|Reviews for Decoherence|
| kintsugii chapter 1 . 7/15/2020
I! Have never crossposted reviews on this. Kill me. tldr this is a solid reason that I write Nfic today and lmao it's a really good story and i have like tiny questions about it but it's amazing?
[She actually flinches. He sounds so excited, so cheerful, like she's an old friend he's delighted to have run into again.]
Speaking of N - this is a really fun direction to take his character. He seems a lot more... distant, sort of less grounded in this. Definitely fits with the mental state you'd need to try to split the world. There's some really unnerving bits that you have here - him grinning, him being so happy to see Hilda even though she's clearly trying to stop him - that make it kind of stomach-lurching to read through. We know something is wrong but it's hard to tell what.
[Surely not how Plasma clamps down on "liberated" regions, how its enforcers—the only ones allowed to carry pokémon—terrorize everyone else.]
This is obviously a personal bias from how I see N/Team Plasma, so take it with a grain of salt, but: when Team Plasma becomes the fascist dictators of the story here I think it undercuts some of the emotional conflict. N and Team Plasma become lunatics who clearly haven't thought their plan through and have shitty motivations; it's sort of like Cyrus all over again - a comparison that you do bring attention to, but I wonder if the moral nuance could've made the story stronger and more thematically in line with the games they came from. I think one of the (attempted) themes of B/W is that there isn't black and white, and that the world operates in nasty greys, so it's a bit weird to return back to crazed villain and (failing) hero.
[Is she losing, now, because she's never believed herself a hero?]
Great concept; love seeing it brought to life like this.
[So it happened again. The hero won the battle. The hero is not her.]
I'm a bit curious about why she doesn't just send out the rest of her Pokemon to finish Zekrom off right away, though? Rules seem to be off the table here and Hilda seems to recognize that N's about to end the world, so seems like she'd be okay pulling out the stops here.
[Behind him, it's starting. The legends draw back, still watching one another. Blue light scintillates around Dialga; red glows around Palkia. The legends throw back their heads and let out a shout so loud Hilda swears it must echo around the whole world.
But the tip of an outstretched wing snags on the widening light. The whiteness spills into him, fills him completely, and for a moment he shines like a dying star. And then, in a silent rush, he is gone.]
hi yes your prose is beautiful
[The psychic flits around Spear Pillar, teleporting away from the creeping blank and firing wave after wave of psychic energy at the dragon legends, to no visible effect. And then her poor, clever champion jumps to a point it thought would be safe, which would have been, even a second before, but where now the holes in the world's fabric have reached, and it too is lost.]
telling that she views Elgyem as "it" maybe N was right
["Zoroark says humans are real. They're just... somewhere else."]
is this N? feels very in-character for him to pick the pokemon world tbh
[It's too bad pokémon aren't real, she thinks as she picks the game up again. She would make a damn awesome trainer.]
Such a good idea here. I love that you didn't try to make it sad, and that all the characters end up blissfully happy at the end. Was N right? Was Hilda right? Who knows? they certainly don't. The ending works a lot better that way and it doesn't feel like you're trying to force the gut-twisting that I felt, which is killer.
Awesome stuff; thanks for writing this.
| Harrison chapter 1 . 2/3/2020
What a heart wrenching ending...and yet, it's perfect, except for one major flaw (in my opinion.)
N, at least has no real reason to pursue Dialga or Palkia. I can see why you went that route, as what you did with it sets up this magnificent ending, but it's an awkward beginning with N.
I might have had N and Hilda teaming up against Cyrus if I were writing this...but on it's own, it's pretty damn impressive, just based on that ending alone.
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/10/2019
Thanks for the read.
| zi3l chapter 1 . 9/18/2018
fuck fuck fuck fuck sorry for the language I AM CRYing This is so good and convincing and the feels they burn holy shit this is amazing
| AmberAngelle chapter 1 . 8/28/2017
Wow. This is just brilliant. How the world was remade... as the world of Mystery Dungeon and as the real world... I never saw that coming! Also N using Palkia and Dialga made me super nostalgic and emotional as Pearl was my first ever Pokemon game... This just really great. Great job. I love it so much...
| ThisAccountWillbeDeleted chapter 1 . 8/3/2017
Wow! I really love this story! The emotions are very strong. I like how N expresses his loss of faith in humanity and how it kind of seems he's lost some of himself because of it, almost. Hilda's realization that she's no hero, or not the hero, is also. The fanfic is also grammatically strong!
The ending has me a bit mystified and I feel it's open to a few interpretations. I feel like the Pokemon world was separated into an only human world and then the mystery dungeon world, which the humans able to interact through the games.
Onto your other stories! I like your style and it's hard to leave after just a taste. :)
| Ms Lilly chapter 1 . 5/19/2016
Im sad now...hilda doesnt know that shell never see her pokemon friends again, and her pokemon dont know theyll never meet Hilda, but I knooow! TTATT
This was really good.
| Starry is here don't freak out chapter 1 . 1/6/2016
Excuse me, but what the literal feck just happened here?
It's a confusing mass of good idea, decent plot, and excellent writing style.
| Nightfangfox chapter 1 . 7/8/2015
First of all, what the actual fresh fuck made you think that this was an okay thing to write?
Second, why aren't you writing more? The public (politely and respectfully) demands more (please and thank you)!
| Lady Deviance chapter 1 . 6/2/2015
Wow, that was wicked
| bulbasoars chapter 1 . 4/11/2015
The ending literally tore me apart. This was just so amazingly written, and with an ending so emotionally crippling...calling this 'bittersweet' would not do this ending justice for everything I felt while reading. I loved everything, so thank you for the amazing read!
| Mike chapter 1 . 4/6/2015
You just BLEW MY FRICKIN MIND.
HOLY HELL ON A BALOGNA SANDWICH.
SON OF A HALF EATEN WATER BOTTLE.
| Janneia chapter 1 . 3/14/2015
OH. MY. GOD. *jawdrops* O.O
| Mai-danishgirl chapter 1 . 2/2/2015
Oh, oh this is brilliant.
| Dragonfree chapter 1 . 2/1/2015
Ha! Totally called it the moment N started talking about making a separate world for humans and for Pokémon.
I'm guessing you were rushing to post this before the end of January, because there were a looooot of typos. Definitely give it a good proofreading. You also twice describe Dialga and Palkia as looking like statues except for the mist of their breaths, in different words, without any sense that it's deliberately invoking the same image again - it sounds like you just forgot you'd already used that description.
I also have to say I have a hard time getting over the fact Hilda went instead of Dawn. At the beginning where Hilda is talking about how Dawn should be there and not her, I thought the idea was Dawn was dead or incapacitated and therefore Hilda had to go. When it turned out Dawn could just as well have gone but only didn't because she didn't want to have to be the hero (which Hilda didn't either), I couldn't help but feel there had to be some massive idiot balling involved - when one of them has been demonstrated to be capable of taking down legendaries and one has been demonstrated to /not/ be, /of course/ it's the latter who should be distracting them and the former who should be doing the actual world-saving. For Dawn to just go, "Nah, this girl who's already failed to stop N once with disastrous results can totally handle N-plus-Dialga-and-Palkia, I'll sit this one out," in a situation where the fate of the world is at stake, seems bizarrely selfish and irresponsible. It would make more sense if Dawn at least gave Hilda all her Pokémon first and then said Hilda is the better human to be there because she knows N, or something.
Anyway, I love the idea here, it makes a lot of twisted sense (although I thought there was something in the original Mystery Dungeon indicating the main character had been an actual Pokémon-world human trainer?), and your portrayal of a Hilda who lost to N is lovely. The conclusion makes me want fic about Hilda bamfing into the PMD world, turning into a Pokémon and reuniting with her Samurott.
(...Wait, did you remove the bit about Dawn coming along with Hilda and serving as a distraction? I originally loaded the page last night when I got the FFN notification e-mail but refreshed to post the review, and now I can't find it. Oh well.)