Reviews for Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Rebirth
ShadowVulpi chapter 18 . 4/1
Well I'm back after taking a break from this story for years. I'm still not entirely sure why I haven't come back. to this story, maybe I just got busy or maybe I caught up and was waiting for updates, but I'm here now.

I started reading again from Chapter 14 and I've been enjoying what I've been reading for the most part. It was good seeing Gaius being less of an ass and seeing team bonding and interactions. I also liked how they had a plan to finally be happy in this awful world that keeps proving just how awful it is. I have to. say that the character dialogues are my favorite parts to read and it really surprises me how much I enjoy reading about it despite how much I really didn't like Gaius for the longest time and found Flame rather boring and spineless (like a certain Charmeleon from Overthrown. Hmmmmm).

But with that said, some problems start hitting really hard in this chapter that I feel need to be addressed. For starters, the sudden invasion. I knew it was going to happen immediately when the characters were like "We'll get our happily ever after tomorrow!" and I was like "No you idiots, leave now! The plot is going to screw you over if you wait! Get out now!". And sure enough, the plot screwed them over. Granted the invasion has lead to a potentially interesting plot point... but you know, you guys could have been happy. So this whole invasion didn't sit well with me just because it was so avoidable of the characters hadn't been so Genre Blind and it also just feels like it was there just to make even more suffering. I mean we already just got over the town getting destroyed and the near death cold experience, and now we're on this after maybe 2 chapters of breathing room. It's just a lot to take in, especially because the whole thing just seemed to drag on and on.

Another problem that really came to head in this chapter was the use of unnecessary detail. Like, did I really need to know that the way Flame carried the Umbreon looked inappropriate? I'm supposed to be having a sad moment, but now I'm laughing at this horribly morbid image of Flame banging a wounded, borderline dead animal. The same happened for things like "squishy throat". That's a detail I don't need and "squishy" isn't exactly a serious word. That's a word I use in a comedic setting and nothing about this chapter is comedic. So what I'm saying is that it might be a good idea not to go all out with descriptions. I get you're doing it to make a picture, but it easily leads into intense mood whiplash.

I still am enjoying this story for the record. I just wanted to point out the issues I had with this chapter because it really struck me and I wanted you to prevent you from falling into these pitfalls again. Or maybe you already figured this out in the present and I'm just pointless reiterating something you don't need to hear. If that's the case, then I'm sorry I've gone on a small rant about something you already know.
Anon chapter 27 . 3/3
WHYYYYYYYY FLAME WHYYYYYYYY DID YOU DOOOOOO THAAAAAT WHYYYYYYYY ARE YOU KILLING MY HEART LIKE THIISSSS
Superb writing, as always. Your ability to force the readers to sympathize with the characters despite everything they've done is practically unmatched. You skirt the lines between emotions so effortlessly, and so often, every conversation feels as though the floor could fall out from beneath us at any moment. Truly this is the gold standard for Pokemon Mystery Dungeon works, and I mean this as no exaggeration.
Guest chapter 27 . 2/23
I loved this chapter so much. Its like a treat every time you come out with a chapter. The dynamic between Flame an d Daedalus is so heartwarming but its so tense that I feel like anything can happen between these two. I haven’t done a proper reread so I’n definitely not remembering everything has happened thus far so I gotta get on that! Please keep posting, this story just keeps touching my heartstrings like no other story has done before. Cheers from the West Coast
cynsh chapter 27 . 2/1
Very strong chapter. It's interesting that the dynamic seems to have flipped somewhat between the OG trio. Whereas in early chapters Flame was a bit of a hopeless passenger, he's now the only one being realistic and proactive in the face of this latest disaster. I'm pleased that he changed his mind on the Teutonii. I mean, it seemed like the only decision that could move the story forward, but you also presented Flame's mental dilemma very well, and what he did seemed the right conclusion.

Flame's anger towards Alice seemed a bit excessive. I would have expected more exasperation than anything. After all, Alice's identity never seemed to really mean much until that last chapter, and surely wouldn't have mattered if they'd managed to stay in this city either. I'm really wondering why all of this happened to her at all. Not sure when we'll find out now.

I don't know if it was ever clarified how long pokemon live in this world. But the idea of Flame spending the rest of his life with Alice and Gaius (presented as if that is definitely what will happen if they find a safe place to live) does make me raise my eyebrows a bit, if their lives still have even a decade or so to go.

I hope you can unravel what it is that's causing you plot trouble at the moment. I'm always open to lend another opinion, though I admit I may need a refresher on all the important details. Anyway, ciao, arreverdci, etc
Ambyssin chapter 23 . 1/28
22
-I’m not sure if this was intentional, but reading Braixen prodding at Flame’s mind and finding “sensitive” areas brought dentist visits to mind. Always poking and prodding at your gumline to check gum health and scraping your teeth to look for pockets or cavities.
-It may be that I need to learn more about it, but I’m iffy on the explanation for Flame’s memories. They’re not gone just… scrambled? How would it benefit whoever did this to have the memories retrievable? Unless this is foreshadowing that the memory stuff was actually some sort of accident. Or Braixen is lying. I guess what I’m getting at is that, 20 chapters in, I’d have liked to see some evidence his memories might trickle back in, rather than being told it.
-Second scene was surprisingly fluffy(?), though I think you lay it on a bit thick with the multiple mentions of finding Flame and realizing their dream. You may as well plant a sign in the ground that reads, “Things are going to end badly.”
-Credit to the ending though. That was a good wham line.

23
-Y’know, for someone who claims to love dragons so much, you certainly aren’t very nice to them. Mistreated dragonair. A dragonite who’s clearly wrapped up in something far too big to comprehend in such a way that it’s screwing over the world itself. One would think you actually hate dragons. :V
-And like with the last chapter, I do think you lay Flame’s guilty conscience on a bit too thick. Especially with how genuinely nice it seems like Brynn and Daedalus are treating him. If you’re going for the conspiracy plot angle, it might’ve done you some good to have Flame be a bit suspicious of all of this. Because — in my opinion, anyway — as it’s written, it makes Flame look like an absolute idiot. ; He’s going to leave behind people who (seem to) genuinely care about him and the best lifestyle he’s had post-memory loss for the possibility of being able to navigate a hostile world to shack up with this one dragonair. (Let’s face it, I don’t really think he cares too much about returning to Gaius.) And, yeah, they took him in, but it’s not like he really had a good time with them. Some nice moments with Alice, sure, but enough to justify potentially getting himself killed?
-I wouldn’t be noting this if you hadn’t gone out of your way to make survival such a central theme of the first 16 or 17 chapters. What Flame’s doing now reads to me as an antithesis to that. I guess I’m saying I wish the plot gave Flame a stronger reason for wanting to flee because as I read it, it feels awfully contrived. ;
RabbitJaguar chapter 5 . 1/26
I hope Virgo becomes a recurring character.

While reading this chapter, I began wondering why Alice and Gaius are in such a tight spot to begin with. Considering they were deranked, it's obvious they used to be at least somewhat adept at their job. What happened? Why can they no longer complete a mission by themselves?

For some reason, I had a feeling that Gaius would be secretly wasting money at a bar. I'm not sure why. What I wonder, though, is if Alice already knows. And if she doesn't, how could she not? There's only two of them, so if SHE'S not spending their money, there's only one other option... Nevertheless, I anticipate a serious talking-to for our callous team leader.
SparklingEspeon chapter 27 . 1/25
Review of chapters XV – XVII

And so I return :thotdetected: …And all it took was the prospect of review tag to get me back here! *Silently shoves that fact under the table, clears throat*

Anyways, it’s been a while since these three got a break, so it’s nice to have a couple chapters where they aren’t literally dying before the next big misfortune hits them right out the gate or something. I think it also contributed to a bit of slowness in the second half of chapter XV and the first of XVI (before they reach the mountain city that I do not remember the name of :V).

I’ll start with that to kick this off: It might be that it’s been like, a year since I read the last chapter of this, but it felt like the conflict dynamic between Gaius, Flame, and Alice is a little flat/on the nose for the near entirety of their trip through Tartarus mountains. None of it is written badly, persay, but I felt like there was something that was making it all seem a little on-the-nose, especially when Flame and Gaius did this complete 180 from being buddy buddy friends to “you’re racist against me, aren’t you”. I also thought it was kind of weird that Flame and Alice were having this laid-back conversation in the middle of a portal storm, when it’s explicitly said somewhere before that they can barely hear each other over the wind. I think the final thing that gets me about it is that there wasn’t really very much to go over while they got from point A to B? I felt like a few scenes went in the loop of “Congratulations, Flame! X thing is so good!” or “Things are finally going our way!” It’s cathartic at first, but got stale later on in. I did like the part about Alice freaking out over the portal storms, though.

Everything after they reach the city is really well-done! I had a hunch they were going to get kicked out of the mountain city—wouldn’t make for a very interesting story if the main leads went and kicked their feet/tails up in a town that doesn’t have anything to do with the main conflict, after all—although you did almost convince me you were going to subvert that with making them out to be similar to Camp Tempest in living conditions. But even knowing what was coming didn’t make it any less potent. Watching them turn on the main trio over the fact that Alice is descended from royalty still hurt tbh. The bisharp being from Urbe seems important—I feel like she and this city are going to come back soon, if something isn’t done with them now.

After that, it’s a downhill ride. The trio breaks up, Alice somewhat convinces them that if they head through three weeks of freezing snow, they can reach a desert kingdom that may or may not take them. The conviction is shaky, but still there, and Flame doesn’t feel like he has a choice.

Which is why I’m happy he finally decided to act for himself and call Daedelus to bring them all back. If they’d decided to follow Alice further into the mountains, I think I’d be put off both because, well, that’s probably three more chapters of them trekking through snow and ice and suffering without much plot progression, and also because Alice’s mistake wouldn’t feel like it had many consequences, when Gaius and Flame are still willing to follow her lead. I also felt that using the mystery dungeon comparison to draw a line between that and what could await them if they went through the mountains was a big part of what made this moment powerful. Along with the fact that Flame isn’t just tagging along any longer because he doesn’t feel like he has a choice, this is the moment that made the chapter for me and made me excited for the next one. Although now the Scum are coming towards the mountain city that very clearly does not want Scum…

Overall, I think this was a serviceable set of chapters! There wasn’t too much included within them, but since this is pretty much the “cool down and lay low” period I didn’t really expect there to be. Hoping for some cool stuff next chapter when Daedalus inevitably gets to Flame’s location.

Oh, and as a P.S., I thought it was a bit odd that this chapter was named in english when all the others have been latin. Wonder if that's a clue...

Cool chapters, keep on going!

~SparklingEspeon
Killswitch123 chapter 27 . 1/25
Once again, worth the wait. Great chapter man.
RabbitJaguar chapter 4 . 1/25
Gaius seems to be ever-so-slowly warming up to our young Fire-type. Hopefully his deceit won't end up creating a setback in their relationship.

I am intrigued as to what the creature in the portal storm is. A legendary, perhaps? My first guess would be Giratina, but I guess I'll have to see.

The fact that Ariel treats those under her so poorly despite being in charge of public safety is a little iffy. I wonder if she'll become a more likeable character later, or if she'll always be the Big Bad Boss Lady.

Overall, I enjoyed this chapter, and can't wait to read more.
RabbitJaguar chapter 3 . 1/24
I noticed the word "ascention" in the diary... I wonder if it has to do with the fact that Flame had said that word when he woke up...

The pacing in their dungeon exploration is very good. I think dungeons are often very monotonous, and it can be difficult to narrate them without adopting that monotonous...ity... but you do it pretty well. I wonder what they will find out from this research diary...
RabbitJaguar chapter 2 . 1/24
I have a feeling Gaius is going to grow into the exact type of character I love...

I enjoyed the bit where Flame singlehandedly convinced himself he was a heinous killer, only to immediately be released free of charge lmao

It seems the land they're in right now is in sort of a war-like state. I wonder if it's a war against this mysterious Scum, or someone else...

Can't wait to see how Flame fares on his first mission.
The FieryCharmeleon Archives chapter 27 . 1/23
This story is back . Great to have you back Rebirth old buddy.

This chapter is downright excellent. All this chapter really consist of, is some of the lies and holes in people's motives and words being revealed. First, we see the aftermath of the previous chapter, having Flame finding out about Alice being the princess of the emperor. What's actaully shocking about this, is that even Gaius knew about it, but just passed it as a joke, not considering the fact that it could be real and it could bite them in the ass later on.

While Flame tries to find in him to forgive her, he finds it hard to do so, constantly stating that he and Alice will talk about it in the morning.

Then we have Daedalus, with confessing his plan to him. It's quite surprising to see Daedalus become so upset from he heard from Flame. Flame wishes to tell Daedalus about his plan, and then chuck the communicator like it's trash, but deep down, he loves Daedules too much to hurt him like that. He picks the communicator back up again and apologizes for his actions. It's clear that Daedalus is shocked, yet relieved to hear back. And with that, Flame breaks his location to the Dusknoir, as Daedalus comes to immediately take him and presumably his friends up.

The pacing and length suits this chapter incredibly well. it feels like the chapter's plot is barging through a brick wall and immediately smacking me in the face. It's great.

If I had to explain this chapter in one word, it's satisfying. It was really great to read the each arguement play out,.

Now, I just gotta wonder to myself, what on earth is gonna happen next. The Praetorians are still out there looking for Flame, the Scum, aka the Teutonii (didn't realize they were same for the past two chatpers, big oof) are trying to bring him back, with the likely consequence of having his two best friends loathe him because of it, or hell, Team Phalanx could do something stupid on Flame, which leads him and his teammates getting hurt. Whatever the answer is, it's gonna be a bumby ride, that's for certain.
rkscythw chapter 27 . 1/22
aaaaaaa new chapter, hope you're doing ok
Flame what are you doing -w-
I hope this doesn't come back to bite him, even if he is sad and needs his dad
every one of your main cast needs a hug and a warm meal :(
Also, Alice, honey, no, that's still lying.
RuneTheLucario chapter 27 . 1/22
This is a pretty short chapter compared to the other ones but imo it sets up a lot of things for the future to which I am very excited about.
I'M SO GLAD that Flame contacted Daedalus. Yes, one of my favorite and I'm most curious at character is going to come back. I am really doubtful that they're going to survive going through the plan that they want to right now.
HOWEVER, I'm really concern about Flame, Alice, Gaius relationship. Lies breed lies. It's chaining together like a spider web until everyone's tangled with each other and it becomes an unbreakable mess. Throughout the chapter, one of the most vivid thought on my mind is "Dang Flame you're such a hypocrit" but this doesn't mean that I hate him. However it is going to be super concerning for everyone. By god I hope everything else stop going to shit, I just want everyone to be happy...But anyway great chapter and keep up the good work Shadow!
RabbitJaguar chapter 1 . 1/19
A trio of reptiles... From the very start, this story has me intrigued. The lack of a mention of humans is unusual for a PMD story, and it makes me wonder if they will come up later, or if they are entirely absent. I'm also curious about this "Scum," and what exactly they are. Overall, this chapter has me yearning for answers (I can relate to Flame in that sense), and making me want to read more! The pacing is very good, and the contrast of Gaius's and Alice's personalities are very interesting. I can't wait to find out who exactly our protagonist is, and what sort of mess he's in.
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