|Reviews for The promise|
| ThatOneGuy chapter 13 . 2/16
'Romance and Humour'
C'mon man don't do dis to me, you'll make me sad T_T
| it's just another primate chapter 19 . 7/15/2017
Aww it was such a cute story up until pyrrha entered the closet. It was an excellent story throughout though.
| it's just another primate chapter 14 . 7/15/2017
Miraculous faunus Ex Machina! Havent finished the chapter but i HAD to add this thought before i fiorot XD
| Nagaichi chapter 19 . 4/29/2017
| TheFlashPoint23 chapter 19 . 11/9/2016
Hello once again. As you've suggested, I took liberty into reading 'The Promise'.
You've improved like you've jumped a mile over from what I previously read. If I were to compare, you now have descriptive writing shared considerately in a paragraph. And I say, I'm thankful.
Your execution is well thought of and the process remarkable. But, over the journey, there were ideas popped off almost quickly without much planning.
While I loved that twist, I sense it was jotted down immediately without an outline to think of possibilities of a better, improved execution. Sometimes it's a give away when some, if not all, notice the lack of proof reading. There were repeated words that would bland out your description. Or repeated words in one sentence we'd loose track.
Some events, yet again I should mention, happened too quickly by describing "then this, then that, and this." It is unnecessary detailing we didn't need to know when its not important to the story or doesn't serve a purpose.
Some examples I remember is leaving the jacket. While it might have been a slice-of-life add on for a natural feel, I couldn't help but feel disappointed that it didn't serve a purpose. For all I know it could have been a moment, while predictable still, is nevertheless a plot device served.
I was very concerned where Blake passed out with a mild concussion and a bruised sternum. I asked if one would easily pass out, and I was replied with no, which brings to point out 'again' about the cliche' passing out bit. Passing out would mean severe blood lose, traumatizing head concussions, etc. A bruised sternum and mild concussion cannot bring a person in a deep sleep to wake up in a hospital bed, unless stated otherwise with more than just the two. Blake could be at home, getting ice pack all over her chest plus head, probably feeling dizzy and nauseous. Her friends would still visit, and leave Blake 'without' one of us causing a fuss and thinking, "Blake is in a hospital! Why leave now? Wow now that's just insensitive." Because we've considered how Velvet and Yang can really be caring. It's somewhat out of character to leave her side for a plan that can be done the next day. Then it would have been more understandable to actually leave while she's at home recovering and could have cornered us with extreme tension if Pyrrha attacked her from there.
Next up is 'doing the do' Ruby mentioned. Knowing who she's up against, normal people would be scared in wtf moments. When Ruby laughed at that bit like it was something normal could trigger people out there, hahahaa. A controlling, possessive pyscho who can make people disappear is something to be afraid of. Ruby is for sure raped since it was without consent when clearly she mentioned she liked Blake. I thought Yang was going into a fit than speak harsh words. I mean, If someone did that to my sister I'd whip out a knife and track down the enemy where law does not apply. (I'm glad she gave a beating though, so thats okay.)
The nurse. Oh geezus the nurse. While I liked all things medically mentioned, Neptune is supposed to be in deep trouble. Doing what he did is up against a contract under article... Okay why am I going to explain that, never mind! Basically Neptune would've gotten himself fired. Basically that hospital is no good when they didn't even know a patient is passed due her medication!
This came as comical to me, but what's happening is not realistic.
Your knowledge between jobs and their requirements, fashion, almost everything under the work category I assume you researched well in. Though I still think Ruby should be given more time to draw because it's architecture, I'd understand the 15 minute challenge if she was applying for an animation studio. I would know since I'm in that field. Then again I should research about that myself, meantime I hope whatever your up against that you're not sure of. Always. Do. Research.
And ahh. Lastly. Character. I'm looking at 's been really hard for me to adapt to her character because her motifs were vague despite already knowing what she wants. We know her as sweet and kind, and not as the flirty, witty, type. Having to date a guy would have been more preferable, but to each their own.
Also, Ruby couldn't be any more gullible letting a stranger get that close. If she was really aiming for jealousy she darned well achieved that. Then again... Character...
And I'm guessing her gut is iron because she handled those sexual innuendos pretty well from a stranger. I also thought they knew each other for a day when she said that in the restaurant because they just came back from a flight yesterday. But she mentioned 'days' in the closet. If they did know each other for days, it was never mentioned. Unless I'm missing something.
This review became lengthy holy cheese and crackers. Man, hope it helps yeah? Script (or story plot and planning) has been *cough*kicked into my sternum*cough* into me for more than 3 years as a major subject, so forgive me for its length. So like mentioned, you can always ask from me in terms of creative writing (and not very much for spotting out grammar mistakes, but it's a part of it.)
I'm quite an avid WhiteRose shipper, but your story made me feel for Ladybug. As in, I tap-slapped to a person once and increased in tempo because it was giving me twists and turns. Then even dropped this tablet gasping "NO WAY". I've enjoyed, even learned a bit, from your story.
You improved, you learned, you delivered. Even though you finished this a while back, I just want to say congratulations. Now off I go to the Baker AU!
| WhiteShadowFang chapter 1 . 9/24/2016
Loved it from start to finish. I admit a few moments my heart jumped during the parts with evil pyr. Id love to do a colab if you're interested
| Guest chapter 19 . 9/16/2016
You're writing so good I read book Ladybug are usually consider this blasphemy for me but your shits good good job you done good
| Guest chapter 19 . 9/15/2016
Meh it was worth what I paid in sleep
| Guest chapter 15 . 9/15/2016
That's a shitty fuckin hospital like damn bro last I was at one shit was like a prison
| Okami The Blue Wolf chapter 3 . 8/22/2016
I laughed way harder at this chapter than I should have! XD
| OmegaKenichi chapter 12 . 7/14/2016
I'm pretty sure that people would guess that fallen shadow 69 helped you with this, even if you hadn't have said anything.
| Anonymous chapter 15 . 7/1/2016
Not gonna lie im undecided about wether i like pyrrha or not for now but otherwise its great. Keep up the good work :)
| Qrw561 chapter 18 . 6/25/2016
Read the end, and it legit made me have to ask WHO'S THE ONE WITH THE MALE ORGAN?
| Guest chapter 15 . 6/18/2016
Really? Phineas and Ferb?
| Guest chapter 13 . 6/18/2016
FUCK YOU, YOU BEAUTIFUL WRITER