Reviews for Mass Effect: The Unsung War
magnusvictor chapter 14 . 1/18/2016
Domestic abuse, ho!
magnusvictor chapter 6 . 1/17/2016
I just realized. Now that everybody's calling Liara "The Doctor," someone should check if Tali's got a "transmitted-vibration fastener loosener" down in Engineering. Y'know, a Sonic Screwdriver!
LogicalPremise chapter 23 . 10/22/2015
All in all, this is a very good story, and I like the way it focuses on the structure we do see without being bogged down by the main characters of the games.

I'm afraid I'm very poor at breaking stories down and providing good feedback once they are done deals. There are things I notice and the like, but for the most part I judge whether a story is good or not by it's overall theme.

This is good. Better than most, and better than my work in a lot of ways in that it focuses on the smaller scale details without losing the scope.
Lyta Halifax chapter 15 . 8/23/2015
A terrible dilemma indeed...

You definitely get a sense here, of just this...massive sense of exhaustion and fatigue. Battle weariness. How nice it would be to just be able to stop doing all of this, but when it's a war for complete and supreme survival, how can you?

You also do a good job pumping up the sense of dread with Thessia, and what's to come. I ways always kind of peeved that we never got to see the long term effects of the aftermath of the war. On one hand, I'm hoping Andromeda will give us this, but I keep hearing all these weird things about how it might take place during the Reaper War, and I'm thinking "How the hell does that even work?!"

(Besides, *I* invented the concept of Humanity going to Andromeda first, EA. Nya! :-D)

We also get a great sense of how far Kara has come, especially with regards to the relationship with her biological mother. How much they've been able to reconcile, and while they're relationship will never be truly on the same level as it is between her and Herja...this is going to sound weird, but I'm not sure if I want Prima rescued or not. On one hand, it would be all "yay! They did it!" On the other hand, it would be something that was really sharpen the sense of loss and what the war is taking from people. On the other hand, whatever is going to happen has already been written and happened, so I'll find out soon enough.
Lyta Halifax chapter 14 . 8/17/2015
Ouch! Sometimes it seems like Herja and Allan's relationship is just on this side of domestic abuse. At first this kind of disturbed me a little, and thought "Allan, why don't you realize this is maybe not the healthiest place to be." And then I realized "Well...it doesn't HAVE to be ideal. Who says every relationship in every story has to be an ideal one. That's not realistic, that's now how the world really works. Clearly they love each other, and they both have kind of screwed up, up bringings.

I do really enjoy the time you put in, figuring out culture clashes, and how what seems obvious to a human would be weird and counter-intuitive to an alien. Not enough people do that kind of thing.

BTW, I LOVE that you took a seemingly minor bit of color text from a war asset in the third game, and turned it into a major MacGuffin for this chapter. Nice bit of attention to detail there, and nice cameo from Shepard's Mama. :)
LogicalPremise chapter 20 . 8/12/2015
I haven't reviewed much (you know why) but this chapter was a fun read while I was at the clinic waiting on my mother to finish her chemo for the day.

I'm still pissed this doesn't have more reviews, but I wish to say that I think it's a great piece of writing so far and that you should definitely continue.
Lyta Halifax chapter 13 . 8/8/2015
This is such an important chapter, in that it really is the coming of the full circle for your very first works, not only with Allan as a character, but you as a writer as well. We get to see how both of you have grown.

I never played the Omega DLC, but I really enjoyed watching it from your eyes. There were good bits of humor; I must admit, I laughed out loud at the "How come you humans never let your kids play video games" line, and I couldn't help but think "Oh no! Allan, you've been recruited by the Star League to defend the Frontier against Zuur and the Ko-dan Armada!. And that humor was balanced out by your excellent work highlighting the visceral horrors of war, with just a dash of secret agent thrills thrown in. You really do get a sense of how some people are unfortunately meant to rise up and be career soldiers, and other folks are very sadly destined to be cannon fodder. This isn't fair, or nice, but it is something of the truth.

I also like that you tackled the grey issues of Aria, who really is just the absolute worst, and Cerberus. It's easy to declare one side good, the other evil, but truth be told, it really seems that were Cerberus not working hand in hand with the Reapers, and were going to kill everyone off anyhow, I would have TOTALLY been rooting for them and against Aria. And good on Liara for finding something of a third way, even if it wasn't exactly the best; I'm sure some people weren't happy to be leaving their "new" Omega, even if they could potentially go someplace nice. Home is home, and people are really funny about that.

I also liked Allan's struggles with acting rashly, and the unfortunate realization that he put himself into a bad situation and it took that situation to get him to wake up and realize he did kind of a shitty, but understandable thing. I'm glad that they didn't work it out super pat and easy from the start.

Finally, I will say, as praise and complement, that seeing how you handled Omega, and the issues about Aria, and her brutal, tyrannical rule, made the tiny little voice of Hera poke me and say, "Hey boss. When are you ever going to tell the story about how I totally overthrow Aria because I feel Omega needs to be protected from the worst of it's own elements?" The answer, sadly, is probably a very, very long time, but that your piece inspired me to think in that direction, even if for a few moments, says much about this chapter.
Lyta Halifax chapter 12 . 8/4/2015
SO I must say, Kara and Leslie are a fun pair. I will admit, smutty minded me half expected to find out in the very beginning ofthe schapter they were now occasionally hooking up. Probably best that they haven't. But Leslie plays good straightwoman to Kara's craziness. Also, once more, you do a great job really honing in on the mindset of the Asari, and how they might take a much more long term view on things, given their lifespans; I'm not exactly sure I would have called the Krogan even tempered and long-minded, but you make an interesting case for it here.

Also: Ha! Yes! I was wondering when we would get to the Omega DLC, and if Allan would get roped up into the raid. Looking forward to seeing how his luck holds out, and if Aria remembers him or not.
Lyta Halifax chapter 11 . 7/21/2015
Whew! FINALLY...work has been kicking my ass up and down the block lately...

Honestly, I'm not sure which part I liked more in this story: Hildra being awesome and all practical and wise with Allen, while at the same time being so heart-touching, or Herja being infuriatingly practical, even logical about turning Allen down. I totally understand why she did it though..it's one of those "the wrong answer for all the right reasons" kind of situations.

I know I say this almost every review, but I really enjoy how you focus on the "human equation of war", down in the day to day trenches. Sure, life on board the Normandy is dangerous, but it's fast, it's stealthy, it has the best crew in the galaxy; chances are, if you're a grunt on board, you're doing okay for yourself. Even better if you ARE Grunt, and you are on board :-D

And certainly, one of the big things Bioware got right was trying to show us on the Citadel the human cost of war, but I feel like they could have done more, and you do a great job really filling in those gaps, that sense of desperation, and what War brings out in people, both good and bad. Plus you are doing a great job of setting the stage for your next series, based on what you've told me about it. When you start doing it, it's going to make a lot of sense in transition, how the Asari are going to be scarred by their experiences in having to deal with "total war".

I keep waiting for something horrible to happen to Leslie or her grandmother though...fingers crossed.
Lyta Halifax chapter 10 . 7/6/2015
Ahhh...now that was a bit of satisfying character development after all the crazy, heavy duty action of chapter 9. We start off with a bit of Herja's ever developing darkside, but more importantly, we really get to see Allen be really rather kind of awesome. He's really grown up a lot, from the raw recruit who ran of to join Eclipse to get the hell of Omega, to the steadfast rock with his head on straight. I really enjoyed him setting Herja straight...get a good sense of how they both compliment each other.

I especially liked the focus on Kara; I had to wince for her at her bad beat. Sorry Kara! Been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt. Even pocket aces are shit sometimes. But I'm VERY glad Yi said something about what happened to Pierce. Even if I understand the justifications made, both in the story and in our personal discussions, I wanted to see someone bring it up and discuss it afterwards, and this was a good way of doing it.

So whew..Tuchanka was a long slog (it always is...I swear it felt like the longest part of the game to me), and I can't wait to see what happens with the new shift in focus.
Lyta Halifax chapter 9 . 6/29/2015
Whew!

I think that was probably one of your most dynamic action chapters. I remember when you first started writing out, and action scenes were clearly your strong point...and honestly, I can see how things have improved. You've gotten more visceral, descriptive. There is still the interesting attention to detail with tactics and whatnot, and I really loved watching how the Asari fight...the SHieldwall bit was probably my favorite. You really start to understand intuitively why they are commandos and quick strikers, as opposed to slogging grunts. They hit hard, but I can just imagine the caloric requirements must be staggering if you have a lot of Asari fighting all at once continuously.

Also, you really get a sense of how much through the wringer these poor guys are going through. Shepard makes it look so easily, and its a shame Bioware couldn't spare more of a thought towards the fighters who were opening up the holes for Shepard to get through. Usually when we see these groups, it was Shepard saving their bacon, not the other way around.

But damn yo, Herja got wicked dark with the medical doctor. I hate to say it, but I hope there is some major discipline coming her way. I can't imagine you should be able to attack your medical team like that, and get away scott free. If anything else, I'd hate to be the person underneath their knife the next time, although it reminds me a bit of Jayne and Simon from Firefly, where even though Jayne betrayed him, Simon assures him the Hippocratic Oath still binds him, at least in the OR.

And then we get the nice payoff with The Shroud. This could have been a satisfyingly done DLC on it's own.

Looking forwadr to the next chapter!
Lyta Halifax chapter 8 . 4/28/2015
I definitely loved Kara's impassioned defense of the Krogan here. The scene where Shepard comes across the ruins is one of my all time faves, one that made a major and lasting impression upon me, and I love seeing this particular scene expounded upon and replayed. Its especially touching with Kara remindinf us that Asari can still be very loyal and think well of their "father" race, even though they look "fully Asari" on the surface. Excellent job exploring this facet of Asari psychology.
AmityN7 chapter 4 . 4/11/2015
okay first off great chapter! I loved seeing the spotlight on Leslie here, made me nostalgic for a Job is a Job. Leslie does seem to enjoy teaching asari about human culture. It's a nice change from the usual. Usually in Mass Effect the aliens won't stop talking about their culture to humans XD

Anyway really loved the little character moments here and the interactions. And loved the action. Although it is always hard to feel bad for the council when bad things happen to them. Great work as always!
Himuradono chapter 1 . 4/9/2015
Hmm, interesting. Reads much better than the previous story I reviewed - A job is a job - I like what I'm seeing so far. Good dialog, it flowed well and smooth. I see you have worked on making your writing more detailed and descriptive. Good job.
Wandering the Arid Sea chapter 4 . 4/8/2015
Well, that was reckless. Didn't think Kara would go off like that. The whole sniper v sniper thing was ballsy and pretty dumb in a way.

Can see she needs more grounding.

Just to be sure, the entire Council wiped out? Damn.
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