|Reviews for Number 48 Rebirth|
| Vegasman59 chapter 5 . 4/20/2015
Good number of improvements, Good stuff as always
| VizeerLord chapter 4 . 4/20/2015
Your blade is forged, can you wield it?
| jkarr chapter 5 . 4/20/2015
it is nice that Harry is willing to take on Dobby.
| carick of hunter moon chapter 5 . 4/20/2015
| Srathor chapter 5 . 4/20/2015
You are doing well with the re-write. Of course I didn't see the need for a rewrite but I am not a very good author. Keep on keepen on and write what YOU want. Not the so called Guest's.
| Guest1 chapter 2 . 4/18/2015
I'd actually be very interested to see an MA version of this on an alternative site such as . I'd really hope that you'd strongly consider it.
| Pax Humana chapter 4 . 4/20/2015
It's FLEUR not FLUER. You make this mistake repeatedly, so I must assume the error wasn't an accident but out of ignorance of her name. It's also a mistake that was present in the original version of the story.
There are also further their/there confusions in the chapter, misplaced commas and other things. I suggest that the chapter as a whole could use more time on editing to pick up on these things, something that I do find breaks my immersion and enjoyment of the story.
And I do. Enjoy the story, that is.
| Pax Humana chapter 3 . 4/20/2015
Typos: "Not, a problem" "Not a problem"
"Get grabbed Kara" "He grabbed Kara"
"the mans back was turned" "the man's back was turned"
"all their right now" "all there right now"
"who's accents said" "whose accent said"
And please, for the love of humanity, fix Tonks' speech.
| A Week Of Sundays chapter 4 . 4/20/2015
Loved the chapter, and I'm glad to see the difference between the first version and the rewrite. The plot and it's details are much more developed, and the characters are much more lifelike. While the situations might be taking longer to get to, it will be worth it in the end. I'm re-favoriting, and I can't wait for your next chapter!
| Pax Humana chapter 2 . 4/20/2015
This chapter's good overall.
Some things to improve:
- One person speaking per paragraph. You've got Kara and Harry both speaking in a couple, for example, and it makes it a LOT harder to understand this way.
Tonks: She doesn't speak in that overdone fashion. Please tone it down as she doesn't speak in that way. That is more how Hagrid (or maybe Ron) would speak.
And please break up the longer paragraphs. In general, a maximum of 5 sentences (or a couple more if they're all short) per paragraph would be helpful for readability. The first paragraph this chapter has 13 or 14, depending how you count them. The Will reading from James' voice has a whopping 25. Far too many! You lose track of what's where in a paragraph that long.
Now, I stand by my original statement, this is a good chapter. Just offering ways to improve it.
| redquail chapter 2 . 4/18/2015
liked the first one. but this version is indeed better written and more readable with a better plot
| WTFFanfic chapter 4 . 4/20/2015
Story is awesome so far, keep it up! MA version on another site pretty please please!
| Gman64 chapter 4 . 4/20/2015
Your rewrite is doing well. Your previous offering may have been more graphic, but was still an enjoyable read. You slowed the pacing down a bit by not exposing the Weasleys as yet and that seems to be doing fine.
I question Harry taking the badge and ID out to show Hermione. I thought he handed them off to Tonks who eventually handed them to Amelia Bones. Harry had them in your last offering and I believe you forgot to change it as you did in your second chapter of the rewrite.
I thought the aftermath of the fight and the start of the investigation in the second chapter was very believable. If Harry goes to talk to Amelia before the trial like your last version, I would expect her to already have the badge and ID as evidence and have performed additional inquiries that pertain to Harry's defense.
Looking forward to continuing to enjoy your story.
Thanks for all your effort.
| Neresto chapter 1 . 4/20/2015
I quit halfway through the first chapter. It was so cliche I couldn't bring myself to finish it.
| hotkillerz chapter 4 . 4/20/2015
I like this I'm hoping the pairing is at least harry/of or harry/tonks or harry/tonks/oc can't wait for the next chapter, too see what happens at the trial and to see what happens with Kara and harry