|Reviews for The Righteous Side of Hell|
| AshenMoon42 chapter 8 . 8/20
What a brilliant story! I love the memories that he sees, the voices that he hears ... you've really added the right amount of madness. His reactions to certain events are also well chosen - his lack of speech towards Crouch, his responses to Bellatrix, his thoughts about the dementors. Sirius is in-character (pretty much all of your stories have perfect characters). Really good work.
| Hide-and-secrets chapter 6 . 2/27
This chapter really got to me. I love this tho. I actually started reading this story cause I read the flashback of Sirius and Lily which was amazing. But like this chapter is so good. The entire story is but like I don't want this chapter to end.
| Symphonic-oceantune chapter 8 . 6/15/2016
I love the concept and how you do it, it's really interesting, each chapter is, and if you write more chapters, I'll surely be happy to see them. Added to my favorites.
| Acorn chapter 8 . 6/8/2016
Snap. Just read all of these chapters and pleeeeaaase update soon! So. Freaking. Good.
| wujy chapter 1 . 6/7/2016
First of all, I like the concept of the story. I don't think there's any way I could write a story with this setting as a MC. Doing so is really ambition and makes me think you must have a deep headcanon for Azkaban. I see a few places where I'd like to have seen more commas and fewer sentence fragments, and there was a place where used the word "shuttered" instead of "shuddered," but I like your sense of imagery. You have a colorful way of presenting the scenery. I like the idea that unclaimed prisoners were buried with a number instead of a name; it adds to how bleak Azkaban really is.
As important as I think it is to really driving home how dreary Azkaban is, I was glad when we took a break from that to go back in time and look at things from a more hopeful point of view. Sirius got the short end of a pointy stick, for sure, but I like seeing the softer side of him, even if his brilliant plan came back to bite him later.
I like the description of the many sounds of Azkaban as "the sounds of raw despair," but it would have been more grammatically correct to say, "They were the sounds..." instead of, "It was..."
However, I think my favorite part is that you didn't identify any of the voices that were talking about him on his way to his cell. I don't know why exactly, but it somehow made the other prisoners feel... ghostly, maybe? Appropriately so, since they are all ghostly shells of the people they once were. It added a sense of eeriness that I thought lent itself to your narrative.
| Malhearst chapter 3 . 5/29/2016
Yes, the madness is beginning to show.
[struggling with how to cope with] - this sounds a little awkward. I'd suggest just writing [struggling to cope with]?
I really love the way you portray Sirius' defence mechanisms. The part about him trying to distinguish day from night through the light filtering in seems very realistic, and I think it was a very nice touch. Especially him wondering that the overcast sky can't be natural. It's all a pretty cruel and torturous way of forcing the prisoners to lose their minds, isn't it? I think Azkaban is worse than death - perhaps JK was inspired by Guantanamo - and I think you do well with illustrating that.
Ack, the full moon! Cue Remus thoughts, yes?
Ah, I love that small narrator's voice breaking through to remind us that Sirius isn't in a state of mind to think clearly about what the Dementors are doing.
Okay, now you have we wondering how the heck a full-size stag would have been able to go through the trapdoor, let alone the tunnel? I mean, it makes sense that they would transfigure themselves before going through, but man, is James' Animagus form ridiculous sometimes.
Okay, I grimaced at the description of Remus' transformation. Well done on painting a horrifying picture, well done.
I really like the idea that they can spend their magical energy, like mana. It's not something a lot of people think about, and I love that you have such attention to detail.
This was an intense chapter, and I absolutely loved it. It's quite horrific and bleak, what you write, but you do it very well.
[and about it] - about, it
[Some days he] - days, he
[water and then other days he] - water, and then, other days, he
[weight, as] - weight as
[Sirius found to] - found this/that to
[as went] - as he went
[terrors though and] - though, and
[cell and] - cell, and
[cut off and] - cut off, and
[breathable and] - breathable, and
[his and his] - him and his
[friends screams] - friend's
[much more and] - more, and
| Malhearst chapter 2 . 5/29/2016
The voice is James', isn't it? I'm calling it now.
Ha, I knew it!
Okay, I had a small thought. I get that Sirius feels entirely certain that Peter betrayed James and Lily, but if we consider canon, he would most likely not have been entirely sure. Remus didn't know that James and Lily hadn't chosen Sirius as their Secret-Keeper, so Sirius might not have known for sure that Peter had been their final choice, and, considering that Peter actually tried to convince him that he thought Sirius was the Secret-Keeper, I wonder if there could be a small part of Sirius that doubts himself. I don't think this takes away from your story at all, though, but I'm hoping that more insecurity will sneak its way into Sirius later.
Good job on Sirius' anger, too. I think it's very fitting that he should be so frustrated: everything has been taken away from him, and he didn't fight it when he had the chance.
Isn't Dementors taking a breath the same as the Dementor's Kiss? I may be wrong about this, that's just how I remember it.
[belong among] sounds a little weird to me, but I'm not sure it's wrong. [belong with], however, I think sounds better.
Hmm, I liked this chapter, but the intensity from the first one seemed to drop. I can't say that this is wrong, because as I understand this MC, it's an insight into Sirius' time at Azkaban, and as such, these are the scenes it's supposed to show, but it does feel a little off. I think this is because there was a lot more plot and going-ons in the first chapter. I also felt as if this might be a good chapter to have shown the other inmates howling at him, calling him names, or taunting him, because that was something which really intrigued me in the first chapter, and it would definitely uphold that intensity. I don't know if you've chosen to show this later, of course, but it might be something to consider? &hearts
[he had since fell silent] - fallen silent
[deepest and] - deepest, and
[fade and] - fade, and
[adrenalin] - adrenaline
[Instead he] - Instead, he
[though when given…staircase he] though, when…staircase, he
[set of stairs he] - stairs, he
[He an eleven years old child and he] - He was an eleven-year-old child, and
[were suppose to] - supposed
[years now and] - now, and
[felt as the] - felt as if the
| Malhearst chapter 1 . 5/27/2016
I've been wanting to read this for a while, so I finally grabbed the chance.
I have to admit, even though you do explain Sirius' reasons for not escaping, I find it a little unrealistic that 1) it would be that very easy for Sirius to escape the Aurors, and 2) that there is no fighting part of him left. I understand that he feels like he's lost a lot because of the deaths of Lily and James, but I also believe that freedom would still be important to him. That, and he's still a godfather to Harry and a friend to Remus, and I find it difficult to believe that a part of Sirius doesn't believe he can convince Remus of his innocence. That's just my opinion, though, and I don't think you do a bad job of explaining his reasons at all.
Hmm, I researched it, and I'm almost certain that the Dementors didn't join Voldemort until the Second Wizarding War.
The detail about the cemetery is very interesting and a little haunting. It makes me wonder how long Azkaban has actually stood, and what stories you could tell about it, which is exactly what you're doing. I suddenly see why this was a story you needed to tell, and it has certainly sparked my curiosity - and from such an almost off-hand comments as well. That's cool.
I saw James' comment about Sirius being family coming, and yet it still touched me deeply. That one small light in their otherwise dreary days is even more luminous by contrast. Sirius jittery, James tired; it's clear the war is taking its toll, and the fact that they have time to be family really speaks volumes.
Good job on explaining why Remus didn't know about the switch. That's very important for the story (and for JK's too, even though she didn't take the time to highlight the reasons), so I'm really glad you took the time to take care of that. There is one thing that I've always wondered about in regards to the Secret-Keeping; Remus and Sirius knew the location of the Potters, so they didn't need to be told, but according to Jo, that actually makes the Secret-Keepers as well. It's a rather complicated affair, and I don't think it will ever be explained satisfactorily from her side, so again, I'm glad you gave your own explanation.
If Sirius knew that it meant he was going all the way to the top, why was he surprised he had to walk all the way to his cell?
I'm so happy that the prison finally brought Sirius to his knees and made him realise the mistake he had made. With this addition, I think it works really well to show a Sirius in shock, too confident and too numb to understand the implications of not fighting his sentence.
The prison scene with his name being whispered all over is incredibly powerful and very well done. It has a certain twist of horror to it; insane asylums are often home to horror stories, and I think, if anything, that we can call Azkaban exactly that. I absolutely adore angst and horror, so this is right up my alley.
Which is also a big part of why I like this fic. You write these scenes heavily, much like with Tin Soldiers, really paying homage to the kind of sentiment that Sirius must be carrying. I adore that kind of skill, and sorry that this was so long.
[In fact as] - In fact, as
[all the same the] - all the same, the
[him hard and] - hard, and
[shuttered through] - do you mean 'shuddered' here?
[closer Sirius] - closer, Sirius
[dementors] - Dementor and Dementors are always capitalised
[walked the rock] - walked, the
[After that everything] - After that, everything
[moment everything] - moment, everything
[Then out] - Then, out
[open seemingly] - open, seemingly
[in person before and] - before, and
[prison and] - prison, and
[he ceiling] - I have a feeling that this is supposed to be 'the' ceiling?
[after door he] - door, he
[passed many] - passed, many
[protest that] - protest, that
[voice the cut] - I'm assuming that 'the' shouldn't be there?
[weaken and as he looked up he] - weaken, and as he looked up, he
[Therefore when] - Therefore, when
[threshold the] - threshold, the
[beyond and finally he] - beyond, and, finally, he
A lot of these are just minor comma errors. If you don't want to have them all listed, let me know; this time, I just thought I'd point them out instead of giving you some vague description of the grammatical errors.
I have a small nitpick, which I'm only telling you because your writing is already so incredibly strong. You sometimes have a tendency to start several sentences in a row with the same word. An example is the paragraph starting with [As he was still studying the dementors…], which introduces four sentences beginning with 'The'. The next paragraph's first sentence also begins with 'The', after which you have three sentences beginning with 'He', almost all in immediate succession. I think changing up the beginning of the phrases would also help bring some diversity to the sentence structures.
| Nightmare Prince chapter 8 . 4/30/2016
Once again, congratulations on winning the Walls Have Eyes Event. This is your reward review . . . though since I love this story so much, I’d have probably popped by soon enough on my own! Yay for giving me an excuse to not procrastinate xD
The descriptions are really stunning. Right away, I can see it all going down in my mind’s eye. It’s a testament that you can immerse me in the story with just a few sentences, and that I can literally picture all that’s going on so vividly because of these amazing descriptions. Each word seems chosen with a lot of care, and it evokes a really strong reaction in me as a reader.
I like that you’re exploring that the Dementors are taking more from him than just his happy memories and positive emotions. The added fact that it’s leaching away at his magic is a really nice touch, as if way in which he first blames it on other things, such as poor nutrition and not having smoked in a while, before realising the truth. Also, kudos on the Smoker!Sirius Headcanon.
The callback to his abuse at the hands of his parents is chilling. It must be such a parallel to this situation, considering they also would lock him away – and how he uses the little sparks of wandless magic as a sign that there’s still something in him that’s alive. . . it’s a really strong point, especially when you juxtapose it with the knowledge that he used to do the same thing to prove he wasn’t powerless in his youth.
The manner in which you depict his descent into madness and insanity is really, really well done, because it’s subtle but still there. It’s almost glossed over, as if it’s something that happens on a regular basis – because although this may be the first time some of us are seeing it, truly seeing it, it must be becoming a regular thing for Sirius. For him to be so blasé as he sarcastically thanks the hallucinations of his mother – it speaks about how broken he is on the inside from being in Azkaban this long.
It seems smart for them to want to use a patronus to figure out what their Animagus form would be – I like the link you create there, but at the same time, I’m a little iffy about whether it will actually always work like that? Like, say Snape became an animagus? Would he turn into a doe? That aside, which is probably just me overthinking, that entire memory was beautiful. I mean, it takes a good writer to be able to present a good memory in such a great manner, but it takes an amazing writer to twist around a memory that seems good so it has a bittersweet ending.
Is it wrong that I assumed that when Sirius snapped, “That’s it,” he meant that maybe the thought of his mother’s grave would be a strong enough feeling of happiness for him to summon a patronus? It seems like something he’d do. I also like the brief flicker of Peter getting something faster than Sirius – it’s a humanizing bit, and I really like the way you show us Peter the Marauder as opposed to Peter the Rat Bastard Traitor.
Oh, that ending. Of course, the desire for vengeance would be what lets him hold on to his magic, and then, the Sirius smirk at the end. Such a Sirius thing to do. There’s no denying that he’s unhinged at this point, and I really hope to see what happens next.
Overall, this was a great read.
| lokilette chapter 7 . 4/28/2016
So sorry this is late! Stuff came up and it was crazy, but I'm here and ready to read!
Well, it already feels like stuff's about to get real in this chapter. D: I'm trying to think back to canon to see what might influence this, and I think the only canon death around this time is "Barty Crouch, Jr." *cough* in Azkaban. So I'm thinking...maybe...?
While I hate seeing Sirius in this state, as I've mentioned time and time again, you do such a wonderful job bringing to life the extent of his suffering, which is hard to do as it's mostly psychological. But here he is, doing the math and summing up which would be the nicer way to go, spending life in Azkaban or wasting away within a week. It's such a testament to how far he's fallen that he's even weighing the options in such a way and it works wonderfully.
Ah, I love the scene about Sirius' lack of a trial! It serves as a great introduction to "the voice," as ominous as that sounds. I also like the plausibility for why his trial was just generally swept under the rug, not to mention that I don't like Crouch Sr and this almost makes it too easy to hate him even more. :3
I love the banter in Azkaban. I mean, it's almost chilling how they've lost all sense of empathy, but that only enhances the effect and amplifies everything they've suffered.
Ahaha oh gosh, I love Bella so much. One moment of clarity now that the Dementors are away and what's the first thing she does? Taunt Sirius. I love it.
Ah, but this is the infamous switch! Not what I was exactly expecting, but I like that I can still tell where we are in canon and sort of get an idea of events and that there's still surprises, even in that. :3
Oh my gosh, the hallucination with James. It's so touching and brilliant and feiafjeilajfe. I love that this little moment of clarity, even though he knows it's all in his head, is exactly what he was looking for to hold on. It's so beautiful. D: My feels hurt.
THAT LAST SENTENCE. AH! I'm so excited. This is a very obvious turnaround in Sirius' personality, and I can't wait to see what that means for him. I'm eager to see how it impact his future going forward. :3
[ his conscious was clear] - conscience
[Was his conscious really clear?] - conscience
[he pointed out dryly] - missed a period here
| lokilette chapter 6 . 4/27/2016
*skips in* I totally couldn't stay away. I feel like that's not unexpected, though. xD
[James had been afraid to die.] - Well, that's it. You're already killing me, right off the bat. D: Shouldn't there be an easing in before you just rip out my feels like that?
[The mini Black caught] - I don't know why, but this really struck me as an odd way to refer to Regulus. It doesn't even sound demeaning. It just seems weird. Comical, almost?
I actually really like the way you did this, how each of his present thoughts are interrupted by memories. I think it gets across how overwhelmed he is really well and the fact that the lines between them are blending. I thought you accomplished that brilliantly, and it really carries the reader through, as well.
Ah, I remember this scene from Smoke and Mirrors! :D I was wondering if I had read that. Totally remember it just from this dialogue, which fits perfectly here.
[he used to have pleasant associations with.] - YES! I noticed this from the beginning, and that's one of the things I love the most about this piece. :D Writing tragic or sad scenes is easy, but taking what should have been (could have been?) a happy memory and twisting it until it's a painful one is just brilliant, and you do that so well.
Ah, I love the scene with Remus! I feel like that's a moment that's sort of glossed over in fanon, you know? Like it's Sirius, so of course Remus will forgive him and it doesn't matter that he totally betrayed his friend, could have gotten him expelled, and nearly killed another student, because it's *Sirius*. This reaction feels so much more real and genuine, and I loved it.
Seeing Sirius slowly breaking is horribly sad, but you write it in such a way that is compelling and real, and we know that he escapes eventually and I can't help but want to grab his shoulders, shake him, and shout, "Hang in there!" T_T Loved this chapter, though!
[put me in Sytherin] - Slytherin
| Aurora Borealis 1234 chapter 8 . 4/19/2016
This story is so captivating. It's clear how much thought you put into Sirius' thoughts as his stay in Askaban gets progressively longer. I love it because it's so different than my original thoughts of what it was like for him in prison; you made it so much more than sitting in a cell. I can't wait to read the next update and see if Sirius turns into his animagus form.
| ChatterChick chapter 8 . 4/12/2016
Sorry this is a bit late!
I like how this chapter starts out - it’s almost like Sirius is trying to meditate or something, and then you learn he’s trying to do wandless magic.
The description of the dementors being bored and hungry is just so depressing. You really paint a good picture here that they feed until there’s nothing left. And what does the Ministry care? Most of the inmates are probably in there for life, whether life is one year or fifty. It’s a wonder that so many survive to escape years later when Voldemort comes back!
I love the idea that the boys learned to produce patronuses first to make sure their animagus forms would be useful. I see a lot of stories where there’s some meditation or something where they discover their form. I’m not sure if I’m too much into fanon with this, but a patronus doesn’t always match the animagus form. Patronus are something that bring comfort to the person, so Harry, Snape and Tonks’ take the forms that symbolize loved ones rather than show some part of themself. I’m not entirely sure they’d be a stag, doe and wolf if they were to become animagi.
I thought the chapter was going to end with Sirius transforming into Padfoot. I liked that it didn’t, I think it’ll gradually build up to that. Him getting a flick of magic was a nice end and gave this spark of hope.
| lokilette chapter 5 . 4/9/2016
I love that Sirius' worst fear is his mother. I thought you might go with that (that's my favorite headcanon I've seen so far).
As always, I just love your scenes! Gosh, you make the nightmares feel so real, and I'm just there with Sirius. It's great that his friends interfered (stupid jerk teacher), but I like how his nightmare started to extend past the actual memory.
I really love your descriptions. I've probably totally said this before. I can just feel Sirius' panic and confusion as he wakes, and the fact that he has to actually feel for his mouth to figure out whether or not he's the one screaming says a lot about his conditions and current state of mind.
Oh, that's such a low blow, Bella. T_T That's one of the things that bugged me the most, too, was that Sirius was sentenced without a trial. So I was sort of glad you mentioned it. :3 Bringing it up sounds like a very Bella thing to do.
Bella's summary of the Black men had me laughing. I love how strong she is as a female, in general, even though it's totally not OK to see men as pretty foyer decorations, either, at the same time. xD
Unhinged Sirius is oddly still quite adorable. Gosh, I love his snark to the visitor, and it does a really good job of showing that even though he has lucid moments and lucid thoughts, he's still not always fully there.
Gosh, this is his breaking point? D: I can totally see how that would start to push him over the edge, especially knowing that he's innocent and had nothing to do with Voldemort. Gah, it's so heartbreaking. T_T Why are you making me have these feels?
I love this story so much, even if my feels don't, and I can't wait to see how it progresses.
| DauntlessBlueTreacleTart chapter 8 . 4/8/2016
I love this story, for the record. Please continue it!