No clue why you seem to love drag the knowledge on who Naruto parents is to Naruto
even worse when his to forgiving aswell

a story with Naruto x Kurenai again? i wonder when you going to others instead of repeating the same pair

You story and writing as always be nice to read and an fun experience even though some things pissing me off

To clarify my criticism so im not just being a dick: this first bit is very “tell, don’t show”. Theres a lot of heavy exposition explaining everything. Like the narrator is waaay too omniscient and overshares, but is too direct. The reader just sees a bunch of words that tell them xyz but they arent able to derive that understanding thrmselves. To put it another way, its overly info-dumpy and fails to paint the picture in an evocative manner because the narrator babies the reader. “This is x. Naruto feels y. That is z”

Also, the dialogue feels unnatural because it is trying to shoehorn that omniscient narrator’s talk into the character dialogue but its just way too transparent about it. Each character speaks with the same voice: the narrator’s. They don’t speak naturally because at this moment the dialogue is not expressing their thoughts and personalities and reactions to the world around them but rather their words are an extension of the author’s narration. This makes for very wooden dialogue. I definitely struggle with this dialogue issue myself. I definitely can’t act like i am any better. I always conpensated by using as little dialogue as possible. Which is easier to do in oneshots.

Sorry for giving that bit of criticism in my previous review without making it constructive. I knew something was off but couldnt identify what made it so weird. I think these 2 issues are the main culprits. However, as i said, it appears that you have largely gotten over that problem in the 10 years since you started writing.

I saw someone calling you lazy for writing this over 10 years but to be honest i just have to give you props for sticking with it slow and steady.

The prose in this first chapter is very stilted. I took a sneak peek at your later chapters and youve improved quite a bit since 2014. Just goes to show what hard work and consistency yields

It really makes no sense not to tell him of his parents at this point he has already proven his ability to keep a secret. There is no danger of naruto telling anyone so the only thing the Third is doing right now is creating problems for the future. In fact I am of the opinion that even in Canon he was the worst Hokage by quite alot the man does nothing but fail everyone around him, make terrible decisions, alienate and or mismanage his entire family and his former Genin team.

Every great story" Nidaime no Sairin
" deserves to be more than just words—it deserves to be seen. Picture your characters brought to life, their emotions captured in every detail, and the action unfolding panel by panel.

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Well there went the 1 chance for Hiruzen to gain some trust back and be a man instead of a pussy

Well it's your story so can't blame you on making your decisions. I will likely skip completely over the romance as the age difference is just too much, I personally just can't see a good enough storyline to make it seem not forced just for your preferences.

Nice concept

I really hope you don't go for older pairing, jist a huge turn off to an entire story for me. Also I am not big on out of village pairings too often as most authors don't find a good way of making it realistic for how they develop over long distance unless they spend some significant time in one location together.

I'm loving this story, but the 2 team mission just seemed like a poor choice to me

Also interesting that you didn't tell him about his parents he has shown the ability to not blab secrets hiding who his sensei is which was also made an s rank secret but not trusted to keep his parents identity a secret screams lazy plot device to have a argument about later

Interesting choice to have the one genin that made chunin win in the exact same way and not make chunin

How can you write a story for 10 years bro, tf.. That’s just some next level of laziness, just put it up for adoption

" That being said, a few changes will occur to the mission of course to make it more exciting. Of course, the opposition will be much fiercer than simply Zabuza, Haku and the Demon Brothers. "

I just hate this trope. Dunno why author's keep using. It's no matter how strong you become, your adversaries will keep up with you, either with sudden Nerf or sudden powerup for them or them just getting reinforcements. So that plot doesn't diverge from the main canon points.

I had a big hope for this because their was no semblance of canon from the start. But little by little I feel we are getting back on the canon road to follow the canon path. I hope I am wrong and this is one time. But fingers crossed.

I came across your work "Nidaime no Sairin" and love the depth and diversity of the characters and world I believe it would make a fantastic comic and I’d love to help bring it to life

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