|Reviews for My Place is at Your Side|
| thorn chapter 12 . 4/29/2012
great, great story.
peace out (and continue your awesomness)
| Selene467 chapter 12 . 2/1/2011
An amazingly wonderful ending to an incredible, fantastic story. I loved Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon reconciling. It was just so overwhelmingly brilliant I don't have any words for it.
I'm saddened by the fact that I just found out before reading the epilogue: You won't write fanfiction anymore. It explains your lack of updating and lack of response and it greatly saddens me because I've enjoyed your stories a lot and would miss reading more of them.
I searched for those two SW stories you mentioned, Hope and Never Let Go/The Enemy Within, but I couldn't find them so I'm guessing you either took them down or never uploaded them. I understand if you would want to write your own stories, but I will sorely miss your SW stories and I will greatly miss reading about Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.
I seriously hope, tohuhg you might not like it, that the fanfiction bug will catch you again and you'll write some more amazing Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon fics, but for now that is all I can do, Hope.
This story was a well spent journey, I've got no bad things to mention about it and I'm not kidding about that. I've been obsessed with this story. I've ignored my computer games, I ignored my brother, sister, mother and father, I was so focussed it took quite a bit to jolt me away form the story that so fully encompassed me.
If you ever do plan on writing fanfics again, will you please, please let me know. I'll never forget your awesome stories, NEVER!
| Selene467 chapter 11 . 2/1/2011
Wow, I've sighed several times now that the tension is over from this chapter. It was ana amzing journey, this chapter alone. From Obi-Wan leaving the hospital room to escaping a self-destructing ship. I'm a bit exhausted, in a pleased way, and out of words so sorry that this review won't be as long as the others or as detailed.
I loved how Obi finally tapped down on his doubt and went where the force wanted him to go. It was such amaizng how well you handled his character. I was expecting that somewhere in this story he would have to trust the force, that he would face a moment where he could do nothing else and it's amazing that you as the writer kept it believeable and true to character when he i fact did trust the force. You didn't just suddenly make Obi-Wan trust the force without doubt, without hesitation, you made him connect to the forc, made him aware where the force wanted him to go, but then true to his character immediately followed with Obi-Wan's worry, fear and anxiety about the possibility Qui-Gon wasn't where the force told him to go. That immeasurable sense of doubt and fear is a srong weakness of Obi-Wan's and it was a great piece of writing that you kept him like that even when he did trust the force. It wasn't full trust, he was doubtful, yet went where the force told him to go which is a great improvement on his part. A step closer to becoming that excellent Jedi Master we all know he will be.
The whole ship scene was incredible and I was somewhat mortified and horrified when I read about Qui-Gon's situation and how he hung in the room from the ceiling. I could picture it and with Obi's description of the convulsions and paleness and blood on the box, the picture was even more clear and horrifying and I was momentarily deathly worried for the man.
I loved Obi's plain disobedience and was quite stunned and shocked and somewhat aghast that Qui-Gon would force-suggest Obi-Wan to leave him. I understand it form Qui's point of view, I wouldn't want someone I cared and loved for to die because they wouldn't leave me.
But didn't Qui-Gon understand that it would have killed Obi-Wan (not literally) if he had survived in such a way, if he had survived and his master had died when he'd been right there, when he'd been so close to him yet would have failed.
Perhaps Qui-Gon should trust the force bit moe as well and trust his Padawan. After all, the force told Obi-Wan where to find Qui-Gon for a reason, perhaps to save him or maybe for a chance to say goodbye. I personally think the force wanted Obi to save him and Qui should have accepted that fact and should have trusted his padawan despite his rising fear of losing him.
Also loved Obi force-suggesting Qui-Gon to wakeness. Amazing and Qui was so utterly confused.
Hmm, I managed to review more than I thought XD I loved this chapter, any tenser and I would have been holding my breath which would not end well for me since this chapter was pretty long XD
Thank you for the wonderful read and I'm off to the epilogue now XD
| Selene467 chapter 10 . 2/1/2011
Wow, this chapter had such a tight control of me I actually ignored my mom XDLuckily, she knows how I get when I'm reading something exciting so she let me be for the moment.
It's amazing how you twist everything around, surprising me when one such turning point comes. Revelc is a mastermind, haivng thought of EVERYTHING that might help in destroying Qui and Obi ,but you have to be the smartest, most wicked, most brilliant mastermind to not only think of this entire plot but to write it so excellently and surprise me throughout the story so many times and twisting the events around yet kepe them all intertwined, all connected. One thing leads to another, and another, then suddenly everything slams to a halt and takes a completely different direction. I hope any of that made sense, cause I don't know how else to explain it.
You also have a talent, a really strong talent, of making your readers be pulled in so deeply in, not only the story, but the characters. I was so deeply connected to Obi that I along with him truly thought they'd be alright, that Qui-Gon would be alright in the hospital, that most of the danger was gone and only needed to find this guy and it would be over. But then SLAM, again you stun me into shock when it turns out Qui is not safe at all and things once again spiralled out of control.
Normally readers remember in the back of their mind that the writer wouldn't be as kind to let that be it and is cruel enough to have something more bad stuff to happen. But because I was so pulled into Obi's mind and such, I completely forgot how cruel you as the writer could be to your characters and how this guy so far had seemd a mastermind and would not give up so easily. As swiftly as Obi loses his control on his emotions, just as quickly I, as the reader, am pulled into Obi's sense of safety, forgetting along with Obi-Wan that it's not going to be that easy and that this guy would pop up with another horrible plan.
Oh and that torture devise, that strnge light, YIKES! It sounded horrible and I feel super sorry that poor Obi had to go through that. But, an amazing piece of writing!
Now, of course, I'm deathly worried for Qui-Gon. What happened to him and will Obi-Wan get there in time to save him? I have a feeling though that Qui would be very proud of Obi, if he makes it to feel that pride. I'm worried!
| Selene467 chapter 9 . 2/1/2011
I laughed too at the ending. I love Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.
This was one exciting chapter. I can't believe I read through it so quickly. Obi truly does everything backwards. He thinks logically, let the force guide him with those shields and all the other decisions he made an all that he did calmly, but when everything is alright, everyone is safe and he's done something to be proud of, he begins berating himself and analysing all the mistakes he made. In a way it's funny but it's also sad that he has such a tendency, but he'll grow out of it, I'm sure.
I loved how Obi-Wan didn't let Qui-Gon interrupt him in his berating. I could practically visualize Qui-Gon's face as he tried to say something but was every time cut off by Obi-Wan.
The way, Qui-Gon finally took control of his padawan's eratic behaviour was awesome. first ordering him to come sit and then talking to him. It was a really sweet scene.
At first, when those force-shields wee mentioned by the doctor, I thought the doctor and Qui-gon were outside in the hall and Obi-Wan was the only one inside the room. I found it ironic, thinking instead of Qui-Gon trapped with the bomb as in the vision, Obi-Wan was trapped. then I realized that all three were in the room and I felt irritated that fate was so unfair to them. Obi tried so hard to protect Qui-Gon, even risking shock form disconnection from the treatment, only to have him trapped there as well. You are one cruel writer and I love you for it XD
My reviews are shrinking in size now I think. Anyway, I loved the chapter, the stoy is amazing. I'm wondering if they contacted the council already. surely they will be anxious for any news after Obi-Wan practically left them withou a word XD
Awesome chapter, fantastic story!
| Selene467 chapter 8 . 2/1/2011
Oh damn! I knew it was a vision! It's surprising thought, that Obi had such a clear visiosn ,that it actually truly came to be, since Yoda is always on about the future always shifting, but Obi is strong in the force and it's I think normal that he would have such a clear vision.
I am of course super worried now and tohugh I'd love to rush on and read the next chapter, I wanted to review first.
The saboteur is really sneaky and a complete ass, but now that I understand how t all came to be, it does make a bit of sense. He had his heart broken in a very bad way and it's actually sad that his hurt chaged into such a vile hatred towards all Jedi.
I really loved how Obi-Wan handled everything in this chapter. How he spoke with the Directors, controlling his emotions well, and then bit by bit gettig closer to the truth, finding the puzzle pieces one by one. It was an amazing process and very well written.
It's also very nice how Obi chose his next steps, meditating, then contacting the council and finding out they were expected tob e back already and that there never was a mission to that planet. It's amazing how complex and simple the plot is at the same time and I had my own suspicions in the beginning of the story, but no idea that it was all this insanely well thought through and so many tricks and traps. It's amazing, how you kept me thinking I knew what was to come and surprise me so greatly. I love it! I can hardly wait to read what you spring on me next XD
And it's once more true to character how Obi, after seeing the timer, returns to the anxious Obi that lets his worry overrule him. Also, very daring of him to ignore Yoda and Mace XD
It's a very exciting and anxious ending to the chapter and you are an aamzing writer. I'm off to the next chapter.
| Selene467 chapter 7 . 1/31/2011
Finally! Obi remembers! I can't really blame him, there was soo much on his mind. I'm glad he made the connection ,but am just as frustrated that he can't act.
Obi going alone on the mission, the first meeting, ah this is soo exciting and also making me nervous. I hope he does well, I'm sure he will. Qui-Gon believes in him and if he would just try to trust the force through this, he will be fine.
I loved Obi's indignation as he relaized his master had force-suggested him and then their little jokingly bickering and then Obi's embarrasment when Qui mentioned a certain female. Bad Qui, making Obi uncomfortable and teasing him so mercifully. It was funny though XD
I am thoughroughly relieved that Qui will be fine, unless of course the sabotour is planning something while Obi is in the meeting. Force, I hope not!
Also, it's come to my notice that you went form hurting both Obi and Qui to know at the moment only hurting Qui-Gon. I'm menaing physically sort of, since Obi is also hurting but more like hurting in his heart because Qui is is in such pain. This may sounds horrible, but I'm eager for some Obi hurt again XD
However, I really like how deeper you go into reversing Qui and Obi's roles. First Obi taking control like a master and Qui stubbornly holding on like a frustrated and stubborn padawan, and now you mentioned how Obi is experiencing the worry and fear of Qui being hurt just like Qui always experienced those feelings whenever Obi was hurt, which was a lot, apparently.
Also, this sentence:
As his apprentice, I had spent more time in the Healers' Ward than any other Jedi to ever walk the halls of the Temple.
It doesn't really advertise Qui-Gon very well does it XD I just found it a bit funny the way Obi worded that. Like becoming Qui's padawan is more dangerous and health-risky than any other MAster, although I must admit in a way that is true, cause Qui has a knack of getting into trouble or being aroudn when trouble arises and Obi seems to have received the same curse.
Obi's lack of confidence in himself and his skills has always been a weakness of his character along wiht his temper, than thankfully under Qui's tutelage has been controlled much better, but it's very nice character interpretation showing Obi's doubting thoughts throughout the story, and he's doubting himself a lot. It's very true to character and I think it will take him several more years to get more confidence in himself, like in the first movie. Comparing him form your story and the first movie shows how mcuh difference a few years can make. In your story he's still very underconfident and in the first movie he has much more confidence, even enough to argue much more and stronger wth Qui and question him now and then, even showing his exasperation every now and then, I remember in the movie, though not to overly showing it as that would be too unjedi like.
So basicaly, what I'm saying is, you got an excellent handle on both characters and you're using their skills and feelings fantastically in this story and I have to say, you have a knack for putting Obi-Wan in difficult and frustrating situations, further troubling his already lacking confidence. So in a way, that is Obi angst in itself as it gives him much turmoil and causes him to battle his emotions XD
Excellent work so far, I'll continue reading again tomorrow, I think. thanks for this wonderful chapter. I enjoyed it a lot!
| Selene467 chapter 6 . 1/31/2011
Yet again a wonderful chapter. I loved Obi's worry in the beginning and was pleased that he eventually took control of the situation and actually demanded, though in a gentle way, that they stop and rest. It's so well written, the back and forth arguing until finally, surprisingly, Qui-Gon conceded. Understandible though, who could resist Obi XD
And also funny and in character, shortly after that victory Obi slammed into the wall named Qui-Gon Jinn, again, when they argued over keeping watch. Stubborn, hard-headed Qui-Gon!
Obi comforting Qui-Gon was very sweet and also intruiging to see their roles so much reversed in this story. Qui-Gon stubbornly insisting on keep going, argueing with Obi and OBi taking control of the situation, soothing his hurting master, trying to make him see sense. It's great and shows a great stregth in their relationship. I don't think there are a great many Master/Padawan teams who would so easily and comfortably reverse roles.
Oh and I forgot to mention this in the previous review, I liked the use of that reference to the other story to convince Qui-Gon and in this chapter, too, it was used brilliantly. As Obi talked about that, I could almost remember that one-shot, even though it's been a while I think since I read that.
I loved the ocnversation about that deep, deep connection to the force Obi experienced and his slightly hurt feelings and stubborness at Qui-Gon telling him he didn't trust the force enough, was both cute and a bit sad. Obi wants so badly to be like Qui-Gon that he only notices his faults. I'm not saying he doesn't see his skills and talents, just that he tends to forget he isn't behind, at all, because he keeps comparing himself to Qui-Gon. That insecurity and slightly lack of confidence is so true to Obi's character and well shown in this chapter and even in all previous chapters. Everytime he doubts himself, it shows. And it's also true, I think, that Obi doesn't trust the force enough, that he mostly grasps for it in that connected way when he's in danger. But he's awesome and will learn to trust the force fully someday, I'm sure of it.
Also, I love your explanation of why Qui-Gon is so deeply connected to the Living Force, that he experienced that same thing Obi experienced in the shuttle, when he was very young and therefor focussed himself deeply on learning more about the Living Force ad over the years came to be the Living Force Master as we now know him. Very nice view on Qui-Gon this is and also great way to solve the mystery that man is. We never did find out much about him.
Also, the reason I think Obi has more trouble connecting in that way to the force, is because I believe Obi is much stronger in the Unifying Force. I've read it in many stories, where he's got visions and even in the movie he tells Qui-Gon he feels something disturbing in the force, far away and elusive and Qui-Gon tells him to focus on the now, the Living force in other words and Obi's feelings were about the coming future, so the Unifying force. I'm not saying he's a Unifying Force Jedi, just that I believe he is stronger in that part of the force, not stronger, more in tune with that part of the force than he's ever been with the Living force.
I loved the example Qui-Gon used to explain it to Obi about trusting the force and such, it was an interesting bit into the relationship, once again, of your Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. Also the name flows smoothly over my tongue, it's a cool name: The Flowing Water Kata XD
I'm very happy and relieved that they got to civilization without too much trouble, but now that guy shows up again and still Obi can't place him. If I'm right about who he is, then I'm going to sigh explosively when Obi finally figures it out. I guess he has too much on his mind to remember everything clearly like Qui-Gon manages. Obi is after all, still a padawan and still learning.
I'm loving the story, I know I'm telling you this every review, but I can't help myself. It's just that good and I can't express it any other way.
Also, since there was much more conversation in this chapter, I didn't focus so much on the descriptions and etails, but so far it's still awesome and I can't find a shred of bad writing in this story, other than a very sneaky, barely unnoticeable few spelling errors.
I'm off to the next chapter and Wow isn't this review a bit long XD
| Selene467 chapter 5 . 1/31/2011
I loved it! It was quite impressive and felt like a turning point in Qui and Obi's relationship, when Obi turned their roles around and lectured/reprimanded his master and made him promise to lower his shields if he suffered another episode. It was an amazing scene and it was a very strong scene.
I loved the stubborn stalemate in the beginning when both refused to take the cloak, it's so like them. Qui-Gon is super stubborn and even wose has that sense that he is right in doing so because Obi is his padawan and he the master and should protect him. So Qui-Gon is even more stubborn because of that righteous feeling.
But Obi-Wan has picked up on his stubborness, though I believe Obi posessed a stubborn streak of his own before he met Qui-Gon. It's just super sweet yet at the same time frustratingly and ironically funny. It even seemed slightly childish how both ignored the cloak, refusing to back down XD
Awesome character interpretation!
Then Obi-Wan's nightmare. At first I feared it was a vision, even though that would not mean it would come to pass it would still mean it was a possibility.
But it turned out to be a nightmare, at least Obi-Wan thinks so, but I find it slightly unnerving that the Directors of their mission were in the dream, that his nightmare of losing Qui-Gon involved their mission stuff, it gave me a sense of foreboding and I'm hoping Obi was rght and it was a simple nightmare and not that he misjudged it and it turns out to be a vision.
I also liked how Qui-Gon handled his student's nightmarish awakening and defused the tensions and awkwardness with some dry humor. It's so like the pair of them to joke in perilous or just difficult or confusing situations. They can be a very strong and serious Master/Padawan team, but they can also be funny and teasing when they feel a need for it.
And of course, Obi's joke at discovering they were out of the box was super funny and I also loved Qui's rebuke about Obi's appetite. So far, the joke of Obi's love for food is present in alsmot every story of them I've read. It never gets old though and you wrote it very nicely XD
And then Qui-Gon's sudden collapse had me fully back on edge, my nerves fright and my thoughts in a frenzy as I felt Obi's panic mixed among my own and I kept thinking, what's wrong? Is it his wounds? I tohught he'd healed from those? Why won't he lower his shields!
Obi handled the situation nicely, I like dhow you showed his indesicion of what to do. He wanted to aid Qui-Gon, though the stubbornly man would not let him, and he knew he needed to stop the droid. I was really worried that the droid would hurt Qui-Gon since he couldn't defend him self and remembering what Obi realized about that type of droid, I was practically begging Obi in my mind to show the droid he was a more dangerous target so he wouldn't focus on the defenseless Qui. I wouldn't want Obi ot get hurt, but he could defend himself, it made sense.
Luckily, the doid focussed on Obi as he protected Qui and just like Obi-Wan I was surprised at the blaster fire instead of fire. The fight scene was very good, short but powerful and Obi-Wan's thoughts and decisions on what to do in the fight were nicely done and true to character. He thought of strategies and tried them and when they failed tried to find out why it failed and what to try next. He acted like a true Jedi, searhcing for that weakness that would quickly and hopefully with as least amount of trouble remove the threat.
So another wonderful chapter and the fact that my reviews remain constantly pretty long only proves how good your story is. Normally I can write a nicely wrong review, but as I progress in the story they usually dwindle to less long because I can't figure out what I could possibly say anymore, almost like I exhausted my mind, but your story is giving me an overload with every chapter and the thoughts fow through my fingers easily. It may be a bit repeatable on some parts, but so far I think my reviews are doing pretty good.
Loved the chapter, love the story!
| Selene467 chapter 4 . 1/31/2011
Awesome chapter. I was loving at the ending of it, Qui and Obi's humor returned and it was a nice relief from the tension Obi-Wan presented throughout the chapter.
I very much like how we followed Obi's thoughts in this chapter and were digging into his character. It's amazing to read as he struggles to make sense of everything and how he responds to everything, including Qu-Gon's teachings and how Obi feels mixed emotions, like ashamed but also thankful for a reprimand from Qui-Gon because he'll learn from it. Obi is very nicely in character and so is Qui-Gon and I LOVE them in this story.
The absurd tention in the beginning of the chapter - when Obi was a hostage and Qui-Gon refused to leave him - had me nearly stop breathing and so far on the edge of my seat I was sure one little push and I would fall off XD
I also like the Tarcalians, and I mean what they are, the description of them, in others words I like their race, not the mean thing they do.
I think I know who that man was the Tarcalian spoke with and it's frustrating to read Obi recognizing something about it but not able to grasp the truth that is, I think, right in front of him. I was actually thinking: 'Meditate Obi-Wan, orden your memories and thoughts'
Just in the hopes the familiarity would become clear to him.
Also nicely done to bring back the topic of the sabotage. From the tension in the story I forgot all about it, just like Obi, and it was well done that through Qui-Gon's questioning of Obi's certainty that they would be killed, the subject returned.
It's a nice show of how excellent your writing is, because me as the reader had gotten pulled into the story so deeply that I forgot what the characters forgot, that I was so deeply connected to the characters, mostly Obi-Wan though, that I practically forgot what I'd read and only knew what Obi and Qui knew.
So, all in all, I loved this chapter and the story is absolutely amazing! You have a serious knack of pulling your readers into the story so deeply they forget the world aroudn them. I know it happened to me.
Amazing piece of work!
| Selene467 chapter 3 . 1/30/2011
Okay, this is nerve wrecking! Poor Obi! I love Obi-Wna and Qui-Gon's relationship so far. An wow, Obi had been dying and Qui risked his own life to save his padawan, so awesome!
And now Obi is once more in mortal peril. Poor Obi, you can't give him a break huh? And I have a feeling much is still coming in this story.
But I'm loving every second of it or I wouldn't be reading this at three in the night.
You mentioned the first two parts of the story were the worst with the details and action experimenting, but those had bene brilliant so you can guess I also loved this chapter. I did notice the less details and stuff, this chapter is indeed less well what you called it, but it's not in any way less a good chapter than the first two. I think the first two kinda set up the plot and now that the threat has arrived you seem to focus more on that instead of the many details in surroudings and all the other stuff.
But this chapter was awesome as well and not just because of what happened and that awful cliff hanger. And though I notice the change from the first two chapters to this, it's so...I don't know...sneaky almost, smoothly hidden within layers of the story, that the change was only noticeable in the back of my mind. Perhaps it was that I had other things to focus on, the situation the two Jedi found themselves in or something else, but I wasn't consciously aware of the change, at least...I mean...it wasn't in the forefront of my mind and by all means the change, though minimal in notice to me, did not lessen the greatness of the chapter or story.
My mind is falling asleep I think, cause I'm not sure how much sense that all made. I hope you can understand the gist of what I'm trying to say.
I loved this chapter and I'm very worried for Obi-Wan and super curious how Qui-Gon will handle this situation. He must be going crazy with worry and fear.
Oh yeah that reminds me, loved Qui's pride and stuff when Obi pulled himself together and Obi's surprise/shock when he nearly ran into Qui-Gon.
Awesome chapter, great story so far XD
| Selene467 chapter 2 . 1/30/2011
Honestly, you should give yourself more credit. I loved this chapter as worrisome as it was though. Reading about Qui-Gon's condition was unnerving, I hope he'll be alright.
But back to your own critizing: the details were not overdone, they were excellent and nothing about them bothered me. I could read it all easily without becoming annoyed or as you fearing, praying for the story to get to the point. I felt nothing like that, instead the chapter was a pleasant read, except for the obvious hurting Qui and Obi, and I loved the details, and how you described everything that happened.
I also liked how you gave a lot away of the situations but still kept me in the dark like Obi about what was truly going on.
For example (just the simplest example I can think of), Obi registered he was wet, my mind as the reader immediatly sprang to the guess that it was raining wherever they had crashed and some part of the shuttle was broken open and it was raining into the shuttle. However, as close as my guess was, it was far less bad as I guessd. It were just small cracks and ruptures and not a huge hole somewhere. But this was revealed as we became more conscious as we followed Obi.
So I like how this the writing stlye in this story gives us enough clues to get the general idea, yet keeps us in the dark from the big picture and the true scene.
The details are astounishing and far from annoying and I think, they give the story that extra flavour, not to forget it also shows that you worked hard on the chapters, because you went through the trouble to write it as detailed as you possibly could.
Basically, I love this chapter and the story so far and I can't find a single bad thing to say, well okay one thing: HOW CAN YOU HURT OBI AND QUI SO!
Now worries, like most crazed fans out there, the more pain/angst/hurt, the more squealy I get and the more excited I get. After all, who doesn't love some Obi/Qui angst, the more of it the more mushy scenes will follow XD
Anyway, I truly love the story already, I love your writing, oh and I love the tory you mentioned that will be referred to in this story a few times; The Most Important Thing. I've read it and it's awesome, so now I'm deathyl curious how it is referred to in this story.
Back to my nerves:
PLEASE! Please Obi save him! Save Qui-Gon!
As a writer, you certainly have a knack for setting your readers on edge! Must read on now, can't stop here!
p.s. I apologize for any typos in this review or of certain things I wrote don't make a minial sense to you. I blame it on the fact that I'm writing this at haf past 2 in the night :D Hope the review is clear enough and expresses my joy at reading this story XD
| Selene467 chapter 1 . 1/28/2011
Are you kidding! This is amazing. The details, to me at least, aren't too many or overwhelming or halting the flow of the chapter at all. I love every description, of the ship, the controls, the storm, everything.
Qui's and Obi's teasing conversation was really funny, especially Obi's last remark about Qui feeling more comfortable with a ship of his own century. Hilarious!
I was wondering, though, since Obi is 18 here, but is this story like a stand alone story or are the Obi and Qui here the same as the one's from your Rebuilding the Bond series. Even if nothing is mentioned about that, I think they could be the same. I'm sure their relationship would ahve improved to this over those few years.
All in all, an amazing start to what I think will be an amazing story. Unfortunately I cannot continue to read more now, but I definitely will.
So far, this chapter did not seem too detailed to me nor possess a halting or slow flow, of course it's only the first chapter, but I still think you're making it sound worse than it really is. So far I have nothing bad to say about the story, in fact, I love those details on the ship and what was happening and the ending where Obi obviously was hurt and his vision and everything was going crazy as he hit his head and stuff.
I'm hooked already and will try and read more as soon as I can.
| ShiftingWinds125 chapter 12 . 12/26/2009
I loved that story! It was really cute! It was interesting to see Obi-Wan being insecure with himself. It is also sad to think that just 7 years from this story Qui-Gon will be killed.
You did an awesome job all the same!
| mirialin moon chapter 11 . 8/7/2009
That was so clever of you! I love the villan's name, what was it? Oh, yeah. "Revelc Cainam," that's 'Clever Maniac' backwards! and then, once it was Revelc Citanul, I realized it was 'Clever Lunatic'!