Reviews for The Saiyan King of Deviluke
JLKAuthor chapter 11 . 4/30/2015
Is Forze a good guy or is he Like Frieza because if he is a good guy that would be pretty nice instead of him being a guy who wants to kill for no good reason
Loki chapter 11 . 4/29/2015
I have a question. Froze its capable of use the special transformation that Frieza used in revival of f?
Lady siff chapter 13 . 4/20/2015
I humbly thank you by answer my questions
And i have a suggestion that its make in some point in your story to make Goku so angry with saruyama and Ren that he ends losing his temper and strike both the pervert and the memorzian so strong that let them hospitalized by three weeks. That way make them aware that you shouldn't in whaever circunstance mess the young warrior
Kotaro mishima chapter 12 . 4/17/2015
Hello. I think that you write a good fanfic. And i have a suggestion. When that spy of train heartnet appear you should make him with a expression of "oh crap" when he perceive that his gun techiniques are ineffective against Goku(like make goku to grab all bullets or have him be shoted and (un)surprising being without even scratch makin all around him with jaw-dropped expression .
And i have a oc his name its Shaka. And he is Piccolo's son( remember, nameks can reproduce asexuality) and he is in the same level of gnyu force. His occupation its serve of bodyguard to Dende the current guardian. He is very serious and have a strict non-nosense
Hero Entertainment chapter 12 . 4/17/2015
I'm pretty satisfied with how this played out. Goku tureen Super Saiyan, Gid got screen time and more of Piccolo being a badass. It was pretty clever to use the tennis match as a way to gauge each others power.

Perhaps the next focus of Goku's training should be to master his Super Saiyan state? Regarding villains perhaps you could bring Baby back (if Freeza can I don't see why anyone couldn't come back at this point). I thought it was kind of waste as the way the Baby saga played out in your timeline was kinda lackluster.

Baby is probably my favorite villain from GT because I really despise him, almost as much as if not more than Freeza. All his friends turning against him via Baby's mind control would be a great first 'universe on the line' challenge for Goku to overcome. Instead of Spirit Bomb why not have Super Dragon Fist as Goku's ultimate finisher? It's not as powerful but it's a lot faster... plus it looks cool.

I'm pretty interested in seeing where you go with Froze. He doesn't seem like a 'bad' bad guy so to speak.

On a final note:

Breige: You're a born prodigy! Nothing can possibly stand against you!

Me: So was Freeza!
Hero Entertainment chapter 9 . 4/16/2015
This chapter was pretty easy going but produced a lot of laughs. Goku blasting Ren into the sky out of annoyance was priceless. Only a true friend would charge you money when he's already one of the richest people on the planet. Vegeta, you are pure evil. Once again I assert that Bloom seems like a great character and I like her more with every appearance.

Once again, I suggest forgo the use of Super Saiyan 2 and 3. Goku Sr realized he could get much stronger faster if he simply trained in his normal form and if he really needs to transform just use regular Super Saiyan which he mastered. The energy those forms use could be put to better use in other ways. Less is more is something that is always a core theme running throughout Dragon Ball.

I approve of the use of Super Saiyan 4 though, I've always loved the design as it is so not what you would expect from a Super Saiyan form which fits as its kinda something Toriyama is famous for doing, subverting expectations.
Hero Entertainment chapter 8 . 4/16/2015
Yami's debut was magnificent! I hope she trains and gets stronger too just like Eve in Black Cat. I would save a Bardock appearance for when you introduce the Time Breakers. I'm sure you know what I'm referring to.

If I may, I suggest not using Super Saiyan 2 & 3. In canon there was no 'magic tail' fix so Toriyama did away with them post Battle of Gods and it makes sense why, theyre a huge waste of energy. I would like it if you used Super Saiyan 4 though, it's just too badass not to use.
Hero Entertainment chapter 7 . 4/16/2015
Ah, Ren, your attempts of manliness very much remind me of some of the antics in Ranma 1/2. I can't remember too well since its been awhile since I've read the original series and they don't appear in Darkness much but were Risa and Mio always this mean?

If Lala sang 'Cha-la Head Cha-la' you totally should have had Goku sing 'Dan Dan Kokoro Hikarateku' or even 'Makafushigi Adventure'.

I agree with Lala's sentiment. I know they were awful guys but somehow I just can't condemn an entire race to genocide. It's probably not the first time Freeza has done that though, that magnificent evil bastard.
Hero Entertainment chapter 6 . 4/16/2015
Always great to see Master Roshi, why am I not surprised he and the Principal know each other? This chapter was like a nice brisk walk on the beach, it had a lot of great character moments and we saw a little progression.

Perhaps you could have Haruna learn martial arts? It could be a way for her to become closer to Goku, she already read stuff on the matter so why not take it one step further. Admittedly this just me expressing the desire for Haruna to do something, y'know anything rather doing nothing in canon to progress her relationship with Rito.

Glad to see Piccolo is still alive and is making his own plans for Goku and Vegeta. In regards to the tournament my advice is do not have Goku win. Back when Toriyama first introduced the Tenkaichi Budokai he knew people were expecting Goku to win so he simply averted people's expectations. You should also convey the sense that there is alway someone stronger out there thus the fight never really ends, I think it's a key element to the Dragon Ball formula.

Also I don't blame because Freeza is awesome, easily the best villain of the franchise.
Hero Entertainment chapter 5 . 4/15/2015
Earth is often portrayed as a 'backwater planet' in science fiction but that description does so not suit Dragon World. Nice to see Peke take note at that.

Goku meeting Haruna in a lingerie store was hilarious as was the implication of Goku and Vegeta being potential family memberse via Goku hooking up with Vegeta's sister. Priceless. Bloom seems like a great character.

Speaking of character the way you have Goku and Vegeta play off each other is awesome. Of course Goku causes Vegeta an endless amount of stress (some things never change). Is Saiba an original character? I remember Rito's dad was a manga artis but his name slips my mind. It's funny that Pan mentions that, because Gotenks did something even more ridiculous with his voice (ripping a whole in the fabric between dimensions).

Oh, yes! Can we please have a Goku vs. Train fight? One of the reasons I got into reading To Love-Ru is because I'm a big fan of Yabuki's Black Cat and I wanted to follow his work no matter where it might take him ( I'm still waiting on that Black Cat sequel).

P.S. Unless senior is mentioned I'm simply going to refer to junior as 'Goku'.
Hero Entertainment chapter 4 . 4/15/2015
Interesting changes you made to the Baby Saga alas it meant no Super Saiyan 4. I know a further transformation wouldn't really fit with what Toriyama has in mind but damn it I really love SS4's design. Awesome reference to Xenoverse. Looks like I was right about Beat and Note.

Oh, one more thing. Officially Momo's middle name is 'Belia' not 'Velia'. The reason being due to the naming convention the Deviluke's have. It has a a kind of devil theme to it and the one name after is 'Belial' therefore it's actually 'Belia'. It even says 'Belia' on my official Momo FiguArts and in Sentai's licensed release of Darkness.
Hero Entertainment chapter 3 . 4/15/2015
Well it took Goku an entire year to learn the instant transmission. To me that always said 'if Goku took that long to learn how long would it take the others?' I'm all honesty I think the only who could've learnt it at the time when he demonstrated it was Piccolo who could probably learn it faster than Goku as he has more focus.

Cousins you say? (cue Dragon Ball Heroes Beat and Note)
Hero Entertainment chapter 2 . 4/15/2015
Ok, I'll admit, I might've jumped the gun a bit. In this chapter you essentially defined Goku Jr. as his own character. He does seem to have inherited some traits from Rito but not in a copy and paste sorta way, it feels like a natural inclusion. Your notes at the end of this chapter also show me you've put more thought into this than I gave you credit for. Bravo, I can't wait to see how this unfolds.

P.S. I forgot to mention this in my last review and this is just my personal opinion but come on, Masenko? Really? If he's a descendent of Goku then I think there Sony one signature attack he really needs to know. Gohan barely used Masenko in canon and he eventually replaced with the turtle schools signature move.
Hero Entertainment chapter 1 . 4/15/2015
Not a bad first chapter however there are few things I feel the need to say. Firstly, regarding the timeline. It does not quite match up with what you posted in your description. See, in your story you mention Pan is 112 years old but in your description says this story takes place 100 years after Battle of Gods. The events of Battle of Gods takes place in Age 778, 4 years after the Majin Buu saga, and in that movie Pan wasn't even born yet.
Pan would only be 112 years 100 years post Age 789, the year the Baby saga of GT takes place.

That's the only major flaw I noticed, the rest of my thoughts are pretty much just nitpicking. You identified as 'Hercule Satan' but this is incorrect. 'Hercule' is just the name that the dub gave him. The truth is his name isn't even ' ', thats his stage name. His real name is just 'Mark'. That's because apparently in the district that he lives in people don't have last names. All of this came straight from Toriyama's mouth, if you wanna fact check you can find all this information in translated articles on Kanzenshuu. It's legit.

Which brings me to my next issue, the 'Leigh' surname. Dragon Ball wiki is a great reference guide but you shouldn't take everything you see on there as fact when anyone can edit the information. I have not been able to find any official source that suggests that their family name is 'Leigh'. Now this is fanfiction so you're entitle to a few liberties but please make sure you fact check before you use something - ESPECIALLY if it comes from a wiki.

This just came to my attention. Oh, please, I know you're replacing Rito with Goku Jr. but please don't make him into Rito. Make of that what you will. My last thing is really more of a debatable topic, that being was there really any need for the setting of the story to be in Sainan. There really isn't anything noteworthy about Sainan as town, it's just that: a town. This could have easily have taken place in Satan City and I don't think anyone would notice the difference.

P.S. Ok, you moved towns Goku, so what? That's not stopping him from seeing Puck. He can fly! At super fast speeds too! Again, what's stopping him?
Kamen rider fate chapter 12 . 4/12/2015
hello this is the best fanfic that i already read, you're really very good. I would like of your opinion about two things the first its your opninion of the best fictional gunman in fiction. my top 10 its this:
1) vash the stamped(trigun)
2)train heartnet(black cat)
3)alucard(hellsing)
4)kamen rider zolda(kamen rider ryuki)
5)kamen rider garren(kamen rider blade)
6)Yassop(one piece)
7)van auger(one piece)
8)rev two hands(black lagoon)
9)kiritsugu emiya(fate zero)
10)Deka red(spd sentai dekaranger)

and this its my best combo between servants whose masters are kamen riders
1)saber/altria pendragonkamen rider ixa(they later become in love each other)
2)archer/emiyakamen rider zolda
3)lancer/cu chulainn-kamen rider kiva-la
4)rider/medusakamen rider kaixa(kaiza)(because rider can ride the side bashaa while kaixa attacks the enemy.
5)caster/medeakamen rider arc(both are inescrupulous for manipulate other parties)
6)assassin/hassan i-sabbatkamen rider verde(both are expert in traps and cheating attacks).
and i made my calculations in a fight:
Ixa can kill Berseker 3 times( using ixa-knuckle, ixa calibur and rising ixa special gun)
zolda can kill berseker 4 times(he has two different shoot vents,a strike vent and the final vent).
kiva-la only can do that 1 time
kaixa can do that 5 times(he has grand impact, gold smash, xeno clash, and using side bashaa battle mode and the secondary bike that all smart brain rider have.
arc its just too more powerfull to kill berserk several times over
verde no stand the minor chance(he's final its the second most pathetic attack of the rider war's rider losing only to kamen rider imperer.
7)berserker/herakleskamen rider fenme
so, what do you think?
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