This is sooo good! If its ok, i might link this bit in my wattpad fanfic for Cloudpaw (Cloudheart). He's mute as well!

Beechpaw is a good sport. Too bad Owlpaw doesn't appreciate it, haha.

I'm... not quite sure how a cat can smell of wind. Can you explain that one to me?

Cranepaw's commentary on Hawkstar is interesting. Is he trying to smooth something over, or is she just hypervigilant? She doesn't seem to react to the tension between her Clan and ShadowClan, though, so maybe not. Either way, I sense there's something going on there.

The apprentices are so precious. That's what I have to say to everything here, except that it's interesting to see a controversy brewing.

I don't think it's that ironic, but alright. Nice to see that Owlpaw's finally catching flak for being a loudmouth.

Bahaha, Lilykit echoing what Holltail said. That's brilliant. Uncle Thornpelt's embarrassed about his big fat crush on Duskfur.

I am at a loss as to how to picture Leaftail, especially since the trees in ShadowClan are evergreens.

"Leaftail cocked her ears exaggeratedly" - I love her already.

I was picturing the apprentices all sitting in a line with some space between them - so how did Brightpaw lay a tail on her brother's shoulder?

Cats already walk on their toes, so I don't understand the advice to keep their weight on their toes, but alright. Did Lightningfoot swing her butt around to Beechpaw's face in order to tap him with her tail like that?

Anyway, the training session seemed a bit mechanical and simplistic, but I suppose you've got to start somewhere.

Owlpaw complaining that his whiskers hurt, oh man. He's such a brat, but he's an entertaining character. You've struck a good balance of flaws with him.

Smokewind, Sunbird, Mistrise. Some of these suffixes are beyond me still.

Again with the tail tapping. Seems a bit awkward to swing your butt around to someone mid-conversation.

Most of the Clan had gone to sleep at night? Why's that? They're cats.

Oh, Owlpaw. Don't be such a dunce. Come on.

"It was dark: Vipertooth said he didn't know how many RiverClan cats there were" - but cats can see in the dark, remember? Still, presuming he didn't get a good look at them, this is still a suspenseful scene. I like how you portray the anxiety among the apprentices. Really, really good stuff.

With so many kits, I was having trouble at first with keeping track of who's who, but maybe that's just me.

I like Brightkit's efforts to communicate with her brother; they seem to have a system worked out (and it helps that he's so expressive).

Brindlespots seems like a good dad. I like his advice. I hope good things happen to him.

I also like Brightkit's perspective on the leader, in both senses of the word - I can imagine her looking up at the branch from far below in a sense of awe.

You could do with a better transition between the ceremony and the tour of the territory. As it is, it was kind of jarring and sudden. A line/divider will do, if you don't want to change the text.

Runningstar? Was he previously Runningkit?

Interesting that you note the difference between ShadowClan and ThunderClan trees, making theirs seem more foreign. It's a nice touch.

Owlpaw's pride in his new mentor is cute to see, even if it is a tad arrogant. I can see why Brightpaw would be annoyed. I'm starting to love the interaction between this bunch.

Crows are, indeed, very smart. I like the little touches of detail you add here and there to make the world feel real. Like tail commands! That's a cool idea, I wouldn't have thought of that, but it makes sense.

A simple chapter, but there was enough going on to keep it interesting, and I'm getting attached to the characters.

While I'm not fond of weather beginnings, this chapter does have some good pacing to it, and somehow the description of the weather at the end gives the ending a more ominous feeling.

...Duskfur laid her tail on his flank? I thought she was sitting down. Anyway, it seems odd that Duskfur is so nonchalant about the situation, given the risk of death. Especially if this is the queen's first litter.

What's up with Dawnwing's name? And why Lilykit for a tortie? I thought lilies were white. And why sky for Brightsky's suffix?

Nice plot device with the tortie tom, though. I'm not sure why the medicine cat is pressing the matter, but it's pretty clear there are some serious secrets here. Pretty good dialogue, too, aside from the weirdness with Duskfur. I like it so far.

If the chapter was suppose to be more about Beechpaw you should make it more about him, like his point of view, what he's thinking, his emotions, this chapter was more on Brightpaw and tell other siblings, not so much Beechpaw

This is really good so far! I think that Owlpaw is my favorite character so far, because that's EXACTLY how my own cats would act.

Love this story! Your portrayal of Beechpaw's muteness is very well executed. Best mute cat description I've read on this site thus far. Everything feels very original, and each character is very well defined (Brightpaw's rather cheerful, Owlpaw's boastful, Beechpaw's unsure of himself, and Lilypaw's quiet and intelligent). I look forward to your next update!
Spotty

This story seems to be going off to a very good start! I like how its going so far. And yes I think you portray Beechpaw well.

This was really enjoyable to read - Thornpelt's nervousness is really adorable. :)

I like it. A lot. Well done.

Also, first review? Wat?