Reviews for Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Rebirth
Ambyssin chapter 24 . 9/10
... hmmm.

So, I think the chapter mechanically and structurally flows very well. Things feel tense from the actions the characters take to Flame's shifting, panicky thought patterns. It did also catch me by surprise that a fair amount of time was spent setting up what seemed to be Flame bailing on his "family," only to have Praetorians crash the party. The whole standoff was appropriately tense and you did a good job making it hard to tell what option Flame would end up taking. I mean, I was fairly confident he'd take a third option, but originally thought that'd be running for the dungeon. When he approached his teammates, it then became evident he was going to take a tumble down the mountain. (Though, I must say, I didn't realize he met them on a bridge and more reminders there was a bridge there would've been appreciated.)

However, while this was well-written, I confess that I find the whole standoff a bit... head-scratching. Like, I'm really not sure why it's even happening and the stakes are a bit on the nebulous side. Sycorax is there but doesn't truly become imposing until it threatens Flame's people and that takes a considerable amount of time. I know it's supposed to be a bit of an enigma, but seeing as none of its abilities have really been shown off, I'm not really sure why, as the reader, I'm supposed to be nervous for Flame other than having troops as backup. But, like, if Flame is truly that important, why didn't they just attack off the bat? It's not like Daedalus would've harmed Flame to keep him from falling into Praetorian hands. And Sycorax clearly has a bunch of fliers or can fly itself at very fast speeds if you're sticking closer to canon. So, you expect me to believe the best this supposedly-cunning military general could come up with is to just... stand there menacingly and ask Flame to come back? It's not even like it's threatening Gaius and Alice, which I guess I could see causing enough distress to Flame since he was already thinking with his dick and not his brain. It just feels like the standoff happened because the plot needed it to happen.

Don't get me wrong, it's very well written. And I seem to be the only one with this opinion, so maybe I'm just reading it wrong. DX
hapemape chapter 29 . 9/9
ngl love this story, felt it was a bit strange and dark in the start but after reading the entire thing, well its really good.

Nice that you have not put the pasts of the characters as a main
plotline and more of a leading rope in the grand scheme.

The fact that the romance and all other usual plotdrivers have been backseated has made this a more unique stories out there.

Been to tromsvik irl its really nice there.
SparklingEspeon chapter 29 . 9/7
Review of chapters 28 – 29

Haven’t reviewed this in a bit! So I guess I’m back now.

Things turned out just a little differently from what I was expecting. Which was, I guess, for Daedalus to arrive and torch the city or something. But this makes sense too.

I appreciated that all these things that have been buried below the surface for this basically highly-dysfunctional team of pokemon finally came to the surface in these two chapters.

I think it was basically inevitable that in chapter 28, things were going to go the way that they did. Flame had kind of snapped because of his joint alignment with the scum, their rejection from Thermae Himarae, and Alice’s death-trap of a plan, Gaius was never really going to go along with Flame’s plan in any scenario, and Alice was pretty set on getting away from the war and everything else that was happening. And there are points to be made for both sides of the equation. Because sure, they were going to die out there if they followed Alice’s plan, but Flame also had to trick them into going along with it and didn’t give them a choice in the matter. And there isn’t a clean answer that would make it so that they could all agree.

Either way, I think the execution of Chapter 28 was exquisite. I appreciated in particular you didn’t leave any holds barred in letting them fall apart, and sewed cracks between them that will take more than the space of a chapter to clean up. I know that Alice and Flame made up last chapter, but… I think it’s going to be harder to convince Gaius, given his current sentiments and emotional straits. I think it was a smart decision to leave that bit out of Chapter 29.

I still don’t like Brynn.

Seeing her be herself a little makes me a tad less icy towards her, but I’m pretty sure she’s still cozying up to Flame solely to reap benefits later ~~read: when she’s the new teutonii princess~~ :V
And I guess while we’re on the topic, I wouldn’t necessarily be against that? Because like, FlameXAlice has never done it for me. And it may just be me, because I seem to be the only person who thinks this (and I also have weird ships), but I really do think they have better chemistry as just friends than they do as lovers. If you end up going with FlameXBrynn, I’d just want to see that Brynn isn’t just some gold-digger vying for his attention, because currently she gives me those vibes hard.

Still pretty spotty on the intricacies of the Teutonii motivations. I’m sure that they’re not like, Secretly Evil, but I still feel Daedalus isn’t exactly an upstanding military commander or anything. It feels like they’re hiding a darker side that’s going to come into conflict soon, especially from Gaius’ angle.

Hmm. I thought I’d have more to say. These were two pretty quiet chapters! And don’t get me wrong, that’s not a bad thing. I think it’s good that the story took a breather and settled down to deal with all these emotional qualms. I think for now I’ll just segue into..

Plot hopes!

I think around here, it’s probably a good idea for the story to start putting its final pieces in order. Unless everything that came before is some huge introduction for the story that involved getting Team Phalanx all the way past enemy borders (in which case WOW this is going to be a big story and also that’s a super slow and convoluted opening :blazisweat:), this is where I would expect the story to start gearing up and kicking the rest of the plot into motion.

I hope it doesn’t take *too* long to get Gaius on their side. I know he’s got a lot of stuff to work through, but I feel it’d hurt the pacing if more than like, two chapters were spent on it. Though you’re the author! I won’t pretend I know what you have in mind for resolving his plot.

I hope this is the end of Team Phalanx’s bouncing around troubles! It feels like they’ve had a hard go of things for a bit too long now. Even if Daedalus ends up being Evil, they should at least have a place to stay for a while and recover IMO.

But aside from that… I think that’s everything! As always, even if these chapters are far and few in between, you really do a good job with them when they do come out, and I always enjoy reading them.

~SparklingEspeon

Listening to: House Atreides - Hans Zimmer
Kranos459 chapter 29 . 9/4
This fanfiction so far is phenomenal! A bit higher level reading than most of the fanfictions I've read, but that's not a bad thing. It shows just how well educated you are, and how amazing your ideas. I have a hard time believing that this is your first fanfiction you've ever written, with how good it is. Definitely one of my favorites.
Navarchu chapter 10 . 9/2
Well, as promised, I finally read more chapters of this story. Pretty interesting so far and I will gladly read more of it tomorrow. Decided to stop here, but you seem to have a nice world on your hands. Didn't expect the protags to be so poor they can't afford food, but honestly it's a nice change of pace from other stories. And like I mentioned on Discord, Gaius is best boy. He's reaaaally grumpy, but I kinda like the guy. Anyway, keep up the good work.
Char chapter 29 . 8/30
So with Flame himself trying to convince Gaius, someone who actually had a blade against his throat in the last chapter, and even more filled with hatred now? It won't be easy, that's for sure.

The results will surely be interesting. Until then, have a good one Shadow of Antioch. PMD Rebirth has sure been a fun ride.
The FieryCharmeleon Archives chapter 29 . 8/30
Okay, a lot we have here for sure.

So beginning at the very start, it is a bit surprising that it was cut from where the last chapter went off, but I am sort of happy it did, or otherwise, it will just turn into another chapter full of conflict with Teutonii/Flame vs Gaius in a battle of words, and considering that we already just had that the last chapter, it would become incredibly annoying and repetitive, so definitely a approved choice by me. And with how much we get to see in this chapter, I think it shows for itself.

Dedalus is the usual polite daddy material character as usual, with him showing a great amount of concern with him shouting at Flame for his reckless, suicidal move of jumping high, into a river... Yeah, if I saw a Charmeleon doing that, I, along with anyone else who knows that Pokemon would come to the conclusion that the said Charmeleon is dead, or at least dying. Another thing I liked was the joke of Brynn suggesting to grab a throne as well, which, even made Dedalus laugh.

Another funny moment was when Flame was starting to learn their language, which lead to a whole crowd of Teotonii to hilariously swarm them. And how Flame made them go away. Good shit. Funny as hell scene. That's two or three scenes that made me laugh at this point.

Now to the point of the relationships with Brynn and Flame. It's cool to see their relationship grow a ton here. I can actually consider them friends now, where before it felt like a master/servant thing, which Flame himself addresses to her and the crowd. (but lets be honest, they're ain't gonna stop bowing and worshipping him, but ay. you win them all ;))

Okay, now to the last thing I want to mention. Well, actually two things together, which is probably the most wanted answers for me and maybe the majority of readers. Alice and Gaius. At this point at the story, it's incredibly clear that Team Phalenx has had a rocky time being together as a team. Lying to one another, past conflicts and so on. However, after all these struggles and harsh times, it seems the rainbow to their suffering is coming to them. The scene where Flame and Alice fight with each other is a great scene, and probably the highlight of this chapter. It's satisfying to see Flame call out the hypocrisy of Alice, to the point where she broke down in tears, coming to the harsh conclusion that she is a pathetic coward. But, of course, Flame would prove her wrong with saying that all the trials and struggles she had to go through is not something a coward would go through.

And I'm inclined to agree. All of her life, she sure has been treat like nothing but second hand garbage. She had to try make a new Alice with the rejection of her OWN FATHER. That's gotta hurt. Not to mention, surviving by eating scrapes which was established in the earlier chapters. All in all, this scene was great. Seeing Alice and Flame putting things asides and moving to a path of forgiveness and recovering is strong.

Now for Gaius. The next chapter will decide whether that Flame can help Gaius try to understand like what he did for Alice. It will surely have a ton of exciting conflict with him having such a hateful mindset, especially with Flame, Dedalus and that Hydra.
ShadowVulpi chapter 29 . 8/28
Gotta say, I was surprised by the sudden event skip. I was anticipating you lingering on Gaius realizing who the Hydreigon was and maybe a fight breaking out through it, but nope, just skipped straight to presumably the next day. Part of me wishes that you had shown the conflict since it would have shown Flame's teammate's feelings of betrayal more, but I also realize that would have boggled things down and it didn't really hurt much to just skip to a much more safe, more serene point in time.

It seems you really listened to what I had to say because a lot of the issues I've been having with the story are being resolved with this chapter. The main thing I'm talking about, of course, is everything going on between Alice and Flame in regards to lies and deceit and what not. In this chapter, the two finally addressed the giant elephant in the room that I've been wanting to see for some time and it's great seeing the two of them talk it out. Alice finally admits that what she did was wrong and it's hypocritical to be mad at Flame for also lying, and Flame finally brought this conversation to light in the first place since he'd been holding back on being truthful for a long, long time. It's great seeing them actually talking honestly and even admitting that the two of them haven't completely forgiven each other for what they've done. In real life, you really don't forgive people right away for the wrong things they might have done to you, even if the person genuinely is remorseful. That takes time for the afflicted and effort for the guilty to prove that they mean well from now on. It's a nice, honest touch that I'm glad you wrote since I would have called bullshit on Flame forgiving Alice for lying about something as important as being a Princess for so long.

I'm STILL not buying them as being a romantic couple though (because you were obviously dropping some hints in this chapter, don't lie), but I can see a path opening up where they could be together. It's going to take a lot of time and work though, but the two of them opening up to each other with the implication that they'll divulge more of their heart and thoughts to each other is promising. Though I will rage if you do a love triangle between Brynn, Flame, and Alice. I know the temptation is great, but please don't! I've seen enough love triangles for 5 lifetimes! If you're going to do it, at least make it end as a threesome! I'd much prefer that!

Anyway, I also like how you admitted Gaius wasn't exactly their "friend". I mean yeah, he was with them and all, but he was never actually someone either of them depended on emotionally. It kept weirding me out that they kept calling Gaius a friend when all he did was just be an asshole to them and spent their funds on drinks.

Minor nitpick, but I found Daedalus's use of "my child" to be a bit excessive in this chapter. Borderline every line he spoke had that phrase in it whenever he addressed Flame. Part of me suspects he's doing it because he knows it has a sympathetic effect on Flame and he's actually just another Manipulative Bastard in this story filled with Manipulative Bastards, though another part of me just suspects it could be a writing quirk. Something you might want to consider.

I'll admit this story has been rough for me over the time I've watched it. A lot of your decisions I don't agree with, most of which you already know about. But I also know that this is your first work and you're going to make mistakes, and I accept that. I know I was like you many years ago and in some ways, I'm treating you like how someone had treated me way back when. Someone who could have told me when things could be improved upon and when I was making dumb decisions that hurt my narrative. So just remember that no matter what I say, I never intend for it to come off as me wanting you to stop writing. It's just advice I want to give and advice I hope that you can carry onto your next story, if you do write one. I'd probably like that story a lot, whatever it could be.

But I do know right now that somehow, someway, you've convinced me that I actually like this story. Despite everything, it happened. I hope you find pride in that.
ZiraDakota chapter 28 . 6/21
Ooh, that ending…

I'd really hate to be in Flame's position by the end of this chapter. Gaius and Alice were already quite upset with him before the Teutonii showed up, but that revelation at the end… well, it's hard to see how the team can recover from that. It'll be interesting to see how this unfolds.
Eonn chapter 28 . 6/12
Glad to see another chapter in this story! Seems the reunion became a bit awkward though.
UltraNova1225 chapter 28 . 6/12
Wow another impact cliffhanger there but Gaius' family were murder by resistance leaders who is "father" of Flame. There has be a huge explanation of what is going to happen next. great job of chapter, I can tell you put a lot effort.
Killswitch123 chapter 28 . 6/12
Another great chapter! Never fail to keep me on my toes on what’s about to happen next! Worth the wait as always!
marrodlop03 chapter 28 . 6/12
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ZiraDakota chapter 27 . 4/25
Tired, conflicted, and betrayed certainly sums up poor Flame in this chapter. I really do feel bad for him. I wonder how his teammates will react to his decision to contact and summon the Teutonii.

As always, I look forward to the next chapter.
ShadowVulpi chapter 23 . 4/8
Alright so I'm back with another review. I was going to wait until I caught up to say something but we'll, some things kept happening in the story that really started bothering me that I feel like I really need to address.

I'll start with a positive though and say that I do like all of the "Scum" characters. Everyone over on the enemy side is genuinely nice to Flame and makes plenty of effort to make him feel welcome and try to answer his questions. Daedalus himself make a me a bit wary because I've been conditioned to feel unsettled by Dusknoir, but he is genuinely just a nice guy who time and time again proves that he cares about Flame. Really, Flame could be very happy amongst these Pokemon and I wouldn't mind him just spending the rest of the story with his kind and trying to save Alice and Gaius from their lives.

Except I get the feeling that probably won't happen, and herein lies the problem. Flame is... an idiot. A massive idiot. He wants to run away from this paradise because he wants to be with his friends. I can understand that to a degree since Alice and Gaius took care of him when he had no one, but... to be quite honest, they didn't exactly give him much. I mean sure they took care of him, but they didn't exactly treat him right and saw him as a burden for most of the story. In fact, their lives weren't exactly great considering what a rubbish world they lived in. Now for some bizarre reason, Flame wants to go back to them and throw away his perfectly good life he just got. I get that something probably isn't right where Flame is right now, but the narrative shows no signs of this and Flame himself doesn't even show any suspicions. It only shows him wanting to get back to his friends because... They're his friends.

Really, the whole thing is pretty contrived and the only reason I can think of Flame wanting to do this is because he wants Alice. I almost want to say he doesn't even want her for a romantic partner, I honestly think he just wants her in a sexual sort of way. But if I were to tell myself he is interested in her romantically... I still don't buy him abandoning his new, better because Alice is just not that great of a romantic partner. She's actually kind of dull and Flame only likes her because "she was nice to me". So Flame kind of comes off as a horny idiot, throwing away his happiness because he wants that dragon ass.

It really bugs me because it makes the events that have been happening and that are to follow sound really dumb. I get love makes you do stupid stuff like this, but this is really stretching it.
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