Reviews for What You Leave Behind
erbkaiser - closed account chapter 1 . 4/13/2015
Interesting start, Dumbledore is far less in control than in canon or as he is often shown in fics.
Hplan chapter 10 . 4/13/2015
Very well written story with intriguing plot lines developing.
Sun S. Li chapter 10 . 4/12/2015
This is not the story you know. A mirror reflects perfectly and when Harry finds the locked away room with a glass that shows his desires why only can he see shadows? [AU] T hats my shot in the dark but just read your chapter at work and enjoyed the transitions happening and definitely the turn at the end so wanted to show some appreciation
PaC chapter 10 . 4/9/2015
OK, just in case you don't realize what YOU know and is IN your head isn't making it into the readers head, by accident or on purpose?

With NO Fleur POV, it's all guessing for this reader.
Was Fleur "pulling a Cho", bringing up a boyfriend?

Now that Harry is older, he obviously has gone from curious and interested to infatuated with Fleur.
BUT what of Fleur?
Is she stringing Harry along, being pragmatic, wanting him in her "big net" for LATER, perhaps in another few years, to see if he's the kind of fish she likes?
But meanwhile she'll try a Claude here, a Jacques, there and a Jean Paul over there, cause really, Harry's too young to bother with now. He shouldn't mind, right, know he's too young for her to bother with for now?

Was Harry suddenly all epiphanized about his clothes, by BEING in the same picture as Fleur, thinking he looked TEN was it!? Did he have a "clothing makeover" JUST for his own general appearance and self esteem? BECAUSE another meetup with Fleur, wearing new clothes, of course DIDN'T happen. Which brings us, to the oddity, these FRIENDS, going all those weeks with Fleur in Diagon, and Harry meets up with her ONLY ONCE, during all that time she was there apprenticed to Ollivander! Even without the new clothes, more than ONE meetup seems standard, ONLY one is really kind of lame. If she's not in Diagon the next summer any, and the next, are we to get NO Fleur for TWO more years?
Not until a TriwWiz, IF this fic even has a TriWiz at Hogwarts.
And considering Harry should be able to make or have asked Dumbledore for a portkey to France, one would think he'd be more incognito to meetup with his penpal there than in Diagon, where he's more well known. OR if he portkeyed to Fleur's home for a visit, WHO is to care or complain about an illegal portkey?
You have them writing enough for Cho to tease Harry's ass off, then ONLY ONE meetup, for COFFEE and ice tea for a few minutes, THAT'S IT?
PaperPandas chapter 10 . 4/9/2015
I try to favourite this story every time you update it. Only to be rebuffed by the fact that I already have. Another "awesome chapter looking forward to the next," review!
alpha-alieria chapter 10 . 4/9/2015
First of all, I can't get over how good this is - or rather, how much potential there is here. So many things are spot on it's scary, and this easily could be the very best story on the site by the time it wraps up. I read the updated chapter...and had to then re-read the whole story again...and that's the second time that's happened.

I will say that while scenes are written almost flawlessly (with the amusing but fourth wall breaking anti-cliche bits being my only gripe), the pacing feels slightly uneven. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, but I think a little too much is glossed over sometimes. I doubt that it's truly correctable without a final manuscript edit after completion, however. And the story is still extremely compelling.

As for a shot at a summary: In a universe diverged by a handful of 'what might have beens', Harry is a year older and Aberforth is headmaster, but darkness approaches all the same. He, with the help his friends, sets out to find out what makes magic so *magical* in an effort to deny the darkness...and grow up a little along the way.
Snowfeather4876 chapter 1 . 4/8/2015
How did I only find this today? This is amazing! It is well-developed and well-thought-out and well-written and, well, everything. I'm not normally a fan of Cho, but you have made me like her, and it is difficult for an any story to make me like a disliked character, so congratulations. The only criticism is that it seems to be moving rather quickly. I mean, you get a lot into every chapter, but I would like to see more of the everyday life too. I mean, this is chapter, what, nine, and Harry is already at the beginning of his third year. That approximates to 4 chapters per year, which I don't really feel is sufficient for a writer of your talents.

Yes, we need the action to keep it moving, but the wonderful thing about Rowling's writing is that she's always dropping small pieces of information, which sometimes turn out to be consequential, others not. I think your writing just needs to be balanced out a little more with everyday Hogwarts life. We see a fair amount of everyday holiday life, but considering that most of Harry's year is spent at the school whose puzzles he is trying to figure out, we see astonishingly little of his time there, other than for the main points.

I can't say that I am brilliant at writing summaries, but here is mine:

For a boy like Harry, new to magic, life is a dream. Some things are easily forgotten, but this is not one of them. Night-time wanderings around the castle in the search for answers only bring more questions, and the puzzle of the Mirror of Erised is only the first of them. Even magic, at first so wondrous, shows its infinitely complex side, both light and dark. Before his future can be faced, however, Harry has to learn what he must leave behind.

If you want to use it, fine. If you don't, also fine. Anyway, I don't know really what else to say, except to urge you to keep updating, and to inform you that this is, as of now, on my favourites and follows list.
caseyquicksilver chapter 10 . 4/8/2015
So I found this story through the vaguely random, meandering process that those of us who've been reading HP fanfic for a while are accustomed to; an author profile, that leads to a forum link, that leads to a reddit thread, that gives a few story IDs that may or may not be absolute shit.

I was very pleasantly surprised to find a great story I hadn't read nor heard of before, though I know I've seen your pen name crop up occasionally. And ho, it's even been updated recently! I look forward to finding out where you take this world.

Now, on to criticism and praise. I always feel a bit out of my depth when I try to describe a story using terms like "voice" and "pacing" (I'm a bartender, not an English major). That said, both of those stylistic elements seem to work just fine. Plot points, slice of life, and witty dialogue flow from one to another seamlessly. It's quite rare to find any writing that makes me laugh out loud (Name of the Wine by Patrick Rothfuss was probably the most recent), but there were at least one or two lines every chapter that at the least had me chuckling.

On the negative side, I can only remember a couple things. Harry's one-sided conversation with Fleur in the middle of Chapter 5 was remarkably, almost jarringly self-aware. I liked the idea of having this strange, near-death-experience driven romantic moment between two characters who can't speak each others' language, but It might be the most that Harry had said in one place up to that point in the story. My other critique is that most of the characters speak and think like adults, even if they're supposed to be 11 or 12. This isn't even a bad thing, I prefer reading smart dialogue over sophomoric drivel, even if the latter would be more age-appropriate to the characters.

I just found your story two days ago, so I'm not sure how often you've been able to put work into it. I knew that I should have savored it, maybe spread out my reading to a chapter every few days, but true to form I devoured it like some kind of literary glutton.

I look forward to seeing your progress and plot; It's been quite some time since I've been so invested in a fanfiction story. Cheers, and keep up the good work!
The Last Rising Of The Phoenix chapter 10 . 4/8/2015
T'is is gr8 m8, please can I have another pl8?

Update soon
Gregory Frisch chapter 10 . 4/6/2015
Please limit new chapters to 1000 words and post everyday instead of these slow sporadic updates. Too long to read in one sitting. And make this a Harry and Hermione love story with Draco and Pansy replacing Ced and Cho as bffs.
Mohammad.Alzo chapter 10 . 4/7/2015
Thank you for writing this story. It is humorous, original and well-paced. All three are rarely found in a single fanfiction story.

Please continue to update this story to completion.

Also I must recommend watching Dragon Ball Z abridged on youtube. It is a strong source of comdetic material.

Favorite is episode of Bardock Abridged.

This story and its author has been followed and favored.
Endgames chapter 10 . 4/6/2015
I don't even have words anymore. The experimentation with arresto momento, and how that leads to a greater understanding of movement was pretty fun to read about. I just love it when Harry gets his out-of-focus insight, starts to do something amazing, and then totally fails or screws up, BUT IT WAS STILL AMAZING. I really like his relationship with Sirius, and how it really is a lot of fun and games, but Sirius really is an adult here. I love Dumbledore's inscrutable advice, and Flamel's long-term point of view.

The scene with Fleur was fun, and worked for where Harry is at, age and maturity-wise. I really did cringe at his reaction to the photo too. I know the feeling of feeling very out of place and silly-looking.

Having Hagrid have the key was a stroke of brilliance. I cannot believe that I didn't even think about it, even though I'd been considering that aspect of the job recently. I love that there seem to be some changes with the Chamber and the Stone, and it won't be friggin' Ginny with the diary again. Changes to canon are really, really, really important to me, and I love the way that you do them.

Honestly, I like the summary as is. I may try to come up with something tomorrow (maybe review an earlier chapter if I haven't taken them all up), but it's enough to give the gist of what's going on and still pull attention.

As always, thanks for writing!
madbrad chapter 10 . 4/6/2015
I do like your characterisation in this story; the kids/people seem so alive and - most of them - nice. I loved reading your depiction of Fleur. You didn't go overboard with melodramatic or exaggerated adjectives, but there was still a strong undercurrent of her grace and beauty that seeped through the scene nicely.

I quite felt for Harry when he made the comparison between them via the photograph. :-(

The meeting with Cho was delightful too. 'Laughing all the way to the compartment'. Heh.

You even depict Hedwig as a real three-dimensional 'person'. Very nice to see her and Harry interact.

I'm looking forward to witnessing more of Harry's epiphanies as he becomes magically powerful. You're making it quite intriguing.

A very satisfying chapter, thank you!
NoirReality chapter 10 . 4/6/2015
Wow, that reaction and feeling Harry felt when he saw how he looked in the picture and compared himself to Fleur-I felt it so thoroughly that I stopped reading by the embarassment I felt for about a minute.

Nice chapter, can't wait for the next one. And as for having a "hook." For me you do have one, Harry and Fleur's interactions.
Rookiereads chapter 10 . 4/6/2015
I think, as a reader, what I initially liked about the summary you have now is the variation of the standard Harry Potter story. The Mirror of Erised is a significant object because it reveals one of the most defining traits of a person- what they care the most about. Therefore, your summary is good, but a bit misleading, because it implies that the defining characteristic of the story is the mystery surrounding Harry. That's a bit of an issue, because that portion more or less resolves itself in the first few chapters. "Mystery" is not even listed as one of the subjects of your story. Then the summary kind of contradicts itself by including the facts that "Aberforth is Headmaster, Adriana is alive, Albus is in exile" as if those are also the main points in the story- and that's fine it Adriana becomes well and acts as a main character in the story, and interations with Aberforth are both more frequent and defined by him being the headmaster, but right now we haven's seen much of that and they're more hooks for the mystery aspect of the story than a reflection of the story itself.

Basically, it seems to me that your summary is good at getting people to click on it, but doesn't accurately summarize your story.

The aspects of your story that I found most important, not to mention most intriguing, are as such: 1) Harry's development of a newer, more avant-garde form of magic; 2) His discovery of Hogwart's secrets; and 3) The fact that the story takes place in an alternate universe. These should probably be included in the summary.

It should also hint at where the story's going. You did this a bit in the summary you have now, in that "Harry has to uncover his past if he's to survive his future," but that's vague enought that it comes of as cliché, which this story is definitely not. In this case, that's Harry's inevitable face-off with Voldemort. Of course, only you can know where the story's headed, so you may be thinking of an entirely different sort of conclusion. In that case, you should hint at that, of course in a way that doesn't reveal to much, yet is clear enough as to not be you typical sort of "but you'll never believe what happens" sort of teaser. In my opinion, something like that in a summary casts almost as much doubt on the author's writing ability as the "sorry, I suck at summaries" approach.

Taking all of this into account, I propose a summary similar to the following:

"Magic is not a comprehensible sort of force. It's really a miracle that humans are able to have any control over it at all, and thinking that it can be controlled is precisely what limits most magic users from attaining more than a superficial competency. Harry Potter, however, is on the way to becoming one of the few that can wield magic as it was meant to be used. He'll need it. AU, Harry/Fleur."

[This may be too long, I'm not really sure.]

Of course, this summary is not a very good one for your story, for many reasons. Mostly because it heavily reflects my own method of writing, and I'm not the one writing the story. The summary is going to best represent the story if you write it, because it's really a sample of your writing, and that's what potential readers are going to be looking at. It's especially important in this situation, because as you said, this story has no "hook." The aspect of the story that is most interesting is your writing, and the unique directions you take the plot in. That's what really makes your story one of my favorites. Second, it has the opposite problem of your summary; it completely excludes mention of the beginning mystery. This would likely leave readers confused for the first few chapters, and could cause them to abandon the story- obviously not a desirable result. Still, I hope I've helped in some way.

PM me if that review in general didn't make any sort of sense, or if I need to elaborate more. It's been known to happen when I get off on a train of thought, and expect people to just sort of intuitively understand where I'm coming from. Also, I should mention, my appologies for the length.
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