|Reviews for Daylight|
| Fran Masen chapter 39 . 7/5/2017
I really liked your story, but if you ever have the opportunity of working on this story with a Beta this would be even better, thanks for sharing.
| Fran Masen chapter 34 . 7/5/2017
I love the story, but things are getting confusing, Jasper killed James before he reached Alice, right after Bella tried to restrain him but collapsed to the ground from James's memories, that's when Jasper came and killed him, Laurent seeing Jasper attacking James went to help, but Bella attacked him and ripped his head off.
| Fran Masen chapter 9 . 7/4/2017
Poor Edward and Alice, they suffer in their house and in school, what a horrible life. :-(
| Fran Masen chapter 8 . 7/4/2017
He's a bullie without a reason (Stephen King), and like what Rose said in the other chapter, bullies may have been bullied, but nothing excuse them for doing the same, they should remember what they felt and know better.
| winnodinno chapter 4 . 6/17/2017
Funniest shot ever: she has water blood...!
| winnodinno chapter 1 . 6/17/2017
uhm... this doesn't make sense to. She killed after encountering spilled blood and has to move. Yet she's still expected to attend high school- where there's even a greater chance of blood being spilled! Also this everlasting high school attendance is just silly, I mean there must be other creative ways to spend eternity. Why on earth would anyone repeat high school over and over?
| Guest chapter 39 . 3/12/2016
This was a great story- very creative and interesting. But you need to get a prereader or beta because I got distracted by the incorrect word choices and grammar errors. The storyline is great and if you got someone to edit it, I think it would be an amazing fic. Thanks for your imagination!
| Brookie Twiling chapter 39 . 2/22/2016
*Having a laughing fit* Oh, I just loved this story! But seriously, who wouldn't love to brake and get knew phones just cause you didn't want to answer Alice? *ROTBLing (Roling On The Bed Laughing)*
| Brookie Twiling chapter 22 . 2/22/2016
I hope your getting/are better Dayna. RIP to the other girls. I'm sorry I read this too late, but I hope he sang to you.
I know what it's like to loose those you love and I know that I can't begin to understand what your going through, but let me tell you this, their safe now and, one day (Hopefully over 80 years away), you'll see them again. And don't worry, I'm sure there still with you, watching and protecting you, just like my loved ones are.
BTW- BEST FRIENDS COUNT AS LOVED ONES BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM LIKE A SISTER/BROTHER!
| sujari6 chapter 39 . 2/20/2016
Great story. Loved the ending.
| BridieM chapter 39 . 2/18/2016
I enjoyed the life you brought to your characters and plot. It showed real imagination and talent. The experience was soiled by the poor quality of your grammar. This is a minor issue and could easily be solved by someone proofreading and a beta to smooth out the thought sequences and other rough edges.
Thank you for writing. I wish you best of luck with your journey.
| BridieM chapter 36 . 2/18/2016
The fight with Victoria didn't make sense. First she is trapped in Alex's fog, where you lose all your senses, then she is snarling, dodging and fighting? And, why did Alex cause his fog to retreat before he entered the fight? Apart from those two things it was a good chapter.
| BridieM chapter 35 . 2/18/2016
| BridieM chapter 34 . 2/18/2016
Sometimes I pull my hair out with your grammar. I should be the last person to criticise anyone over their use of the English language as my grammar needs a lot of improving. However, the WTF moments just get to me sometimes. I also realise that FF stories are not in a 'ready to publish' state so I do make lots of allowances for errors.
One thing that has been getting to me is where the authors thoughts just do not flow which is confusing. And, as a continuation of that process, the flow often contradicts the flow of the previous thoughts or scene placement. *scream*
Other times it is an obvious misplaced or misunderstood word used. I am not talking about 'their' instead of 'there'. Or "CD's" instead of "CDs". What I mean, for instance, is in an earlier chapter where the author wrote that 'as the sun set, dawn was the safest time for vampires to exist/live'. Dawn is when the sun rises. Dusk is the darkest part of twilight in the transition between day and night. So many other words could be used. Gloaming is a beautiful word not often used but it would be lovely in that situation. Though, perhaps, gloaming would be a bit too dark for what I think you were trying to convey. Even crepusular light or eventide would suffice. But dawn? WTF? Just one of many examples.
These things spoil what would otherwise be a most enjoyable read. Your characters are interesting and I do like how you continue the intrigue in Bella's backstory by revealing small snippets. I really like the concept behind this story. But sometimes... Sorry.
| BridieM chapter 33 . 2/18/2016