Reviews for Avalanche
Neko-hanyou05 chapter 2 . 1/4/2006
You?A beginner of japanese?YOUVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!There are so many words in here that i have NEVER seen on any other fanfiction!If you go any father you would be speaking ONLY japanese!Good for you and keep going!-

-Neko-
HMPrune chapter 1 . 2/8/2005
Great story - you have stayed true to the characters in a great way!
icantdeletethisaccountargh chapter 1 . 11/6/2004
i'm pretty sur that Shikon no Tama is the jewel of the four SOULS but i think you probably already know that

i think you should use less japanese or put the translation next to the text in () that way people know what it means when they read it and they're not cluless when something happens

like i was

lol

it's a realyy good story

ja ne

K
daniel-gudman chapter 3 . 1/16/2004
...Ok, I have to complain.
While you may be a beginner in the study of the Japanese language, that is still a much larger vocabulary than the rest of us (or at least, me...).
Your prolific use of Japanese words in harming your story; I have to guess what all these words mean within the context, which is difficult, especially when you put entire sentances or independant phrases into Japanese.
While using certain words ("Hai," "baka," and "hentai" come to mind) have become canon for fanfiction, ones like "Shitteiranai" and "Ikusasero" leave me totally lost.
There are a few ways you can fix this; one is to stop using such (relatively) obscure language, another is parenthetical translation, or you could simply insert the meaning into the context.
Your work is good, but I don't know what people are saying!
daniel-gudman chapter 1 . 1/16/2004
...Is the snow-demon supposed to be a Yuki-no-onna?
bluefuzzyelf chapter 3 . 1/10/2004
i was wondering if you could tell me the URL of the Japanese site you have to translate. Im' trying to find a good site...right now, I'm trying to translate "What the hell...?"
Miaka Kiri chapter 3 . 12/15/2002
*twitch twitch* Inu-Yasha would NOT use the word "atashi"! That's a FEMININE word, no GUY would ever use it!

Aside from that, though...this is interesting...
buster chapter 6 . 12/15/2002
nice
baka deshi chapter 6 . 12/14/2002
Ok, now that I've bitched about the Japanese, guess I should actually review the fic itself, huh? _;;; I really really like what you've done with this, honestly...Kagome kicked total ass, even though she was half-frozen. And your Inu/Kago interaction in chapter 6 was so very sweet _ The action scenes have been very well written, wonderfully descriptive...can't complain about any of it. What I am wondering about is all the times where Inuyasha ends up seeing Kagome as Kikyou, even in the slightly WAFFy-er chapter 6. Good touch, most authors wouldn't be doing that-they like to conveniently forget that Kikyou and Kagome are similar. Will that become part of the plot? *hoping*

That said, on with the Japanese ranting _;; (sorry, I'm a translator...it's what we do):

Chapter 4:

iyarashi - if you want to call someone a pervert, you'd probably use "hentai!" or "ecchi!" instead. Or "chikan", but that's more specifically "subway groper!"

ii ga sawaru - makes no sense. "Watashi wa heki desu" would be a better "I'm fine/ok" in a physical sense. Or even "watashi wa daijoubu desu".

genhin na - this is a dictionary form na adjective. You only use the na when attaching it to a noun. A good example is benri ("convenient/useful"): "benri NA chizu desu." (This is a very useful/convenient map.) At any rate, I think in the context you used it you'd want something like "kimochi warui"! (That's totally nasty/sick).

Sumimasen - isn't extremely formal. "Moshi wake gozaimasen" is _~

Chapter 5:

Youkai o kiku ka? - this means "Do you hear a youkai?". But most of the time, people refer to sensing the presence ("keihai") of a demon instead.

youkai o okubyoumono - doesn't mean anything. 'o' is the particle for direct objects, so it doesn't work here.

muzukashii hanyou - muzukashii is an adjective that means "difficult" or "hard", but it is used more often for things like "muzukashii testo" (hard test).

abazureonna - yes, it means bitch, but you'd more likely use something like "teme!" or "omae!" etc to insult someone.

shinzou no tomodachi no ningen - this gave me pain. Pure pain.

kiko shippou - makes no sense. You'd use a command form of "kiku" to get Shippo to listen.

atashi no fukuro - Kagome would use "kaban", since she has a school backpack.

And that's it. I'm sorry I'm so very anal, but Japanese is a big part of what I do _~ And well, if you're learning, you'll also want to be sure to learn it right the first time-before I started formal classes in high school (boy that was a while ago _ ), I tried learning from fansubs...hoo boy, that was a bad idea. I picked up all kinds of bad habits, including a tendency to speak ultra male when angry...

Keep writing, and keep studying Japanese!
baka deshi chapter 2 . 12/14/2002
Once again, a great chapter...with weird Japanese in it. "Yoroshii" is an extremely polite word (think "talking to the President on TV") and is used for "that's good"/"that's ok". To say "stop it", you'd need to conjugate "yameru"-usually "yamero!" if it's a command. "Kuro o" is wrong, because (once again) verbs come at the end of sentences, and the "o" is a particle indicating the direct object, not the subject.

Example: "The dog comes." Would be "Inu ga kuru", not "Inu o kuru". (Inu o kuru is meaningless).

"Doko desu ka" also has no inherent gender...in fact, it doesn't specificy WHAT you are looking for. If you add a subject, you can ask where "she" is:

Ex: Kagome wa doko desu ka Where is Kagome?

Pen wa doko desu ka Where is the pen?

And in the last two:

Daijoubu wa Kagome desu is ungrammatical. The "wa" marks the subject...what you are applying an adjective to. In this case, your subject is Kagome, because you are asking about her. Thus, the sentence should be "Kagome wa daijoubu desu." HOWEVER, that actually means "Kagome is ok" in the "she has not been eaten by youkai" sense. And "nani ni suru ka" is also ungrammatical- the particle ni indicates direction or destination. To ask what you are doing (direct object time!), you would ask "nani O suru?" or more appropriately "nani o shteiru?"

In short, language is complicated. _;;; If you have any questions about what I've been babbling about, feel free to email me and I'll try to explain better.
baka deshi chapter 1 . 12/14/2002
Ok...I'm gonna be nice, but only because I saw your note at the bottom _;; I like the concept of this fic, and the writing style (especially the opener- Kagome musing about how comforting season changes are), BUT there is entirely too much Japanese in this _ I know this sounds mean, but *especially* if you are just beginning fanfic is the worst medium to be learning or writing Japanese in. I know it's cool, but a) most people don't understand it and b) if you can offer a translation, you don't need the Japanese. Granted, I have no problem with things that don't translate WELL (like attack names-they sound dumb in english), but "mashou kaeru" for "Let's turn back"? (That's also incorrect, incidently- you probably mean "kaerimashou"!)

"Misekake jibun yo" is also incorrect...Japanese is a subject - object- verb order language, meaning that verbs always come at the end of the sentence. (You also can't use "jibun" there.) And umlats are totally the wrong sound for most of the words you have them on - daiJOUbu is pronounced "die-johh-boo", with the "joh" sound being elongated. If you're seriously interested in learning Japanese, good for you though-I'd suggest taking a class through your local college, or a correspondence course from a university if a real-life class isn't available.

Incidentally, where is this website of yours? If these are the words/translations they offer, they need to get flamed for misleading new students :P
hikarisan chapter 2 . 12/13/2002
konyanyachi wa! _ i'm so glad you decided to post more of this, it really is a good story! i have noticed a few mistakes in your japanese however. not big ones, but if you want, i can help you out a little. i'm not fluent, by any means, but i have been teaching myself the language and would be willing to give you a few pointers. i dunno that i will have the time to be like a beta reader for you, but if you email me the chapters i can edit any mistakes in the japanese for you. _ let me know, i admire your efforts. few writers seem to appreciate japanese in fanfiction. in any case, keep it up, i wanna see where this goes! grrr, i'll beat up that snow youkai for hurting my miroku-sama!

~~hikari
Warrior of Forest chapter 1 . 12/13/2002
Keep it up!
Miaka Kiri chapter 2 . 12/13/2002
oooo...evil cliffhanger! PLEASE hurry up and post the next chappy!
hikarisan chapter 1 . 12/11/2002
duuuude, i went to your page to read the rest of this...where the heck is it? i wanna read it! how come you're not gonna post it all here? it's a good start to what i imagine is a wonderful fic! gonbatte ne!

~hikari
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