.
Considering Harriet had someone to lead her I think it would be safe to mention she and Pansy were the first ones to reach the far away class while everyone else would take some reasonable time to find it. ;) Well, you kind of did when mentioning that others came after them so I don;t know why do I waste mine and yours time writing this. ;)
I think McGonagall should be quite angry after learning Harriet has no idea how her parents looked like.
Was there sth for Draco to blush about? I mean, what Harriet said should have made me nod and then start to complain the earnest, not get embarrassed.
Snape was probably way too honest with her. He shouldn't have said this much about his nemesis to a small child he knows nothing about and just despises without a reason and he also should be controlled enough to keep his feelings inside - meaning this flash of pain Harriet could see on his face for a brief moment. He acted kinda not-Snape-like.
Now, if Harriet's sorting should be considered a small bomb being thrown then an information than there is a very close relative of the most powerful, scariest Dark Lord around there somewhere, should have power of a nuclear bomb.
A threat of a ridiculously handsome boy to lay on a girl if she doesn't listen to him. Probably for the first time in my life I am actually jealous about someone's punishment.
She brushed her "teach"? ;) Sounds funny.
| Cairsta chapter 10 . 9/29/2014
Like the twist u made with the diary never seen it done like this and like it alot!
| nemesisswan chapter 6 . 9/29/2014
I forgot to mention about this (this happens a lot, doesn't it...) but I'm tremendously relieved after reading that Harriet is not going to forgive Dursleys and is just waiting till she is older to dish out her revenge. I don't want to experience a canon-like good, little puppet of Dumbledore.
Another good idea on your part when it comes to Tom's way to wake her up. :)
I can't see it happen for an 11-years-old to "run" with a trunk downstairs. Unless you count her falling down the stairs with her luggage. ;) Maybe sth like "she hurried down" would be better. I remember from the first movies that this trunk was huge and undoubtedly heavy. Can you imagine yourself running with it now? Because I sure as hell can't imagine me. And this is a little kid we are talking about here. ;)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm sorry but I can't help myself. You've made me roar in laughter for the first time. This part with a taxi driver and "Here is 50 pounds. Make it happen." was so simple and in it's simplicity brilliant I found it hilarious. And I have no sense of humour so it's even more surprising it worked on me to this extent. ;)
Neville and confident facade? You sure we're talking about the same Neville here? This one who had almost ended up in the lake in the canon?
You forgot about this part where they are all waiting for McGonagall to come back, when ghosts enters and when Draco approached in the canon. Btw. how come there was no Draco on the train? He should have at least visited while searching for "Boy" Who Lived.
You forgot about describing the reactions of the whole school when she was sorted. I'm sure a Boy-turned-into-Girl-Who-Lived sorted in Slytherin can be compared to a small bomb detonated in the Great Hall.
This scene with Daphne was unnecessary or at the very least you should have chosen about girl because I can't see Greengrass throwing around words only Pansy in their room would use. And let's not forget she was supposed to be friends with Tracey.
The idea how to cover up Tom's existence is kind of... smart. No. Really. It is really smart. I wasn't thinking about possibilities like that but you must have and it really may work.
She was sliding down to reach Great Hall while the said hall is above Slytherin common room. How is it possible?
Breakfasts at Hogwart starts at six o'clock? Becaise it was around this time when she had reached Great Hall.
As far I as I remember if was always a Head of the House who was giving students their schedule. And wasn't Harry and others making some potion on their first lesson in the canon?
I'm becoming quite sure you will wish me a slow, painful death if you read one more of my "but in the canon"...
From all - movies, books and a game - I know Slytherin Common Room is far away from the classroom while the class itself is near the Great Hall. :(
Also good idea with this "open" in parseltongue.
| green aura chapter 10 . 9/29/2014
To be honest what you've written so far is interesting... The way you've, lol, riddled Tom and Harry together is interesting ... Dark Harry is a dangerous trail to follow since many can't even see him as a dark fella, but obviously is a huge possibility for all the influences over his life.
and you know... there is a lot of mistakes and weirdness which makes uncomfortable a bunch of people but as I've said before as long you make this interesting you can gain a faithful following... so far you have me. Keep it up!
| nemesisswan chapter 5 . 9/29/2014
I forgot to mention about this in the previous review (again...) but she shouldn't be bullied by anyone at this point. I mean she has wandless magic and she has Tom to possess her for a moment long enough to make everyone be scared of her to want to stay away from her as far as possible.
I can't believe Dudley would not hear something this important as his "freaky cousin" going to some boarding school instead of public school he and his friends wanted to see her in.
Good idea with Tom mentioning about his first year at Hogwarts. To be frank, I hadn't spared a thought about that till now but it's more than possible that you are right and he received less than enough money for his supplies.
Parkinson instead of Malfoy? That made me laugh. But in a good way. You surprised me. Since we are at it, you should have mentioned about Harriet being confused about the offense and answer her without laughing eyes. I'm sure even if someone had offended you without you understanding the meaning of the word you still should b able to realize sth is wrong - especially if a rude girl like Pansy had been the one delivering the offense. Besides how come she wasn't interested in the girl's last name? She had heard from goblins her mum descends from Parkinsons. If I was her, I would be so started to find some relatives I would ask right away.
"This is the start if a wonderful friendship."
... Nothing particularly bad with this sentence. It's just so fluffy and sweet it gives me creeps. What I want to say is that this sentence holds possibilities of the ways this story can develop in the future I don't even want to think about. :( I'm just not fond of Hermione in Tom/Voldemort-related stories. She is a good girl but she will only bring problems, will be a bother in Tom's ways and in her early years she really is an irritating know-it-all with the blind love for rules. :(
| nemesisswan chapter 4 . 9/29/2014
For some reason I forgot to mention about her mum's origin. Parkinsons? Really? ;) Nah. That's fine. It was just a huge surprise to me.
If she found his maniac grin attractive then there is hope Tom is not going to change into some good person. Yup, I'm into dark here.
Yay. After all you remembered about the scar. :)
Hmm... Tom can't check her curse because - as you had said yourself - he has neither magic nor wand to do this. Then how did he manage to read her mind?
Arabella can't take "the boy"? We are used to Harry being called "the boy" all the time so now, when faced with a girl, I guess it can be an easy mistake. ;)
"seemed to be too angry to forget"
FORGET? Not REMEMBER perhaps?
I don't believe in Petunia helping in any way - she really was just a vile worm. Please don't fool yourself in believing a woman who had heart to keep a child in a cupboard cares in any way. It's foolish. I guess you want to see some good in her. But it's like with this Dumbleidiot I hate - not everyone deserve to be saved and be considered good deep inside. Someone who treats little child as a dirt doesn't deserve anything - that's the sad truth. :( And Petunia trying to order the fat whale to do sth instead of his cousin? Now that's an exaggeration.
| nemesisswan chapter 3 . 9/29/2014
Funny part with Tom trying to explain her what Diagon Alley is and hesitation when he got to the part he can't really tell her just yet.
You should have described inside of the pub - it was her first time in the magician environment so she should freeze as soon as she entered after just seeing all those unique creatures. And even if we count possibility of the pub being empty (hardly but still) then there should be Tom who shouldn't just ignore some kid walking by - especially since empty pub means no work so a lot of time to stare.
"and walked gawked"
What? You happen you make mistakes like that but this one here is the weirdest one, at present.
You tend to skip as some parts you probably find less interesting. Like the part with tapestry. It was just like "she did what she was told and it happened". That's all. I agree some parts are not very interesting but it always better to describe everything instead of skipping. ;)
"forced a blush"
You CAN force a blush? It would be much better if in the place of this sentence you'd just written sth along the lines of:
"Harriet bit her lip and looked at her feet trying to look embarrassed."
Couldn't Tom just shrink her supplies? Or ask a shopkeeper to do this for her? Could she really just sneak past Dursleys with many heavy bags?
You forgot to mention about her scar? Sure, her fringe can always cover it but it was still very risky and miraculous no one had noticed.
Just so you know, despite all those mistakes I still enjoyed reading this chapter - if I didn't, there would be no review. ;)
| sunsethill chapter 10 . 9/29/2014
I like "Harriet" better, too. I can tell this chapter is designed to set-up several plot points so I don't have much to say about things, but I do wonder why there weren't some repercussions from Draco being sent in for detention in the Forest. If he could get Hagrid on probation, I never could understand why Lucius didn't do something about that ridiculous detention. Sending a dog to protect first years who know little about magic from something that is killing unicorns! This should have gotten Hagrid fired if the baby dragon got him probation.
| nemesisswan chapter 2 . 9/29/2014
This chapter was okay. I'm not sure about Tom being this honestly nice to her because a writer can easily exaggerate and reach a wall at some point of their writing travel but I will trust you know what you're doing. :)
| nemesisswan chapter 1 . 9/29/2014
You have a writing talent but it's messy. I mean, you are good as a writer but you pay no attention how your story looks stylistically. Gah! Me and my English. I'm trying to praise you with hinting where you should improve but I have a feeling my way of speaking once again is going to offend a writer. :( Not my intention, I swear.
| Melikalilly chapter 10 . 9/29/2014
i love this story
| DiagonAlleyParis chapter 10 . 9/28/2014
I love your story. I can't wait for the next chapter. Keep up the good work.
| Aquamarine Phoenix chapter 10 . 9/28/2014
I just want to say that I absolutely love, love, love this story and amazed in what you've fitted in with only ten chapters. Is fitted the right word? Is it even a word? Never mind that but I really like it and I hope you update soon!
| Sailor Tala chapter 10 . 9/28/2014
looking forward to your next chapter
| EndlessChains chapter 10 . 9/28/2014
A well done chapter. The holidays are over and now they head back to school. It's a good to see that Hermione and Pansy are getting along nicely And tolerate each other. Everyone's Yule holiday was interesting to read about as Pansy talks about the ball that the Malfoys provided. The Quidditch team is moving along nicely and they are all friends with each other that is for sure. The spreading of Voldemort being a Half Blood will be interesting as It is true and probably will lose a couple of followers because of it. The practice from Quidditch was interesting and the burnout from overworking could be bad. At least Harri was able to convince Flint to slow down and they did really well against Ravenclaw.
Sort of figured that Draco would try to get closer to Harry by going towards Pansy. It is sad but it is true that it is Slytherin. Good thing Harry figured it out and hopefully will be able to warn Pansy abou this before they lose their friendship with each other. The duel happened and didn't think Neville would react like that. I wonder what you are planning with him. Could Dumbledore be moulding him to be the one to defeat Voldemort ever since Harry sorted to Slytherin or could it be something else. Can't wait to see the answer. The drinking of the unicorn blood was quite frightening and at least a centaur saved Harry where Draco ran away. Tom is gathering quite the force now and he will win the political run I am sure. The philosopher stone is coming to an end with Quirrel coming for it. Thank you. Keep up the good work.