|Reviews for Witches of Westfield|
| sirleirbag chapter 7 . 5/11
That's not a bad name for a credit card. If wizardkind manages to use electricity in the future...
"For everything else there's Galleoncard"
| deschiffchiff chapter 36 . 4/16
Thanks for a wonderful story !
| Fellbane chapter 6 . 4/12
The only person who didn’t grow up during the war seems to be Harry. How does he remain so utterly clueless about Daphne manipulating him and why does he just allow himself to be pushed around in his own home? You make him seem so pathetic in this fic.
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/21
Horny Teenage looser Harry Sue Harem Fic...
OMG, not another one!
| Guest chapter 3 . 2/5
not so high and mighty when your hungry and homless ah greengrass lol
| ranielpaulvillamor25 chapter 36 . 1/29
WARNING! THIS REVIEW IS MAINLY MY RESPONSE TO THE AUTHOR. IF THIS IS PUBLICLY VISIBLE THEN BE WARNED THAT THIS REVIEW HAS A SH*T TON OF SPOILERS
Sorry for the late review as I only recently discovered this gem of a story of yours. From now on, I’m gonna consider this my own personal REAL ending!
Background and my personal opinion of Rowling’s Ending:
Harry ending up with Ginny in the books and movies just didn’t sit right with me. It felt “forced” if I’m gonna give my opinion. So was the “Love story” of Ron and Hermione. In Ginny’s case, there wasn’t really much events in there entire series that I would consider a “turning point” that caused Harry’s affection to be pointed towards her. I would have been happier if he either ended with Luna(as he felt a deep personal connection with her) or Hermione(because, as you pointed out several time, she never left Harry’s side no matter what. Even if Ron did).
PS- *On a personal note, it is my personal head cannon that Mrs. Weasley gave Hermione and Harry low dosage of love potions over the years so they will both end up falling in love with her children because of the prestige it will bring to the Weasley family if Harry and Hermione of the Golden trio marry members of her family. Otherwise, the pairing at the end of J.K. Rowling’s original story would not really have made sense
With the points I previously mentioned, you couldn’t imagine my joy when the first chapter “Severing Ties” was all about Harry Potter breaking up with Ginny. Reading that chapter felt good! That was the point where I actually got hooked to the story and had me reeling of anticipation for what will happen next. In short, SOLID START! 10/10
Plot: Plot was solid! Usually, stories involving Harry ending up with multiple women are written to feed author’s harem fantasy often at the cost of the story making sense at all. Many of these stories would make one think, “what did Harry ever do to deserve affection from these multiple women to the point that they’re willing to put up with sharing him with others?”. But yours certainly was a breath of fresh air! This one actually convinced me that Harry did indeed deserve to receive lots of love considering of what he went through when you pointed out that he was always the one to give love but rarely got any back. I greatly appreciated how well defined his PTSD was from the war and how his recent encounters helped him come to terms with his demons. Harry actually felt human in this story with him facing his own struggles. This factor alone made this story several levels above stories of similar genre.
It is also blatantly obvious that you do research or at least very well-versed to Harry Potter lore. The Wizengamot trial would arguably be your peak as an authorin the entire story. The drama and the background information thrown about are all well researched and thought out. That part of the story showed how amazing your world building and plot building is. 10/10
Characters: The female characters were not two dimensional and have their own opinions of other women with the man they love. They get jealous to the point that there was actually tension as they make terms to the fact that Harry can’t be exclusive theirs. Their reactions and personal thoughts on the matter make sense plot wise and personality wise. These are signs of how well thought out this story was. This is unlike in other stories where the women suddenly fall in love with Harry at even the most mundane reasons like “helping her get up when they bumped into each other” or bullsh*t like that. This story showed Harry’s selfless and generous side towards all the women that we can actually see the reason why they fall in love. Here’s my individual take on the women.
Hermione- there really is no need to develop her character as it’s already very well established if the reader has followed the franchise. I’m really glad you focused on her inner turmoil rather than trying to write her as someone she’s not(a surprisingly common mistake of other fanfic authors)
Luna- Yet another character that doesn’t need much developing as she already fairly known from the original story. She’s a personal favorite of mine to end up with Harry so I’m ready happy when you made her as the girl who was the first to say “I love you” to Harry as well as the first woman Harry has crossed the line of lovers with. Their date by the lake has to be my personal favorite scene. It also surprisingly just made sense that this eccentric girl was the one open to the idea of polygamy and actually assisted heavily to it becoming a reality. She really deserved to be showered the most affection in this story.
Daphne- This is the first character you actually have to build. Daphne Greengrass was a clean slate character as she’s not well defined in the original story. This is why she’s a favorite of fanfic authors as they could make her anything they want. How Daphne is built is usually a good gauge as to how creative an author is. And good Lord I love your version or “flavor” of Daphne. A “rich, pompous, prideful, Slytherin girl from a noble family running away from an arranged marriage” is not exactly an original idea but the way you executed and built Daphne is several levels better from all the Daphne stories I’ve read so far. It was a treat seeing her character setup up and later development as she slowly falls for Harry and how it affected her as the story progressed.
Tracey- Yet another character to build as she isn’t exactly a well known character. Her setup as a man hater due to a past trauma isn’t exactly a new concept. Yet again, the execution of how she “overcomes her demons and tries falling in love with a man again” is amazing. I would say that she’s my next favorite after Luna so I would have hoped for more “screen time” for her. Her issues are resolved but her relationship with Harry isn’t mature yet toward the end (which I’m glad you didn’t force when you made Harry answer “I care for you” as a response to her “I love you”). Though the timeskip made evident that romance eventually blossomed, I would have like to see the process.
Andromeda “Andi” Black- Probably the least developed character. To the point that I actually thought of her as a side character for a while. Yet, to be fair, I could not see how she could be further developed as her premise was really simple. “A mature widowed woman who lost her family hesitating to explore the developing emotions for the young man she’s living with” really doesn’t leave much breathing space for character development. I can actually imagine that this may actually be your first creative block as you don’t have an idea of what to do with her after you introduced her. In this case, I would have hoped you focused more on her inner turmoil just like you did to Hermione. It was actually there but I would have liked to see more.
Ginny- I’ve established that I really didn’t like her, but I hoped to see a bit of side stories where she tries to come to terms that Harry and her were really no more. Her struggles and how she lashes out to the people around her etc. She was a changed woman who was in the process of moving on when she re-appeared later in the story but I would have liked to see the process.
I also personally also loved the development of side characters. I especially liked Draco Malfoy’s transformation into the man he was at the end of the story. Despite the things I pointed out, I still I give the characters 9.4/10 given that this story had one of the best character buildup and developments I’ve seen.
Grammar: Your vocabulary was superb. I would assume you are an English major or someone well versed in linguistics. English isn’t my first language and I grew up learning American English so it was a treat for me to read something written to what I assume is the British english. I actually had to look up words and it was fun learning new terms. Towards the end, I noticed increasing frequency of spelling errors and the occasional run-on sentences but I’m too absorbed in the story to care for these small things. I imagine these errors are due to your exhaustion as they tend to be toward the end of the chapters I still give it a 9.9/10 as the paragraphs were a joy to read.
Overall score: 9.825/10 if I average out the score I individually gave. But I would let my bias take over and give this story a 10/10 as it is my favorite harem ending Harry Potter fanfiction!
I figured this was due to the increasing frequency of your creative block as you noted in author notes a couple of times but I would admit that the ending felt just a tiny bit rushed.
This is related to my first point. As I pointed out earlier, I especially wanted to see the romantic development between Tracey Davis and Harry which did not happen. I felt that they had a lot of potential. She did get past her trauma but usually the next step would be to see her exploring her romantic feelings for Harry which I sadly did not get to witness in detail
Anna’s adoption. One big disappointment I had was the “twist” that Anna was actually adopted by Luna under Harry’s name as a surprise for him. In my opinion, it was a big wasted opportunity to teach Harry Potter that a big part of caring and loving for someone is sometimes letting them go. It would have made sense if it was a couple who lost their child in the battle of Hogwarts and wanted to start anew.
Andi’s development as I pointed out previously. I felt that her emotional development was a bit rushed. I feel that there a lot of missed opportunities to insert her into the story. For example, she could have been the one who had actually adopted Anna instead of Luna maybe due to the reason that she felt similar to Nymphadora in her younger days (though I’m aware this would not make much sense since she painted as someone busy with her internship)
Mary felt underdeveloped. It would be pushing it too much to expect her to be one of the women to be involved with Harry and I personally don’t like the idea. But I felt that there was so many missed opportunities to make her a minor antagonist as someone who keeps trying to get between Harry and the girls. She was introduced as an outspoken and independent woman who found the fact that many women are involved with Harry distasteful. But throughout the story she was too silent for an outspoken woman. We also didn’t see her efforts in trying to get between Harry and attempt to correct the behavior of the girls
| DerektheChipolata chapter 36 . 1/12
I like the story, it flows moves along nicely, doesn't lag is readable. But...the women in this are so bipolar in their reactions that it seems to drift into farce. Liking Harry and then suddenly flipping in their attitude, it is almost nonsensical. Oh well, I do like your portrayal of Andi.
| MSgt SilverDollar and Snake chapter 6 . 1/4
Excellent and different thanks for sharing. ~~ Snake ~~
| Guest chapter 4 . 12/8/2021
don't like it. kinda shit
| WhatHaveIDiscovered chapter 36 . 11/25/2021
You broke me in this last chapter. Loved the story overall.
| WhatHaveIDiscovered chapter 28 . 11/24/2021
I was half expecting it to be the Grangers for some reason (forgot that they were supposed to be a magical couple). So I was surprised, but happy. Beautiful.
| WhatHaveIDiscovered chapter 16 . 11/23/2021
the last little scene with Kreacher is great haha. Loved the project reveal in this and the last chapter. Really enjoying the story so far.
| deoxeyses chapter 36 . 11/6/2021
| Osmodious chapter 18 . 8/24/2021
I honestly don’t know where to begin with a review on this…you are a talented writer, your sentences flow well and you ‘paint a picture with words’, as a good writer must. You do skew toward too much exposition at the expense of dialogue, but that can be worked on…the key is avoiding too much inner monologue. Which brings me to my criticisms…this is totally mislabeled as it is so chock full of angst in every chapter so that should be the theme. I’ve not read many stories that have characters so intent on misunderstanding everything everyone around them says…it’s insane, and completely unrealistic. And all of these women are the most selfish twats I’ve seen in fanfiction outside of crack fics. Not a one of them is likable, which is odd for me as I’ve liked most of them in most stories I’ve read. It’s all me, me, my feelings, my thoughts on what is and what isn’t and me, me, ME! And having Daphne haul off and hit Harry…and him to not have an issue with that? Not working for me. Pure bloods don’t do anything physical, it’s all wand…that was even the premise you used to get Daphne introduced. It wouldn’t occur to her to hit him, especially since she had her wand back.
There’s some good ideas in here, some interesting things Harry has planned. But a lot of it is lost in the endless angst of the incredibly selfish women in the story. I’m sure you are going to fix everything and make it a happy ending, but I don’t think I can slog through to that, as I can see it is going to be many more chapters of angst to get there.
Anyway, thanks for posting…writing is work, and even stories we don’t enjoy as much are appreciated.
| Osmodious chapter 5 . 8/21/2021
So far, it’s fairly interesting and there is promise of a fun story...but there is FAR too much manipulation of Harry going on here, and given his history and his main issue with Ginny (that led o their breakup), I just don’t see him putting up with it. Actually, it’s infuriating, to be honest. If it continues much long, I’m afraid that I won’t be...