Reviews for Busy Stars
Dragonaut344Doomed chapter 13 . 5/24/2015
Interesting, oh did you know they made a partial sequel to civ: beyond earth. It's called sid meiers starships. In case you ever wondered.
RandomReader chapter 12 . 5/9/2015
Reading your story gives me a bad vibe... I think it is because of your Mary Sue-ish main OC. Yeesh, the name alone is puke inducing, but the 'linguistic' takes the cake.

Good job. chapter 2 . 5/4/2015
Hi good story so far bur please fix the "hierdie gaan goed nie" afrikaans too "hierdie gaan nie goed gaan nie" in afrikaans we say a dubble negative for a single negative. And from an authorian perspective. Including an afrikaans speaker and then never using him again is just a waist of your and the readers time.
DrKerbin chapter 8 . 4/15/2015
Unfortunately you did mess something up in your nuke-gun, namely it's EMP. Nuke-triggered EMPs are caused by the Compton effect, which only works in-atmo. Not that that lessened my enjoyment of the weapon in the slightest.

FunFact: The initial wave of energy from fission is in the form of a burst of X/Gamma Rays. While in-atmo (or around anything made of matter really) this tends to create a lot of very hot, rapidly expanding gasses (read: shockwave).

Next time you want to play with nuclear-level tech (because let's face it, having a million times the energy present in a chemical-equivalent makes it FAR too useful to ignore in any scifi 'verse) I recommend you look into the real-world military derivative of the 1960's Project Orion, the Casaba-Howitzer.
Take your classic shaped-warhead RPG, this is it's nuclear uncle. The mechanism is different and complicated, the short version? It takes the initial X/Gamma-ray burst and reflects it onto a plate of your 'bullet' material. The casing disintegrates into an expanding sphere-ish of plasma shortly after doing it's job, but by then 50-85% of the bomb's yield has been dumped into your 'bullet-plate'. The plate's constituent atoms react to this by becoming violently antisocial, they subsequently expand into a bolt of 'nuclear fire' heading in one direction.

Some data.
Boltcone, efficiency % of yield in 'bolt', 'nuclear fire' high-T plasma moving at 1%cv3%c
50% efficiency at half-angle of 5.7 degrees (theoretical maximum focus, X mm-thick H plate)
85% efficiency at half-angle of 22.5 degrees (propulsion version, used XX cm-thick W plate)
Ex. Orion Pulse-Unit; 29kt yield, 0.4m x 0.87m cylinder, tungsten plate, 22.5 degree half-angle.
Guest chapter 1 . 4/9/2015
This is actually a very interesting read, it's just a pity that you're probably totally over-reaching with your goals. I've been a reader on fanfiction dot net for about thirteen or fourteen years now and in all that time I've seen many ambitious writers shine like a newborn star and flicker into darkness shortly afterwards. It has certainly been a lot more often than I would have liked. Instead of planning to write a "ludicrously big worldbuilding project" you should focus on smaller goals and reach these before anything else.

This isn't a criticism of your writing, which I have only seen this first fine chapter of. I rather see it as an admonishment to stay realistic. Instead of openly shouting "dream big", you're likely to achieve better results with a motto like "promise small, deliver big".

No matter what I think of your chances of ever getting anywhere significant with your latest writing project, I nevertheless wish you the very best that you'll reach these goals.
alex.rushing.5 chapter 10 . 4/2/2015
Good fun read.
trinityfox420 chapter 1 . 3/25/2015
Ok its new but you didnt have any info to what happened to America which leaves a hole in the storry to me at lest
Aline1 chapter 9 . 3/23/2015
I am greatly amused that the good knight commander is irritating both the Council and Sovereign, I can only hope she has more opportunities to frustrate both plans in the future.
Lone Gundam chapter 9 . 3/23/2015
Wow, the Council doesn't like humans do they?
timedraven117 chapter 9 . 3/23/2015
Getting better with teh first person story sections of shepard :) and over all great work.

Stupid Valern though, stupid stupid Valern, Alliance Operatives are too paranoid for you to trick. ;p
i like cheese chapter 3 . 3/19/2015
it is incredibly irritating that you hardly indicate who the person is that you've switched the 1st pov to.
there are other problems, but that's the most annoying one.

otherwise...the story itself is interesting so far.
LogicalPremise chapter 8 . 3/13/2015
Not sure what to think about the U-235 rounds (others have commented on other possible systems). I would suggest a logical improvement in the concept would be contained degenerate matter or phase-changing plasma explosives, perhaps again utilizing high-powered magrails.

It would also be pleasant to see the Reapers deploying more than the red-melted-metal-beam-spam.

Aside from the need for a beta to clean up grammar/punctuation issues (yes, this is the pot calling the kettle both metal and black) I like it.
FatherJack82 chapter 8 . 3/10/2015
Just the acceleration of the U235 round could cause the two half spheres to collide with each other under acceleration and form a critical mass. Eezo space magic or no, they have a very high likelihood of 'hanging up in the tube' as it were, the end result being a massive and rapidly accelerating ball of plasma and heavy radiation annihilating the core of your vessel and making a pretty light show for your enemies, as the uncontained plasma would dissipate quite quickly. Sure, this didn't happen for the Atomic Annie rounds, but they weren't being boosted to c-fractional velocities down a 100 metre spinal gun. Interesting idea, but you could get a similar effect with an AP round designed to generate a large amonut of spall, whereby the target's own armour helps to destroy itself. Cheers!
Userid chapter 8 . 3/7/2015
skip the U-235 and go for a compressed hydrogen pellet inside a pressure tank to keep it from sublimating. On impact with a 25Kt impact force you will have a 1-2Mt explosion as it is enough to trigger hydrogen-hydrogen fusion in the pellet. You need a system to keep it under extreme gravity in storage so its stable and it will only last a few seconds outside the system before the pressure vessel ruptures. The best part is if you miss the round self destructs leaving no toxic materials behind.
Anonymous chapter 8 . 3/7/2015
When switching POV, consider stating which character it is. Also it is sometimes hard to tell who says what.

"the weapon is restricted to vessels with X-Com captains" I think you meant Cerberus.
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