|Reviews for Saiyaman|
| Ultimate Black Ace chapter 9 . 4/18/2015
Replacing the 6-star with a 4-star copy. Anyone inquisitive or attentive enough could catch the switch. I imagine that's going to tip someone off at some point.
Well, that wasn't a good play on Saiyaman's part, as pointed out by the news. Could have been much worst than it was had there been more traffic. If he doesn't think things through, the police stance on his vigilantism won't be justified worry, it'll be justified and justified only.
And destroying the two back wheels shouldn't have really had as much of an effect. The car can still drive without them, it's just far more dangerous.
Piccolo's mental training shouldn't have an impact on Gohan's power directly. Improve his skills, gain better Ki control and learn techniques? Yes, and those, Ki control especially, can make Gohan stronger, but it shouldn't make his muscles stronger.
However getting into a fighting mindset could help prevent another car scenario like in this chapter, since fighters often need good awareness of their surroundings and opponents to gain an upper hand.
| Mr.Son chapter 8 . 3/3/2015
Wow this is really god for your first story
| Ultimate Black Ace chapter 8 . 3/3/2015
Slowing things down? Great to hear it, some of the things in the story felt a tad rushed. An example being when Sharpener's past with the Red Shark gang was hinted at. Used next chapter.
Convenient timing, the Android leaving its fortress soon after Gohan arrives... Voice recognition software so that it could fight Saiyaman perhaps?
I think that your action scenes may be improving, the action, while straightforward, wasn't bad. Very easy to visualize and the battle had decent flow as well.
Ah, the vigilante vs. authority conflict. Given the lack of issue Hercule has had in the past (granted, I could be forgetting something), this seems somewhat out of left field. A better way to have built it up may have been to have a higher up bring up the topic to him, have him show concern in the past but never have the chance to address it, or have Saiyaman mess up (be it something minor, like a missed Ki blast blowing up a car, or something bigger, like a fight wrecking an entire block). That gives him greater reason to have concern and, more importantly, to bring it up after Saiyaman started his career.
The sentences that you used about what Gohan and Dende don't understand is an example of the importance of sentence structure. It makes it seem like Gohan doesn't get food (which he should), men (which he should), pop culture or women. Stating "the latter of which he couldn't understand either" or "the last two of which" (with some restructuring) would have fixed this problem.
Generating a shockwave is not subtle.
Hm... Another Red Ribbon Android. One would think that Gero would already know a great deal about Gohan's abilities, given that he tried to destroy Goku. But then, since he only has 11 Androids completed at this point, with 1-9 not even on-screen and presumably destroyed already, one can only assume that he never had a chance to try to get revenge on Goku aside from maybe the first few. And so, he never got the chance to really see what works or not or see what Goku's actually capable of (assuming Goku had all of Gohan's current abilities at the time). The bombs are a clever addition, since even if they're not actually destroying the enemy, they prevent Bulma from getting at them.
Pretty sure Slug was giant when he ripped the arm off. Gero's lab must have some high ceilings.
Dr. Myuu, huh. Pretty sure that his specialty was also technology or biotech, the latter of which would be rather useful for Cell.
That means that GT characters are going to be used. Can't say I'm psyched for most of them.
Although, given how Dr. Myuu outplayed Gero in GT, looks like we might get our first direct villain vs. villain here.
| ThePurpleBear chapter 1 . 2/23/2015
Hey. Its superfly, when ever I comment on anon I used that handle.
So as promised I started. My negatives would be, its a little choppy in terms of transitioning between scenes, spelling mistakes here and there and some problems with grammer. But those are not picky really.
Positives, it's original. That's the biggest compliment I can give, in a fandom that has recycled the "Gohan goes to highschool" so many times. This is very refreshing.
On to the next chapter!
| Son of Whitebeard chapter 7 . 2/23/2015
yes Roshi with Mr. Immortal type powers or Baba being Madam Xandadu would be good
| anonymous chapter 7 . 2/16/2015
Well certainly entertaining
And must I say that the justice league thing u r planning is good as long as there are no OC's and canon characters are not screwed up too bad
Also finally some rewinding
I am supposing either vegeta is alive actually or frieza picked up gohan on scanners
Well it will be interesting to say the least to see wht happens
Update soon and keep up the good work
| E-K chapter 7 . 2/16/2015
This fanfic so far is godsend. I love this.
A suggestion: Have someone play the 'batman' role, going by the justice league comparison. Also, I'd love to see vegetas reaction when he learns of gohan.
| innocentsmilehehe chapter 7 . 2/17/2015
About non canon powers...i'd not recommend that...because DBZ's specialty is how the linear power system works...also i'd like to request you to focus on displaying physical strength too unlike in the canon story where there arent much physical feats
| Ultimate Black Ace chapter 7 . 2/17/2015
That banter... Spiderman, Gohan is not. He's not very good at it.
That was a pretty bad strategy on Gohan's part. Being above the clouds would make sense if Slug's weakness was sunlight, but his weakness is heat. As you go higher up into the atmosphere it gets colder, not warmer. We get some warmth from the sun, but also from the Earth's core. If anything, I'd expect a fight in the sky to be beneficial for Slug.
Hey Ki blasts. With that, Gohan has most of his basic abilities. The only ones missing are Ki sense, techniques like the Kamehameha or Masenko-ha (which are techniques and not actually powers admittedly), and further SSJ transformations (if he even has any since they just seem to be indication that his abilities are active). Of course, that's assuming that he'll get any of them.
If you're using underlines to indicate when telepathy is being used, you need to be careful with that. In the paragraph where Piccolo sends Gohan some mental training, for example, you don't cut off the underline when Piccolo isn't "speaking."
So, it seems that Saiyans either use Blutz waves as an equivalent for solar energy, or they emit it themselves. I imagine that Frieza is the threat that unites the "Justice League" then. I feel like he's coming too soon though. He's one of the biggest DBZ villains in general, even if he's far from the strongest, so I think that if he's just one arc away that's too soon.
As for canon heroes having non-canon powers, I approve. Otherwise you risk all of them just having variations of the same powers. But it needs to make sense for the character. I wouldn't expect say... Krillin to be shooting fire from his hands.
| Ultimate Black Ace chapter 6 . 2/17/2015
Have to say, this chapter felt weaker in comparison to the others. Gohan missing Slug due to tunnel vision, Dende's decision to hold back on his decision until he sees whether or not someone who he was about to go to for help (his only friend) dies, etc. Really, the parts with the Namekians in general felt somewhat weak for me.
Although, it was somewhat entertaining to see the slow development of Videl's relationship with Gohan, even if the method was somewhat cliche.
Hm... if Slug's wearing such heavy clothing, but Namekians are cold resistant and weak to heat (according to Dende anyways), how could Slug not be showing any reaction to the hot day? A little contradictory there.
A big part of the issue of Dende waiting to see the outcome of the fight is that it feels so... lackadaisical. He acknowledges the beauty of the world, but a few people are cruel. A FEW. That hardly makes a counterbalance. If you counterbalanced using a good number of people or memories of being experimented on, it'd fit better.
| windblade8 chapter 7 . 2/16/2015
this is an awesome new idea! i like this story and cant wait to see who joins the team! is there going to be a age limit or well he have the older z fighters join? oh whats the team name going to be something like "Z- warriors" or "team dragon" can't wait to read more keep it up
| anonymous chapter 6 . 2/10/2015
Good chapter and nice twist with Lord slug
Also dende is different than he was in canon which is totally understandable ae a cause of all he went through
So since piccolo and slug were initially the same being, if piccolo dies then slug would too?
| pir84lyf chapter 6 . 2/11/2015
Saiyaman, videl. Videl, no stalking
| Son of Whitebeard chapter 5 . 2/6/2015
oh no evil piccolo
| innocentsmilehehe chapter 4 . 2/5/2015
I love it :3 i've always wanted to have Saiyaman portrayed in western comic type of way ! please add superhero feats too :3 ok ? and would you also write a similar fic thatfollows canon storyand even possibly make a crossover with a western comic *-*