This is one of the most amazing fics I have ever read.

Lion and Unicorn, but mainly Lion.
Go mundane girl.

could yu d the horrible tom riddle hary potter fics tropes

Sir, I just need to say this is one of the best Harry Potter fanfics I've ever read. To be honest, I skip most of the stuff you mentioned here because of their stupidity but I know of all of their existence and I encountered a few accidentally. Thanks.

Love

Excellently funny! I like that you took the time to dig into what makes each trope bad or lazily done, and prove yourself just as capable of writing something good—I for one would love to read Rita Skeeter vs The World.

For reference, the English equivalent of a bald eagle flapping would be Spitfires roaring past a bulldog standing on the Seven Sisters from that one propaganda poster. The bulldog, the Spitfires, and the cliffs are all wearing poppies.

PS: You also nailed the plot-hole in the stupid Ron-bashing that seems to prevail in this fandom where he goes from a fiercely loyal yet somewhat-aloof friend with flaws (who was ready to throw fists with anyone who even looked at his 2 besties rudely) to a braindead money-grubbing chimpanzee who bumblingly tries to help a kitten-eating Dumbles (aw man, this Death Eater!McG would be SO FURIOUS if she finds out what he’s been doing to the offspring of the pet cats she’s befriended) fuck Harry over big-time. I think most of those fics are from HP’s first wave of popularity, when the Harmony shippers were still having their conniption fit about the SS Romione and SS Hinny setting sail in canon, and thus were inhaling copium by the gallon and eagerly tried to find fault in Ron and Ginny (which was also helped by how dirty the movies did both). Only a truly intelligent person could play chess as good as Ron does. Meanwhile I can never get above 810 elo on :(

And I LOVE the idea of this McG becoming a Death Eater because she’s so sick of nobody in the fandom appreciating OR hating her, and Dumblefuck eating her feline friends/godchildren just to show how Evil he is.

And I laughed so hard I almost peed myself when you pointed out the idiocy of marriage contracts being used to just unilaterally enslave sought-after celebrities to a family’s offspring that can just casually threaten to suck the magic out of people who didn’t even sign it as a bullying tactic. The whole purpose of a contract is defeated in that case, if you could just unilaterally sign away someone’s rights and every shred of dignity and autonomy they have (which the Haphne betrothal often does and this is a GOOD THING?) without them even touching the contract. If that were the case, then is Ron betraying you? Write a contract with Hermione saying that he’ll be magically warded against ever playing chess or eating chicken again unless he agrees to its terms that include getting an O in Divination and successfully asking Hermione out without any illegal potions. Voldemort trying to kill you each Spring? Write a contract with one of your new Death Eater-Spawn buddies saying Old Tommy will lose all his horcruxes and magic unless he finds his nose and swears to never again use the Killing Curse. Dumblefuck trying to screw you over? Make a contract with Snape saying that he’ll be warded against eating kittens or feeding Fawkes puréed puppies unless he promises to never mention his ex-top’s motto again and stop his manipulations.

LOL at how Dan(TM) Granger’s attitude completely changes when Emma(TM) threatens to not fuck him that night, I swear sex is all the characters in these fanfics care about. Harry often lives the dream of every teenage boy by marrying every non-bashed female character (and making the bashed ones sex-slaves ), and if Ginny doesn’t feel entitled to his body to the point of constantly trying to mind-whammy-love-potion(TM) him to make sure he “falls for” her then she’s living the dream of every 14-yo girl by banging every legal male character not related to her. Pureblood parents (god purebloodwank is so annoying) are also shown to be “stuck in the past” by writing all these unilateral Marriage Contracts(TM) that only one party has a say in (even though that’s not even how arranged marriage works) whose fine print basically makes the protagonist a glorified sex slave/walking bank account (actual Victorian noble marriages didn’t just use such contracts to unilaterally enslave someone to a noble or royal House’s heir(ess) with no input from the other person’s House that gets completely burned to the ground in the process, their parents had to approve it too and it was meant to benefit the standing of both rather than to conquer, loot and humiliate), and in 90% of Draco-related ship fics the Ministry cares enough about the outcomes of young people’s sex lives (because a war that only lasted 3 years, almost exclusively involved Brits and was only fought on their small rainy island surely must mean wizardkind is close to extinction!) to ABUSE THE LAW to force random strangers to waste their entire youths and marry, have kids and never divorce NOW! NOW! NOW!- and then Hermione or Harry being shallow enough that they just take it lying down and would rather forget their friends and sleep with the enemy than just think rationally, nope the fuck out of the country and elope to some place under a non-extradition Ministry with their true love. Even the universe itself is constantly worrying about who sleeps with who and is never content to just let teens be teens, between ship-convenient Soul Bonds(TM), soulmates, and Creature Inheritances(TM) that emotionally blackmail a random person (their Mate(TM) despite said person being a normal human magical) into sleeping with someone they just met or (a la Drarry, Dramione) are sworn enemies with and wasting their youth on them ffs. Many of these low-effort sex obsessed fics are written by horny 14-year-old girls as an excuse to fetishize homosexuality by forcing two guys to get it on while obsessively bashing every canon partner/female character and portraying them all as cartoonish threats to whatever ship they’re obsessed with at the moment just to get them and any clashing friend groups out of the way.

Lmao this is the funniest shit I've read this week. Absolutely hilarious

Why the heck was Hedwig doing Differential Equations? Man, I just got a break from that dumb math called calculus, and you just HAD to remind me of it!

Just kidding. Good story though

The only depressing thing here is you. God forbid people like whatever they want, you dumb brain dead monkey.

I completely forgot about that.

I love it!

Nope, don’t mind.

Holy crap this is hilarious, the lack of wills, and all the tropes being mad fun of is the best.