|Reviews for Outcast|
| Lady-Stesonora chapter 3 . 8/12/2017
EEEEEEKKKK! YOU'VE GOTTA WRITE MORE OF THIS STUFF! I need more! It's amazing!
| bman128854 chapter 3 . 9/19/2016
Great story! I really like it a lot, your writing is great, but just a few spelling errors here and there (nothing to worry about). Is this still going or did you stop when the new books came out? I know this is a very late review/comment, hooe to see more (no pressure if you don't feel like writing more).
| Akio Blade chapter 3 . 6/6/2016
Ok so I don't know how much you love this story, but I'm starting to! I want to see this keep happening on, there isn't many people that love this story series, so please don't give up on it! Stromgray is an awesome character and here path is a great way to get others into the story. I hope this reaction gets to you and I can't wait to see more!
| Screemnigcheesepuff chapter 3 . 1/28/2016
OMG THIS IS SOOOO GOOD IT IS AMAZING I LOVE IT!
| Drakonseye chapter 1 . 4/14/2015
I personally find this to be quute an intriguing idea. A third faction (those dragons that don't want to actively fight) would get shafted by both sides but I really think you ought to work more on this. A few points got a little confusing but I think those will smooth out as the story progresses. I eagerly wait for chapter three!
| aby-wan kanaby chapter 2 . 3/31/2015
Yayayayayayayayay! I finally found a talon fiction! Hallelujah! I thought I was the only one in the world that had read it!
Btw, I love ur story. Keep it up.
| CassieHU chapter 1 . 3/14/2015
Dude. Talon. I. LOVE. THIS FUCKING BOOK. My mom got it for me for Christmas, and I've fucking read it 3-4 times.
| Dark Phoenix chapter 1 . 2/13/2015
This is a rather poorly written review, but it'll probably do for now.
The main point of an intro is to hook the reader, I feel that there's a lot that could be expanded on in the intro. The first sentence needs to be to the point and catch the readers interest, in this story, you open with the sentence 'The rain bit into the ground, pounding into it and making grooves as if someone was using a shovel upon the soft ground.' - you describe the same action here almost three times. While it's important to explain things that are happening to the reader, you can also assume that they can fill in the gaps with their imagination themselves. This could be changed to 'The rain bit into the ground... (Further description/introduction)'
When describing the world, giving names to places are important. While you might prefer to focus on developing characters as a writer, the world itself is an important character that needs to grow and change alongside the other characters in the story, and readers need to develop a sense of familiarity with the world where your story is taking place.
Even though you're writing the story from what seems to be an over-the-shoulder viewpoint, you need to differentiate between where your character is actually thinking something or you are narrating. ('This one is obviously dumb' Stormgrey thought to herself' as opposed to ''This one waas obviously dumb')
Ideally, you need to strike a balance between allowing a readers imagination to fill in the details you choose not to provide, and describing important events or locations. You should also consider whether your descriptions of anything in the story should be represented by dialogue, thought or narration. Avoiding overusing words and using unnecessary words would help the story flow much better. When writing ask yourself some questions: What does it contribute to the story? Why is it important? How does it affect the characters? When is the best time to add it in to the story?
I hope my feedback is helpful and to see your growth as a writer in the future.