|Reviews for The First illusionist|
| scorpin17 chapter 9 . 12/27/2017
| StoneTheLoner chapter 5 . 12/12/2017
This is the kind of story that needs to be cannibalized by another author so the good idea's can shine.
| StoneTheLoner chapter 4 . 12/12/2017
And there it is, the bullsh*t that ruins stories. But that's fine, now Harry has a future girlfriend. That makes up for everything and isn't contrived at all :)
| noxenrom chapter 2 . 8/28/2017
So. Harry becomes an OC? Because thats what it's look like.
| WillowBarkTea chapter 9 . 8/16/2017
Ok, so the premise of this story is good, but everything feels a little rushed. I like the idea behind the story, my only problem with it is that it feels really rushed and you keep breaking up the flow of the story with your own thoughts. Please don't use numerals in the story and please don't suddenly inject whatever you were thinking at the time into the story inside parenthesis, both will break up the flow of the story. General rule of thumb is not to use numerals in writing, spell out the numbers, it helps the story flow better. As far as the rushed feeling goes, taking the time to research information to flesh out the chapter helps. Slow down and describe things more. It's worth it.
Another problem, and I'll take it from chapter nine since it's right in front of me, is when you write stuff like, "I forget the names of the teams so imagine the most Irish sounding names you can think of." The names are on the internet! HP WIKI has it! Wikipedia has it! Take a little bit of time to research the things you can't remember. It's time consuming, but I guarantee that your readers won't begrudge you the time spent in research, especially once you flesh out the chapters some more.
Your thoughts as the author should go in Author's Notes at the top or end of the chapter rather than in the middle of the story. Some of your readers WILL read them because your thought process as an author is important to them, and it's always fun to have an author interact with the reader. But no more of your personal thoughts in parenthesis mid-sentence, please!
Also, please don't switch between points of view unless it's necessary. If you are going to switch points of view, please warn the reader before hand, because when you change points of view, it will disorient the reader. If you're writing in third person, stick to third person. If you're writing in first person, stick to first person. If your reader has to go back and reread a section to figure out what just happened because you changed viewpoints without warning, the flow of the story is broken and enjoyment lessens. Don't change POVs without warning.
Other than that, I very much enjoyed your story and look forward to reading more.
| Onishin Tsukitenshi chapter 9 . 7/16/2017
Please update soon.
| 917brat chapter 9 . 6/12/2017
this is very interesting and I can't wait to see just what you are going to have happen next so I hope that you update it again soon.
| jh831 chapter 9 . 9/26/2016
good story so far, though would like longer chapters.
| Guest chapter 7 . 8/2/2016
You have ruined the whole fanfic mc turned from cunning antihero to dumb hero, why can nobody fucking stick to what they have said
| Slytherin Studios chapter 9 . 7/30/2016
I like it, please update soon.
| Abyssal Hinokami chapter 9 . 5/7/2016
| ChildKing chapter 4 . 2/13/2016
Everyone can use more then 10 percent of their brain. This is overused and irritating. Her x gene can give her all that without using the wrong assumption that humans only use 10 percent of their brain. We use it all. Using the 10 percent is just lazy writing.
| DanceOfTheCrystalRose1993 chapter 9 . 8/12/2015
um could someone contact the site managers because when ever i go to look for a story to read like out of the naruto archive of stories it says their are no stories even though theirs 388K stories on site
a very concerned reader
| Exiled Soul Nomad chapter 9 . 7/29/2015
Damn, this was a fun read. What happens with Lilith and Harry, though? I can guess that they will stay in contact but just how involved will Harry, Gai, and Lilith get with the Super world with Harry in Hogwarts? Also, who will protect London with Phantasm MIA.
| fellow chapter 5 . 7/17/2015
You've tossed in Maito Gai?!