|Reviews for I'll Pity You When You're Gone|
| Levells chapter 11 . 7/7/2010
That was very well written and emotionally charged. I loved read every chapter of it. What you did with Van and Thomas especially, that was incredibly detailed and I felt like I could feel what they were going through. Poor Raven, losing Shadow like that... I do like who he's become, though. It's nice to see Thomas and Van getting alone better.
| Mirrorfaced chapter 5 . 6/1/2010
Daang, that was a really, really epic chapter. I don't even remember this being as awesome as it is now. That nightmare was. Shudder. Awful. Interesting how Raven can change a mood while still only semi-conscious. Mnnnn, onwards!
| Mirrorfaced chapter 11 . 3/19/2009
Damn, that was one hell of a ride. I love pretty much everything about this fic. The characters were so much more amazing and three-dimensional than in the show. Granted, you did take some liberties with their pasts, but the show was so vague. I love the dynamics of the characters' interactions. Each one was a gripping pleasure to read. The plot was fantastic. I'm so glad I found this fic.
| ShadowRebirth37 logged-out chapter 7 . 9/6/2008
By the way, you were pretty spot-on with the medical problems. The things you wrote, they are extremely close to what happens in real life if someone goes with out food/water/sleep, get severely burned or gets shot (several times), I swear, you could have been a docter. XP lol.
Just thought I'd tell ya.
Again, this is THE greatest fic I've read in a long, long time. I'm still broken up from the ending. I still haven't let go of my little Shadow figure. I also started tearing-up today. Just thinking about it made me start crying again... right in front of my father. XP lol.
I loved every minute of this fic. I actually had a fic planned out about Raven and Shadow during the four years in the desert, but since you have already done this, I may not write it.
Absolutely, completely amazing.
This fic has NO equal.
Anyway, I absolutely loved this fic. I wish I was half as good as you. I hope maybe one day you could possibly R & R a dew of my humble fics. I loved your fic, and hope maybe you will write another masterpiece one day.
This fic was amazing,
| ShadowRebirth37 chapter 11 . 9/5/2008
Oh my God...
I haven't cried this hard in years. That was so sad. The ending... the ending made me cry so hard. I haven't cried this hard since my family firend died. This... this fic is probably the best fic I have ever read in my entire life.
I have read nearly ever Raven fic on this site, and this... this is the top. The best. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at Raven and Shadow the same way again.
The ending... that... those last few lines... made me cry so hard... I was so emotional (and let me tell you, it takes a LOT to get me to break down like that). As soon as I read that... I grabbed my little Shadow figure and cried and didn't let him go for nearly half and hour. I haven't cried that hard for months, maybe even years.
Again, it takes a LOT, a real Godda** LOT to get me that teared up. You should be very very happy with yourself, not because I'm crying, but because you, my friend, are one amazing writer.
I can never look at my Raven fics the same again. Now, they all look n00bish and pathetic compaired to your amazing fic.
I loved every minute of this fic, I was hanging on every word, totally engrossed and absorbed in every sentence. I haven't felt like this in years... thank you for reminding me of the greatness of reading.
You know, I believe you top every author I've ever read works of, and I'm not talking just ff authors. Crichton, Yolen, McCafferey... they don't hold a candle to you. This was fantastic... I think this is the best fic I have ever read.
I'm sorry this is so long, but I just can't say enough about this fic. This is the single greatest work I believe I've ever read here. And believe me, I've never said that to anyone else, until now.
This was amazing. I absolutly loved this. I would really wish you would start writing fanfiction again, because you, my friend, are one of the greatest ff authors I have ever had the pleasure of reading works of.
I can't say enough. Fantastic, amazing, moving, emotional, angsty, tear-jerking, action-packed, suspensful, dramatic, heart-pounding, dark... just... amazing...
A thousand more praises,
| Time Review chapter 11 . 5/16/2007
Wow! No matter how many times I read this story, I am always amazed with how you come up with the ideas and how you word the story. Great job! I know I would never be able to come up with something as awesome as this!
I love the Van and Raven scene. Hee hee, I guess no one can keep Raven still for too long, can they? The way you created that scene made me think that it could be a piece to an episode, only without the feeling of being rushed(I get that feeling sometimes when watching the episodes.).
Raven is my favorite character in ZOIDS so I really enjoy good stories about him. This one, however, is not only a good story about Raven, but also about the other characters in the show. I enjoy following the characters through their daily thoughts and actions. You did so well with the wording and structure!
That is all that my small mind can think of right now, but there are so many compliments that I think of when reading this story! I look forword to reading any future stories of ZOIDS that you write.
| Shadow chapter 7 . 4/9/2005
Aww...poor Raven-sama. He must really be strong to live through that.
About not knowing how anyone could live, this is based on anime and in anime anything can happen. Reality doesn't really apply unless you want it to.
| The Sh33p chapter 11 . 2/7/2005
:Looks down.: Wow... I dont think I can top Phelans o_O But here we go!
I think my favorite part of this chapter, bar none, was when Raven and Van had their final confrontation. It was one of those scenes where you could feel the tension just as much as you could see or hear it when they looked or spoke to each other. The way they were stuck bouncing between casual contempt and out-and-out hatred, only to find occasional common ground(and perhaps even sympathy) for each other was actually pretty moving. It was the perfect way to wrap up their conflict without having some ungodly final battle to do it. The resolution wasnt violent, it wasnt even on enemy terms...
Raven and Van simply made their own kind of deal, then the bird flew the coop, so to speak. I friggin LOVED how you had them hit that kind of mutual understanding out of almost nowhere. Even more so that Van actually let Raven get away instead of trying to stop or talk him out of it. It was kind of like seeing the proof of his own character development. Somewhere in the midst of all that angst and combat, breaking his arm and popping pills to get to sleep, Van stopped being a shiny perfect hero and became human. When he did, Raven became human by default as well. I think Van understood that on some level, and in doing so, he performed an act that humans dont do often enough: He gave Raven one more chance.
That was just awesome.
Aside from that, I enjoyed the ending too. Shadows epitaph was a simple, moving scene in its own right, and it wrapped things up just about perfectly. Theres really not much else that can be said about that.
I also enjoyed the scenes between Van, Fiona, Thomas and Karl. It all had a feeling of 'okay, were done here, movin along!' Even though it was the end of the story, it left the impression that their adventures werent over yet. After all, Riese is still out there, and possibly the still-unknown Dark Kaiser as well. More than that though, I enjoyed seeing Thomas transformation. Its hard to describe, but in the end, it was personified with how he, Van and Fiona were hanging out in the next-to-last scene. All of them were friends(though Im waving a large T/F fan to spite various people :p) and that was just about all there was to it.
That said, I think this chapter embodied all the development that came before it. It had a good feel to it, featured all the resolution and open endings that make a story great and Ill be keeping it in my favorites for a long time to come. It deserves a lot more attention than its gotten though, thats for sure. 94-or-so reviews just aint enough :P
Anyway, good job, Vappa. Im looking forward to any more Zoids stories you have planned for the future, and hoping to see em soon o_o
( can kiss my ass! Changin my name like that…)
| The Grunty that goes Beep chapter 1 . 2/7/2005
'Ello, love! This is Moshi Want Cookie. I am a friend of The Grunty That Goes Beep. Yes, yes, her punctuation IS off... way off. But that is why I, almighty Moshi, will fix it all. I'm hoping she'll let me get my claws on her stories and re-do all of it. *Snicker.* I don't mean the actual story, just the punctuating and giving it more detail and such. Your review is great, actually. Criticism helps a writer to grow. *Thumbs up.* Now, I'mma get off before she killeths me. .;;
- Moshi That Wants Cookie ; -
| Wolfenmech chapter 11 . 2/5/2005
...Wow. That's the first thing that comes to mind when I finished this. Step up, take a bow, and be damned proud of this. It's good. Very good.
I think you hit Thomas right on the head, you got him pegged fairly well. We know that Karl was always the favored child from the series and the effect that can have was particularly well handled. Thomas wasn't angsty and "OMFG my life hath been ruined!" No, he was quiet about it as though he really didn't want to burden anyone else with his problems because he didn't think he deserved their sympathy, their pity, or their help. Thomas was convinced that he really was inferior.
Speaking of such things the portrayal of Karl was interesting. We usually see as the military man to whom family takes a secondary role but here we see that's a veneer. He does care about Thomas and he wants to help him. I think that maybe Karl blames himself for Thomas's attempted suicide. He said it himself after all:
"If I’d just been around more, I could have done something earlier."
Perhaps Karl is still struggling with the feelings of guilt he has. Though by his admission Karl didn't have an exactly loving relationship with their parents he was on better terms with them than Thomas was. Perhaps Karl's beating himself up over the fact that in his desire to escape the sort of wind-up soldier persona that his father pushed on him he ignored the troubles Thomas was having.
And I like the fact you included their parents and home life into the story. It's not often that we see that because we never hear about in the show so it kinda slips our minds. But, with an aristocratic family with a long military tradition, i.e. the Schubaltzes I can see the pressure that both brothers were under and the kind of future Thomas was seeing for himself. Bleak, alone, and altogether unpleasant it's no surprise that he wanted to end it. He wouldn't have to worry about anything, he wouldn' have to think about anything.
It's the same thing with Raven. He's lost everything he's cared about from his parents to Shadow. He doesn't want to think about it, he doesn't want to live with it. And I think you were spot on with Raven's violent reaction to Hiltz. The savagry, the unrelenting viciousness, and the malice he had for Hiltz during the fight and after. He didn't wallow in his angst - and it wasn't undeserved angst either - so much as he actually suffered.
I found the cairn to be a very touching gesture from Raven and very appropiate in the situation. And as much as I'd like to think that Raven was still alive at the end something, a gut feeling, tells me that he went through with what he said earlier:
"I don’t want this. I don’t want to remember anymore. It was better when I was dead . . ."His voice dropped to a tired murmur. “I can’t take it. But at least I know I won’t have to . . . once I stop thinking . . .”
Something tells me that Raven actually did kill himself after saying goodbye to Shadow. Even so the atmosphere, the tone of the story at that point was very moving. Very touching.
Van was a major player only in the beginning but as time went on Thomas took center stage but that's alright. If that's the way the story flows fighting it is usually a bad thing. But it's nice to see the Van is portrayed as human. His temper, his guilt, his grudge against Raven. It makes him a more accessible character. If he'd actually forgiven Raven I would've found that harder to believe than what happened. If someone hurts you like that, makes you suffer the way Raven made Van suffer then you don't normally smile and shake it off.
But at the same time was it really Raven's fault for Van's guilt and nightmares? Or was it the idea that Van had killed *somebody* and the fact that the person in question was Raven actually important? I think it can argued both ways because on the one hand Van does have a point about the fact Raven *wouldn't* stop of his volition and so it fell to somebody else - Van - to do it.
“After all the pain you’ve caused me? The pain you’ve caused others? You didn’t even care about what you were doing to others. You didn’t stop for anything! It was up to me to make you stop. It was me who had to kill you.”
Though on the other hand it could be that Van has only himself to blame because it was him that wouldn't let Raven go. It was him who wouldn't stop going after Raven It was him who wouldn't back down. Perhaps the guilt is shared, perhaps not.
Fiona...you had an interesting way of portraying her. Not a nad way but it certainly was different. Usually we only see her as a sidenote to Van and as the linchpin to the rivalry between Van and Thomas. In your fic though she was her own person with her own likes and dislikes; her own opinions and feelings. The way she went about the pills was beautiful because it showed A) Her very concern about Van and B) Her feelings about somethings.
And as a small aside I liked the the snippet of conversation between Van and Karl about the pills. It connected them for a moment and gave us a little glimpse at the humans behind the uniforms.
But the scenes with Thomas...she didn't love him but neither was she indifferent to him. She cared as she would for any good friend. But perhaps the best scene between those two was in the computer center of Hiltz's hidey-hole.
It flowed from one thing to another naturally as though the two were friends who just discovered deeper more complex feelings for one another. They were surprised but not adverse to a change to in their relationship. Will there be romance? I think not. Will they become better friends? Oh yes. That was already showing up by the end of the story. The comment I think best epitomizes this is the one about the text based operating systems. Thomas is teasing her and at the same time is glad she has an interest in what he likes. But he's also showed interest in what she likes. It's a reciprocal relationship and it's just so damned natural the way it happened.
Kudos for a great job with that.
On the whole I wouldn't call this a happy story. There's too much suffering for it to be that. However that doesn't mean this isn't a bad story either. It's about the world and all the pain it can bring to people. And I liked it because of that. There weren't any "winners" or "losers" here because everyone lost something and almost always gained something in return. Van/Thomas/Fiona all underwent emotional hell but became better friends because of it. They became stronger because they now know that they can fall back on the others and get help. Karl, well, we just got to know Karl better. But Raven though, he's the real tragedy of the story. He gained everything first and then lost it. He had Shadow, they finally, finally! coudl understand each other...and then he died. He was murdered leaving Raven with an even greater fall than before.
Flow down, cold rivulet, to the sea,
Thy tribute wave deliver:
No more by thee my steps shall be,
For ever and for ever.
Flow, softly flow, by lawn and lea,
A rivulet then a river;
No where by thee my steps shall be,
For ever and for ever.
But here will sigh thine alder tree,
And here thine aspen shiver;
And here by thee will hum the bee,
For ever and for ever.
A thousand suns will stream on thee,
A thousand moons will quiver;
But not by thee my steps shall be,
For ever and for ever.
"A Farewell" Alfred Lord Tennyson
That poem, more than anything, expresses what what I believe Raven was feeling at the end of the story.
Be proud of this; it's damn good work. Good luck with life and thankyou for sharing this.
| Red Baroness chapter 11 . 2/3/2005
Ahh... Such a sad, bittersweet ending. (Hence the name, I guess XD) I loved it ! I was actually kinda worried that you would kill Raven off (or that he would kill himself). Though it would make a rather sensical ending, I think it's better this way. For some reason, I'm always thinking of the story after the story. Will Raven find peace now? How will he go on? What will become of that ever-so intriguing love-triangle between our three guardians XD.
Tha's a good story right there. The one that leaves you thinking... and dreaming.
| Hannah chapter 10 . 12/28/2004
You posted this chapter in time for my birthday(Dec. 25th)_, but I didn't read it 'till three days after :-( ! At least I read AND REVIEWED it now, right?
Raven is THE COOLEST AND AWESOMEST(yes, I know there's no such thing as awesomest) character in all of ZOIDS, and you totally brought that out in this story. I love how you did everything in creating Raven's personality and strength, especially when he tore at Hiltz with more strength than he should have. A very pleased reader, here. _
I think you did excellently with the description and idea of why Thomas is the way he is. It fits along with the ZOIDS storyline perfectly, if not, almost.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ONLY ONE MORE CHAPTER! What am I to do after that? Is the next story gonna have Raven? I will most likely read it even if he's not in it, 'cause I like your storylines, ideas, and descriptions.
I like how you create the characters' personalities. I also love the way you describe everything. I would be specific, but it's impossible, 'cause there are too many. I will say this though: every time I read one of your chapters I get drawn into it. I can see everything you write. Specific examples: Thomas's and Karl's rememberances, and Raven and Van's fight.
I don't know why, but I LOVE Raven's uncontrollable wildness.
I'll review the next chapter. See ya then!
| Feirdra chapter 10 . 12/25/2004
_ I'm so very, very glad I put off reading chapter 9 until recently-I wouldn't've survived that cliffhanger for 3 months. *sweatdrops* For the stuff you didn't really feel like writing anymore-was it the suicide story? I thought you did rather well on it, if that helps-I also think you did a great job developing the Schubaltz brothers throughout the fic. *eeps* Shadow's dead. ;.; That's... just... *sniffle* OUCH. Poor Raven. And can't wait for the last chapter. X3v After so long, it'd be nice to get some closure on this fic. XD;
| Cerulean Crystal chapter 8 . 12/25/2004
very good. next chapter.
| The Sh33p chapter 10 . 12/24/2004
*Dons Reviewer Hat. Proceeds.*
Well, damn... This was definately one hell of a backbreaker to write. I can tell just because it WAS 10,0-ish words o_o That said: It was also pretty friggin good.
And Ill come out and say this now: I LOVED the Thomas-and-Fiona scenes. Normally, I hate things like that. I cant stand to read them, I cant stand to write them and I want to skewer those who have success of any sort with them. Normally, theyre as stale as it gets, chock-full of cliched declarations and prime for parody, among other things.
That, however, was executed as masterfully as it gets. You didnt have them come out and say 'OH, , I LURV U!1ONEONEONEELEVEN'. You played it off as being more subtle, involving and drawn out. It was deliberate, natural and insightful, and a lot more sincere than 99.8% of the crap Ive seen over the years. You didnt stoop to cliched descriptions, didnt fluff it to the brink of insanity and didnt somehow clusterfuck it with colorful speech. It just HAPPENED.
And thats what made it so friggin good. I envy that, as a matter of fact.
Moving along: Karl was also written excellently. Not only did he come across as being an anchor, he did so as easily as you or I might breathe. He FIT the role he was designated to play in this chapter, perhaps even better than he did in most of the ones before it. He was both intelligent and insightful, emotional and reserved at the same time. Above all, he came off as a pretty cool guy, and the crack that came with him becoming Thomas 'next-of-kin' actually made me laugh a good bit.
Oh, and as a random aside: I was right about the attempted suicide! Boo-yah o_o Explains the long sleeves and the gloves perfectly though, no doubt about that.
As for Van and Raven... Well, they were mostly in the background aside from the first few scenes and the very end of it. Even so, they both left a pretty solid impression - Van of a guy who was in over his head, trying to deal with his festering contempt for Raven yet also trying to anchor himself with some help from Fiona, only to see Raven for what he really is and sorta... I dunno how to describe how he reacted when he realized everything. Either way, it was refreshing to see him go from Shiny Perfect Ultra Super Mega Hero Boy of Doom to someone who actually came off as both sympathetic and stable even as he was practically drowning in his own stress. It made me like your portrayal of him a little more than I already did.
And Raven? Well, Ive never really been one for hardcore Raven Angst, but I think you hit it on the head about as perfectly as anyone can in this chapter. From the way he friggin... Killmaimed the Lightning Saix to the way that he beat the snot out of Hiltz(and either killed him or at least cracked his skull... Maybe even inflicted brain damage, given how you described it), it was as Raven as it gets. Maybe not as terrifying, but given that you were trying to take the terror OUT of him and make him easy to sympathize with, it still came off without a hitch. My only complaint is that he was talking a bit too much while inflicting the beating, when I tend to see him doing more 'RAGH%)% !#$) #$) *$(!'-type screaming while doing something like that. Even so, its only a minor detail and it didnt detract from anything.
And did I mention that I liked the flashbacks? More so Karls than Thomas. Ive never really been one for reading suicide, so I only skimmed the actual cutting part, but I especially liked it when Karl was essentially trapped in the hospital. Hearing people screaming, crying and dying for hours on end is enough to drive almost anyone completely nuts, but Karl?
I freaking loved how he didnt break. He didnt take joy in it, it saddened him, drove him to the brink of plugging his ears, but it didnt break him. He didnt end up traumatized by it and it wasnt something that haunts him to this day. Seeing THOMAS haunted him, that much is obvious, but hearing the sounds of a hospital in wartime didnt. It was refreshing to see a character undergo that kind of stress without breaking.
Thats pretty much it, I think o_o Good job.