|Reviews for Consequences|
| RedDragon30000 chapter 38 . 10/22/2016
The first part of the chapter I found very sinister, a feeling you evoke very well. Harvey is blissfully unaware of what is in store for him both that day and frighteningly, in the near future if the Headmaster's plan succeeds. What is even more terrifying is the revelation of hoe little Jeff regards Harvey. He clearly views him as a disposable, weak animal and is obviously going to take no notice of Harvey's health issues.
The air of menace you create once the Prefects gather in the playground is almost tangible and very well done. Once SPLAT realise that all the Prefects are focused on THEM they all get very nervous, as they know that having so much attention from the Prefects is a very bad thing. Typically, they all react in their own way, especially once they realise who the Prefects are focused on. Ian of course tries to lighten the threatening mood by being funny, Ingrid is fiercely determined to defend Harvey, while Lloyd is convinced that Harvey has done something else, since he seems to have been too careless in breaking rules lately. Mandy then acts as the peacemaker, getting Ian to be quiet, so the Prefects don't bother them further, and soothing down Lloyd. Of course, even with the support of SPLAT, Harvey is still terrified, as he knows it's not a good thing that all the Prefects are focused on him alone.
Luckily, he is soon supported by Lloyd, who is determined to make sure that Harvey doesn't face the Prefects alone. Even though his attempt to stay with Harvey at the Prefects council doesn't succeed, it shows how much he loves hus brother, since he is prepared to argue with the Prefects. Unfortunately, he is so wound up about Harvey facing the Prefects alone, that he gets into an argument with Dinah and explodes at Mr Venables when the teacher insults Harvey, ending up with detention.
For Harvey, the Prefects council goes even worse than he was worried about. Not only does he have to deal with Jeff mocking him the entire way through the session, everything he had done that he tried to hide is taken out in the open, revealing that both the Headmaster and the Prefects know what he did. He is then left with a terrifying penalty. He has to complete a sheet of questions concerning his very worst subject, with any wrong answers resulting in being punished by the Headmaster. Of course he fully believes that this terrible fate will befall him once he sees the questions as he hasn't got a chance of getting them right.
Incredibly, things soon get even WORSE for Harvey. He soon finds himself bumping into the Headmaster himself since he's so preoccupied with his questions and what could happen to him. After being throughly terrified by the man, Harvey soon has his nerves shredded even more by trying to keep his friends finding out about the questions before the end of the day.
The ending is just as sinister as the beginning. The Headmaster is now in a jubilant mood, since his plans are coming together very well and the troublemakers are reacting as he expected. The only thing that concerns him is that they might find out about his hypnotism and his plans.
| RedDragon30000 chapter 37 . 10/17/2016
The start of this chapter gave a very good insight into another part of Harvey and Lloyd's brotherly relationship, as well as giving us a contrast between a warm family life and a place where the brothers are constantly hounded.
I enjoyed seeing Dinah having a good afternoon for once. Even though we don't learn very much about her hobbies in the books, it fits well with Dinah's personality that she prefers hiking, as it shows how at the time, she is happy doing a solo activity. It must have been something of a relief for Dinah to have someone friendly to talk to, even though she is aware that Lucy won't be there when she moves to another foster home (which is what she thinks will happen).
One of the last parts of the chapter made me sad, as now the fragile peace that Dinah had started with Lloyd has been shattered by her hypnotised reply, and Lloyd hates her more than ever. What is worse is that he is so riled up, he is determined to make the rest of splat hate her just as much, and view her as an enemy. However, this is where SPLAT show that the group is made up of individuals who won't blindly agree with Lloyd, despite the fact that he's the Chairman. Harvey shows a surprising leap of logic and courage, trying to make Lloyd see sense, and even arguing against Ingrid, which he would usually avoid. Mandy for once heightens an argument rather than trying to stop it, while Ian actually manages to stop the conflict.
I thought the last part was really sweet. As he loves Ingrid so much, Harvey agonises a great deal over what present to get her and is distraught when he thinks he can't pay enough for it. However, because of the shop assistant taking pity on him, Harvey is able to buy the perfect gift. Despite her hard exterior, it's clear that Ingrid is very touched by her present, and is enchanted that Harvey found something so perfect for her.
| RedDragon30000 chapter 36 . 6/18/2016
I thought the beginning of the chapter was very sweet, with Ingrid admiring Harvey for being so brave and showing how much she cares about him when she gets worried over his asthma and rushes to bring his asthma pump. Harvey shows his quick thinking when he devises a way to dry everything without having towels, showing how much he loves Ingrid in his turn when she leaves the cloakroom to go scouting for what they need.
SPLAT really show how much they care about each other when they are so horrified once they realise what Harvey and Ingrid had to do as a punishment. You also brought in a nice twist by having DINAH snap over the punishment, rather than Lloyd, which shows how much she cares about Harvey and Ingrid. Dinah demonstrates her own bravery when she tricks Rose into letting her leave the canteen and goes to confront the Headmaster over the punishment. Unfortunately for her, the Headmaster is still so much in control that he easily negates this threat over Dinah telling Mrs Hunter by hypnotising her when she has assembly.
Unfortunately, this causes things to reach boiling point when Lloyd tell's Dinah to inform Mrs Hunter what happened to Harvey, rightly knowing that she wouldn't believe anything if he or Harvey tried to tell her themselves. Unfortunately, Dinah has now been hypnotised and tells Mrs Hunter what the Headmaster wants her to hear. Of course, things turn ugly as Lloyd thinks that Dinah has chosen to lie out of spite, and it really made me sad, since Dinah herself doesn't understand why she betrayed Harvey, and now Lloyd will hate her even more.
| RedDragon30000 chapter 34 . 6/16/2016
I found this chapter very well put together and I liked how easy it was to follow, despite the time-frame increasing rapidly between sections. I thought the SPLAT meting at the beginning was a goo demonstration of how well the group works together, and how devoted everyone is to the group as a whole. Even though the others all respect Lloyd as the Chairman and the leader, they are quick to bring him down to earth when they think that his personal feelings are interfering with the meeting, which Mandy does very quickly. Despite his determination to always be the leader, Lloyd himself recognises when he has not respected the group, and is quick to retreat from talking about Dinah, even though he clearly wants to rant some more.
I thought it was very sweet when Ingrid pulled Harvey aside at the beginning of the snowy day and tried to cheer him up when she could see he was upset. She clearly respects his wishes and feelings enough to take his warning about kissing near the school seriously, even though she is disappointed that she can't. For his part, Harvey is comfortable enough with Ingrid to banter back when she mock-insults him, which he doesn't really do with anyone else apart from Lloyd.
At the end of the chapter, it was an interesting contrast where Lloyd is so protective about Harvey and Ingrid, warning them about being affection where they can be seen, yet is so hateful to Dinah and glares at her even when she isn't close enough to the group to eavesdrop on anything. Mandy's reaction to Ingrid and Harvey being a couple is really sweet, and shows how much she has been hoping for it to happen.
| RedDragon30000 chapter 33 . 5/4/2016
I found myself somewhat surprised by what happens in this chapter, but it does make sense for it to happen. Quite honestly I am amazed that the Headmaster was able to keep up the session so long, without losing his temper. As he states, he only arranged them to make sure that ALL his pupils had a good score in maths, but his own impatience and Harvey's refusal to explain what is affecting his work pushes him over the edge. The Headmaster's cruelty shines through here, as he takes great delight in driving Harvey to tears, his own way of producing revenge for having to waste his time with the maths sessions. Even if Harvey had revealed why he was depressed, it is uncertain if the Headmaster would have continued his 'caring' charade, or mocked Harvey, but it is likely the maths sessions might not have continued much further anyway.
I feel terribly sorry for Harvey in this fic. Feeling very wrong-footed and vulnerable after Jeff has invaded his home, the one place he is normally safe,Harvey has to lie to his own mother in order to stop Jeff retaliating. If he told Mrs Hunter what had REALLY happened, she would not have believed him, and Jeff would have got his revenge on Harvey for 'telling'. You really demonstrate his isolation, as Harvey has to lie to SPLAT as well, not wanting them to find out about his sessions. All of this unfortunately causes the Headmaster to snap after Harvey's depression over events turns the math session into a disaster. Despite the Headmaster ranting at him and making him cry, he must be feeling very relieved that the session are now over.
| RedDragon30000 chapter 32 . 4/22/2016
I found this chapter interesting, simply because of a devise you use which is very effective, creating a very big contrast in tone with the two halves of the chapter. The first half is really sweet and provides us with a nice insight into Mr and Mrs Hunter. Although Mr Hunter barely has a mention in the books, I liked the way you fleshed him out here by demonstrating his immaturity. He clearly has a mischievous side to him as well as demonstrating his authority when he needs to as a parent. like his wife, he is very proud that his youngest son seems to be growing up through having a relationship for the first time. Mrs Hunter is even happier that Harvey and Ingrid are together, as she clearly has been worrying about Harvey's lack of maturity, and is proud that he is becoming sure enough of himself to have a date with Ingrid.
The second half of the chapter was masterful, especially the way that you introduced an air of menace, just by having Jeff showing up. Here, is an utter prick. Not content with tormenting Harvey at school, Jeff decides that he needs Harvey to 'know his place', which doesn't need to happen as he knows it well enough already. Once at the Hunter hose, he demonstrates how he is so dangerous, as he tricks Mrs Hunter once again into making her believe that he and Harvey are friends, then instantly changes his demeanor when she isn't around and he is alone with Harvey. Of course, he also reveals his impulsiveness by hinting to Harvey about the Headmaster's plans, which the man would likely take issue with if he found out. If Harvey was as intelligent as Lloyd, he might start figuring out what the Headmaster plans to do from those hints. Unfortunately, this is not the case for Harvey, and he is put in a terrifying situation. His house, usually a place of safety, has been invaded by his worst fear, and he can't escape from him. He knows to fight back is futile, even though Jeff destroys his most treasured possession.
| RedDragon30000 chapter 31 . 4/13/2016
Although SPLAT are cheered by the thought that the weekend is almost upon them, they and us are blindsided by the sudden revelation that the school will participate in an unannounced sports day. Of course, with this particular school, an even which would normally be friendly competitive has been tainted by the Headmaster's influence and the command of the Prefects. As Dinah notes, everything is completely regimented. Even though sports days are always well organised, THIS one is created to run in perfect order. Although SPLAT are used to being singled out and isolated form the rest of the school, the Prefects decide to extend this by having them all in a team together, just so they can torment them all the more. Of course, Harvey bears the brunt of the insults, both while changing and during the sports day itself. However, by the end, the Prefects make sure to verbally stomp on SPLAT as much as possible, demonstrating that they are always looking for new ways to hurt the five 'troublemakers' as much as possible, even if it's mostly with words.
The scene at the end was very quite, and a wonderful contrast to the beginning of the chapter. It was great to see Mrs Hunter so proud that Harvey was growing up, and how proud Harvey is at having a relationship with Ingrid. Of course, you ominously hint that Harvey will have his 'perfect evening' reuined by a future event, a nice hook to keep us reading more!
| RedDragon30000 chapter 35 . 4/11/2016
I found that the beginning of this chapter was a good way to start things. Even though she faces hostility from Lloyd, Dinah doesn't hesitate to offer her congratulations to Harvey and Ingrid, now that she knows they are now a couple. She displays her cleverness by waiting until the two are away from SPLAT before speaking to them, as she doesn't want to deal with Lloyd interrupting by snapping at her. She is also quick to see that Harvey and Ingrid obviously want to hold hands, but something is holding them back, and Dinah resolves to find out what is stopping them showing affection. Harvey clearly appreciates Dinah's congratulations, and while Ingrid is initially snappish, she is only that way because she wants to protect Harvey, and is worried that Dinah will say something bad. In his turn, Harvey repays Dinah's kindness and promise to keep his relationship a secret by defending her when Lloyd inevitably starts attacking Dinah after Ingrid and Harvey rejoin SPLAT.
It was an interesting twist that you added to the chapter in the second half. While I am familiar with the snowball punishment from the original books, you have created a different take on things by instead having Ingrid punished instead of Lloyd. This time, Lloyd's focus is on stopping Harvey doing anything with the snowballs, and he ends up concentrating on arguing with Dinah, meaning that Harvey doesn't throw a snowball at HIM, but instead only hits Ingrid. This means that Dinah does not have an opportunity to find out what happens if she breaks a rule, as Lucy pulls her away, and instead she ends up going back into school with everyone else instead. While the Prefects are as cruel here as in the book (with Jeff being a lot worse), you have made things different with the ending as well. Knowing that all this cold could really hurt Harvey if something isn't done immediately, Ingrid leads him to the swimming pool, and the warm water gives them enough heat to start recovering from the snow.
| RedDragon30000 chapter 30 . 3/8/2016
I found myself quite surprised with what the first part of the chapter focussed on, but it makes a lot of sense, since the school photo is something that can have quite a profound effect on parents, as you show. It was nice that Harvey and Ingrid got a moment together (although Lloyd ruins it by telling Harvey to hurry home) and Harvey is further reassured that Ingrid DOES love him. He gets a further boost from his mum when she exclaims over how 'cute' his photo is, while Lloyd annoys his mother by snapping how much he hates the school when she comments on how he isn't smiling. While Dinah doesn't hold high hopes about the reaction she well get from her own photo, she is pleasantly surprised by how much her foster mother appreciates it, demonstrating how she is starting to feel that she fits in with the Hunter family. It was interesting to see Mandy overshadowed by her older sister, yet in an interesting twist, she is shown to be more mature, even though she is younger. While Ingrid is teased about her hair style by her mother, her father's refusal to believe about the Headmaster's draconian rules sours the scene. Almost as I expected, Ian's reception is as funny as him, and it's clearly shown where he gets his humour from!
The second half of the chapter presents us with another good insight into the Headmaster's plans, but this time, the Prefects are involved. While we get a very brief idea in the book of the role of the prefects in the plans, here you have fleshed out everything wonderfully, and it all fits in neatly. The Headmaster has clearly thought things out carefully, giving each Prefect a job based on ability and individual skills. He has even come up with future tasks that the Prefects could take charge of, demonstrating how worthy he believes them to be. They are clearly a central part of his plans.
| RedDragon30000 chapter 29 . 3/5/2016
What I was hoping has finally happened, Ingrid and Harvey are now a couple! Poor Harvey goes through the wringer in this chapter, so it's wonderful that he gets a happy outcome by the end. He is heartened that Ingrid id calling out for him after the photograph, but obviously feels guilty since her impulsive action gets her scolded by the Prefects, which would not have happened if she hadn't called to him. Then, as he goes to leave, Simon taunts him by reminding him about how much trouble he is in and the tutoring that he is hiding from everyone. Although he is happy when Ingrid confesses that she loves him, a declaration that SHOULD inspire nothing but bliss is marred by Harvey's crippling self-doubt. It's only when Ingrid tells him how much she believes in him and the full reasons she loves him that Harvey actually enjoys the revelation
I loved that so much of Ingrid's character got explored here, as her loud and brash personality sometimes puts people off from discovering what she is really like. Unable to contain herself when she spots Harvey after the photograph, she calls out to him, dumping herself into hot water with the Prefects, because of how loud she is. Despite this, she calls again, even though she knows the Prefects are irritated with her noise, and only stops when Sarah threatens to take her to the Headmaster. Ingrid may be impulsive, but even SHE knows when to stop pushing things. When she finally catches up to Harvey, she takes charge by taking him into a place where they can talk without the Prefects stopping them, and while she lets Harvey prattle on, builds herself up to confess her love for him. Even though she puts on such a confident front, this demonstrates that she is also as nervous as Harvey when it comes to confessing her feelings. Thankfully, Harvey returns her love, and Ingrid shows a great deal of perception when she says exactly what Harvey needs to hear in order to stop him believing that he is as worthless as the Prefects label him as.
| RedDragon30000 chapter 28 . 3/2/2016
I always enjoy getting a more detailed look at the Headmaster's plans, and in this chapter, we get a clear look at how he develops them. Even though the Headmaster has obviously had a clear objective in mind from the beginning, the finer details of his plans evolve and change as the people involved either do what is expected of them, or deviate from what the Headmaster EXPECTED to happen. A good example here is Dinah. While the Headmaster has two thirds of his Quiz team in place, Dinah has inadvertently thrown a wrench in his plans by being too suspicious of the Headmaster and his school. Consequently, he has to change his plans to stop her from finding out the truth and making her forget what she's learned already. The whitecoats were a wonderful sinister touch which demonstrate the ambitions of the Headmaster's plans: he already is working out what he will do with the country, and he is gathering the whitecoats in readiness for the next stage of his plans. He clearly expects to win!
It was an interesting twist that you introduced in the second half of the chapter with the school photos. Of course, such an unexpected event causes loads of different reactions from SPLAT. Of course, they have done this all before, but some members of the group are dreading it more than others. I found it interesting that so much is revealed about Ian's personal life, it's a pleasant surprise to get such a good insight. Make's you wonder if Ian's constant light-heartedness is just a front, a facade to hide how he feels about his parent's divorce. It certainly makes him deeper as a character!
| seriousblahblah chapter 4 . 3/1/2016
great dialogue and harvey is a funny character. I would just add more scene breaks (a line or dot is good) to help break up the text. Otherwise good chapter :)
| RedDragon30000 chapter 27 . 2/26/2016
The scenes with Harvey and Ingrid at the beginning of this chapter were really cute. It was great to see them becoming closer to each other, with Ingrid helping to bolster Harvey's confidence by showing how happy she was to see him and making sure to refer to her and Harvey as a team, thus demonstrating how much she needs him, just as much as he needs her. Her determination to prove to the rest of SPLAT that she and Harvey should be noticed more, also gives Harvey a boost, as they now share a common goal that they can obtain together.
It was great to see Dinah placing everything together during the second half of the chapter. Due to her intelligence, she is able to fit things together very quickly,as well as spot things out of the ordinary (e.g. SPLAT happy and excited about something during school). It's clearly very satisfying for Dinah to have come up with some answers, after a frustrating period of unanswerable questions ever since she set foot in the school. I loved the bit at the end, where Dinah apologies to Harvey for being so horrible to him, and Harvey shows the empathy that he shows in the books, easily forgiving Dinah as he always sees the best in her, unlike Lloyd, who always seeks the worst (and Dinah CAN be very mena if she wants to). You have made it clear before that Dinah longs to be accepted, and she has clearly gained that from Harvey, as he calls her his 'foster sister'.
| RedDragon30000 chapter 26 . 2/23/2016
I liked this chapter, as it was nice to get a good sense of normal life for the Hunter family. It grounds everything, reinforces that Lloyd and the others are just ordinary children caught up in something that ISN'T ordinary. I like how Lloyd describes his day, as there are hints from this that show how well established SPLAT's friendship is, since Mrs Hunter is clearly well versed on where the children usually play.
I liked that Harvey stood up to Lloyd in this chapter, both for Dinah and for himself. Even though he knows he must be careful, since she isn't a 'Normal', Harvey still makes sure to be friendly with her and condemns Lloyd's hostile attitude. He is also profoundly affected by Jeff's insults, since he loses it when Loyd calls him a 'baby' (although he didn't do so maliciously). Standing up for HIMSELF is quite rare for Harvey, since he is being constantly stomped on at school, yet he feels safe enough around Lloyd to defend his own opinion, even though it creates painful consequences.
It was interesting to see a focus on Lloyd being a bi brother in this part of the story, as he takes this role seriously. As the eldest, he maintains that he has authority over Harvey, and disciplines him with a familiarity that demonstrates how he is used to doing so. He clearly only does it because he cares for Harvey and wants to make his brother know that he crossed the line. That said, it is said that his attitude towards Dinah overshadows how much he cares for Harvey. I am hoping that he feels remorseful when he realises that he has been horrible to Dinah for no reason.
| seriousblahblah chapter 3 . 2/7/2016
I sense something very sinister about the teachers and headmaster in this school...
Good dialogue and characterizations, though I wish you had put some scene transitions when you switch from one character's POV to another (technically in writing this is called 'head hopping', although it can be done in 3rd person/god view, it can get confusing to the reader)