Reviews for The Apostle of the Sun
Ilovebribs chapter 10 . 8/19/2015
You should try making Hiyoko seem less, well, air headed. She was actually quite intelligent in the game, a little clueless, sure, but not too much. Other than Hiyoko, the other characters were written okay. As for Hinata, she seems a little bland, not to be rude or anything. She could use a little quirk or fault or irregularity to spice her character up a notch. The absent father is a good start, but, other than making her close herself off from everyone, it doesn't seem to affect her as much as it maybe should. I understand that she barely remebers him, or not remeber him all too well, but her interactions need to be a bit more realistic. Also, as to the describing, you don't need to note everything. If you describe something, don't describe everything about it using words like "brown" or "blue", but just describe any outstanding features like "-the table was a normal wood desk, but upon closer expection, there were anonymous indents, scratches and images etched into the mahogany." - Or something of the like. As well as the switching from POVs, it's a little confusing. Maybe stick with one POV at a time and master each one. I think I've just about said everything that could use a little improvement. And actually, maybe try adding some maturity to it. Hatoful Boyfriend is rather dark. Now, as for my questions, who is the albino that GlassAngels speak of? Is she another OC? If so, I hope to see her in this. And, will you update soon? It's very interesting and I await an update from you. And I hope you add more Yuuya, he's such a stud muffin. ;)
GudetamaCandies chapter 9 . 6/14/2015
If you have plans on adding another character I wouldn't mind.~ I bet the next chapter is being written in session anyway, amazing work!
GudetamaCandies chapter 2 . 6/14/2015
...I can't help it. I've fallen in love with this story already! You don't see much long stories of this fandom (YET) but I was so happy to see yours. Amazing work, and I can't wait until it's updated again! Especially since you're chapters are very long and it's just BAUSBSJDNDI Thank you. XD
Akatsuki Demon Kiera666 chapter 8 . 6/5/2015
Please tell me this is just a spoof chapter that you decided to fool around with just because of writers block or stress, because the story was actually really good until this chapter that got really annoying really fast.
GlassStress chapter 9 . 5/20/2015
Yeah! I do know who you speak- er- or type of! Wait... is it a certain albino? Sorry I haven't reviewed or read as much as I would. School is getting in the way of my life again. It's that dreary time of year where all students gotta bust their asses to pass.
GlassStress chapter 8 . 3/24/2015
BUT-! SAAN! THIS CHAPTER WAS SOO MUCH COOLER WITH TORI!
GlassStress chapter 7 . 2/22/2015
Aw yeah! New chapter! Can't wait for the next one! 100% more Nageki as you promised.
Good chapter 6 . 1/20/2015
Will Hina get a hatoful boyfriend? I honestly kind of want her too...
GlassStress chapter 6 . 1/22/2015
Yes, Hiyoko's got to stop going after buffaloes. Great chapter.
GlassStress chapter 5 . 12/27/2014
You read the manga too? I own a copy! And thank you for finishing up this chapter! I loved it! It's hilarious to know that one of Sakuya's weaknesses is the words 'ninjas' and 'samurai'. I wonder how he would react to seeing a real samurai sword. And I'm glad to have helped with the spelling typo. English isn't my native tongue.
GlassStress chapter 4 . 12/25/2014
Um... There's a typo at the line:
"Farwell, Edel Blau of the Blue Sky and Apostle of the Sun.-" Instead of FATE it says FAT. Um, I hope that it helps... I really hope you continue this.
GlassStress chapter 1 . 12/25/2014
Great job! I love it! It's cool that Hina is in a different class from Ryouta and that she and Hiyoko are different people.