|Reviews for Busy Stars|
| Mecaldar chapter 4 . 2/15/2015
if they where use that amount of xcom tech I really don't see how the turians get so far unless they out numbered them in ships and use their dead to choke them so there should be millions of turians dead as this point. And that's going to cost the Turians a lot of credits even if they won the war they would lose do to both ship losses and man power they would have to lick their wounds. Unless you underpowered the xcom and over powered the turians.
| LordGhostStriker chapter 5 . 2/14/2015
will the remnant be friends or "you don't try to kill me i don't try to kill you" status with the Geth?
| Lone Gundam chapter 5 . 2/14/2015
Ha, suck it dodos. I like how negotiations was handled, hoping that when the Batarians fuck up the Alliance (XCOM) is there to pick up the pieces.
| Michae1ange1o chapter 5 . 2/14/2015
I think I was one of the few who understood why Humanity was getting pounded despite having more advanced ships and tech, it's what I call the Borg effect, Borg drones are scary and deadly to Star fleet officers due to them constantly adapting to the energy weapons, to Picard armed with a Thompson sub-machine gun they are nothing more than sitting ducks.
| timedraven117 chapter 5 . 2/14/2015
Geeze, didn't think Valern would be so brutal. Although you so nailed him down.
Excellent grammar, much more even pace for writing, the entire thing looks professional and clean. *Gives applause* Well done. :)
| six samurai of dragon order chapter 4 . 2/13/2015
the turians would not hire mercenaries, and I couldn't fully understand what happened. Did the turians get tech?
| timedraven117 chapter 4 . 2/13/2015
You need an editor badly my friend. Some sentences you start but don't go anywhere, there are grammatical problems. And a few technological and canonical problems that I have questions on.
Plasma weapons, while less effective in space combat, would be perhaps more devastating in ground combat, because Kinetic barriers only stop mass, not heat or light. And only when its moving at a specific speed range. So the actual plasma would be stopped, but the radiation and heat would keep going and cook the Turian.
STG knows everything. As soon as the Turian fleet returned for orders STG would know what happened in excruciating detail. Likely form taps, the Shadow Broker, and just scanner readings. Not to mention just the intercepted Debriefs.
And if the Turians WILLINGLY decided to counter attack AGAIN, against the humans that is a serious breach of trust between them and the rest of the Citadel Council. Not just the Asari and Salarians, but everyone else too, since they are in charge of being the peace keepers it would be like your local state highway troopers started to shoot anyone with a different state license plate. (Or something comparable, these guys are the ones watching your shipping and providing security for your diplomats.)
I'm expecting removal from the council levels of breech of trust here.
Also the entire chapter seems rushed, like you were rushing the events themselves, as if someone were quickly going through the whole story. It made it pretty hard to understand what was going on since you rarely went into detail on stuff.
What did you do good? Well aside from the fact you need an editor (Seriously, if you need one I'll volunteer, these seem like simple fixes) you have an abundance of new interesting uses for the tech that exists, and have improved character interaction.
TL;DR Take your time when writing the chapter, go over it a few times after writing it, or get an editor to help you out. Excellent use of existing tech and expansion of ideas earlier seen.
| Lone Gundam chapter 4 . 2/13/2015
Well, the Turians are going to be feeling this for a good long while. Though a post E-War humanity getting it's ass kicked? They should've been able to at least turn Shanxi into a war zone that traded ownership back and forth.
| timedraven117 chapter 3 . 2/12/2015
Okay, better writing, not as eye gouging, but first person writing for a fanfic like this does not work well. To build off what i said earlier, it adds to much of a personal touch, and it especially doesn't work to well with non-humans, they are exposed to be an alien creature, to add that little bit of detail, and to show it in the third person would have an excellent contrast. (Although i would perfer it in all 3rd person glory :p )
Just a thought.
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
| timedraven117 chapter 2 . 2/12/2015
Oh please my eyes. This is interesting, but First person viewpoints don't work well for this kind of story. Since you are switching from so many people its annoying (to me, I always preferred third person anyways.) and makes me want to claw my eyes out. (No offense, i want to claw my eyes out at the slightest typo, so i say this for every story that is just a tiny bit off.)
Final say: Good premise, nice and fresh, needs to either have a concrete main character or written in third person when doing character viewpoints. (The Ethereal's report was well done and professional, and was a very good time to use first person as it was his opinion.)
| ARC N7 chapter 1 . 2/12/2015
Honestly, I am impressed.
Not many authors use this more indirect style of worldbuilding and storytelling. At least, not many do it that good. I like the variety of perspectives and the ideas in here are really awesome.
(Bonus points for having the guts to tell a probably 50% american audience that America got nuked in your timeline, but thats just my anti-imperialist attitude.)
It is remarkable how many crossover elements you have in here, while still keeping it realistic. And you still managed not to go sue-mode with Humanity.
| Lone Gundam chapter 3 . 2/12/2015
Aw, I was looking forward to seeing humanity fight itself. I wonder what the Council will make of the two governments; one is a douchebag oligarchy that is more accepting of aliens, while the other is a true democracy that is more xenophobic. That will probably be very confusing for the rest of the galaxy.
| OMAC001 chapter 2 . 2/11/2015
Can't wait to see how the Turian war turns out!
| Lone Gundam chapter 2 . 2/11/2015
XCOM definitely is right if they're worried about Earth getting grabby, though Earth is going to be less than pleased when they find out they have been bullshitted.
| OMAC001 chapter 1 . 2/10/2015
Interesting blend of fiction. Can't wait to see what happens when either one meets the Council!