Reviews for Walk on the Moon
Guest chapter 49 . 11/27
I'm obsessed with how true to life Rei feels. Her characterization is the greatest thing about this goated fanfic. She's sympathetic, believable, and tragic all at once. You've done such an amazing job writing her, like, holy shit.

That said, she's a bit weaker than she ought to be at this point (imo). Guys like Kakashi, Orochimaru, and Itachi were all much stronger at age 12. As a child prodigy, Rei should have a lot more resources at her disposal. I get that you're limiting her arsenal on purpose because she's a fast learner and you don't want her to become OP, but Rei deserves some power fantasy action.

Ideas:
Kenjutsu
Fuinjutsu
Exploding Shadow Clones
Poison Fog
Other elements
Elemental Kekkei Genkai (with her perfect chakra control, this seems plausible, and we know that Jinton can be taught)
Hiraishin (I wouldn't give her this until she's 100% ready to murder the Third Hokage and desert Konoha)
zanlorenzi17 chapter 49 . 11/26
Nooooo wheres moar!
Guest chapter 1 . 11/22
I completely disagree with the review below mine. I thought the fight was engaging as hell, and it makes sense that Naruto fights would last a while because chakra makes shinobi ridiculously durable.
Ashera fanfics chapter 14 . 11/6
Good story so far. This fight was way too long. Two 7 YO kids fighting don't last long enough for me to fall asleep before half of the fight. Remember, even if Naruto characters have absurd stamina and durability, they're still human. If they take a good hit, their body won't last long after that.

The issue with Naruto fights is that they're the most unrealistic of any fictional world I know of because they just keep hitting each other for hours until one of them finally takes a finishing blow (sometimes several) before finally losing.

Keep it short and relatable. One fight shouldn't take more than 3000 words and that's for high level fights between characters with exceptionnal durability and stamina as well as stalling tactics. The longer the fight is, the more boring it becomes because it's hard to follow action scenes for tens and tens of minutes of reading.

Think Dragon Ball manga Frieza fight vs DBZ show Frieza fight. The manga cuts it into several parts of short fights, the opponents change because they're knocked out quickly and the fight with SSJ Goku is short. In the anime the fight lasts like 20 episodes and nothing happens.

Jukutsu Kaisen fights are interesting, none of them takes more than 2 episodes and that's with changing POV and sharing the episodes between several fights.

Keep it simple. Keep it relatable. I know some things can seem great when you're writing the fight scene, but the reader gets lost if it lasts too long and loses interest.

A bit late for a review, I guess you wrote that years ago, but it still holds true.

Have a good Sunday.
Guest chapter 49 . 10/30
Great story, but that's actually not what I wanted to talk about. I actually recently came across the Walk on the Moon x Bleach OMAKE (speaking of which, are you ever updating that?) you wrote on QQ, but since I don't have a QQ account, I wanted to put it here.

While the Kuchiki Clan certainly suits Rei, I think the Shohouin or Tsunayashiro Clan would suit her much better. Shihouin because they're the closest thing the Bleach!verse has to a shinobi clan, which Rei hails from in the first place. And the Tsunayashiro because they have the darkest history of the four noble clans, being known for disowning and even killing the members who are not up to standard. Plus, if she's a Kuchiki, Rei can't flirt with Byakuya, who's totally her type (pale, broody pretty boy with dark hair).
Lement chapter 49 . 10/26
Well, it was fun catching up after a while. Rei continues to have many of the same issues.

Interesting writing techniques employed in past few chapters. For example, there was no doubt that Rei wouldn't accept working with Virulent or refrain from learning the Sarutobi clan jutsu. Even showing it VS Gai? Rigid! Bit formulaic, even, how there is a problem Rei debates it Rei's issues are deciding factor.

Not so rigid as to not be seduced by the Sunflower, though. I wonder how self-aware Rei is there...Used to be that Ino was her deepest bond to Konoha. Now...I am not sure. And of course, she's actually inadvertently encouraging that relationship. Meanwhile, it doesn't actually feel like Virulent and Rei have a relationship...I'd have said "Ignoring doesn't count" as Eldest Rat.

Tenten has been given much of the same training as in canon: weapons, quick seals, taijutsu. Her databook stats are not bad, actually, but I wonder if Inuzuka can be placed in genin corps?

Meanwhile, Lee and Sakura get kinda the same benefit of prophesied strength that many others in their position don't get. That self-superiority complex is going to make an interpersonal mess for the following year when it comes to working with other teams. Neji will surely be as mystified as Ino, and twice as acerbic.

Overall, thanks for writing!
Mats Forsen chapter 49 . 10/26
Very good story! I hope you come back to it but this works as a, non-cliffhanger ending.
Tsamwan chapter 34 . 10/10
Loved this chapter
Tsamwan chapter 22 . 10/8
Hey, really enjoyed the story up until this chapter. Something went wrong for me here, though, and it made for a torturous read. Specifically, it's got to do with the payoff and character competence. If you'd like to know more, don't hesitate to contact me! Keep improving!
Guest chapter 20 . 10/4
Bats would suit her more tbh. They're basically rats with wings anyway
AquiceT chapter 21 . 10/3
Seriously the rat summoning idea is genius 3
Guest chapter 20 . 10/3
I loooooove it! rats! I thought it was spiders at first. I stumbled upon this fanfic by chance, and I am binge-reading it. Did not expect to love it so much. Great story!
Bb34 chapter 3 . 9/28
3
Guest chapter 40 . 9/21
It honestly feels like you're sabotaging your own MC at times. It's hard to believe she's a prodigy when her arsenal is so limited. There's so much room for interesting developments in terms of skills, considering she has PERFECT chakra control (assuming I didn't misinterpret), but Rei is really being held back. Her clan isn't teaching her their Hidden techniques, her summons are holding a lot back from her, and it doesn't seem like she's exploiting her own talents to their fullest abilities. I'm willing to bet that someone with as precise chakra control as Rei could theoretically combine two chakra natures to create an elemental kekkei genkai of sorts.

I love this story and I adore Rei Yamanaka, but she's nowhere near the level she should be at this point.
siddharth1998m chapter 28 . 9/21
In this whole story there has been an interesting dichotomy between Rei wants for freedom vs her feelings towards her family.

Genuinely Rei leaving konoha would actually kinda suck cuz as missing nin she will miss out a lot of great character interaction.
Also most of Rei problems will go away after the invasion as unlike third tsunade should be pretty lax. If she does wanna see the whole world there are way for her to do that

One of which is if after becoming jonin she asks for a leave of absence form her village to go establish a spy network (something she with a few modifications of her clan jutsu can do)i dont think tsunade or even the village elders would say no to that

Also this is on my wishlist i hope the current yamanaka clan head dies during the invasion so rei has to take reigns of her clan it would be interesting to see her in that position hating it but also kind loving the power of it
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