|Reviews for Busy Stars|
| Nate chapter 4 . 10/31/2018
| Hikari Nova chapter 2 . 4/3/2016
...1st person P.O.V for this type of fic is a VERY poor choice more so if you're switching between chars of DIFFERENT factions
| ZiggySmallz chapter 15 . 2/17/2016
really good fic. great writing
| 1goddessofwar1 chapter 5 . 9/19/2015
Considering AI's are sentient I find it hard to believe they would be destroyed. I'll be honest, I didn't like this story. Oh, the grammar is good, but your writing style and the plot is just...meh. I'm sorry I couldn't be more positive.
| Guest chapter 5 . 8/16/2015
It's not riffles it's rifles sorry if it's is in incorrect form.
| RandomReader7 chapter 15 . 7/26/2015
First, I want to apologize in advance for what I'm about to say, for I know that they might hurt. And I hope that you would depersonalize it so that it won't get in your way to understand my points, which I believe, is correct.
I've been following this story ever since the beginning. At first, the story was quite nice and the reviews keep coming in. But then...I noticed something was going downhill...badly. The fact that this story and your other supplementary side stories didn't get any reviews since it was last updated reflected my thoughts exactly. Based on my experience, readers would not leave reviews for a number of reason. One of it was that the story was so hard to follow that the readers simply couldn't leave their opinions on the matter.
If a story goes "asdkashdawudasdiusdas", what was the reader supposed to say about it? Better to just not to waste their time and effort and move on.
And this what happens to your story. Don't get me wrong, the story was good and understandable in the beginning until the middle (as of the writing of this story) of it. However, once Aleandra-whatever-Mary-Sueish-name-Shepard enters the story, that's where it began to fell apart.
How? First, your choice of first person POV style of storytelling. First person POV is very risky as it limits exposition to what the character knows in universe. If the character isn't very perceptive, then the exposition will be limited and so on. Not to say that first person POV cannot be done, but it must be done well. You, did not do it well at all. I have read stories with first person POV and was engaged and can follow the story well. Yours? I'm lost, really. That was why people stopped leaving reviews, because they are lost and unable to follow!
This is made worse by the second factor, you yourself. You have this huge story that has a huge world that you want to tell the readers. The problem was that you treat the readers as if they have already know the stuff that makes your world. The best example is when you would have the characters keep talking on and on and on without explanation on the stuff that they were talking! This is made worse because most of the stuff they were talking were items of your creation that readers weren't familiar with. This is like hearing two theorethical physics discuss about theoretical sciences! You think the common folk could keep up?
And then you treated the readers like they were stupid. By your own words:
"So here's one I imagine someone smart who misremembered what Eezo is in this fic asking."
Right, why do you have to mention the word smart? Are you suggesting something?
"But Elerium is Eezo. How were there not Human biotics before the third contact war/Did Humanity have Biotics before the third contact war?" "
The fak? Are you serious? In my whole experience of interacting with people that knows about XCOM and ME, they have never, NEVER mistaken the both of them! They are different in so many ways. The names are different and the uses are different! One is a power source and the other is not!
"Elerium isn't Eezo, it's an unstable isotope of Eezo."
If it is an isotope of Eezo, don't you think that it would have the same name as Eezo but with different numbers? Like Eezo-20? Like real life Plutonium-239, 240 and 241? Canon source stated that Elerium is the 115th element in the periodic table, hence Elerium 115. Oh and despite the name Element Zero/Eezo, it is not an element but a material as stated by canon source. They are two different things. Things that have diffent names implies different existences. Get. It. Right.
But nooooo. You just have to be smart about it, don't you?
And then, your other side stories that act as codex materials to this story. I'm sorry, I find it very hard to care about them when I can hardly care for this one. I believe a reviewer on your "Council's notes on Humanity", reflected my thoughts on it.
And it seems that you've edited your previous chapters? It seems to have more stuff than I remembered. If so, then you failed to mention your readers about the edit so that they can keep up with your story. And if not, my mind seriously have problem trying to keep engaged with this story.
Sigh, you were too caught up in your own world man. Its hard for people to get in.
Just having good ideas isn't enough to make a good story. Good execution in the form of writing, pacing and many more is what matters most. Even if you have the best idea in the world, but if you can't tell it well enough, your story is bad.
And as of right now, your story is bad.
My suggestion? Improve your first person POV by adding more stuff to it. And I don't mean more dialogues, but more of how the characters react to the world. If you can't do that, stop it with the first person POV and stick it to the normal third person like most stories. And try having other people read it first. You would have no problem understanding it because you already know about your story. But others?
| Drewman784 chapter 1 . 7/8/2015
i just found this and i think its really good so far!
| Dquinnicus chapter 3 . 7/2/2015
It's a pretty interesting take on the XCom/ME crossover. I kinda like the whole two humanities bit. Still reading, so I'll review again when I'm all caught up.
| Anonymous chapter 13 . 5/25/2015
I was wondering. Does the Remnant have Outsiders? They are tough bastards in Long War.
| Alfonse08 chapter 8 . 5/26/2015
First off, what year is this exactly, same as canon or is this happening earlier?
Another thing is that although you stated how the Thin Men and Mutons were treated earlier, I am wondering as to what their situation is in modern day society. What are their roles, how do other races treat them, how do they feel about other races, what are their population numbers, things that could help me get a better idea as to where they fit in in the ME universe.
| Alfonse08 chapter 7 . 5/26/2015
Whenever you're characters go about speaking, be it from grammatical errors or liberal use of technical terms and references, I sometimes find myself puzzled about what they are talking about.
| Alfonse08 chapter 6 . 5/26/2015
If she is not going to like Garrus to begin with, then how will she feel regarding AI's in general considering she remarked that trusting the Sighs was stupid?
| Alfonse08 chapter 4 . 5/26/2015
Well while I didn't want you to exactly curbstomp the Turians, I had been kind of hoping that the Alliance and Remnant forces would have put up a better fight than this.
| Alfonse08 chapter 2 . 5/26/2015
Still looking good so far, though initially your method of writing had me rather confused as to who was talking so you might want to adjust that to make it more clear in the future.
| Alfonse08 chapter 1 . 5/26/2015
Damn, this is a pretty ambitious project you've set for yourself, and it's presented in such excellent and believable detail too. I look forward to reading more, so keep the updates coming.