|Reviews for Shadowchasers: Muru|
| MultiplePersonas chapter 8 . 6/7/2019
That was a fun chapter. Pekeri and Arika are quickly becoming my favorite characters, with their awkward but sweet relationship and Pekeri's naivete (especially regarding language - is he perhaps on the spectrum?).
Pekeri's Frightfur deck seems oddly fitting for him, a quiet and sweet guy who can get brutal when pushed too far (I'm guessing, but I can't be far off). It was a lot of fun to see in action.
Still some of those grammatical problems here, but as there's nothing new, I won't go on. Point is, it was a fun chapter.
| MultiplePersonas chapter 7 . 6/5/2019
Sorry for taking so long between reviews. I'm sure you can relate, though. Life gets away from us sometimes.
This story is, admittedly, very similar to the original Shadowchasers fic, but with some key differences - mostly that the characters are more interesting. Ezekiel is especially realistic, having a much more relatable reaction than Ember to life-changing events.
I still have to mention the grammar, though. You've got good ideas, but you need to proofread more. Often you have a comma in place of a period, or vice versa, or is missing the period entirely. You also sometimes start new paragraphs when you shouldn't. These can be super distracting. Sorry, but it's the truth.
Anyway, I'm eager to see what's next, though I might have had Ezekiel along to watch and get used to the situation. That's just me, though.
| 0ccam's Razor chapter 14 . 4/1/2019
Sorry it took so long to review. This was on my to-do list, but I think I lost the list.
Anyway... The writing is getting a little better, as is the humor. I liked the interaction between Ezekiel and the clerk, as if the cards were liquor. As always, I see a lot of missed potential, like say, how someone might of brought up how Manjyome put a halfway decent deck together with only monsters that had zero points.
Irene was... interesting. Maybe somewhat lackluster, considering how dangerous those experiments can be. (Case in point, the owlbear.) The Glacial Beasts were... unique.
Like I said, I see a lot of improvement, and hope to see more soon.
| MultiplePersonas chapter 6 . 2/25/2019
Welp, Ezekiel's about to get some answers. That ought to be entertaining. I suppose he'll meet Jalal, too, which could be fun.
The duel here was pretty cool, but I feel the need to mention that you need to work on building suspense. I don't mean to offend you, but you seem to have pretty much a regular "tone" from start to finish, and that can be problematic when the situation gets more tense. It takes more than a few sentences to really give the idea of a desperate situation, and it could use a little more description. Like, in this duel, that would've been great on Wendy's first turn after Thunder End Dragon was summoned.
Again, I'm only trying to be constructive. You have great ideas, but those can be held back by flaws in the writing itself.
On the plus side, you have a real knack for writing duels. Despite the lack of suspense, that one was pretty cool. Facing down all those Level 8s with steely determination. Wendy's no slouch. Out of curiosity, is she based on Wendy from Pokemon Ranger: Shadows of Almia? She also has a close relationship with her mode of transport, a Staraptor.
| Schwarzwald Hunter chapter 14 . 2/24/2019
So, dragon heritage gives you magical powers. I wonder what Jalal can do
So it looks like Ezekiel has found something better than human wave
| MultiplePersonas chapter 5 . 2/24/2019
Ah, Wind-Ups. Not only a great choice for a recurring character, due to their many possibilities (rather than relying on one card or combo), but also showing off a childlike nature that can be very endearing.
Ezekiel's life is about to get very interesting, and I look forward to that. I have to point out, though, that legally Kimba didn't get his fair fight-Ezekiel isn't a Shadowchaser, so Kimba has a strong case. Just saying.
Zeke's duel was fun, but I have to admit that it makes him look less talented when his opponent has a deck that stupid. A bunch of Normal Winged Beasts fueling one Fusion? Not much to go on there. Maybe Kimba was poor and this was the best he could get? Now I feel bad for insulting him. Way to go, me...
Now, to see this super-dangerous criminal, Tarni Burumurring.
| MultiplePersonas chapter 4 . 2/24/2019
The awakening of an Aware, a good way to fuel a Shadowchasers story. It certainly worked for the original.
Matari vs. Derrilin was pretty cool-definitely a great use of Jurracs. I've never much cared for decks that emphasized a single strong card, but that just means they're perfect for mooks who aren't as smart as they claim. A strategy like Junk Warrior power-up goes down easy by simply taking out that one monster. Then the opponent is left with a bunch of weak Normal monsters-but I obviously don't need to tell you. The second half of that duel was pure suspense, though, and I applaud you for that.
| MultiplePersonas chapter 3 . 11/20/2018
That duel was the most fun yet! I love a well-written duel, and Railway is one of my favorite decks. Arika is a fun, sassy sort of character that makes for a fun protagonist, and Jirra was a good first opponent for her.
It was a nice reveal for Zephyr. Before this chapter, I would've guessed she was a Pegasus, but this is more interesting somehow. Seems much tougher to tame, though.
Good to see Ezekiel finally taking part in the plot. He seems cool, but obviously there's still plenty to learn about him.
| MultiplePersonas chapter 2 . 11/18/2018
Ah, a nice archetype deck, rather than merely a Type. Jurracs were a great choice, and made for a suspenseful duel, and the shark cards were pretty cool, too.
Looks like this entire duel was just a diversion for something sinister. I look forward to seeing what.
| MultiplePersonas chapter 1 . 11/18/2018
That was a fun start to a compelling story. Using an old Aboriginal myth as the basis for a conflict was really cool, and I enjoyed learning it. I love it when I can learn and still be entertained.
The duel was pretty cool, though I can tell it was just a warm-up for what's coming later. Rowan's deck was a little standard, but I'm sure it has a few surprises coming. Gulaangga's deck was unsurprising, as you pointed out, but still used to perfection.
There IS one thing I'd like to point out, though, and that's your overuse of commas. Often you should've just made two separate sentences instead of joining them with a comma. If you're unsure, try saying them aloud and see if they seem like one sentence or two.
| 0ccam's Razor chapter 13 . 11/18/2018
Okay, after having “read new chapter of Muru” on my “to-do” list for weeks, I finally managed.
One, I’m not sure if Ezekiel meant to break the fourth wall, but yeah, most serious players AND motorists would call the idea of a D-Wheel pretty absurd. I think that’s the whole reason 5Ds caught on, as it was “so crazy it was cool.”
The problems Ezekiel and Matari are having are actually kinda refreshing, if only to show that the relationship between student and teacher is rarely all-too rosy, but often worth it in the end. Anyone who has seen the movie “Kill Bill” might know what I mean.
The sense of humor was a nice change. Polymorph is far from the only type of spell with “risque activity potential”. (I’m certain the Shadowchasers have booked more than one peeping tom who found a Ring of Invisibility.) I have to admit, I laughed at the “public urination” comment. Yeah, pretty sure a werewolf would be pretty embarrassed if someone brought such a thing up, although I can think of worse.
All in all, the fic is improving ever so slightly. I look forward to Ezekiel’s first trial, as I originally felt that such an idea gave creativity potential to a writer. Of course, I could probably name a few decks that used only monsters with higher than 1,500 ATK, like say, Normal Beatdown.
Oh, and don’t feel pressured to always update too fast. This isn’t a race. It’s better to take your time or even think about it for a while than rush and submit something you aren’t happy with.
| Schwarzwald Hunter chapter 13 . 10/19/2018
Alright, a new chapter!
Another half dragon, interesting
| RedemptionWarrior chapter 12 . 6/24/2018
... Now that's interesting. I wonder who those nitwits are, messing with Shadowchasers like that. If Arika wasn't so dense, she'd have caught that her opponent had prepared for her... Something is afoot, and I can't wait to find out what.
| Schwarzwald Hunter chapter 12 . 6/22/2018
And good, Zeke's cards kind of stink
| Metal Overlord 2.0 chapter 11 . 12/14/2017
Considering how long it's been since I last updated Dance Macabre, I am in no position to judge a fellow writer also having to balance your writing with the outside world, though in my case it's a combination of work, gaming, my little pony fanfiction, anime...you get the idea I am easily distracted and even more easily amused LOL I actually have to thank you for never giving up on this story as so many Shadowchasers authors seem to have done after the first few chapters, it's inspired me to keep working on Dance Macabre even though it could be a lifetime before I finish the bloody fic at the rate I write.
Anyway, back to THIS story, this was a nice little low stakes chapter to give Ezekiel another chance to duel, and the Mimi made for another intriguing glimpse of Australian folklore, having some interesting potential for spies and less savory work. It's obvious Ezekiel isn't going to become a prodigy overnight which is a far more realistic look at how someone would adapt to such a drastic paradigm shift as opposed to say, Ember. Yes he won the duel, but only after several close calls when it's obvious both his deck and his own skills have yet to move beyond the kind you'd expect in a casual player of the game, as opposed to the Shadowchasers who often duel with their lives on the line.
The Wind Ups were used to excellent effect, and while I do think at some point his deck will need a serious upgrade, the fact he was able to overcome Mimi's surprisingly effective Rock Beatdown deck hints at his potential. Block Dragon alone turned the entire nature of a Ko'aki Rock stun deck on it's head, allowing players to avoid revealing the contents of their hand just to keep key cards like Sandman and Wall in play. While I still wish that Duel Network hadn't been taken down, it does make the appearance of an undiscovered gem like Block Dragon all the more of a treat. And yes, I laughed (and winced) at the Lego joke.
Everything else was equally solid, we had a cute scene with Pekeri, a hysterical and raunchy bar scene hinting at some new characters, and some interesting tension between Ezekiel and his so called 'mentors' all of which makes me eager to see what happens next so as always, well done!